From City of Hope MUSH
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Basic Info
Full name: Dusk Daniel Ring
Occupation: Nature Novelist & Youtuber
Birthday: June 13, 1995
Age: 24
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 176lbs
Hair Colour: Light Brown
Eye Colour: Green
Played by: Rafael Lazzini
Demeanor: Hedonist (Bon Vivant)
Notable Stats
Appearance: Choc-dot-f.pngChoc-dot-f.pngChoc-dot-f.pngChoc-dot-f.pngChoc-dot.png (Alluring)
Charisma: Choc-dot-f.pngChoc-dot-f.pngChoc-dot-f.pngChoc-dot.pngChoc-dot.png
Stamina: Choc-dot-f.pngChoc-dot-f.pngChoc-dot-f.pngChoc-dot-f.pngChoc-dot.png (Tireless)
Wits: Choc-dot-f.pngChoc-dot-f.pngChoc-dot-f.pngChoc-dot-f.pngChoc-dot.png (Bon Mots)
Expression: Choc-dot-f.pngChoc-dot-f.pngChoc-dot-f.pngChoc-dot-f.pngChoc-dot.png (NonFiction)
Performance: Choc-dot-f.pngChoc-dot-f.pngChoc-dot-f.pngChoc-dot-f.pngChoc-dot.png (Accordion)
Fame: Choc-dot-f.pngChoc-dot-f.pngChoc-dot-f.pngChoc-dot.pngChoc-dot.png
Style: Choc-dot-f.pngChoc-dot-f.pngChoc-dot-f.pngChoc-dot.pngChoc-dot.png
Good Old Boy
Way with Words
Allergy (Chocolate)

The light brown locks at his head appear to be in a state of artful disarray, with the hair at his crown longer by perhaps an inch or two then the moderately long cropped hair at the sides. His beard is sparse, more of a perpetual five o'clock shadow, and expressive eyebrows, thin but dense, rest above his moss-green eyes. Even his forearms are in on the hairy act. He tops six feet by an inch or two, with a slender, but athletic build, and looks to be in his early twenties.

  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Drey  Drey2.jpg
    All eyes on us; without you, superfluous.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Tavia Jog.jpg
    May you get what you deserve.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Cenn Cennwiki2.jpg
    There to give you an elastic hair tie.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Chandler KatrinaLaw1.jpg
    My irregular hair brusher.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Rebecca RebeccaCoh2.jpg
    She took my wallet.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Thana Thana8.jpg
    Pretty lucky with the strip poker.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Kumo  Harikumo-02a.jpg
    Just because the relationship ended, doesn't mean the feelings did.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Hallai Olivia-stuck-hallai.jpg
    Very friendly; met at the park.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Hayden Hayden01.jpg
    You didn't meet me at my best.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Starr  Anna4.jpg
    No matter what happens; we'll always be connected now.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Tabia TabiaRef.jpg DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Andrew Andrew banner.jpg
    Expect the unexpected.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Mary Sue Mary-Sue.jpg
    Small. Lamentable. Explosive.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Meilin Meilin.jpg
    There are no noodles in xiaolongbao.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Journey Journey2.jpg
    Appreciate your music choice, but little else.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Vesta Vesta7.jpg
    Someone's got a cute baby, with kung-fu grip.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Silvana SilredspaleapanCOH.jpg
    We circle the drain, friends.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Carica IMG 0003.JPG
    Cute, but, NUU! LEGGO MY EYEOS!DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Drug dealer Blur Black White.jpg
    You gave me good drugs, new buddy.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Andy Andy1.jpg
    You seem like a nice guy, I wish you'd return your phone calls.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Svetlana Svetlana4.jpg
    This face: she makes martial aids. Can you imagine?DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Kiyara Kiyara3.png
    Seems nice, with photogenic food.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Nycci 345634563.jpg
    Weird taste in snacks, but nice person.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Dex Dex3.jpg
    Great guy, quick to help a friend.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Oren Oren 1.jpg
    I met someone famous and left them alone.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Phil PhilH4.jpg
    Dancing. Table dancing, party of two.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Adora Adora7.jpg
    I've been called far worse names by far better people.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Carver Carver2.jpg
    Feel free to smoke where ever, this is still America.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Brohain Brohaincane.jpg
    My initial gut feeling turned right; glad not to meet you again.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Miyo Kumitaboocdonly.jpg
    I had a great time, but now it's your turn.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Jin Jin6.jpg
    Staahhpp talkin' about my blushin'!DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Cadie Cadie.2.jpg
    No, YOU'RE the sociopath! No, you!DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Mitzi  Mitzi7.jpg
    My live-in love; loss lamented.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Itto IO1pbHS.jpg
    If she likes you, you have to be nice!DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Liam Liam3.jpg
    You keep a good, chaotic shopDuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Revi Revi1.jpg
    Rainbow powers, ACTIVATE!DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Paul No photo available.jpg
    It's true, she'll eat your eyes!DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Robert IMG 0009.JPG
    You fling a mean cane, across the room.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Tabitha TabithaEMT.jpg
    Coke bottles, huh? I'm drinking Pepsi now.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Lucie Lucie-4.jpg
    Don't even joke about stealing and eating her babies.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Byron No photo available.jpg
    Robot arms and reading books; NERD! :)DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Arianna Rosaria Russo (31).jpg
    Celebrity DISH and fashionably delicious.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Angelica Angie1.jpg
    The things some people read. Demons? FEH!DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Yuri Yuri shades.jpg
    Hey, ever consider not picking up boys on the beach? Asking for a friend.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Percy Percy Homid.jpg
    If I'm ever in a spot of bother, or need a babysitter.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Alecto Alecto8.jpg
    A new mom to a litter of kids.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Peyton Pey4.jpg
    And if you saw this at your door, you'd shout too.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Elias Sean+8.jpg
    Lifting others up is a Nobel pursuit.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Dragomir Dragomir2.jpg
    Come into my home, won't eat a doggie biscuit shaped cookie. What a grumpy gus.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Bronwyn Bronwyn2.jpg
    Maybe she just acts weird around me? Turns out, no.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Sumter Sumter-6.jpg
    Pretty fly for an old guy.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Brooke BrookeSpencer5.png
    Thanks for listening to me just blather on and on.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Bean lover MikaelDance0.png
    Thanks for reminding me of what's precious to me... dude?DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Halona Halona.jpg
    Thanks for the kind words, though, enjoy the adVENTure!DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Hyo HyoProfile.jpeg
    Silent, but empathetic. Thank you for helping me forget my gaff.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Michael NicholasHoult3.jpg
    If a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, what's a mouse in the pocket worth?DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Montana Montana.jpg
    Firm handshake, nice daughter.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Kira  Kira3.jpg
    She kept me away until I was discard; picked me up from broken-hearted.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Furio Fury2.jpg
    Where'd you go, free will is a heck of a thing.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Molly Amalia-school3.jpg
    Find myself staring, had to leave before I was erring.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Antonio Tony1.jpg
    Did you..? Hit on me? Nice hair though.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Lawrence LawrenceG.jpg
    Next year; glittered, hung from a pole, and dropped for New Year.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Doug Doug2.jpg
    Friendly enough to give me drugs when my carob brownie was knocked from my hands by Phat Smurf.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Carys Carys2.jpg
    That. That was some costume; how you didn't freeze your tits off, I'll never know.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Lincoln Lincoln1.jpg
    I think you're the only one with an actual name. Or where at least willing to share it.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Alexa No photo available.jpg
    Alexa, please stop calling me D-ring.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Camille CamilleDupont.jpg
    I nearly cried over spilt Chai; thanks for the warning!DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Branton Branton001.jpg
    Insigated a conversation with me based on a lie. Uncool.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Jasen Jasen10.jpg
    That's the ugliest mutt I've ever seen.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Acacia Acacia5.jpg
    Thanks for the concern, sorry you got wet.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Carolyn Caroicon3.jpg
    Sorry you had to takeoff. Ugh, lame joke.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Alexander Alexander1.jpg
    Silent and Fabio.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Lilian Handover Lilian Four.jpg
    Approachable and warm, engaged my weird sense of humor.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Heather HeatherJ3.jpg
    We have a lot in common; that's pretty cool and so are you!DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Wyatt Wyatt.jpg
    Yeehaw! Pleasantly sarcastic cowboy.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Aowyn Aowyn3.jpg
    And after a cowboy, it only follows to meet ... a projectionist.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Kayla KO.jpg
    Thanks for the hug, let me know if you need help with your phone again.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Faith Faith4.jpg
    Thanks for the pep talk. I'm sorry that happened to you too.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Halle Halle perching.jpg
    Thanks for catching me before I fell, you're quick!DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Darius Darius.jpg
    Records, jam sessions. Y'all right.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Jayne JayneB.jpg
    Sorry about talking your hear off. And the tears.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Frost  EFrost5.jpg
    "There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power." -- Washington IrvingDuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png River River-Mix1.jpg
    A little weird, but so much knowledge crammed into a young mind.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Brandon J.jpg
    We probably could have been very good friends; but you had to have more.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Erin Erin5COH.jpg
    I mean I would be honored if you called her Dusk. Or Dawn, that's fine too. Anne if you have to.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Xenovia Xenovia1.jpg
    Nice girl, but I think her boyfriend got mad.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Lleutrim LleuBeard1.jpg
    Have a happy party and I'm glad you're making Faith happy.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Keri COG1.jpg
    ... that's not a knife!DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Waziyata Wazi.jpg
    A whirlwind coming in. A tornado going out.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Gren No photo available.jpg
    All thumbs, with pen and people.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Aleksandr Judah4.jpg
    Curious; Heart hurt heals in time.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Hjalmar Hjalmar3.gif
    Cheese lover but not cheesy; thanks for all the phish.DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png
  • DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png Jillian Jillian1.png
    Thanks for the gift; hope to see you again!DuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png

02/14/19 — I put some thinking into it, and it seemed to me, with the way things were, we were pretty much. If she hadn't told me, for her reasons, or whatever, making it legal made a lot of sense. The mundane things would be a lot easier. And I know, that's my romantic side talking, but the truth is, it was just a formality. Again.

So I plotted, and I planned. A dinner with the steak she likes, since she ought to have iron and protein. A little hike, for the exercise she's supposed to be having but more importantly, at the top of that peak it's an extraordinary view. And that's where. At the summit, after the picnic, while she's dopey from overeating before she has to evacuate. I'll do it then. It'll be, romantic. Beautiful. Perfect.
Almost as much as she is.

After school I snuck into the living room. She wasn't in there, judging by the auditory violence she calls music, she was in the bedroom. I was like a ninja. A ninja cloaked by 10,000 decibels. Since I was a few hours late picking things up, I'd hoped her nocturnal habit extended late, especially since I hadn't woken her to say good-bye.

My preperations were as follows:
Step 1) I cooked. I didn't really cook. I rarely have the time anymore, between the book and school. Her and as she calls it, my being a YouTube slut, cooking this meal was right out. But I can pretend. The take-out containers were replaced with Tubberware of the picnic set. I even took that trash out with me when I ran the food downstairs. Wish I hadn't, the food needed re-heating, but I was able to make her think that I cooked it all for her, at least for a few seconds.
Step 2) I flowered. On the dining room table so it would be nice and prominent when she came into the room. It isn't official unless you flower, all the experts said so, that is to say, Sarah. Sarah said so, on threat of death, her nigh-most threat. Flower arranging isn't my gig, and I'm pretty sure she's not into it so I had to make them special. Black roses.
Step 3) I candied. Even if they might be death, I made sure she got two bags full of them. Kisses and marshmallows, things I know she happens to like. Thus armed, I did go rap-rap-rapping on the bedroom door, the box in my pocket feeling like a ton.

You try to be mysterious with her, to get her to go somewhere with you without telling her why. It's harder to get then the last pickle. And when she made it clear she wasn't going to budge, and it's not like I'm going to force her to do, well, anything, I had to relent and come up with a plan B. Somewhere I think she knew if there were clothes involved, it meant walking and she learned long ago that my idea of a 'little walk' and hers aren't the same thing, especially when she's carrying cargo. So it was a big 'no' on leaving. So the big reveal happened in the living room with me, bolting back down to the car to get the food and wheezing on the way up while I left her to look at the flowers and the candy.

By now I didn't have butterflies in my stomach so much as live anacondas. And they wanted none of this either. I remember thinking that the Ex didn't seem at all this nervous. And thought maybe I'd take that as a good sign. Right up until I tried to say the speech, I'd written. I wanted to say. But when I looked down at her, all the words just disappeared. Gone.

I found myself just talking non-sense, rambling, trying to remember what it was I was going to say and failing so hard. So I just jumped in with both feet. She's so much better at playing it cool. At getting over the shock then I am. She asked me the question she already knew the answer to and then I got my ring to go with hers, and I stood up.

Second time's the charm, right?
I wuff her too.

02/10/19 — While watching television and doing a little homework, I had a visitor. Dutch cheese’s girlfriend, Boo-boo, was at the door. But apparently I got that wrong -- she’s his ward, like his Robin Hood to his Batman. But she was there to drop off that special gift; something for the baby. A beautiful mobile, something to replace the one I already had -- but Bomboncita suggested, later, that move one to over the changing table.
I inadvertently played the baby name game with Boo-boo. I hope she doesn’t think that’s his name; that’s where I say a name from my list and Bomboncita tells me that the name is stupid and I’m stupid for thinking I’d agree. Ok, some of that might be true.
She left, giving me some idea, and I went to hang it in the nursery. Anything to take a break from Human Physiology, and the nerves for the following Thursday.

Untamed scrutiny

With dark clouds over me,
Closed the ardency of love.
Then saw her, from afar,
My sunrise, my smile.
A wanton, a debauch,
To know you, to look aglow.
Burning ember of the weed,
Aching, hallow with regret.
Soul ablaze, lasting pain,
All the hippies get 'peaced'.

Through drug induced haze,
Months alone and life a maze.
Lucky meeting, foggy mind,
Sharp wit. Fates re-twined.
Vehement flames lick the sky,
Amassed similar avid magpie.
Was not easy what we retain,
But proof we gave; inhumane.
Now it moves, this living thing,
Eternity is akin a Ring.

01/23/19 — Dutch cheese called and wanted to give something to Bomboncita but she wasn’t home. Something important. So I sent her a text to let her know. And since I had him on the phone and he wanted me to keep him abreast of the goings on with her, I filled him in. Seems that I didn’t need to. We left evidence at the scene of the crime. I could have been a little more embarrassed if it had been my parents that caught us.
… oh yeah.
As it was, Dutch cheese was pretty nice about it, asked if I wanted that shirt back. It WAS one of my favorites and I’m sure it’ll wash out, so I asked if he could give it to my little candy. Her turn to be embarrassed, a thing I hadn’t thought could happened. I hope he doesn’t wash it first, too.
And I hope I have a nice funeral.

01/14/19 — In the morning, drive home, sore. Got fast food and made fun of each other's meals. And then we just talked some more. Serious talking, the kind couples are supposed to have. It was good, refreshing and gave me new hope. I might have gotten a little fresh in the elevator. Maybe I was excited about bringing her to my place for the first time. And everything would have been great, but Mom and Dad waiting in my apartment. They gave us a minute to freshen up and we made up a little more.
I didn’t even know she owned a dress, but she was looking to impress Mom. I’m not supposed to talk about it, but she didn’t say I couldn’t write about it. A little baby doll dress, black of course, with colourful flowers around the bottom. She looked very cute, but there wasn’t time for that.
Dad asked me to show him the nursery, I guess that means he’d seen it already. I got some pointers from the man who raised me about raising my own. We talked a bit about this and that, how proud he was of me. After a bit it just seemed like we were wasting time and then it hit me -- we were waiting for an ok from Mom after she was finished interrogating. I asked about it and Dad gave me a grin and a shrug. Their business. But eventually we got it, Dad led me back in, and Bomboncita looked like she was mentally fatigued. Mom approves; I got the text later.

01/12/19 — When I got home, a couple of hours later, I knew I had to keep myself busy. Not think about what happened or what it could have meant.
But I didn't get long to think about it when my phone rang with a number I didn't know. Seems my little woman took our fight about as well as I did and bolted; but she didn't get far. Her advocate, wanted me to go over to his place and help support her. After making sure she was alright, I thought maybe that was a bad idea and told him as such. And how unstable things have been, things I couldn't tell the Ex regarding my first. It made him aghast, as it tends to, but he reiterated that I needed to come over and help her. Truth be told, it's not like I wasn't thinking about her, missing my little candy. I don't want anything happening either, to either of them, because of her nausea. He gave me contact information to someone who could help her, and I called them, left a message before I left to visit.
I stopped to get a few things first and my demure knock was answered quickly, but really I just wanted to see her, my stomach up in knots, like I was asking someone's Dad is I could ask their daughter out. Kinda surreal feeling.

She looked so helpless and diminutive, sleeping there and when she cuddled my t-shirt to breathe me in, that make my heart melt. How she must have missed me as much, or more, than I did. I forgot what we'd been fighting about; all I wanted then was just to protect her. As strong, fierce and vulnerable as she is. Dutch cheese gave us some good advice. Me really. And he's right, if I don't tell her, then next time, it could be worse. Bomboncita didn't get away scott-free either -- he told her not to act so tough. And a good thing too; I might have muscles, but I still don't know how to use them. Dutch cheese told me to make sure that I let him know if there was improvement, when he decided, to let me take her back home. And added that he was going to make sure to follow up with someone to get her some help. I'll be honest, the way she's dismissive towards getting things ready, it seems really weird. ... like, maybe she hopes it she doesn't prepare for it, it won't happen? Something else I have to ask her.

Climbing into the new car, she gave me a look. I'm not sure what kind of look it was, but I needed a new car for a new family and this one, well, it’s safe. Maybe that's what it was, me and my peacenik, hippie ways. She wasn't talking so I decided to take the initiative; leaned over the console, wrapped her little body in my arms and told her I was sorry.
And just like that I was forgiven, found her crawling over to me. Mercy found me, so I went for it and told her everything. I don't tell people, because. Because I don't want them to know, because I blame myself; I always blame myself. But I unloaded, told her everything, even the things I couldn't tell my ex. My honesty was rewarded, her passion was truly and singularly palpable.

Love Is Enough

Love is enough: though the World be a-waning,
And the woods have no voice but the voice of complaining,
   Though the sky be too dark for dim eyes to discover
The gold-cups and daisies fair blooming thereunder,
Though the hills be held shadows, and the sea a dark wonder
   And this day draw a veil over all deeds pass'd over,
Yet their hands shall not tremble, their feet shall not falter;
The void shall not weary, the fear shall not alter
   These lips and these eyes of the loved and the lover.

- William Morris, 1834 - 1896      

01/10/19 — Woke up in the cabin and Bomboncita was gone. That was somewhat unusual, so I went out to look for her. It wasn't until I was following her combat boot tracks over the other prints, using my phone for light after the sun went down, that I started to feel like a stalker, but by then it was a little late to go back. And, I wasn't all that confident that I knew which way was back either. So, forward, ever forward.
When I found her, I don't know what happened. She was on me like the puppy that pooped on the rug. Complete with the disparagement. A yank on the arm to join her conversation I interrupted, and I got to meet Professor Snape; there was more of the same from her.
Who the hell was this? This isn't the woman I knew. Did my curse happen already, so quickly? And she's doing it in front of other people too. This side of her I didn't enjoy seeing or especially experiencing. Or the yanks on the arm like she was either going to swing from it or pull it free while I was trying to clear the dots from my eyes after getting flashed in the eyes from my flashlight. As if that weren't bad enough, after we exchanged pleasantries it only alienated Bomboncita even more, even that she pulled away from me to light up. At least she's not trying to pull my arm off and beat me with it. Yet.
Then Professor Snape brought up Panther, and I'm glad I wasn't drinking, as I would have spit-took. I'm usually pretty quick on my toes, but thaaid sometimes love is not enough and all I could think of was William Morris, and his argument. I spent some tt one took me awhile, with everything, but I think I was able to pick up what he was putting down. Something caused Bomboncita to start coughing up a lung; smokers. It's not what I would expect, but she does smoke a lot, and now that I'm thinking about it while writing, it's here abouts that she started acting weird. ... er than usual.
And then I realized what was going on. How sometimes people can be, I guess, territorial. Like the first one. And, I wasn't helping -- time to soothe and change the topic to something more neutral. If she were for public displays of affection, I'd. Well, show her. All the time. Where my heart is. Professor Snape, making me think, and talking, that I didn't notice that Bomboncita had slipped away when he excused himself to go back home, leaving me alone in the woods.

I made it home and was playing on the guitar for almost two hours, I think, before she came home. I say I think because she still had my phone, which was thrown promptly at me when she asked if I had a death wish. Actually, not the first time I've been asked that. Seems she'd seen some of the content on my phone; she went through it. I'm still a little miffed about that. I asked if I should leave. If I should even come back. I won't repeat the reply. I was on my way out of the door, but it was the sounds of the retching that brought me back. That's what I'd done to her. And how vulnerable she looked after taking her 'face' off. It was that she'd heard something I said to Snape and took it the wrong way: I love to much and I can't turn it off. I guess she took that to mean that I didn't really love her and I don't know why, because I've told her, repeatedly. I told her again, which helped, at least for a time. She asked me an important question, I gave an answer. There was more back and forth; she blamed hormones. I was thinking it was just because we don't really, you know, know each other all that well still. But if I compare the relationship with my last, at least I can be honest with her. Like, fully honest and that's something, right?
To that end, I maybe said something I shouldn't have. Or she did, and I was just replying. I try to keep it mind that it's probably hormones, not that I would say that aloud. I tried to keep my cool. But there's only so much even I can take, so much that I can give, before it's to much. She couldn't treat me like she loved me; even if it was a lie. So I did what I always do; I left. Only this time I wasn't sure if it was to give her enough time to calm down, for me to calm down, or if it was for good.

12/30/18 — Lark texted that she wanted to see me over at her place. Maybe I shouldn't have gone over, but I couldn't think of a bigger test then go to a former, I guess, girlfriend's place by myself, to prove I wasn't that guy anymore. But more then that, I kinda think I have to go if she asks for me, a little bit of a gray area.
I got a warm hug the moment the door opened and I couldn't help but think of the differences between the two while I got tugged inside and away from the smell of piss in the hallway. There was a flurry of questions, how was I doing now that I was attached, that sort of thing. She was always very nice to me. I showed her my missing ring on my ring finger and gushed a little about my new girl.
I'm not going to say that Lark's slight barbs didn't go unnoticed, but they were slight, as were my corrections. I was in her house and a guest. I didn't want to start a fight. I was subtle like a champ, I think.
Maybe a little to much, because after that she was feeling just a tad sorry for herself, I think. I tried to push her in the right direction, towards the difficult path of advocating peace, but I think she was just to demoralized, which is unfortunate. There aren't enough people like her to waste.
Especially on difficult, but noble causes.
Really, the more we talked, the more it seemed that this, me, was the last straw. As if there wasn't anything here for her anymore. There was an impasse, but the conversation turned to other things instead. I want to say that I helped. I wish I could say that and believe it, but I don't know if she's going to be around much longer. They've shunned another away.

12/16/18 — Met someone new at the clubhouse a day after some guy called a demon was hunted down and killed. So maybe I was a little on guard. Especially 'cuz he looked a little shady. Turns out I might have been a little over cautious, and tried a little music and a little common ground, but he wasn't having any of it. For someone with a mohawk, he didn't like the only punk song I could play. But maybe it was just that he was cranky that he had to write teacher an essay. Either way, Mohawk wasn't having any of the pep talk. Oh well; retreat back inside before I cause an incident and put the guitar away. I have my own book to get back to.
Man is it boring when Miya isn't around. On the positive side, I was able to talk more with the jewler, and iron out some additional problems without her around. That would be ackward to have her here for.

12/09/18 — Alone in the cabin, Bomboncita and I were trying to stay warm. I remember she lit up a blunt, it's the only thing she says that takes the edge off the morning sickness. And I remember the room getting foggy too, and taking a few hits here and there and, like it does, getting a little amorous with the cloud hanging in the air. After a while I left her the rest to snuggle closer and was busy doing that when I thought I'd heard a noise outside. Turns out I was right, and Blondie broke in through the window. Mija leapt into action like she hadn't been smoking more than I had and the two of them were super fast. Almost as fast as I was.
But Blondie wasn't alone, she'd brought friends, and while they tried to fight them off, I courageously peeled myself from finding a flaming sword from behind the couch and took a look at the things they were fighting. They looked like boars with messed up faces, but I couldn't get a good look at it because everybody was just moving around way to fast. I'm not sure when it happened, but the other window, the front one, got smashed out and somewhere along with fuzz and the mess I thought it would be a good idea to arm myself and charge into battle. Someone had to protect my girl! I wasn't about to let mi Miya get hurt, so I wielded that weapon and charged towards the shattered out window.
... and I would have made it too, but something yanked me back before I could get out, probably black magic. When I dexterously got back on my feet, I saw the fighting still going on even though I was on the ground for a quarter hour or more. It was clearly going bad, since there was only one left, so I had to do something. When I saw the last one running, I threw my flaming sword at it. Unfortunately, I'm not so hot at throwing gigantic letter openers, and I only just missed it, and it got away with the other two giving chase. Someone suggested I catch up to it by riding a pony, but I don't remember if there were stables nearby. And the cabin was just a mess, so I started sweeping, right after I got some cookies from the cupboard. While I was doing that a bunch more people showed up all excited like and muttered excitedly at me so fast I had no idea what they were talking about so I just pointed in the direction they'd chased the piggy at and said, "They went that way."
I'm sure my bravery and assistance was well appreciated. Bomboncita didn't come back for hours, and a whole box of gingersnaps later. And a good thing she came back. I think my high was starting to wear off, and the door just wouldn't stay on no matter how delicately I balanced it in the door frame. Considering the damage, we were told we had to shack up at the club house until the damage was repaired.
I'm pretty sure some duct tape and a fresh coat of paint is all it'll take.

12/04/18 — Bomboncita and I went to watch Blondie's event down at the place with a couple of other people watching. You know, caste pride. I wasn't sure how things were going to go, what with the needless violence being a big thing around these parts. It was over in a flash too, which isn't at all uncommon, but a bit of a surprise all the same.
After the fight, nothing like going back to the ... girlfriends? house for a late dinner, and then playing puzzles and cards and some various other things.

11/29/18 — A night alone, after Bomboncita and I got to know each other a little better. Remembering the trip we shared. I'd just bought her a phone, and put it on my plan, at least for awhile, and she was full of her usual adorable contumely compliments. She didn't like the colour, or the apps, and spent a bit of time decorating the phone with fingernail polish. Her phone, her rules. But at least I know what colour to get her now: not pink, definitely black.
We were talking, cuddling really, when she heard something outside and in her usual considering manner, told me to sit. Stay. And she went to check it out while I stayed in bed. And when she opened the door and greeted our guest it look me a little to figure out she wasn't the person she led me to believe she was.
And also that our relationship had progressed to a level I hadn't known about. Not that I mind, not at all. But, still. At least now I know why people'll had been congratulating me. Part of me was ecstatic but a small part of me was, and remains to be despondent. The result would have been the same, but it would have been nice to have been asked, right?
After our guest left, and performed a little destruction, I think that everything she wanted to tell me, but didn't want to interrupt our happiness with, came crashing down and made her a little depressed. It was the first time I told her but it wouldn't be the last, I'm sure.
I think she loves me too. I'm pretty sure of it, with how we talked after, getting everything cleared and out in the open. Finally.

11/27/18 — Went back to school. I can't believe how long the hike is, there and back. I think, I'm going to have to check, that I'm not going to have to do any jogging while I'm staying with her. That has it's pluses and its minuses. I'm a sweaty mess at the end, both ways. I picked up a cute trick: bring a water bottle and whatever's left, use it to clean up. Apply a little more cologne and she's none the wiser.
Step one of getting some meat on her bones is getting some meat on her bones. Bundles of groceries, things I read that should be good for her to eat, but more importantly, things she'll be able to keep down. I'd read too, that she might have a heightened sense of smell, and offered to change colognes too, just in case, if it smelt poorly. I don't know to what, but I can figure that out later.
She begrudgingly let me have a snuggle, and feel before I got to cooking. Garlic chicken and rice. I think I noticed a marketed improvement in her keeping things down, but, still, it didn't stay down. At least she's got other food now. Crackers, chocolate, chips, and other things I'm not going to touch at all.
She's easy to fall in love with. I wonder if she knows I watch her sleeping sometimes.

11/25/18 — We do some of our best communicating in the bedroom. Our most honest sharing.
Until she saw my wedding ring I kept around my neck. So, I unloaded my life on her, my previous marriage, how horrible I am. Shared my hopes, my dreams. She wasn't planning on a family. And, then I made her cry, because I'm a monster, and she's so hard to read; she's so guarded.
When she was sick, she threw up nearly nothing. I don't know what's she been eating, but it couldn't have been all that much. It's no wonder she's so skinny. I'm going to have to put more weight on her. I'm glad I didn't get out of the habit of cooking for two.
Then she got mad. She asked me some questions she maybe shouldn't have. I'm really not good at lying, so I don't try. I told her about Lurk and about how I was going leaving her for Panther but before I could she broke up with me.
She made me take off the Ex's ring, then. She didn't ask, but I made us do it together. For the symbolism. For our future.

11/23/18 — Thanksgiving. Normally it would have been with the family. But seeing as I can't go back to San Francisco, and I didn't want to burden Bomboncita with a long trip, we just spent the day indoors which was fine with me. I did duck out at one time to give Mom and Dad a call, just to catch up and let them know how I was doing. The service out here is really, just the worst, so I had to go a bit of a ways before I got a couple steady bars.
The family's good, and they offered to come over and spend some time with me. I still remember what happened last thanksgiving, not that it was their fault, they weren't there, but I didn't want a repeat of it anyways. So I opted out, LC's words ringing in my ears, 'mothers don't really dig her.' It's a Band-Aid, I know, eventually they're going to want to come over and see what I've been up too, the proud parents, ... well, practically proud parents, that they are.

11/19/18 — Been spending just so much time over at her place, that I've been moving in my stuff, little by little. Leaving school and heading right over, finishing homework there, and paying any extra attention her way.
It was one of those days, on the weekend, that I showed up to hers while there was people setting up outside. But I didn't pay it much mind, considering where I was headed. It was a couple of hours later, when waking up from a nap, we were roused by a lot of noise outside. I've been to enough parties to recognize what was going on so we went out together.
I learned a few things about her then; she's got some amazingly boney elbows, and goes right for the painful spots. I think I got elbowed enough to bruise my kidney, dang, but she's still adorable. I even missed some conversation when my smart-mouth got me in a little bit of trouble with her and I spent some time wheezing, crouched at the ground.
But I did manage to finally get her name, or well, a nickname, when she introduced herself around. I can stop calling her pet names now at least. We made fun, were one of the last people to leave. I took it easy, the last thing I needed to do was overindulge.
Especially when the party ended back in her bed.

11/17/18 — Hanging out more with my mystery woman. A little of this and a little of that, and it's KILLING me not knowing what her name is, but I figured she'll tell me eventually. When she's comfortable doing it. At least she lets me in the front door, so that's a positive step. The Ses at school have noticed a change and asked me what her name is and they both had a laugh at my expense when I said I still had no idea. Scott and Sam had differing opinions on what I should do, and as usual, I lean more to one than the other. And I got teased again when I didn't stick around long because I wanted to be around ~her~. I feel the urge to be creative again and it's been awhile since that's happened. Maybe I'll put the book down for a while and try to get something down.
A lot of wild howls going out there tonight.

11/15/18 — Been working hard, keeping my head down and mostly minding my own business. Had a visit from Lurk. A little dinner and show. I'm kind of glad that she waited until I was available before letting me know, I might have done something dumb otherwise.
Speaking of...
Went to the clubhouse and brought my guitar so I could unwind a little, play some music. At least that was the intention. There was someone new there. Dark, mysterious, something about her rang a bell. I'm pretty sure she's too young to be able to buy those smokes she was puffing on. I tried to strike up a conversation and got cussed at, in Spanish no less. I'm not sure if I'm glad or not that I've been speaking it since I was, ... well since high school-ish anyways. But I didn't get my answer, so after she cussed me and left, I gave chase and caught up to her later.
What followed was a long, long conversation, that included where I remembered her from. And I managed to start to make amends for, well, for something I'd done months ago. I even apologized, in my own way. That's where I knew her from. Her. Because she still hasn't told me her name. I'm not even sure if she's part of the group or not.

11/01/18 — Havn't seen Lark in awhile. It's almost like I'm single again, so I've been filling my day with my own things and working on my book. Taking me time. The Frat party went well, I think. Sam avoided bodily harm, so that's good. A ton of sexy this and sexy that. Lots of people wearing, well, not wearing a lot. I got cheered up. All in all it was pretty ok.

10/27/18 — I found that Bunny was still practicing from the hospital. And so it was with great apprehension that I found myself outside her office door at the end of her business hours since I didn't want to interrupt anyone's time. Especially after what I had to tell her. I knocked, and poked my head up after summoning up some courage, kinda wishing I had had some of the liquid variety.
She looked, ... she looked good. Better than I recalled and I remembered in that short time why it was that I fell for her in the first place. She seemed surprised to see me, and justifiably so. Last time I saw her was at Roasters; she took one look at me and left and I was hoping there wasn't going to be a repeat of that.
As if it weren't awkward enough, starting was like slow torture. But I finally got it off my chest and she confirmed what was told to me. I wasn't the monster I thought I was, even though I still feel bad about it. We talked then, about my Ex; she blamed me for not telling the Ex about the plans to have Bunny get heavy. So I told her everything I remember; everything I could, not that she couldn't, but that I thought it was just talk. Talk that turned real. She seemed mad, then sad. She cried and my heart died. She felt good, familiar, in my arms. What happened next, I should have known would happen, but we were both not in a place for that sort of thing. Me, for my reasons, and her because she's got someone else whom she's trying with. I'm happy for her and I wish her all the best. And in the end, I don't know if all I did was take my morose mood and laid it out on someone else's shoulders.

10/25/18 — Lark finally answered my message. She came over with some beer and she drank some. She gave me a kiss like she was expecting something else, but I was in a mood to have a conversation. The one I owed Panther; besides, I promised her it was her month, and I don't intend to be a liar yet. As much as it's difficult for me to say no, I wasn't in any mood for that anyways. So we sat and talked. Talked about Panther, talked about the deal, about the misunderstanding that had upset everybody. Lark immediately leapt to conclusions, and then laughed -- she actually laughed -- when she heard the real reason.
When she stopped laughing, after a long, long time and she finally stopped laughing, she asked me how I felt, what I wanted. I told her. At length. What I wanted, but at the end, she didn't think she knew what I wanted. I told her, ... something else that had been weighing on my mind lately. I really owe someone from my past an apology; I'm pretty sure I used sex as a weapon with her and that wasn't cool.
But we talked. Not for once, but it's pretty rare that she and I just, I don't know, converse. It felt good, you know, to have a conversation with someone. There was cuddling, that helped me feel better.

10/24/18 — Didn't last that long.
To be honest, I thought we had staying power. I was going to talk to Lark, going to tell her all the things Panther wanted me to say. I was even going to ask for more time with her, even though I didn't know what or how I was going to say it. But in the end, even though I don't initiate, it made her uncomfortable.
I made her feel uncomfortable.
And I certainly didn't want to do that. She said we could still be friends, that's something, ... I suppose. There wasn't much of her things to pack up, just the duffle and her snuggle blankets and just like that, she was gone. I didn't even get to tell her about the Frat Halloween party on the 26th. She'd have finally gotten to met Sam and kicked him in the nuts. I had to pretend I was ok with it, all through class. Dropped stuff off at home and then went to the overlook, where I wanted to take her, and just watched the city sparkle for a couple of hours.
I told her I was poison.
Maybe now she believes me.

10/23/18 — A day after next and Panther came over. She was armed with a duffle bag which tickled me to no end. I'd made the offer that I had an extra room and she could stay there. A place all unto her own. She surprised me after that, since I hadn't had a chance to talk to Lark yet, but I asked, she was sure. We spent a lovely -- very lovely -- night in being a couple, doing couple things. Hardly matters at all that she interrupted my workout.
We were snuggling on the sofa when the photographer returned. She dropped some things off and then we hung out for a bit, just chatting. When Panther went for her phone it occurred to me that I've been doing a bad job of acting as her Voice. I felt bad; she was trusting me to translate for her, and I was happy to do it, but it doesn't really count if, when I do it, I do it poorly.
Kind of a jerk thing to do.

10/21/18 — Halloween party -- ate chocolate, found hives on my abdomen when we were getting ready for bed. So I wore a loose jogging shirt over it; and put a cold cloth on. There's no way I'm going to let some accident prevent me from my cuddles, even if it's itchy. I love this part of a new relationship. When it's new, and awesome. I really hope it doesn't end.
Talked to Tinkerbell a little. Found out more about Cop. Hopefully she'll be ok. I'll have to ask Tinkerbell about the story later. At the clubhouse so he doesn't lose his cool; or he's less likely too anyways. And Cop, Panther offered to spar with her. I want to see that; not the punching, but Panther getting all hot and sweaty. Mmm. Anyways, got to introduce her around to some of the people I know, and even though she's underage, she had a few. I remember when I drank. And turns out the little nothings we were saying to each other got overheard. Embarrassing, but cute.

10/19/18 — I thought I might have to convince my Panther a little more for those boudoir pictures, and the photo shoot. But after a little hiccup, she seemed like she was all on board for it. And I'm glad she was there when the photographer showed up. I'd met her at the club house a few days prior. It seems like she'd know how to be discreet because the last thing I would want would be for this pictures to see the light of day. They're for me. Well, me and the one I love. It took a little to explain what I wanted but, like I said, my panther seemed all on board when I was finished explaining. I'm pretty lucky that she's so opened minded. Since she didn't have anything in the way of equipment, all she had was a camera, we took just a few snaps. Her being there was a great idea. Her energy, her shyness, it really helped calm me down, and bring me out of my shell. And after a few of them, she even joined me. Things got pretty steamy -- I even forgot we weren't alone. I could kiss her for days.

10/17/18 — As I was dropping off another letter to -- well, you know who, she snuck up behind me. And I thought I was such a sneaky ninja. Seems as though she managed to get into my diary and read something that wasn't agreeable with her. And I don't blame her. It put a lot of doubts in her adorable head and raised a few of them in mine. We really didn't talk before, things happened. It isn't any wonder that it got confusing. But we talked; well, I talked, she fingered. I'm glad she's still spelling everything out but it takes a while.
She raised some good points and I don't doubt her or her intentions. Though, after leaving, somethings stuck with me and I may have to go back for more clarifications -- and risk hurting her. Something I especially don't want to do. I thought about changing passwords or hiding my diary better, but in the long run, I thought that if I can't stand by the things that I write, even if I'm writing them for myself, then I'm not all that moral. And isn't the definition of ethical doing the right thing even when no one is watching?
Also, she doesn't like being called Klutz, even if I was doing it well intentioned. So something else. And I can't introduce her to Sam or she might end up hurting him; it's adorable. She's adorable. And she makes me feel wanted, and that's a good thing.

10/15/18 — I knew I was going to be at school later, so I got a flower and wrote a little something that had been running through my mind for more than a few days now. Before class I slipped it to Klutz's door. I hope she'll get it and know that I was thinking about her.

10/14/18 — After class I went to the clubhouse and hung out with my guitar for awhile. Still not as good with it than I am with the accordion. While I was there I met a couple of nice enough people. One's a photographer and she snatched my phone, added her phone number to it. I wish I could say that was the first time that happened, but it isn't. She's pretty, but carries around a pretty wicked knife. I'd been thinking about doing something since, well, since before I was married. Maybe I should.
Watermelon was there as well, with the new baby, really cute. I didn't know she was a member, and I guess technically she is, but -- ugh, her membership is a little creepy, still. Creepy-crawly. I kept strumming tonelessly, and a few more people came in. Mt. Baldy, showing off finger wiggling. But if I had to admit it, I'd begrudgingly admit that it looked neat. Someone else was there and I wish I knew her name, but she never introduced herself. She dressed pretty neat though, long jean shorts and stripped tights.

10/13/18 — With all these new relationships I've been missing more then a couple of classes. So I stayed late at school, and went to pick up some tea for the walk home at Roasters. I got there in time to see the barista eject someone out of the place because he wasn't wearing shoes. And then one of the people I know of tried to bribe her into letting her friend stay. It was all a lot of drama, and distracting. So much so that when I came in, I saw Lark, but by the time I got my tea, she was gone.
So I went home, like I planned on. Lark showed up later, and I gave her a little steam for leaving without saying hello or anything. Honesty, I think maybe I was just in a mood. She let me take it out on her, and stayed the night, I think maybe, when she wakes up, I'm going to pay for it.

10/12/18 — That's not the way I like waking up. Poor girl. I wish there was a way that I could help other than holding. After what she's been through, I think she's lucky with what she's managed to get away with. My heart goes out to her. We went back to sleep, and then fooled around for a little; I was only joking around, but the results were definitely pleasing. Afterwards, a proper date; bacon and eggs. Talking. Just getting to know her better than skin-deep.

10/11/18 — Late. Lonely. Going over to Klutz's and see if she'll let me sleep over.

10/10/18 — This afternoon, Klutz came over with some blankets. For when we're going on the sofa, snuggling and watching movies. I couldn't help but remember something I learned last term in Psych class. Bringing her stuff over, she was nesting. Marking my space with her things. It's really cute. And so is she. We picked up where we had left off, and. And I had a really good time. I'm not certain that I did the right thing, but, well. She seemed sure, every time I asked. She even spoke, sort of, to let me know. I can see myself with her, falling for her hard.

10/09/18 — Went to see Klutz before school and let her know about the relationship definition. She seems keen on making me a cheerleader for her team. Silly girl, I already am. While at the fraternity, I asked a couple of the guys what I should do. The Ses were the most help (everybody else either hooted or called me various unflattering names). Scott suggested I should figure out what I want and not led the other one on, which is sorta what I expected from him. He and Clarice are destined for marriage. Sam, though, seemed more pragmatic. Suggesting that I should look into poly relationships, shrugging his shoulder, and added something I'm not sure I want.
I don't remember it being this difficult.

10/08/18 — Lark invited me over to hers when I told her we needed to talk. She doesn't live in that great a place. I thought maybe my bike was going to get stolen, but I guess there aren't much of a call for it in the US. She said a few things that made really good sense, and in the end it was all her idea. I spent the night to show my appreciation.

10/07/18 — Klutz came over with food. Am I supposed to read something into this? It didn't occur to me at the time, but usually when that happens, it means something. We talked for a good long time. She told me something personal. And I told her something I hadn't told anyone, not even the ex. I couldn't tell the ex.
I thought she wanted to kiss, it sounded like a dare, but I was wrong. I couldn't have felt more stupid or apologized any more. I think I was forgiven, but just to be sure I'll find out. Need to talk to Lark about defining what we are.

10/02/18 — Went to the clubhouse again. I'm not exactly sure what I was expecting to find, but it wasn't that. Hadn't seen Klutz in a good long while, but her swim suit suggests there wasn't much to miss. I was catching her up when a sight you don't see all the time came into the clearing. Opposable thumbs have their use after all. I, I have made fire. And there was s'mores, but none for me. When we were alone again, I confided in Klutz a little before driving her home. I hope I get to see her again.

09/31/18 — The cute woman from yesterday showed up at my door. That was pretty unexpected, especially when she couldn't stay for long. Just long enough to confirm where I lived. Makes me wonder if she had something planned but lost her nerve. Oh well.

09/30/18 — Went to the clubhouse last night. Met some new people, one of them took a nice interest in me. She's pretty, but I think her boyfriend made her go back home before she got to invite me back to her place again.

09/24/18 — I thought I was going to get some work done. How'd I forget this this feeling? Best weekend in a long time. Met some of the new pledges at school, and had morning class. Couldn't stop thinking about it, or how she was going to be over later tonight. Working out, getting teased by the guys asking who put the smile on my face. And I shared my triatholon news.

09/23/18 — Can't write long. But I ended up entertaining the whole weekend, Lark is still over. She came over last night. There was tequila. I can tell she likes the new me. I believe her word was 'damn', exactly, so maybe it's worth the effort and upkeep if she likes it. It's really nice to have someone to care for me, and to care for again. I'll have to show her how much I appreciate it. Made plans to see each other later in the day. School, and then over to the fraternity to show my face there.

09/21/18 — Went to the clubhouse to study for a change of pace. Saw some familiar, and some unfamiliar faces. I even saw Lark; she thought I'd died. Fallen off the face of the Earth or something. She was really worried and that's pretty sweet. We're still Totally Just Friends, she had to make clear, even though I missed just being that close to another person.

09/17/18 — God, wish I hadn't pushed myself so hard. I ache all over, but I'm glad it's finally over. Now to decide if I stop the diet and the training and just like my body go back to the droopy state it was normally. Nice and lanky, isn't that what she used to say?

09/16/18 — Arrived at Imperial beach at stupid o'clock to make sure I was all checked in. Spent some time, looking around, but I didn't see any of the women that said they'd be there to see me attend, but I'm sure they were in the crowd somewhere.
It was my first marathon, and I wasn't doing any cheating -- it'd be real stupid to attract unwanted attention cheating at something like this -- and most of the people in my age bracket were in the military, from the base. And it was only a half Iron Man. But still, I did alright. I'm just glad my class in the morning isn't all that stressful, or I'd call it off. Went home, put my free t-shirt away, and laid in bed until the pain went away. All that training for this? I'm nuts.

09/03/18 — Started school again; oh, what a happy day. Monday is sign language and its culture. Going through the book looks like I'll be more of a speller then know which words mean what. But the last couple of people that I met that knew sign language were pretty awesome people, and it mean that then they won't have to write stuff down on a notepad, then what's a little time out of my day, right?
I also made sure that I only had a class a day this time. And I wish I could have gotten them all for days or evenings, but no such luck. At least it's only Monday and Wednesday. Gives me more time to go over my notes and pictures on the Torres. There's a book here, but I'm not sure of the angle just yet.

09/02/18 — Hung out at the Union for a bit. Snuck inside the restaurant at the back, the rope barrier was no match for me. Even though it was a Sunday I was able to get some classes finalized so late with a little special attention, puppy dog eyes, and 'please and thank yous'.

09/01/18 — Finally back in the US. And was able to get a new phone. Of course it would be my luck that I would lose my old one while on vacation. But when you're running, you don't have much of a chance to make sure you got all your electrical devices. Diem was a great guide, and I needed no better photographer. He got some great pictures, and showed me around some places that were. Just magical. I wish I could even put some of what I saw into words, and I couldn't record it, but I will forever remember my trip there and Nimbin. Wow, Nimbin; it was totally in the wrong direction, but I'm glad I went.
There was a bit of running around Heathlands, because we had to get to into a bit of a bother. But from there it was a straight shot north, and we were able to do our work, mostly in piece. I'll be writing this one for awhile, I was even going over the notes on the long flight back. The move to Vallarta Terrance went smoothly; especially since I'd packed up all my things months before. Apartment 306. Again. Never getting away from that number am I? Some kind of curse, maybe. But it's close to the University.

06/26/18 — Oh, thank god it's over. The company called during dinner, thanked me for taking part in the tour. I got to know a bunch of the other authors during the trip too, we all bonded over our mutual suffering. Common misconception is that individual authors go on book tours, but that's not true unless you're an established author like, King or Jenkins, I suppose. Anyways, last day we all had dinner and drinks, commiserating over our own private war. More than a couple of them were developing relationships too, Pam and Luke, for example, made for a cute couple. I hope their plans for a long distance relationship work out. I kept my sour grapes to myself; they're better in the Cabernet Sauvignon, anyways.
I said my goodbyes to the publicist, when I walked her to her room, and told her I'd meet her again in Los Angeles after summer vacation. I was told it better be something good for how long I'll be gone. I remember smiling, and when she reminded me about the company offering to send me away to South America, but I wanted to stay for a girl, how much it, I, had changed.
I went back to my room, and made sure I was all packed to go.
It isn't like they don't have the internet, but I don't know how dependable it'll be, so I'll try to keep up on my writing, just to let you know what's going on, however sporadic it is.

06/18/18 — Sorry I haven't had a chance to catch you up, Grandma. Things are pretty busy over here. Well, not the Expo. It's more an exercise of smiling at strangers just to see if they recognize who I am and, if so, if they wanted to have a conversation that I, really, don't want to have. And can't get away from, since I have to stay there and smile and sign books and try to sell them.
But it also signalled what these few days, maybe this whole week is going to be about. Just asking me the same questions; about the party, about Amber, about the divorce.
I'll say this, though. It drew some things into place that I hadn't thought about before. The last time I was with someone, was with her. In March, before she left to go to Egypt. With her longtime lover. And while she was having fun, I was lied to, drugged, beaten. And when she got back, divorced. It must have been a good couple of days for her.
And I wish I could get past it and move on, but my schedule now is pretty much the same thing; I arrive to a new town, meet the escort at the airport, sometimes have enough time to go the hotel to freshen up, and then it's off to TV or radio studios where we talk about my latest books, You'll Be Fine, and The Walls That We Build, very briefly, but invariably there's the same kind of questions about Amber.
I just can't wait until it's over.
The Torres Strait never sounded so good.
What really took me by surprise was that Autumn was there. I'm not sure exactly how she found out I was going to be there, but she hung out with me while I was there. It was nice, having some company, and when I had to go, she made me promise to come back and see her again. Nice lady.

06/15/18 — After a run, Mom and Dad met me at the hotel lobby. I introduced them to the publicist, and I think maybe she was expecting to come along, but mom, maybe after what happened the last time I introduced her to another woman in San Francisco, politely let her know it was a family affair. Well, 'politely'. There was the standard exchange of gifts; my birthday gift in exchange for Dad's Father's day present. He liked the Hawaiian shirt, said he'd wear it whenever he could. Which probably means I'll only see it when he's visiting. Dad's pretty basic, but he knows it, and likes it. Mom was clingy, but I was finally able to peel her off with a crowbar, and Dad's help.
And then it was off to the airport after checking out.

06/14/18 — Morning was pretty relaxed. I didn't have to wake up early to be anywhere, so I slept in a little. Then it was back to my training and a big breakfast. For lunch, I got in the rental with my luggage, and drove to San Fran. That was a nice, quiet ride. Checked in for the night, and walked around for a bit. Took in some of the sights that I'd seen growing up. I might have spent a little time remembering when I was last here, with the better half. But nature abhors a vacuum, and the publictist found me after she'd checked in. We had a bit of dinner, she tried to lift my spirits, distract me with the itinerary. I went to bed early.

All I Want (Is You)

My heart is burning, wild and deep,
But she has promises to keep,
She rises from her bitter bed,
With thoughts of sadness in her head.
It's my birthday; and all I want is you.

I lie in bed with ducts that weep,
And sobs until the tears do heap.
My sins I told you with certain dread,
While she hid hers, as she fled.
It's my birthday; and all I want is you.

He drove her to it, of that he's sure,
He made his baby cry, with acts impure.
It is a tale of unfathomable woe,
He watches her frown. Turn and left him ago.
It's my birthday; and all I want is you.

Whose heart now bleeds? I think I know,
Its owner is quite sad though.
Been replaced, dismissed, I must endure,
When the lies came through with fevour.
It's my birthday; and all I want is you.

06/13/18 — I had to wake up early in the morning just to make sure everything was still set. I went and did my morning routine, a little extra somehow managed to slip in. The park wasn't open, so I braved the ocean. It was going to be my last time dipping in the Pacific for awhile, so I figured the cold was worth it. And I had to get ready, acclimated, to the cold. I really wasn't expecting it to be that frigid; it'd been awhile since I'd been in the water. There's shrinkage and then there's inversion. Sorry for the visual, Grandma.
Anyways, after that, I dried off and got ready for school. My last final didn't feel like a breeze at all, but all that studying really helped. Those classes just aren't for me, even though I was able to get so much from them. Even if they were a way for me to connect with Bunny, but that didn't work out so well. I guess we'll see how good my grades are when it gets scored.
I went to the Frat house later, took a peach and hung out with the guys for a bit. Darren and Sam were there, and we went out in the backyard and threw the ball around, talked about what we were going to do for summer vacation again. Scott came over a little later, and someone suggested a BBQ. I had to tell them I had plans. They didn't know it was my birthday today, and I wasn't really in the mood to advertise. I'm not usually, anyways, but this year it was especially the case.
I remember what happened last year. It was the wife and I at Smoke and Barley. We got a table, and I got down on one knee. I attracted a lot of attention while fishing in my pocket, and pulled out a ring box. I still remember the look on her face; she looked truly horrified. The woman at the table next to us looked like she was going to cry. And then I said those magic words: would she move in with me, and I opened the box, showing her a spare key.
If she was ever going to kill me and serve my meat to the customers it was going to be then, but she didn't. Fortunately. She took the key, and, well, mostly moved in. Going from occasionally hanging out, to spending nights over. She gave me a bracelet that I still wear to remind me of her.
Anyways, my plan was to go there, and have the same dinner; the same prime rib made the same way. But as I opened the door after getting changed, I caught Lark at the stoop about to knock. She'd found out it was my birthday, I wasn't surprised, part of being infamous, and brought me some presents. I played the good sport and we took a picture together. She suggested that they could deliver just as easily while taking her shoes off and I could take a hint.
Well, I can take that one.
The rest of the night we ate, watched Escape Plan 2: Hades, because I was on a bad movie kick. I noticed she fell asleep about part way through, but the loud music at the credit scroll woke her up. It was nice, just hanging out with someone that just wanted to chill. I still feel a little guilty, though, having another woman over. But we're just friends. Just friends.
Went to the clubhouse after, watched a few people talking about some fire thing I heard mention of briefly before. I'm just an ordinary guy, and because of that, the higher ups leave me alone. If I were a finger-wiggler like the others, I'd be more important. Went inside and took a peach for dessert, told one of them where I'd brought it from and to help themselves. Hadn't looked like anyone had touched them yet. When I was finished eating, it was well past midnight and I was in danger of getting turned into a pumpkin, so, back home and off to bed. See the parents tomorrow, Thursday. I can't wait. Oh yeah, sometime before getting changed, I finished my birthday present.

06/12/18 — So after yesterday's final, I was totally stoked too go back to school and crank out two others. The Sustainable Energy one was a breeze, that's really my jam, and maybe I missed out not actually going for that more, but the publisher's wanted what the publisher's wanted, so I have to find my fun where I can. Besides, there's nothing saying that I can't just stay in school (kids) and pick it up later. It really would be neat. Took my early lunch and went to the Frat House. Hung out with Andre for a while. I actually don't know much about him, but I guess that's mostly because he keeps to himself, doesn't say all that much. At least around me. But when it's a group thing, he's pretty normally outgoing. Nothing wild, but normal. Average.
Anyhow, I watched him play FIFA for a bit, and then wished him good luck before it was time to go back and take that chem final. Not as easy as I hoped, but I think I actually did pretty well on it, especially with all the studying I've been doing. More than I did up in San Fran, but not by too much. A bunch of us afterwards didn't have anything going on, so we went to Wafflemania to talk about what we had going on for the summer. My plans got a few jealous looks, but what could I tell them, that I was running away? I'd much rather be going to Florida, or Mexico and just partying. I haven't just let go like that in a long, long while and the prospect of it is actually really tempting. But instead, someone's got to be the adult here, and do his book writing. I won't eat otherwise. And like Jona says, books don't grow in trees.
Since I had an early text, I had to do my work out later, got changed and, I would have just stayed at home, but I wanted to see if that puppy was there. Still no luck. At this point, I really don't think they're coming out anymore, such a shame too, I really would have taken that puppy. Missed chances, I guess, there's a lesson in there somewhere. Got a call from Dad, they're going to see me at LA tomorrow, after my Psych test. Dad's not a tie wearing guy, so I went to the mall to look for something to get him, you know, since I wouldn't be here for Father's day. I found a hawaiian shirt that seemed like something he would never be caught dead in, but he'd think it was funny: yellow with pineapples. After that it was getting a rental so I had something to get to the airport to, packing, making sure I had my passport and identification. She'll take care of my tickets, so I don't have to worry about that. Disconnected the batteries to the van and the motorcycle, since I'll be gone so long and I made a cold dinner, making sure that power was down, lights were mostly off and everything was all set, so I could leave right after my exam.
New York, here I come.

06/11/18 — First day of finals, and I started it off with a little bit of writing while I was eating breakfast. I didn't like anything I'd wrote. Anything at all, so I crumbled that work and went to go train on my marathon stuff for a bit. But only for a little bit because of the final, which means I had to do the working out at home. Even still, I wasn't used to the morning traffic and I was almost late getting to the hall. And that would have sucked, getting there late after they closed the doors.
After the exam, I think I did pretty well, I went to the Frat house, but it was pretty deserted. I suppose everybody else was either taking their finals or getting ready for them. It felt weird just hanging out there by myself, so, after poking around a bit, I went back home and picked up on my running that I didn't finish. Cooled off with a swim in the Athletic park because it was warming that the ocean. Though, if I'm thinking about it, I should get used to that chill. After that, since I was already there, I read for a bit by the willow tree.
When it was a little after two I packed up and went to the clubhouse. There was a presentation there that I want to see, and I even got a good job. Thinking it might have been unfair that I grew up with this stuff, I went quiet and just listened, like I did at movie night, so that other people could have a chance to guess. In the end, it was a little, uh. Weird. Maybe slanted towards one particular point of view, but I should have rather expected that. More importantly, I got to see Turtle and Klutz too, but I forgot to introduce the two of them. Wish I had remembered that, because I think Klutz could use more friends, especially if she needs protecting like Buzzcut says she does.
Anyways, after that, it was just going home and having dinner. Found the crumbled up papers from my failed attempts at writing and gave it another go. This time, I think I got something I rather liked. Put some polish on it tomorrow, or the day after and then I'll give it to myself as a birthday present. Don't tell.

06/10/18 — Sunday; After last night I decided to take it a little easy. There was the same workout that I usually do now. Still a little worried that I might lose some work while I'm touring or when I'm on my summer break, but I guess if I keep it up as much as I can, then I won't lose out all that much. I made it my mission to go past that house from the other day, hoping I would see the Mom dog or the puppies, but both times, I had no luck. I didn't even see anyone outside or in the neighborhood, just people passing by, all in their own world. Unaware that there might be some poor, defenseless animal in need of help and everybody is just too busy to offer any. Really rather sad.
When I was at the Athletic Park, I read a passage that suggested doing something to distract myself from my feelings like cuddling. I'm pretty sure that's what got me in this mess, so I crossed that one off. Another one was sniffing lavender, so when I got home I took a meander through her side of the bedroom bath. What there was of it -- she'd never moved back in after that party destroyed the place, though I tried to replace what I could. That only made me remember her, which did nothing to help me get over anything. So I sat on the toilet and was miserable for, well I don't even remember. For a while, and when I cleaned my eyes I tried some Pandora, making sure that I only listened to my station. I really didn't feel like it, but after a while I put on a cheesy movie, Ginger Snap, and studied for a bit. I was about half way through the second movie of three when I noticed the time, and got ready for bed. This place is so big, so lonely. It's way too much for me.

06/09/18 — Turns out the study group wanted to meet at Wafflemania. They have to hate us too. I mean we took a table just about all day and didn't order all that much. But about dinner, the group disbanded in stages but I stuck around. I really was minding my own business, reading on my tablet when I felt someone touch my shoulder. I nearly jumped out of my skin. I guess I wasn't paying attention. Lark had shown up sometime, and came over to say hello. I put my book down, it isn't like she needed to know I was reading about trying to get over my feelings.
But as it turns out, that's more or less exactly what she wanted to know about. How long had it been since; all that kind of stuff. And she's got one heck of a rude mouth on her too. I didn't expect that, but it was a little refreshing. Like she was relaxing around me. That is nice. Either that or she's pent up too, and it's a good thing I'll be outta here soon before I'm getting nightly visitations again.
Then someone Lark knew came in, Watermelon. She was in a family way, as they used to say. I had to tuck my sob story away, and stop fiddling with my ring. I notice that I do that when I'm nervous. Or when someone's talking about my wedding. But instead the three of us talked about her, Watermelon. And if I thought Lark had a mouth on her, Watermelon could make a sailor blush. Yeesh.
And we were all minding our own business when some guy in the booth next door told Watermelon she was in his coffee. What a weirdo; probably some kind of shroom, but he didn't stay long after I told Watermelon to stop being rude and get out of the man's coffee. And as he was leaving, some techno-goth girl entered. Wafflemania attracts all kinds.
But our conversation was over when the weird guy left, and Watermelon had to waddle back home, and by then it was after eleven, and dangerous things come out at night, so I had Lark escort me to my bike. Fortunately the only dangerous thing that I ran into at home was a fatal case of crushing loneliness.

06/08/18 — Last class before finals; people hanging out and making study parties. I was offered a few and I might show up to one, because it's just a couple of other guys. I'm not feeling the hanging out and around with woman lately. Not that there's anything wrong with them. It's just me. Or I could just take my Microbiology studying at home, but I do study better when I'm not alone, when there are other distractions around. But no so many distractions that I actually get, you know, distracted.
Strangely I got a text I wasn't expecting. I hadn't heard from Turtle in forever, and she mentioned that she'd been off, helping build homes. And when she mentioned it I think I remembered that she had told me she was going to go and do that. Then I had a smile, remembering that we got mistaken for a couple. We chatted back and forth for a bit but then I guess either she had to go or someone walked into the room since we're still keeping our friendship on the down-low. I wouldn't want me associated with me either.
When I got home I took a look in the backyard; trees all picked. That looked nice, especially with all the trouble they had this year. Not like there was a large bounty or we, ... I needed the harvest for anything. While I was cooking, Dad called, told me it had been awhile since I'd been made to talk to him, so I have to share. And since my birthday is around the corner, what would I want. Really the only thing I want, I know I'm not going to get, but I told him a little bit about what was going on. How busy everything is for me at the moment. It reminded me I wouldn't be around for Father's day, and I had to apologize for that. He'll forgive me, so long as I'm safe. Safe. What even is that anymore?

06/07/18 — During my run, I'm up to three miles now, I made a new friend. I was minding my own business, earbuds in, panting, and when I paused at a corner to check both directions, I saw there was a puppy following me. Or at least paying me a lot of attention. Cute little black lab, probably all kinds of mutt, but still, cute boy. I don't remember where I picked him up from, so I picked the guy up and back tracked. He was so grateful, I got a lot of kisses.
A few blocks down I found a yellow ranch-style house with two other puppies and a nervous mother. It would have been irresponsible of me to take someone's puppy, for all I know, they're already spoken for. Besides, I'm leaving soon, and where I'm going, I don't think it would be a good idea to take a puppy. But I really, really wanted to take him. Ugh.
I waited while the little guy stopped clambering at the fence to try to get back to me, and went to his mom for breakfast. She came over too, and got some petting. Very timid girl, I hope they're treating them right. I looked around as well as I could without going on their property, and didn't see anyone. Didn't see any bowls for food or water either. I think I'll come by a couple of times, just to make sure they are getting food and water, but other then that, the only other thing I can do is call animal services.
After my training, I went, hung out at the union for a bit, and then the stacks after and between my classes. Richard cut the session short again, after he gave me work to do, had to go spend time with his girlfriend. So I went to Wafflemania, and studied there and ate a carb heavy dinner. Went I got home, I changed, and went back to see if I could see if the puppies were being fed, but there wasn't any sign of them. It was dark when I got there, and they could have been out back in the back yard, or maybe in the house, so they could be fine. Either way, I'll check tomorrow.
When I got home, again, took a shower, and laid out on the sofa, watching a really bad movie on Netflix. Fell asleep not soon afterwards, I think I lasted ten minutes.

06/06/18 — After working out, I went to the Frat house before lunch. I've noticed I'm hanging out there more and more lately. Maybe because they've been so supportive; more friends than anyone any the clubhouse, and I'll actually miss these guys. Scott's girlfriend was there too, Clarice. She wanted to talk a little bit, about this and that; nothing really of note, while Scott and the guys hung out. Darren was a little missed that I was there and not working out with him. As our resident jock, I guess he's lonely and wants another gym rat (that's a word he taught me) to hang out with, and figures I'm his best bet. I feel bad for disappointing him.
After telling him I'd spot him after a moment, Clarice and I went and got lunch for the guys, my treat, why not. I bent her ear about what was going on; as much as I could, that is, and she agreed that it was pretty messed up. Said I should look on the bright side -- I'm young, and wasn't married for long. And if I can use this as a learning experience, maybe I'll do better next time. She's not wrong. I'd very much like to do better. Thing is: the wife's the first woman I actually pursued. Everybody else, everybody. They all came after me. ... maybe that says something, why it's been so hard to let go. Not having the answers I need, and having the only woman I really wanted run from me. And it isn't the first time she's left me. It's kind of her thing; when it gets tough, she runs. From me, from the responsibility. I wish I knew where she was; I wouldn't stalk her, that'd be creepy. But I would want her to know that I would be open to talking.
If she would be.
Finally heard back from BuzzCut. Klutz is fine, he says. She's just being protected. No mention of where she is, or protected from what, but at least she's alright. That's a relief. Anyways, Chapter seven, Instinct Theory. I could not be more bored, I think. But Richard is cruel and I suppose that is what I'm paying him for. I should be more grateful. Maybe I should get him a gift at the end of this, but what do you buy a nerd, he's already wearing glasses.

06/05/18 — Woke up in the morning, snuggling with one of the pillows. I had a dream that I was cuddling with her, so when I woke up and it wasn't her, I was a little disappointed, to put it mildly. I don't remember how long I stayed in bed, just remembering how many times I'd wake up, and see her still sleeping, wondering how her black lipstick wasn't all over the sheets. My first Goth -- my longest relationship. When the alarm rang and woke me from my daydream, I closed the pictures and put my phone away, and got to work with my day; working out for the marathon.
I was able to take a moment and found out that Burning Man will happen pretty close to the end of summer vacation. Maybe I'll be able to go if I'm quick about my work. Going to that many places, though, I don't know, if I'll be back early. I might have to buy a scalped ticket.
After Micro, I went to the stacks and met with Richard; we spent some time studying in peace before he had to go and left me to study some things he, all too harshly, thought I needed to work on. And i'm putting it more politely than he did. After studying for a few more hours, I took a carb load home to finish studying at home, but the television distracted me and I didn't get much else done.

06/04/18 — Ugh. Back to school, but, last week before finals. This semester's been especially brutal. I think I can't wait for summer vacation and to get out of here, if only for awhile. But I was still thinking about the conversation I had with the wife's paramour. It's just sex. He actually said that. I think that one is from the cheater's handbook. At least he didn't say it didn't mean anything, I might have wretched. And he was certain my marriage was over. I ought to have asked if that was his expert opinion as a marriage counselor; or from all the other marriages he didn't respect and break by chasing after wives.
In the long wrong, I suppose I'm glad I didn't. Seems like I'm the only person around that isn't a finger-wiggler, and I probably would have irritated him enough to realize that, should he do something about me permanently, he could have the wife all to himself. Not that it doesn't appear as though he already hasn't.
What did I do? Not ever knowing is the worst part.
So, yeah. Had to pretend like I'm so much better now. The weather hasn't turned anything from overcast or gloomy. So I know how it feels. I spent some time at the Frat before Richard and I hit the books. In fact, for the rest of this week, I'll be spending most, if not all my extra time in the stacks, just to make sure I can pass this shrink final. This stuff is so not for me, even though I got the most help from it; both with myself and in my life. I wish I could talk to someone about what's going on. But the people in my life are people I can't talk to about this stuff, and the people that I can, I wouldn't want to burden them. Life's not great.

06/03/18 — Greeted the sun, like usual. Well, where I figured the sun would be. It's been pretty cloudy lately, but only rained that one day. When I had to hang out underneath the awning for just about an hour at that restaurant next to the Hippie Hut. Good times. After my routine and doing some chores around the house for a bit, I took the old accordion for a walk. I would take the one the wife gave me, but. I dunno, it's too nice. And I wouldn't want something to happen to it.
Went over to the clubhouse just to see if the new building project had been raised yet. Doesn't look like there had been any progress made on that front, but there were some people there I didn't know, and they didn't mind me making some background music, or answering requests. Good practice, I think it's been ages since I'd played.
Then, uh, a thing happened. When is it always with the birds, anyhow? And I'm not British, so that isn't slang. Nearly scared me to death; but I fell out of my hammock when I was surprised. Apparently I don't have a future in slapstick. Didn't hurt the sparrow either.
Learned something new about the Sock Bandit I didn't know. Doesn't convince me she isn't crazy though.
And then he showed up.
I'd been over a year, and I finally ran into him. While he was dropping off mattresses no less. The other man. Her other man. For a brief moment I really did want to punch him, but then I remembered that that isn't my way, even if it would feel good. I bet it would have felt real good.
So instead I asked if we could talk, and we did. She isn't staying with him; that's where I thought she was this whole time. So now I don't know where she is. And she did say goodbye to him; but not to me. Try not to read anything into that. He wasn't sorry, of course not, for offering himself to my wife, many times. Or for the times that she took him up on his offer. Or offers. Of course he knew she was married, but that didn't stop him. Because that's the kind of upright, moral person he is. He said a few other things, but what he didn't give me was a when. He couldn't give me what I really want to know. Why. Only she can do that, and I'm not going to get that answer anytime soon.
When we parted, he wanted to know if we were cool. Oh yeah, he actively pursued my wife, had honeymoons with her that I'd never had; no, I'm sure we'll be the bestest of friends there ever was. But what his wife did to him, he did to me and helped mine do to me. The only thing I can do, is be the better person, and not do it to someone else. It's not very high moral ground, but it's the only thing I have left. That I've been left with.
Anyhow, he left, I stuck around, trying to play for my adoring fans. But my heart just wasn't in it anymore; and it showed in my playing. I figured it was best if I went home too, after playing a song, I don't even remember what I played anymore. I don't even remember how I got home, or how I got to bed. But I did.

06/02/18 — Worked out a little extra on the weekends, and this one wasn't any different. By noon I was ready to get out of the house, so I went to the stacks and studied since I may or may not have been doing a little less of it then I wanted to, should do. Even Richard noticed, and my attempts to win him over with a peach didn't get my anywhere. Which I suppose is fine. I'm pretty sure that peach had a worm in it anyways.
By the evening I was ready to gnaw my own arm off, so I went to Wafflemania to have something to chew on, and watch some videos. It was pretty nice, actually not to have something that was peach flavored for a change, but I feel if I cram anything else in my head I just might explode. I need to do something that's brainless and fun.

Tour dates

June 16th - BookExpo, NYC
June 17th - Hudson Valley, NY Area
June 18th - Newton Centre, MA
June 19th - Chicago, IL
June 20th - Milwaukee, WI
June 21st - St. Louis, MO
June 22nd - Missoula, MT
June 23rd - Portland, OR
June 25th - Toronto, ON, Canada
June 26th - Sarasota, FL

06/01/18 — During my run the Publicist called and gave me the schedule, for certain. I don't get to go on the Convention that I wanted to go on, but I do get to go on a ton of cities. And I was reminded that I have to get my vaccinations before I go, get some Aussie money. Learn what is and isn't a knife. I might have made a memo about watching Crocodile Dundee when I got back home from school so that I spoke the language. Maybe.
Just what is a walk about anyways?
Some of the guys asked if I brought more peaches when I went to the Frat for school. So I told them when I would be finished with school, to meet me at home afterwards. Since I'm biking, I made sure to give myself enough time to shower and change before they came over and looked around. It was the first time the new guys had been in my house; the other guys had helped clean it up after that party. We picked and talked, gossiped mostly about what's going on; apparently we think Andre is gay. I really had no idea. We ordered pizza, watched the game on the big TV and when they left, I made sure they took some of the peaches.

05/31/18 — And still nothing from Klutz. Maybe I spoke too soon on how things would have been ok. I hope maybe it's just that I keep missing her, and not that she's being kept from going to school. If she doesn't go back soon, she'll miss finals and then that's a whole term out the window and it'll affect her grade. I wonder if there's someone I should talk to about that. Probably BuzzCut, I'd wager. He was the last one to see her. ALIVE.
Just kidding, I'm sure she's fine. I'm just worried, doesn't have anything to do with her being stunning, but clumsy, at all.
But that got me thinking, my head rambling about what part of my body they would cut off if I did to her what I'd done to Shooting star, which lead me to think about my own mortality. How fragile life really is, you know, normal life. For normal people. And how I might die; sure isn't of a broken heart. Not yet anyways.
Picked a few more peaches. I really don't know what I'm going to do with all of them. Maybe I'll leave some at the club, you know, on my way out. That'd be a nice gesture, I think. Maybe someone will make a pie out of it or something. That'd be nice, yeah I think I'll do that.

05/30/18 — This morning-- ok, I never claimed to be the most observant of people. But I noted this morning that the peaches in the backyard were very much ripe. Went out and took a few with me to school, and stopped at the Frat house to hand them off. There were some rounds of crude jokes about the guys not wanting to touch my peach, asking if my peach has fuzz on it or a tasteful landing strip. And on and on. They're nice guys and I don't often wish they get hurt. I got a few verbal promises to come over and help pick them otherwise they'll just rot and that would be a shame. After that, I went to class, gearing up for the finals in two weeks, and I have mine in the first two days. Micro was fun, but then again, it usually is.
At the end of classes, I returned to the stacks. I practiced my penmanship while writing out my notes; writing my notes helps me retain my information. After studying, I cleaned out the van, and disconnected the battery. Since I'll be gone for a few months, I don't want to come back to a dead battery too. I found some Coachella sand in various nooks and crannies that was fun to vacuum up.

05/29/18 — While studying at the Union lounge, I had my earplugs in, and was listening to Disintegration Radio online. I caused myself a bit of embarrassment when I was laughing out loud at parts of it, and stopped studying altogether while Jayne's show was on. I went to the library's stacks after her show was over, and switched to my playlist so I would cause less of a disturbance.
I'd been there for a few hours, I study better when not by myself, when it occurred to me that I hadn't seen Klutz around in a few days. Maybe I shouldn't have told her that it would be ok. Still, I'm sure she's find or someone would have told me. Heh, good one. The people there spend more time not telling people stuff then do. Anytime I need something I can be guaranteed not to get support by those that are supposed to. Crying shame, really.
Anyhow, before dinner I ran over to the skate park and chilled out for a bit. Fooled around for a bit, and then alternated between watching the other people, and studying more. When it got dark, I went back home. Put on some really bad werewolf movie while I ate. It's fun watching those things, especially when they're super dumb, enough that I can just turn my brain off and watch.

05/28/18 — I'm pretty surprised about how much progress I've made over the past couple of weeks with my training and the really gross protein drinks. Darren thinks I could do more, but he's really buff, more buff than I want to be. I'm going to just stick with the plan, making sure that I'm well rounded rather than have super leg muscles. I had to unpack a few things that I'd put away the last month, for the upcoming trip. I really don't know how much to pack, but I've camped plenty, so I'll wing it. I'll be ok, even if I have to wash my clothes in the ocean. Well, no, not in the ocean that wouldn't be healthy for anybody.
After school, I went back home and got some more work done. A couple of videos about what I'm doing, and the general idea of where I'll be going, and more when I know more. There's a lot of cool Science news going on, especially in space, but trying to get people more interesting in the planet we're standing on is kinda my thing; so I wrote up a blurb and made some videos about this company, E6PR and a brewery, figured out that making six-pack containers that are edible by animals to prevent the rings from getting stuck around animal necks or mouths, but more importantly, it cuts down on the microscopic plastic particles floating around in the Gulf of Mexico, where they did their research. Cool stuff.
After a bit of that work, I took the night off studying, and went over to the clubhouse, looking for signs of the new construction. Didn't see any, and I stuck around, just jamming on my accordion until I got bored and then came back home to watch a bit of television with dinner. Good night.

05/27/18 — After the morning workout I ended up at the clubhouse. Rocking on a hammock, dangling a leg off the side and reading a book. That was a nice, pleasant way to waste some time. When I'd relaxed the muscles a bit, and had a snack, I continued up my exercises, only this time went back into town. I was pretty exhausted when I crashed in at Wafflemania and stayed there for a couple of hours, just devouring bacon and pancakes while I read the couple of books my Professor recommended. Grief and Grieving was good, and actually did help. Even if I'm still not ready to let go, I'm ready, I think, that if in September I get my final divorce papers rather than her, then I think I'll maybe ok with it. I mean sure, I'll weep like a baby, but I will be ok with it. Maybe. Eventually.
See? Still not good at lying.

05/26/18 — As is usual now on the weekends, I took to working out longer than normal. A bit at home, and then took to the streets. Which also sounds wrong. I ended up on the nature trail at the south of the city, and hiked up to get to the scenic overlook. I like sitting up there, where I can watch the sun set, and the lights of the city come on and turn the city alive with twinkling, bright lights.
I never got to show this place to the wife and I hope someday I will. But I was up there studying, when TomBoy found me. We exchanged from information, me about her benefactor, and her about her sexual preference. I wasn't surprised, not that there's anything wrong with it. Heck, it's just fine, but I got the feeling she was either making sure I knew so I didn't try anything, or to be edgy. Heck; when I met her, Starr had a girlfriend too. And now, where ever she is, she's got our little Bean with her too. That sucks so much that I can't see them either. My life is a tragedy, it's better that I push people away, before they pick up whatever bad luck I have.

05/25/18 — Day before the the weekend, Memorial Day weekend. The Frat guys are planning on doing absolutely nothing. Scott's going to spend it with his girlfriend at her parent's house, poor guy, so Sam has to stick around. We got some pizza and wings, some beer. Peer pressure is a hell of a thing, but they let me get away with only the one beer before I switched to water because I had classes and needed to stay sharp. We watched some sports, played some video games. They played some beer games and talked about various things that guys do when they're around other guys also drunk on cheap beer.
Classes wasn't anything special, but Richard the tutor noticed I had beer on my breath. He didn't approve. Said if I didn't take it seriously, then I'm going to be a stupid jock for the rest of my life. Or something like that, I wasn't really paying attention because this Psych stuff just turns my brain right off. After class, I went to my spot at the Union for a bit. And then to the stacks. I didn't see, or rather hear Klutz running into anyone at either place. Kind of a let down. I was hoping I would see her again, I hope she's alright.

05/24/18 — There was a party announced about a couple of weeks ago, to celebrate some people coming back from some sort of an adventure. Sounded like it might be fun and, what with the new diet, I have to pack the food away and any chance I can get to get a mouthful of someone else's meat is better than having to pay for it myself. Hmm, that didn't come out right.
Anyways, I had to work out, and then center myself like the granola munching hippie I've been accused of being. Then back to school again; went to the Frat first, to hang out with the guys for a bit, before heading down to the basement with Darren for our usual. My arms felt like spaghetti when I went to class, but by lunch they were a little better, and for Micro, they were doing much better. I hardly mind the taste of these protein shakes anymore. Sorta. The first sip of the day tastes like feet, but after that it's not so bad.
Rather than stick around, I went over to the clubhouse pretty much right away, after a stop home. About the only thing I remember from Mom, from you, was eat first when going to a party, so people don't catch me with food in my mouth when talking, so I had a snack to tide me over.
The party was really. Well, all kinds of great. A whole was slow cooking on a spit, all kinds of food and drinks laid out. I don't know how people plan for this stuff. Well, anyways, there was a bit of talking and then I found out Klutz belonged to the club too. That was a bit of a surprise, more than a bit, but I guess explained why I made a fool out of myself. We had what passes for a chat, and I got to help her get introduced to the rest of the guys. Then it was story time -- recanting what happened from two different angles. It was a good story, good telling of it, kept me captivated. Right up until I smelt something really bad. Someone, I think in Buzzcut's crew has some really bad BO. The hostess was going on about having not been with her husband for awhile; certainly wasn't helping me any, so I went off to have a sit and sulk by myself. Buzzcut took Klutz to the clubhouse proper, asked me about parties -- had the misfortune of reminding me about the one I'd gotten drugged and kidnapped at, so good times for everyone. But I did see Mt. Baldy too, after the storytelling, and sucked up my courage and went to apologize to him. After I'd learned what really happened. I would have thought he would have been happy to know he wasn't mistaken, but all I got was pretty much just a shrug, so. Whatever, I guess. My conscious is clear now. I hung around a bit more, got an answer for my question about TomBoy from someone I thought would know.
I waited around for more than awhile, hoping maybe that Klutz would come out. She seemed nervous when following Buzzcut, when I told her it was going to be find. But when it turned to be after midnight and there wasn't any sign of her, or him, and the festivities had been picked and packed away, I took myself back home. I'm sure she's ok. I hope she's ok.

05/23/18 — Maybe I should do my training with some kind of safety vest or something. I think some people are actually swerving to try and hit people biking or running on the side of the road. It's a hell of a world. And classes are gearing towards the finals still. Professor McKenzie asked me how I was doing with the books; and with everything else I have on my plate right now, I just conveyed what I could. The important part, the Prof said, was that I make room in my life for the possibilities for what can happen, and not to let what has happened be all that will happened. Clear as mud, I thought, but I promised to think about it. The tutor met me at the library, and while Richard's finally happy with how I'm progressing, he says if I don't stop fooling around with 'Jock stuff', I'm going to not get a passing grade. I'm wondering what jock stuff he thinks I'm doing, but then, Richard's kind of a nerd; thin, no muscles, classes. I guess the exercises and weight lifting counts. I told him I wasn't going to do that, but I'd stay late tonight, just to make up more time and that made him happy.
Which is where I was, studying that stupid book, when I saw the same woman from before, bouncing off of people. Well, person. And that set her off, ricocheting off of someone I think I saw at a party just about a month ago.
We got to talking; well, mostly. Seems like the Klutz doesn't; but she has a type and talk kind of thing. And the other one, Tomboy, she's pretty well educated in the home schooled kinda way. Though it was pretty weird; I'd just been pining for the wife, and found myself drawn to the Klutz. I noticed it when I used a pretty smooth line, and instantly blushed over it. Did the whole calling attention to my wedding ring thing, knocking it on the table, just to make sure it was obvious I was off limits. But I still don't trust myself; not with my history, not around pretty women that wear chokers, just like the wife does, kinda remind me of her a little. I had to get out of there, and they weren't buying my excuses. How do you say that I have to leave before I make a complete ass out of myself, without it sounding like a line too?
I felt horrible the whole rest of the night but what am I going to do? I'm still married, and I love my wife, no matter what. I wouldn't have married her otherwise.

05/22/18 — Finished up my training over at the athletic park, and took advantage of their swimming pool as I do sometimes, to get my laps in. While I was getting changed, I noticed my wedding ring, and it hit me that I hadn't thought about her for a few weeks. I wondered what she was doing. If she was thinking about me. If I was as easy to forget as I think I am. If, you know, she'll come back, or call or something.
It's a real quick way to put me in a somber mood.
Didn't get pretty far. Even though I know I should eat, I'd kinda lost my appetite, so I just found a place to sit down, under an old willow tree, and spent a bit of time looking through old pictures. I really do miss her, and as much as work as she puts in making herself look nice, I still like her purple, mm, indigo hair better than the red, sorry, ORANGE hair. Though the longer hair, even if it was extensions. Always afraid of running my fingers through it and pulling back a handful of clips. And getting a shot in the arm for undoing her work. ... good times.
Anyways, reminisced for a while, and then I pulled out the shrink book again, and did more studying. The tutor is a task master, and that's where I was when I guess Lark found me while she was out on a walk. We talked about all kinds of things, mostly how it'd gotten dark. I'd been using my phone as light, and hadn't noticed, under the willow's canopy. Lark also wants to get a car too, she's saving some cash for it. I kinda felt bad, because if I'd known, I would have helped her out, but I gave away the last of my spare money to the charity event. Well, maybe I can help some other way, and at least she was there to walk me to my bicycle. Had some leftovers when I got home, watched some really cheesy movie on the television, and then off to sleep in the big, empty bed.

05/21/18 — After classes I went to the lounge and studied for a bit. Finals aren't that far off and I've got to pretend like I want to pass all of them, especially with all the work I put through in them. Saw Scott while I was there, and he and I chatted for a bit, so, you know, a little less studying got done then I would have liked, but at least I got to do something I preferred doing then thinking about the difference of IDs and Egos and I am so totally not going to remember any of this three days after classes.
We went back to the Frat together for dinner, a healthy snack of pizza. They made a point, the tomato sauce on the bottom technically counts as a vegetable. Darren made me do an extra work out since I was there, and the rest of the guys came down to 'motivate' me, which means shouting and calling me a wussie, and other such names. Since there wasn't anything good on, they played some video games. Sports games aren't my thing, I guess I'd rather do it, then pretend to do it, so I snuck a bit more studying in, but mostly read the tabloids. Someone in this house has trashy tastes.

05/20/18 — Morning exercises were skipped in favor of making some more videos for the channel. For once I found plenty of fodder; Zero Waste Bistro, a pop up restaurant made from recycled goods, and on the bad side, a Chinese giant salamander that is heading towards extinction because of human demand -- yeah, they're eating them to death. I was able to stretch those into a few videos, and with my non-regular schedule, that'll suit me for a bit. By the time I was done it was in the afternoon, so I banged out my training real fast; well, fast enough. I was exhausted by the time I was done, and ended up at Smoke and Barley. I hung out there for a bit, until it was time to go home and get ready for the Charity event at least.
Even still, I was fashionably late, and caught the tail end of the opening act. And a good thing too. I'm really not in the mood lately for love songs. Live or on the radio. And when it was announced that bidding was opened, and I took a look at some of the items going, I saw his name there.
The guy she'd rather be with.
So I left, left a donation with someone, in hindsight I hope actually works for the Charity, signed the guest book, and left. I might have gone to the clubhouse and I might have had some drinks. But I didn't totally lose control of my drinking. Just my life and my marriage.

05/19/18 — And on the seventh day, he rested.
Only I'm no God. Unless Zuul asks, in which case, totally take Peter Vekman's advice. I love the classics. Anyhow, today I totally went to the scenic outlook. More vertical climbing, I figure would also help make up for horizontal distance. Plus, I like the view of the city from up there and who knows when I'll get to see it again. I spent a bit of time there and then biked back into the city, jogged over to the Athletic park, and from there, swam in their pool for a couple, or a bunch, of laps. Took a break under the willow tree in the gardens. It's a nice relaxing place to read. Then it was over to the clubhouse to see how the construction was going. When I was done with that, it was another lonely dinner for one, checking the phone to see if I missed a call from her every time something rang on the television. Life is cruel and unfair.

05/18/18 — Drank the whole ocean while swimming. It wasn't a shark or anything stupid like that, probably just seaweed, brushing against my leg while I was swimming. But for sure, my vivid imagination ran wild without me over what it could have been. And I sputtered and choked a little, but I got back on track not long after that. It's exactly those kind of distractions I'll have come race time. Only with about a million people around me, and most of them military. So, I'm still not holding up that I'll do very well, but it's not about doing well. It's about finishing. And who knows. Maybe after this, or another one, I'll actually try a full Ironman.
Anyways, after nearly drowning, I went to check out some more properties in case I had to move. Nothing I saw that I liked better than what I'd seen already, so a bit of a waste of time. Went to school, and everything's getting geared to wrap up. Last chapters, then the frenzy of studying. At break I went to the clubhouse, took a look around at some new faces, and then back to school. Afterwards, to the stock-- I mean stacks and study. I really can't wait for this class to be over. Sure, it helped me, but there's no way I could be a shrink. Those people, especially the good ones, have my respect. And I can understand why the bad ones give the wife the heebe jeebes.

05/17/18 — Over breakfast, I read an article about a new restaurant that opened. Sounded a little ominous, like a little Goodfellas-ie. Maybe I'll give it a try, especially before going to New York, so I get over or used to those feelings. Wish someone from the family would be coming with me on my trip. Just for the protection, but I doubt the publishers would appreciate the extra cost. I'll just have to be a good guy, stay out of trouble, which is easier said sometimes, than done.
I checked my phone during a break between classes and found out that my passport came in. Expressed right over for the extra cost, but it isn't like I'm wanted for anything. Or anyone. So now I'll be able to go over to Canada, and afterwards outside North America when the tour is finished. Since I don't know if I'll be able to recharge my electronics, or even get the internet, I'll probably not write in the journal, Grandma. I hope you understand. But it means more time for studying, and picture taking.
I'm actually kinda excited about going; there's less and less reasons for me to stay.

05/16/18 — This term, on Wednesdays, I have a lot of time before I have to be at school. So I get some studying in, and then bike down to the beach, swim, and then run back to the bike and bike back home. I was starting to chafe a bit until I read a good tip about making sure you don't. That could have been a little embarrassing to explain if I was dating.
Anyhow, after OrChem2, I was passing time at the Union in 'my' spot when I saw this poor person drop a couple of books. She had an arm full, I guess studying for finals too. But she had the right topics, ecological, environmental studies. I helped pick up some books for her and went back to studying before I had to go back to my own class.
Afterwards, some friends at class mentioned going to Coronado to the beach to hang out, have dinner. I went for a bit, hung out and talked about what we were going to do. They were all pretty much convinced they were going to be shrinks, and pretty cerebral, so I was a little quiet. I also didn't feel like talking. When dinner was over, I went back to Prospect, and continued to pretend I was a tourist, hung out at Gaslamp Square, to read more of the book the Prof. suggested I read. Until it got seriously dark, then I was back home. Did a little bit of YouTubing, making sure the fans, those that remained -- they're a pretty fickle bunch -- knew what was going on with me, and uploaded the daily.

05/15/18 — Another grueling workout in the morning; sweating pretty badly. Still nothing from her or her representative, so I have nothing to do other than continue with my plans, such as they are. After a large breakfast, I took my stuff to the Frat to work out with Darren for upper body work. Gotta make sure I don't look bottom heavy, like he says. Hung out with the guys for a little bit after borrowing a shower and getting into fresh clothes.
After class I went to the stacks, and had a couple of hours of study time with the tutor. Richard thinks I ought to give up some of my schedule and dedicate that time towards studying. But I'm pretty sure at this point he's just being malicious because I am making headway with his practice tests. And I have learned that being a shrink is just not for me.
After class, went to the clubhouse and heard tell that Possum's wife was looking for supplies and help with a building project that is, really, a good idea. I made sure to leave some money and a note letting her know I'd help out. It's pretty late now and, like her husband, I haven't heard a word back from her about it.

05/14/18 — Ran into the guy again with the t-shirt from last year. Had an odd thought that maybe he only has the one t-shirt and wore it every time he went out to run. Which is really kinda gross, but I smiled and waved to him all the same and got the same sort of reaction back. Not really friends, just two guys out there for the same reason, doing the same sort of thing. Then I wondered how I was going to keep up with the biking and swimming portion. I might have to let those slide, or if I'm lucky, maybe they places I stay at will have swimming pools and bike machines. I could only be so lucky.
Looking at the schedule I'm going to be a busy boy for June with that just about a new city every day thing. And it isn't going to be just me. Not only is the Publicist going, but it's a package deal too. A bunch of their new authors are going out with me to the Con. Or I guess maybe I'm going with them. And then all over North American. So that's a joy.
School wasn't much fun either. In Sustainable Energy, I was cruising the internet, looking at some of the cities I'll be going to. Nevermind the others, the first one is New York. I'll be going back there, the only other state I've been too. I was thinking that maybe I'll see Autumn again, and was a little distracted. Missed some notes, but I got them later from my neighbor. Then over to the library to study.

05/13/18 — Sunday had me at WaffleMania after my morning workout. There I was able to eat slowly at my own leisure while I studied. And man, do I need to study. Richard thinks I need to just about do everything over again and he's going to give me a test tomorrow. What kind of tutor is that? A sadistic one, but otherwise, still. I wasn't thinking about doing much, Sunday, but I took an extra swim, not for the exercise, but to relax. After that, I called and spoke with Jim. Hadn't seen him since Coachella and he was able to fill me in on what was going on with him, and his girlfriend. He told me Ivy was waiting for her phone call. I let him know that that wasn't likely to happen. We talked about that for a bit, and a few other things, family, before he reminded me that it was Mother's Day.
Oh, crud.
So next call was to home. Mom didn't pick up, Dad did. I heard a party going on in the background, so I spoke with him quickly. Just about the rest of the family was there, or had been there. I guess that's the advantage of being able to go back home. I passed on my well wishes and what little news there was before I let him get back to his party. He had nothing but condolences for me that things weren't working out with the wife. I only had a couple of hours to wait and then Mom returned my phone call. I didn't expect much: she's glad I was getting in shape and the reason why, certain I'll find someone soon, told me not to study too hard. You know, all the Motherly stuff that I've come to know and, well I wouldn't exactly say love, but, I do love my Mom.

05/12/18 — Felt like the first weekend I've had in a long time. The Publicist gave me a call too, to let me know she'd sent me over the email letting me know about the bookings and locations. Then something about there being a little bit of a delay in the passport application, which I didn't know there was any going on. Took a look at the times and locations and are you kidding me. Eleven cities in about as many days? I'll be on a plane just about every day. Good freakin' lord. Though I did notice it had me only gone for a couple of weeks and not three months. I shot her an email about that back and then started me day.
After the morning work and pig out I took a shower and sat down to cram out some YouTube videos. It'd been, well, a long time since I made one. So I took the time to write a little channel update, and then let fans know where the tour dates are going to be. Somewhere during all that, I got the answer email back: remember that trip the publishers were going to send me too, but I didn't want to go and instead went back to school? Yeah, seems like this tour is going to cost a bundle, and they're already looking for the next book. So while all this, let's call it a heap, is going on I have to come up with another book.
Joy of all joys.
While the encoder was crunching on those videos, I went to the library to get some studying done. I don't know why I didn't just do it at home. For dinner I went to the Hanging Gardens. Pricey, so I took it easy, and finished my dinner when I got home, but it's a nice place. I'll have to remember the place the next time I want to impress someone special.

05/11/18 — With the tutor I have to wake up earlier, and bang my exercises sooner. Not ideal, but what are you going to do? So I woke up stupid early, but not of my own volition. Turtle woke me up with a text. I warned her that I was sleepy, she wanted to know where I lived. I missed the rest because, well, nice warm bed and sleep. But apparently there was an offer to bring me pancakes. I returned the text a little later: last beautiful woman that served me breakfast in bed ended up pregnant. No reply as of yet. Maybe she thinks it was an offer of some kind, but the zing is on me.
Morning workout went well, then it was off to school to the library to meet with the shrink tutor. We spent a little bit of time trying to figure out where I was with the work and Richard wasn't impressed at all. So looks like my weekends are going to be hanging out at the library studying as well. I'm such a nerd now. After that initial interview, I went to classes, and then read more of what Professor McKenzie suggested. When school was over I went to the Union, like usual, and studied quietly for an hour. Patisserie Fantastique was my next stop. I felt like a little bit of a treat that day. Then home, work out on the machines there for a while, but not before I took a look in the backyard. The peaches, what there is of them, they're looking good. I might have to pick them before I go; I would wait a little afterwards, but there isn't anyone here to do the work for me while I'm gone. So, early harvest -- still, they smell good, look good. They're just a little firm still.

05/10/18 — On Thursday my Psychology professor asked me to stay behind. While he said that he noticed that there was more effort put into my work, he asked if there was anything going on that was keeping me from concentrating. As, I guess is usual for me now, I opened up to him and let him know about everything: the stress of the book tour, the new child I'll never get to see, the marriage that was ending. Everything. He told me I was definitely all over the Kubler-Ross scale. He suggested, even though I wasn't bereaving, I could start with On Death and Dying, and if I liked that, then On Grief and Grieving. He thought they would be of help, and that if I needed to speak to someone, his office door could be made available. It was very appreciated. And good to know that someone just cared.
I told him I'd check those book out, and he let me know, I really need to buckle down if I wanted to pass, which I kind of suspected. My first stop was to get that tutor, and I'll meet him tomorrow at the library. My evening workout took me to the nature trail, south of the city. I like to take bike rides or jogs all over. Mostly so the scenery doesn't get boring, but also so I don't get recognized as always going to a particular place. Make it harder for people to find and stalk me can't be all that bad. So, while taking in the view of the city, all the way to the sun starting to set, I read On Death and Dying. I can see how Professor McKenzie was thinking what he was thinking. And while, yeah, I wasn't mourning the loss of something by death, there were similarities. And also these things take months to get over. Goodie.

05/09/18 — Today, while doing the running part, I ended up at Maple park. Running around for a bit, I saw a couple of people that I'd seen before, but mostly, just people who were minding their own business. I remembered the first time I was here, with the Ex. When I got mugged, but it turned out not to be a mugging, but just a misunderstanding and a beginning of what was a pretty short. ... I don't even know what to call it. Had my mugger pushed it, though, she and I would have probably been seeing each other instead of the Ex. That lead me on a weird thought experiment of What-Ifs and kept me thinking while I was training. Sweating.
So much so that I wasn't paying attention to where I was going and I almost crashed into a couple doing their jogging routine. While he didn't know who I was was, she did and was a fan. I could tell, after a short time, that he really didn't like the way she was gushing over me. I posed for some pictures and thanked her for being a fan, and shook his hand before I beat my feet out of there, so they could get back to their routine even though she said it was alright and would rather keep talking to me. But her companion looked greatful I noticed before I ran off. I don't think I was usually this observant before. Maybe I just want to leave other couples alone, and let them have what I don't.

05/08/18 — After school and the training session, I went to WaffleMania to sit for dinner. I could have gone somewhere else, but after hearing that I might be on the race for some two to SEVEN hours I decided that I probably needed to pack on more carbs. Plus I've been losing weight; not eating enough and just a general not eating in general from a general depression. Darren said I was in danger of having my body starting to cannibalize healthy organs for what it needs just to keep living.
So he's been making me eat more than I would like to. Sometimes it feels like I can feel my stomach bulging. To combat that he said to bring something to read, homework, some videos or something, make meals last a while. And snack. Snacks are important, and then I'm going to have to juice a lot.
So that's what I was doing at WaffleMania, sitting and letting things settle. What Darren'd said reminded me it'd been a long while since I'd posted some videos, so I started planning out some new stuff, and that's where I was when someone I'd met the other day found me.
He seems like a nice guy, DJ, I think I remembered hearing about him previously, but I wasn't sure so I didn't want to make a big deal out of it. From South America or Africa, he and I played a little that first night. We chatted for a bit before he had business to attend to, and left with a promise to get in touch later.
I went back to work; you know what they say about meeting your heroes? Same thing sort of applies to celebrities. I met Shocky, from the radio next. It's crazy how popular WaffleMania is with people. But the crazy part isn't that, it's how she was dressed. I guess it's just her persona on the radio but I was expecting a hair explosion, rocker chick, who was going to be all up in my face about this and that. But that's not what I saw. She was a little bit more country, than a little bit rock n roll. I don't think she would mind me butchering a Donny and Marie song. She asked me a couple questions, and I know I should have referred her to my publicist, but I found myself just answering. Eventually, the conversation drifted to my marriage. I didn't want to cry in front of a stranger, so I excused myself. I was assured that it was just a friendly conversation and nothing said will find its way back to her show. I hope that's the case.
God, I miss her.

05/07/18 — Another Monday. Blah. Woke up and noticed that I'm still sleeping on my side of the bed rather than in the middle. It's kinda funny how these patterns just happen and how hard they are to break. Or maybe I'm just hoping that one day I'll wake up and she'll be on her side, instead of having to push me over. I hope I don't get back into the habit of sleeping in the middle of the bed for a while. Still thinking about getting a pet or a retainer. Maybe both. Maybe a dog first, and a retainer later after the divorce is finalized in a few months if she doesn't stop it. I don't even know where she is. I know she likes to run when things get tough, so. She's probably on the other side of the planet, drinking hard cider and spooning ice cream. Or partying. Or with her ... friend. I dunno.
Just another day of school. Since I haven't done anything reckless in a while the notoriety of the party is going down. I'm not noticing getting pointed at and mumbled about so much anymore. I don't remember the evening, but I have seen the video; getting drop kicked by a large nude lady, isn't how I would spend my evening normally.
Still nothing from Possum about getting in contact with the people he said he would. Nothing new there. There's never any follow through with him. But on a side note, being able to eat pasta again sure is nice. Lasagna. Garlic bread. Mm.

05/06/18 — I've been in the habit of carrying my phone around with me, you know, just in case she calls. So when it rang, I just about tripped over myself to answer it. But it wasn't her. All the same, it was someone I wanted to hear from: Turtle. She wanted to know if we could hang out for a bit, and I could have really used the human companionship. She wanted to meet over at the Mall, so I figured it was for some shopping, and let her know that it was going to take me awhile.
All the same, I got myself and my bike there before her. I was a little surprised when she hooked her arm into mine while we started walking and talking, but it didn't seem like anything other than a friendly gesture, so I didn't object. Unfortunately, she let me know that she wasn't going to be able to go out with me; to the triathlon, I mean. And when I asked why, she trusted me with telling me why, but swore me to secrecy and if I'd known why, I wouldn't have accepted her offer in the first place. So she mustn't have know, I'm guessing.
By then we got to one of the stores she wanted to get to. We were mistaken for a couple, easy enough mistake to make, given how we were walking and that I'm still wearing my ring. I didn't correct the salesperson, and neither did Turtle. I bought her something nice, for being a nice friend to me. Her color choice was interesting. Telling.
I only hope the weight of it doesn't make her clunker of a car explode on the highway. Talk about unsafe.

05/05/18 — Since it's the weekend, I pack in more training, and a longer bike, longer run and more swimming. At least the swimming was run. Got recognized while I was biking, and the fans hung around for a bit asking a few questions. It was nice, not having someone woo in my face and insist that I be Finished.
After answering questions, and posing for some pictures, I went a little harder than usual to pick up where I had been, and worked myself a little hard. I ended up at Barley, and went inside to start my new meal plan. Ended up over hearing some stuff going on and pushed my big fat nose into it. So I excused myself, but then I just couldn't help myself, and butted in again. But this time I had a good suggestion and was able to help out. Made me feel special, like I was finally contributing after so long of having asked to and not being given a chance.
That good feeling went away quickly though. Just as soon as my stomach got all that food I was cramming into it. Oh boy, I felt like a bloated walrus. Definitely not doing that again, I don't know how Phelps did it.

05/04/18 — Sent word to my lawyer to let hers know where I'll be. You know, just in case she wants to, get in touch or something. Hope springs eternal. After that it was back to campus; I had a date with a machine and a guy that's getting a really sadistic glee from hearing me groan. Then back to my training. Started eating for two. I'm supposed to eat a third of my diet in carbs, but. That one is still tough. A little force of habit still trying to do what I can to get and stay pretty. I'm going to have to get used to it though if I want to see some gains, as Darren says. Or worse, don't hit the wall as soon as the race starts. Not that I'm thinking about it like a race.
I wonder if I'll have time to write while I'm on the tour. Should I tell Possum? If I did, would he even get the message before I get back?

05/03/18 — Another day of classes, and about a month before I'm off for the book tour. Something I didn't think about in all this: how am I going to do my exercises while I'm away. I didn't really think about this at all. But I suppose I'll manage, just wake up early, and do it again before bed. I'll have to adjust my carb intake too. Man, so many things to worry about.
Had a bit of a bump at the midterms for OrChem, but it shouldn't be anything I can't fix by finals thankfully. Forgot to check on the tutor, so I'll have to do it tomorrow. Worked out at the Frat house again, Darren used a bit of what he knows from the gym to tweak my diet a little but I'm worried his diet is targeted more for strength than endurance like mine is. But I'll give it a go, I don't mind having a chocolate milk every now and then. And I managed to squeeze in some time for myself, and went to see Infinity Wars at the theaters. Wearing sunglasses, baseball cap, it's a perfect disguise, but I was able to have some time by myself. And the seats were pretty comfy.

05/02/18 — Went to classes, and did my work out like usual. Went to Smoke and Barley afterwards to pack the meat away. Highlight of my day was when that weird bird from months ago somehow managed to get in and fluttered around, landing at my table. Worse still, there were some people around, including one that I was trying to piece how she knew my name.
It wasn't until I was writing this that I remembered, oh yeah. I'm kinda infamous. Der. I'd figured her for a finger wiggler, and by the time the bird landed on my table, surprising me enough that I almost fell over, and a few people had come in and the hair on my arms and the back of my head stuck up the way it used to when Amanda used to give me That Look, I'm not sure that she isn't. Heck, not sure I wasn't the only normal person in the room.
And that's saying something
So I took a little something for the bicycle ride home, packed up my stuff, and got out of there in a hurry. Freaking finger-wigglers. So I biked home and just continued the rest of my work out from there and tried not to think about it all that much. Just glad I got out of there before the worst of it happened.

05/01/18 — Getting my exercise out in the morning, I got a call from the Publicist. She kind of needed to know right away if I was going to do the book signing deal or not. And as much as i hate to be pressured into it, it does sound like something I should do. Especially since the last book didn't have anything for it, and that movie for it is bound to come out, some time. So, alright. I gave her the good ahead and she'll give me the details later. The rest of my run, and workout with Darren, I couldn't help but thinking about it. Taking an extended break. Getting away from everything for a good, long while.

04/30/18 — Back to classes. I guess we're about half way over, because tests were a thing for both classes. I wish that was fun, but it totally isn't. Especially the shrink one. Even with all the extra studying I'm doing, it's still kicking my butt. Maybe I should see if there's a tutor available or something. Even still, maybe I can see about an extra assignment or something so I can get a passing grade, or at least keep up my grade point average. Since I have a bunch of time between my Monday, Wednesday, Friday classes, I have time to go off grounds and either get dinner or study. Usually it's and study. Today I went over to the Frat and hung out with the guys. It wasn't exactly conducive to a studying atmosphere, but at least I got to hang out with some guys around my own age. Talking, watching video games, doing nothing basically but just enjoying life. Felt great, just to get away and hang out. Of course all good things have to come to an end, and it was time to go back to school. And after that, another brisk work out. Sweating buckets, and having to pack away the calories just to keep up since I'm burning so much.

04/29/18 — Gave the book tour more thought. Really, I can't think of any reason why not to do it. Next term's homework is going to be pretty evenly split between language and biology. Kind of looking forward to learning sign language, even though I don't see that woman anymore.
Running and biking to Grossmont pretty regularly now, so I have to work towards El Cajon. And I'm not the only one training. I saw someone else running the route I was taking. Had an old Superfrog t-shirt on from a few years ago. Maybe I should stop and ask if he has any advice for a first timer. It's not like we're competing, he's much older, not in my time bracket.
Still no calls from her. I'm not going to hold my breath anymore. If it happens, great! If not, then lesson learned. I wonder if I can still get that winery idea going.

04/28/18 — I waited, hoping that she would come over, or call. But I was disappointed. Gathered my things together and went on my triathlon training. At least I have an outlet for my frustration rather than just staying home and crying. I had to take an out of breath pause when the Publicist called. She'd been working on the release of the book; and since I wasn't able to last time, if she could manage to squeeze me into summer break, would I be willing to take my break with a book tour? A few questions, just to make sure I would get back in time for Superfrog, and she said she'd make sure of it. That also meant I'd be back in Prospect when the divorce is official. I told her I'd think about it, but to get back to her soon. It wasn't like I had any duties keeping me here.

04/27/18 — I can't take this anymore! It's like my heart, or something, has taken over for my brain when my brain is at its weakest and defenseless. So I got ready early and rode the motorcycle to the other home. I'd spent some time, making a list of questions that were bugging me, bothering me about what I knew. I wanted to know when, when she went to see him, drunk. And that bastion of morality who would take advantage of someone's wife while she's drunk.
But more than that, I wanted to know what I had done wrong. Where I'd gone south, so I could make sure not to do it again. Our trust issues, working past them, and bringing us back on track, back home.
And I made a list of things I wanted, to bring her home. The same sort of list that she asked me. The same questions she asked me.
When I got there, I saw some empty cider bottles, empty cartoon of ice cream. Depression eating, I get it. So I gathered the trash, got it ready to take it out with me and then went out to look for her. Found her in the bathroom, brushing her diary breakfast off her teeth. I was greeted with hostility. I wish I'd taken that as a cue, and just left. But I was in a rush to bring her home. And I thought I'd be cute, and use the cage she has in her dungeon to stop her from running. She does that, run away, when things get tough. I had to guilt her to get her to get inside, but she did. Then, the tough questions. Then when, turned into whens. That. Wasn't expected, and threw me. But what was worse, that hostility grew. She protected her paramour, the man who raped her, and told me no. I didn't know what else to do, so I fetched the key, told her to come talk to me when she was ready.
I even took the trash out.

04/26/18 — Yet again. Third day, third different dream; about her, about us and about what a great time we had. They're making me heart sick, and feeling really crabby. Darren got the brunt of it, I'm afraid. After he was doing his, lets call it colorful motivation, I snapped at him. He was a little taken aback and being new there wasn't anything he could do about it but grumble.
I saw Apple at the University quad, picking my head up from my phone for just a moment. Considering just how I'd left an impression with Darren, I gave her a wide, inspective, berth and went on to school. Last thing I really need to do is to be snapping at more people. In fact, when school was over, I brought some beers over and apologized to Darren. Told him what was going on and how it wasn't his fault. It only reminded me that there was someone else that I owed an apology to. He hadn't replied to my text, so I'll just leave a voice message and see if Mt. Baldy'll reply then. I'm not a fan of how he went about it, but the strife was caused because of information I was told, and that information was wrong. So. Make it right.
Almost got hit by a car too, while biking. It was completely my fault. I wasn't paying attention. I was thinking about her, the dreams. What I could, should do. Still haven't taken off my ring. God, why is my life such a mess? And why is getting married after knowing someone for a couple of months so difficult?

04/25/18 — Different dream, same subject. More, juicy tidbits, mostly occurring in places that were special to me because they were places that we special to us. California Belle in particular. And what came after. So very vivid, it's really not fair, so much so that I just didn't want to get out of bed for a good long while. And not just because I'm still waking up stiff. ... um, sore. Phrasing, DeeDee, phrasing. But the dreams are getting worse, not better.
Since I didn't have to go to school until later, I took a tea cup with me, and went looking online to see if I could find a replacement for the one I may, or may not, have broken at the back of the door when she closed it. Ok, I did. Either way, I did find one that seems like a close enough match. For all I know these ones are a billion dollars and I'm replacing it with forgeries. Heh, funny thought there. Which let to a daydream about how she would have liked that. Ugh.
Plenty of energy to work off, burn off.
Lark wanted to know if I wanted to go for a swim. We met up over on the west side beaches. There was a little bit of horseplay, well. A lot of horseplay, before we got to the task of getting some endurance swimming. If she asks, Diary, I let her win, ok?
Today was the first day with Darren. I'm pretty sure he hates me. Holding a pen at school was difficult. My arms and chest are killing me, and he just won't stop yelling at me and calling me a pansy. After awhile I just thought of a flower with my face in the middle and that made me smile, and flowers attract bees, and one of the bees was her and this is just getting out of hand.

04/24/18 — My life is a living hell. I had a dream last night. It was about her, pretty graphic. Full color, surround sound. It was like I was living it. I know how much my family puts stock in dreams and what they might mean. It could have just also been that I haven't seen her in a long time. That we've been apart. That I've missed her smell, her presence, her.
A living hell. I need a girlfriend.
Instead, I thought maybe I should just work out that frustrated energy, since I have training to do. I don't have to be in school until just before noon, so that gives me a couple of hours to bike into town, over to the west side. Then from there it's either lock up my bike and run, or swim. Most of the time, it's jogging. Save the swim for the end. By then, I'm hot and sweaty, and a cold swim is exactly what I need to cool down, even if it's not to relax. There's no real plan route. Just set the alarm on my watch for how much time I need to beat each day, and keep going until I hear those beeps and try to push myself a little further each day.
Surprise test in Metabolic Biochem, but otherwise the school stuff is pretty quiet. Other then still the recognition. Do I start wearing sunglasses to school? I'm pretty sure that's against the school regulations. Went to the Frat house after. The Ses said I could use the weight room in the basement. Their concern, and the general chuckles of the guys, is that all the work on my lower half was going to make me look like a knee-buckler and bottom heavy. That I should also work up the upper half too. Darren even offered to help, said it would be nice not to have so many pencil neck geeks around. They didn't seem to care that I didn't want to bulk up, but what are friends for?
Pop in at Roasters on the way home, and after that I went to the clubhouse. There I caught in interesting conversation. Seems the Cop needed a shower, and couldn't start it herself. I made an offer, but seems someone else REALLY wanted to do it. Hey, whatever, I'm still married. Separated, actually, but.

04/23/18 — Not much going on, thankfully. Did the morning workout before school, and classes went well enough. Hung out with the frat guys and talked to them, to see if any of them wanted to try the Ironman. Not. A. One. Cowards. Went home and worked on some videos for YouTube, and then did some studying before dinner alone. This is my life now. At least until September and this mistake is corrected.

04/22/18 — Again, woke up sore, muscles hurting everywhere. It didn't take long to remember that my life sucks. I went out to burn off more steam and on the way back to where I'd locked up my bicycle, I stopped off at Smoke and Barley. I saw a few new faces. Even the Cop. She seems alright, has nothing bad to say about Crewcut, which I suppose is alright, but after the party last night, I'm not so sure.
She showed some interest about joining me on my workouts. I suppose I could start a group, or something. That's two women that are showing some interest. If we get a whole bunch, then maybe we can do something unique, like our own t-shirts or something. Support a public cause. I'd like that, maybe I'll float that idea, if I remember it.
After I got home I shopped online for a wetsuit. Something to keep me warm in the water. I can't keep living in this marital home either. I went to check to make sure the homes I was interested in before were still available, and then brought back some boxes, to start packing.

04/21/18 — Started the day with my new run schedule, but because it's the weekend, I figured I'd give it a little extra. Today, tomorrow. I have to keep it up, keep it going. Biked over to North Beach Athletic Park, there I can run and swim. I mean, sure, call me a wimp all you want. But that water was super cold. I don't remember the ocean being that bad, but then I'm usually only in it in the good weather. Maybe a wet suit? Hmm, I'll think about it.
When I got home I was just exhausted. Took my time getting refreshed, and changed in some new clothes. I was minding my own business then. Just reading the thicker paper when she came back home. I was. Stunned, until I remembered what happened. How I was left. Abandoned. When she just left when things get hard, she runs. From the problem, from me. She wasn't wearing her wedding ring either. I wanted to block it all out. And when she didn't move from letting herself in, she looked so diminutive. Unsure. Like she was going to bolt again. So I took the first step, said the first thing that came to my mind.
"Why'd you knock?"
I'm a freakin' poet. But it didn't help. She murmured somethings and turned to leave. It had been weeks since I'd seen her. Smelt her. I had no idea I was starving for her, so I stopped her from leaving.
We talked.
I wish I could say it was productive. I wish I could say that we realized our mistakes and we came back together.
I wish I could say I have my wife back. I poured out my heart to her. And she to me. I expressed how much I don't want to be divorced. She hesitated. And then said she didn't either, but. But. Not wanting to have to leave, worried that I would do something stupid. What a joke that turned out to be.
I almost wish that I hadn't asked. That I hadn't poked at the last bricks of the ruins of our marriage. But it had nagged at me since Mom got here, and I had conflicting stories about what happened. And then the other question. The one I wish she'd just lied to me about.
She told me about it all. About everytime she feels hurt over my mistakes, she uses her body to punish me. It made me question everything. Made me wish I had the wool still over my eyes. Made me retch.
Am I a hypocrite? I don't go out of my way to do these terrible things. And when the mistakes happen, I own up to them. I tell her, because I'm truly sorry. But she. She held on to this for, for longer than we've been married. She screamed, she yelled. Threatened breaking up, made me feel so very low for my indiscretion. And then this, lying the whole time about this.
The man she ran away with. She one she fled to and gave herself. Same one she went to in the picture. And they were gone for weeks. The trip was very revealing, she said. A former lover taking her to exotic locations, I'm sure it was. I'm not replaceable, she says, while in the same breath she tells me the only reason she isn't with him is his fear of commitment.
I'm the one that should be committed. My marriage was a sham before it began, and truly, it is dead.
After that I had to go to a party. I had to be presentable and put on a happy face. Trouble started later after it started, but I did get to exchange some wordplay, and meet again with Turtle. We were so very subtle, nobody suspected a thing, I'm sure.

04/20/18 — Found the Coachella playlist on a website, but the music came and went during my new jog route. So that was annoying. Since I didn't have to be at school until the afternoon, I rode the bike to Prospect. That was rough. But I took my new swimsuit with me and when I got to the beach, I started the swimming portion of my training.
Water is just damn cold. Nearly swallowed a lungful of it from the shock. Brr.
From there, bike ride to North Athletic Beach Park so I could do my running. And then a casual bike back. I know I'm going to feel the muscle strain tomorrow, and it'll be hard to convince myself to get out of bed and keep going, but it's what I'm going to have to do. That's probably going to be my new routine.
Think I'll have pasta for the first time in forever tonight. The higher workout means I'll need more carbs. This website I lucked out on really helps out with all this small stuff. I may contact them and get a coach, at least to make sure I'm going it right. I mean, I know I'm not going to win. It'll just be nice to finish. So, more carbs. Pasta. Oh, mmm! Bread! Come to Papi. God, have I missed that.
Between classes I went to study, then got lunch. When I came back someone took my spot. Such is life, I guess. So I went to the library cafe until the second class of the day. Then back home for dinner.
Turtle called. That's a highlight of my day. But we have to keep our conversations on the downlow. Apparently I offended someone somewhere and they suggested to her handler that I shouldn't be spoken with anymore. Feel the mad love. But she was going against all that just to talk to me. That feels nice. Naughty, but nice. It isn't like we talk about risque topics anyways. She's just bored, and needs someone to talk to. Suggested that I get a pet. Maybe. Might join me at Ironman, that'd be cool!

04/19/18 — Begun riding my new bicycle where I can. School is a little far, and I'm going to have to find a way to start swimming.
I rode my new bicycle to the clubhouse. Or as far as I could before the trail got rough. When I got there, I think I witnessed the end of some unusual hide-and-go-seek game. Weird people doing weird things. But I was able to inject myself in, and in so doing, I had a long conversation with Lark. I shared, the same thing I'd done with Turtle. At just like with Turtle, Lark had to go, had to leave. It remains to be see if I'll never hear from her again, though, as I got a nice hug for my trouble. So much action; so much for being chaste, huh? But with the conversation, I learned I'm not the only one with problems, problems with the way management doesn't run things. It's like with Possum. Anytime he needs something, I come running. When I need something from him... nothing. No phone calls; no voicemail returned.

04/18/18 — Still nothing from Turtle. Shows me for sharing. I should have just let the crowd tell her the news, in all its horrific details. They be less kind, to be sure, but I wouldn't know. And that's better in so many ways. I suppose it could also be that she's still being kidnapped. But, and let's be honest here, everything is about me.
That's sarcasm, Grandma.
So. Took a further look into the Ironman idea. And you know what? The more I work for it, the more I can feel like, sure. This is something I can do. The two choices are at Santa Barbara, and Imperial Beach. The Beach is attractive because there'll be plenty of military there. And I presume they'll be much more fit then I will be. So coming in dead last won't be all that bad. Santa Barbara though, the view is just beautiful. And the area is pretty upscale too. They both have their pluses and detractors.
Surprise test at school that I did alright at. Still playing a little bit of catch up from the two days I took off, but if I spend the weekend studying, working, then maybe I'll be good. If not, tutor time, I guess.

04/17/18 — Before Biochem I met someone new. Poor woman lost her phone, had been sitting where I was. She caught me watching YouTube videos, rather than studying, but at least she didn't say anything about it. She had to get down on her hands and knees to fetch her phone from under the chair.
I swear, I averted my gaze. It was a hell of a short skirt.
I offered to call her phone, so we could see if it had been left there. I didn't realize I was being smooth, but I got her name too, to go with the phone number. I guess my wedding ring didn't deter her. We talked for a little bit before she had to go. Gave me a hug on her way out. I remember she smelt like apples.
Otherwise, class was alright. Looked more into this running thing. If I want to even have any hope of finishing, I'd better start training as soon as possible.

04/16/18 — Went to school early even though I felt like trash. A combination of a little too much to drink and too much sun, I think. Stopped by Roasters to get a cup of chai on the way to the frat house and borrow a sofa for a bit. While on campus, hanging out at my usual spot at the Union, I was flipping through my old diary and saw how I'd been talking about registering for the Ironman triathlon. Why not me? I took a little more looking into it and there were two that I could get involved in. Still haven't made up my mind, yet, maybe I'll check to see if I can be fit first. If so, and it isn't too late, then I'll apply. But It means getting a USAT membership first. No big deal.
Had to stick around after second class, back in my usual spot, and resume reading the textbook. Some of this head shrinking stuff makes sense. Some of it, right over my head. But I think if I keep up with it maybe I can figure out why I'm such a ... disappointment.
After a bit of studying, looking stuff up on the internet, I went home for dinner, and cleaned out the van from all the Coachella stuff. Have to let it air out too -- camping funk is thick. Looked up a bit more on the Ironman stuff, then before bed, wrote this.

04/15/18 — We were near the Yuma stage in the evening and got to hear a little of Peggy Gou, from South Korea. It wasn't bad, so I decided to stay. Ivy stayed as well, she's actually been a little close to me all day. From breakfast to lunch, I've had my hand held, or pulled, from one merchant to the next. Still, it didn't feel so bad, and she's the perfect height for my arm to fit around her shoulders comfortably. Jim was a bit of a dick, and took a picture of the 'happy couple'.
Ran into Peggy Gou while looking around. She isn't what I expected, sort of my first experience with a stage persona versus what the person is like when not on the stage. She spat on the ground. Maybe it's a culture thing. But I made a distasteful expression, and she saw that and made one of her own and then gave me a dismissive snort before returning to her shopping.
I guess you can't make everybody happy all the time.
Since it was out last night, I took everybody out, though we had to be back quick, because the gates to our camping site close at ten-ish, and they still had to search the van. And we weren't the only ones that went to Mastro's Steakhouse, and heard something pretty interesting that Sigrid hadn't hinted at. After we were finished, Jim had had a little too much to drink, and was getting lovey: with his girlfriend, with Ivy. With me. He's a nut. But out cold by the time we got back, and I texted Sigrid, to see if what I'd heard was true. Sure enough, if you agree to do a show at Coachella, you're forbidden from doing another show within thirteen hundred miles for five months. And apparently that kind of thing is common, but not usually that wide of a radius. Some people in Oregon, I googled it later, were suing because the radius made it impossible for them to sign on SZA, Daniel Caesar, both of which I'd heard.
That's really weird.
I said my goodbyes, making sure the ladies were going to be ok with Jim being out of commission. I got a phone number, which is nice but I don't think I'm ready. She said she understood, but when I am, I should give her a call. Driving back took a little over three hours, I wasn't in any hurry, but I was thankful to get home. Fell on my bed, and I think I was asleep before my head hit the pillow.📷Dusk Sun 4-15.jpgDuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png

You think you're so important to me, don't you?
But I wanted you to know that you don't belong here
You think you're so important to me, don't you?
Don't kill my vibe
(Don't you)

04/14/18 — I guess being a minor celebrity does have its perks. I used the pay showers, and they were still much nicer than the free showers. I also didn't feel so hurried, with a few lines as there was. Didn't even have to towel off my hair, much, because of how windy Coachella is.
Anyways, like I was saying. Being a minor celebrity's ok. We were watching Sigrid, over by the Gobi stage when she pointed right at me, I know because I looked behind me to make sure, and then gave me a thumbs up and then waved me up. I got escorted backstage were I got to see the rest of her show from the, what do they call those? The sidelines.
When her set, heh "set". It's like I'm a rock star. When her set was over, she told me how she knew me. Not the best way to get recognized, but I'll take it, I guess. It got me where I was. I texted Jim, and Sigrid, and then with Party favor, and a few others while this Norwegian singer introduced me around as 'that guy that got fatally attracted'. I think more than a few people had no idea who I was, or what she was talking about, but just smiled and nodded to be polite.
We got to hang out with her and her entourage for a couple of hours, sitting in the VIP section. I got to talk to her for a bit too, instead of watching Jim making out with Caroline. The music business, and no question about it, it's a business, is much worse than books. She asked me to sign a copy of You'll Be Fine, and I thought it would only be fair, considering. We spent a while there, but I could read the social cues, and thanked Sigrid for the fantastic time. She asked if I was going to be there next weekend. I would have loved too, but I had school. I got a hug.
On the way back, Jim asked me if I would be a buddy and take Ivy for the night, our last night. He wanted some private time, and yes I knew what he meant, with Caroline. Ivy was a little timid, and things were pretty awkward for awhile. But it'd been awhile since I had someone next to me to sleep with. And she smelt pretty good. She murmured that she was cold. Being a gent-- well, gentlemanly adjacent, I offered to snuggle. And as soon as those words passed out my lips, I wish I could have taken them back. But it was dark, and she couldn't see my blush. And after a second or two, she shifted over to me. I'd almost forgotten how good it feels to have someone just to snuggle up with. And Ivy fit pretty well. After shifting around a bit, we got comfortable and I remember, as I drifted off, how much I missed that.📷Dusk Sat 4-14.jpgDuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png

04/13/18 — I didn't get much sleep at all. Spent to long talking on the phone than getting rest. But that's not why I'm here, to get rest. Listen to cool bands the world over, and hang out with my friend that keeps me informed about stuff. I remember once hearing that men were larger gossips than women. I'm not sure if that's true, but if there's some validity to that, then it's because they included Jim in the study.
We shuffled off to the showers and, like usual, had to wait in line. Jim and Caroline joked that they'd shave water and hop in together, which caused Ivy to look at me and then we both blushed. I think tomorrow I'll go to the pay showers. They're nicer and less of a line.
I remember being happy. I remember having fun, even.
But then we went to hear Alison Wonderland. I got a stab when I saw her with purple hair. And then she went into her new song Church. I lost it listening to the lyrics. My vision started to blur and I couldn't stop the water. I choked back a sob before I left; I'm sure the rest of the group thought I was nuts. I wish I'd made it back to the van. But instead I was just a minor celebrity crying against a palm tree with his back to the crowd. ... at least I had a good cry. A good, snotty cry.
Jim was taking pictures, he shared one of me in it. Said I should be having fun, not looking like someone ran over my puppy. Jerk. There was a trip to The Cantina. I think they get more expensive every year. There were even a few pictures with fan where I had to pretend to be happy. I don't know how people do that, and I'm not good at it. Got asked if I was ok. Still not good at lying.
She was all I thought about.
I even waited for my call from Prospect, but after pouring out my heart -- the reason why the divorce is my fault, she hasn't called back. Probably for the best. I told her I'm toxic.📷Dusk Fri 4-13.jpgDuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png

04/12/18 — I really did want to go to school before leaving town. But if I did, I wouldn't be leaving until almost two, and if I wanted a good spot with Jim, then I had to leave early. One last check to make sure I didn't have anything on the no-no list. What kind of fascism is it that we couldn't bring any cannabis even though it's legal now?
Jim and I agreed that we'd meet at Banning and from there, convey together so our spots were right next to each other. The four of us were going to have a groovy time. I only had to wait for a bit before Jim's van met mine. Man it's been so long, almost a year. His girl Caroline and one of her friends, Ivy.
I got stuck at the toll. AGAIN. It happens, every, year. I have to explain that the solar panels on the van are plastic. Plastic solar panels. And every year they fight me on it, until I'm finally able to convince them. With that minor headache out of the way, Jim and I set up our vans, and then we took his because they needed food still. Ivy and I hung out for a bit at the store. She's from home too, but I don't remember her. Apparently her family moved in a little while ago, and she'd always wanted to go to Coachella. Then we all went out to eat and some drinks. No bottles.
Back to car camping before it closes at ten, and then we sat around, watch our neighbors and talked about everything that had been going on for a year.
Even Amanda.
Later, before the rent-a-pigs came over and reminded us about quiet time, I got a phone call from Turtle. That was surprising. Seems like she stole someone's phone (not really) so we talked. For awhile. For a long, long while. Just like I used to do with Shooting Star. Nervousness, but also, it feels really nice having someone from the family paying attention to me. Ugh, I'm a baby.
Didn't think about her at all.

04/11/18 — Went to school a little early, just to get some work done and to see if I couldn't charm my way into being excused for Thursday and Friday classes. I wasn't going to be there, but I didn't want to miss school either. I'm no delinquent! I didn't get as much approval as I thought I would. Maybe it was because it isn't like I was going to lie and tell them it wasn't because I was going to Coachella. Some Professors were more understanding, like my Sustainable Energy Prof.
After school, I went to the spa. There's no way that I was going to go out there without looking pretty. The Publicist called too. She might have brought it up, but since I had the extra wristband, did I maybe want to let her have it? She invited herself to stay with me too, and, um. As nice a thought that is, I had to let her down gently. But maybe I'll see her there, was the closing implication.
More letters, notes, exchanged with Turtle. She's alright and reminds me a little of, you know, Shooting Star. Gave her a pack of cards so she could occupy her time a little with something other than twiddling her thumbs. Must be kinda boring, but at the same time, she wants her captivity sound pretty neat.
Didn't think about her at all.


04/10/18 — Tuesday; I don't have much in the way of classes, so after noon it was another day of hanging out at the Frat. The Ses thought it would be a good idea to go out to the quad. Toss the ball around. Even ought there wasn't any weather for it, at least it didn't rain. And it would have been better, but about an hour in, I started attracting attention. A couple fans, some for my mundane stuff, and then I had a bunch of people that remembered my party. That sent my mood into a free fall, and the crowd I didn't think was good for the Frat. So I told Scott I was going to book and he nodded, Clarice showing up just there to hang on her boyfriend.
My phone rang while on my motorcycle on the drive home, and I found out it was the publishers. The book has been approved. Cover, name everything. I was getting an advance copy FedExed. It was like waiting for Christmas. When the doorbell eventually rang I nearly slid into the door in my socked feet. It looks, it looks great. I'll give it a read tonight, just to see if it still matches up.
Now I need a new book idea; I'm lazy, I should have been thinking of ideas already. Maybe after Coachella. Which reminds me, I have to get my hands done. Today or tomorrow; I need to leave Thursday just to make sure I have a halfway decent parking spot. I'm actually excited!
Didn't think about her at all.

04/09/18 — Morning ritual started off normally, except instead of using the machines at home, I took a run on the streets. It wasn't so bad, reminded me of the times when I was in the city, and ran either to Maple Park or the North Beach Athletic Park. I promised myself that I would go back.
I went to school then, after a good breakfast, and between classes got to watch the new guys getting put through their paces with delighted cruelty. Kyle's getting good at polishing knobs. That's the in joke, since the banister had knobs on it, and Andre was having fun pointing out the next knob-like item and making him polish that too.
Twelve. We're all twelve years old.
I couldn't stick around after watching that for a good couple of, oh about a half-hour, so I went to Roasters to get some tea. Ended up staying there for a lot longer than I wanted to; had someone I didn't know hand me a letter, which was weird, but it turned out to be from Tomato. The guy waited to see if I had something to return, so I got some of my fancy paper and wrote something back. In case there was going to be more, I told him where I was going to be after this.
Last time I was at the Garden in the Athletic Park, I think there was a ravenous bird out to get my eyes. But still, I was able to find a nice spot, study and, when the guy came back, had a private place to write my replies. She's actually pretty funny, smart. Not to mention good looking. Shame I'm married. Shame she's, well I guess engaged is the best way to put it. Either way, it's a bad thing to consider.
Didn't think about her at all.

04/08/18 — I went shopping for some clothes, something new to wear for Coachella. My nail beds are awful too, but if I'm going to be in the desert for an extended period of time I should make sure that I look after myself as close to the day as possible. I got in touch with Jim, and checked in with him, just to see if he was going to go or if the group was going to be there.
Plans were made, where to meet, to see each other for the first time since I left-- eh, since I was ASKED to leave Muir. So I was a little happy when we hung up. I like being able to pick up a friendship that's been a year apart as though it was just yesterday. I wasn't feeling it, but I made a couple of videos so I would have something to put up for the first time in awhile. Comments on the previous videos were all pretty much wondering about the party, or the trial. I felt like I had to ignore the majority of them. And the guys that would have let Amber kidnap them all day long. Dicks.
While those were encoding, I took my skateboard to the park and worked on that for a couple of hours and then it was to Roasters where I was left alone until it was super late. I realized I'd gotten super hungry so I went over to Smoke and Barley, to get something soaked in barbecue sauce. Had to waddle my way back to my bike, almost entered a food coma on the way back home.
Didn't think about her at all.

04/07/18 — After my jog, and meditation, I went out to Maple Park with my books to do a bit of studying, I know, I'm a nerd. Enjoy some outside time. It was overcast though, and I worried a bit that it was going to rain on me, so I didn't stay as long as I would have. Had lunch at WaffleMania, continued studying there. When I had had enough of head shrink studying it was back home for me. I suppose I put it off long enough: time to get some packing started, so when I have to move out, it isn't a scramble. Put the boxes away in one of the guest rooms so they'd be out of the way, but I'm ready to go when my time's up. What is this, my fourth move in a year? You'd think it'd get easier when you're an old hand like me.
Didn't think about her at all.

04/06/18 — I'd gone to campus, school and then hanging out at the Frat house helping to make the pledge's lives miserable as mine is. But my motorcycle is shining! After classes, since I knew I wasn't going to see her, I went to the other home, where I imagine she'd been staying, and drove my van over. Sorta sad, but she made her choice and now I have to live with the pain of it. Ugh.
Anyways, when I got home, made sure that my Coachella e-tickets were still good. There were supplies I would have to pick up and put in the van between then and now. Then it was over to movie night.
I had just a blast! Turns out I was paying attention too. If there's another one I'm going to have to keep my trap shut, I won more than my fair share of prizes including just this massive bean bag chair that looked like a tomato. But I also got to spend time with Lark. She pointed out her boyfriend when he showed up, but they're keeping it on the down-low. I'm not sure why, but, that's their choice. Still, I'd offered to surrender my seat so he could sit with her all the same. I even saw Blue Eyes there, and her stallion. And her horse too, har-har. Unexpectedly Mt. Baldy offered to bring the bean bag chair home for me, since there was just no way it was going to fit. Cowboy offered to take it off my hands after a couple of weeks. I'll probably take him up on that. Really, the t-shirt was the only thing I wanted. Still, I had a stupid amount of fun, and it was exactly what I needed.
Didn't think about her at all.

04/05/18 — Amber was sentenced the other day. I got a call from the Prosecutor's assistant, letting me know what the final sentence was and what it all meant. And who to call in case Amber lingers around, if I feel threatened, that kind of thing. I hadn't heard anything yet, so I'm hoping it's going to be ok. Well, at least that part.
The Publicist came over, which is in and of itself, a little unusual. But I found out why. Among the things she was there to talk to me about, she showed me an article featuring some other guy but, right there with him was ... Purple. She looked like she was having a good time too. While talking in my ear about how I should get out there, look for someone else to be happy with, someone nearby, I was just looking at the picture. She didn't have her ring on. Hit me like a gut punch. I suppose I was still holding on to the last shred of hope, but if she's already taken hers off and was dating people, then... I shook my hand free, and agreed. I need to move on too. It was suggested that I take some pictures, for me, said it would help my self-esteem. While I'm not sure about that, I didn't say no. We'll see.
Later, I went to the scene of the fight. There wasn't much to see, but still remember the ferocity of it. Chilling. Heard from a few people there about movie night. If I'm going to move on, no better place to do it too. From there I went house shopping. Found something that's workable in Twin Peaks. Yeah, no, the name makes me smile too. Then it was home to bed.
Didn't think about her at all.

04/04/18 — Almost missed my first class. I was at the clubhouse; heard that a fight was going to break out. No. Not a fight per se. But it certainly turned ugly. And when that happens, usually the smart thing to do is get behind cover and hope it ends swiftly. And it kinda did. Anger, hate like that. That's pretty chilling to see. At least I was able to be of a little use, at the end. Returning some calm to those around me. First time I had to do that since, well, in over a year.
After that display I thought it best to get to school and like I said, darn good thing too. First class and then over to the frat. I hung out there for a bit to get my social interaction for the day. And definitely not boss some pledges around. Maybe a little. Ok, maybe a lot. Then it was back to class with a snack in my mouth. After classes I went to the clubhouse, the other one. Just looking for a place to study, and getting something to eat. It was like a freak show in there. People doing, just all sorts of weird things. Finger-wigglers and, I don't know, just everything. Home was never like this. This circus. Confusing. I retreated into the clubhouse and stayed there long enough to get some studying in me. When I came back out, the entertainment had died out and I met someone really nice. She's got the nicest blue eyes too and we have so much in common. It was, ... it was nice. Even if I stuck my foot in it a couple of times. Nice to hang out with someone that doesn't know who I am. She went home, and so did I.
And then my world, just died. There she was. The wife. In New York with someone else. Having fun, laughing. Not wearing her ring. I looked at mine but, I still couldn't take it off. I tried. Even if she's given up; on me, on us.
I hope. I hope she's genuinely happy. One of us should be.

04/03/18 — Classes, day two. Woke up late, and greeted the sun after my jog. Still feeling crummy, but you have to do what you have to do. Tuesdays and Thursdays are my biology days, so Organic Chem Two and Metabolic Biochemistry. Repeat Professor for one, and the other seems nice. Turns out I also share a class Yu Yan, from last term. Otherwise a lot of new faces. Well, to me, to a few of them we're old friends. One guy even pushed a large woman against me and started a chant of Finish. He thought that was the funniest thing ever while a few of us helped the woman up. Some guys are pretty dumb.
After school, change at home, then to the skatepark for a bit. Fooled around, nothing much happened and then it was back home. Exchanged a few emails, talked to the big brother; his life is going good, then it was time to crush on the sofa with the television on. I think I ought to look into getting some help around here. Maybe a Butler or a Valet. Or a Houseman. Or just a Personal Assistant. Or, I dunno, maybe just a pet. Someone or something to talk to.

04/02/18 — Today's the first day of classes. I can't highlight enough just how unthrilled I am, but life goes on, cliche, cliche. I was getting ready to get ready to head out, and Sam called. Wanted to know if I would like to help out, and if so, stop by the House before going to class. Turns out they had extra pledges when Blake, Ben and Jacob were selected. Scott and Sam held court, and of the four it wasn't that hard a choice.
Especially when one of the four gasped when he saw me and looked horrifically delighted. He may have made some comment like 'Oh S--, now we gunna party'. Sheldon just about choked on his beer, but Sam was able to bring everything back under control. They jumped through more hoops then I had to do but the other guys, Kylie, Andy and Darren. A jock, a nerd, and a goth, non-respectfully. I know, that sounded like I was going to go into a joke, but we're collecting the whole rainbow. Maybe this is why they were last picks; beats me.
I hung around long enough to watch the fun (and maybe participate a little). After lunch it was time for my favorite sounding class, 'Our Energy Future-Sustainable Energy Solutions', and then my longest class by fair, Psychology. I think this one is going to give me trouble.
When I got home it was time to crack the books and get ahead of the studying. The Publicist called, suggested suing the rag Prospect Herald News for an exorbitant amount and getting an apology or their source named. Just wanting it all to go away, I might have said 'Sure, whatever.' There was a bit of chit-chat about the book as well, and some movie talk. Apparently her old boyfriend back in New York wanted to know if I wanted to option out the story. I was against it. She was all for it, strike while the iron is hot. She'll make me famous. That sorta thing. With trepidation, I told her I'd think about it.
House is really quiet.

04/01/18 — Stared out the window awhile. Not really watching TV. Watched a squirrel running around.

03/31/18 — I just don't feel like writing. I know writing, saying that is funny, but that's the reason you got me to start. Write something, doesn't matter what. Ramble if I have to. School starts on Monday.

03/30/18 — Didn't do my morning stuff yesterday, or today. Also, the place is starting to smell funky. Maybe I should hire someone to come in and clean the place up. In a moment of inspiration, I looked up other writers, just to see how many of them were also divorced. I'm in some pretty good company. Took my ring off. And then put it back on. Felt weird, my finger felt naked without it.
Publicist is sorry, but I don't know what for. But with the details of the trial coming out, my testimony, Pomona called back. Wanted to know if I wanted to speak again. She said she'd think about it, if the price is right. At least my misery is worth something.

03/29/18 — Spending long periods at home; but gives me time to write my response letter. Short and sweet. If she doesn't want to be with me anymore, I can't force her to stay. I mean, I literally can't. So I wrote it up, and sent it in to the lawyer I retained. Let her look it over and send it if it's alright. I'm supposed to get bank statements and such, to make sure that she doesn't shift money or property off before it comes to dividing it, but I couldn't be bothered. Told the lawyer to do it. Don't feel like writing much, sorry Grandma. Maybe later.

03/28/18 — Woke up in my own sweet time. It's not like I had to do anything. The divorce papers where exactly where I left them, right next to the empty wine bottle. I looked at the envelop for a bit and then got on with my day. Registration starts today, but more then that, I supposed I had to find a lawyer I liked that could handle divorces.
School was so so. I didn't get everything I wanted, but I did get the important classes. Ironically, I had to fill a slot with the shrink class I was going to take because of Bunny; because it was something she liked. I couldn't find anything else to replace the class with, so... After that, took a tour of the schools so I could find where my classes would be, wouldn't do to be late again, and made sure I had parking passes for my vehicles.
That reminds me, my van is over at the other place. Do I, like, just go get it? I'm not sure what the protocol is there what with how many times I've been divorced. Maybe I'll just wait until I need it.
After that, it was lawyer shopping. I got some good advice and I got some bad advice. Found out that I only have a month from when I was first given the papers to file a response if I want, otherwise it defaults to no response. Do I even want to say something? What would I even say? They, the advice, suggest nothing that could be used against me if the agreement stage gets ugly. Yeah, then there's the agreement stage. I could go ruthless and get her for spousal support since she makes more than I do. That's not me though, I think that guy just wanted a bigger paycheck. But I think I will ask for the winery. I could make Mom even happier and make wine. Hmm, hire Dad to take care of the plants, uh, grapes. Susan could do the computer stuff. It could be a real family thing.
Hmm, maybe I'll do that.

03/27/18 — Went on my morning jog and, what do you know. For the first time, in a long while, the clouds overhead were gone. It was interesting and if I were of that inclination, I would think it was an omen of some kind. Better things had to be coming my way.
When I got back home, Mom and Dad let me know that they were going back home, taking the car Dad had rented. See, I knew it. Nothing but good news. Dad gave me a bit of a pep talk, he's good with that stuff. He told me too that I should look into that Lark girl. Maybe not the best, but she's better than the alternative, and sometimes we have to make the best out of the hand we were given.
Mom told me to do the right thing or else she was going to have to come back, and embarrass me in front of Possum. She also told me that I had something waiting for me in my study.
When they left, I checked what it was. My divorce papers. I couldn't look at them, just opened the envelope enough to see what was in them and then. And then I felt numb. I mean I knew it was coming, but. But seeing them. That was something else altogether. Mom left a little bit of wine, so much for the good news, so I had some of that and then set out to do what I was supposed to do. Went to the clubhouse and hand delivered my letter. I even prostrated myself on the floor for it too, like I'd seen.
"Mission accomplished," that's what Voyager said. Not "thank you," like a normal person would. No wonder people think he's an ass. He just can't be inoffensive even when someone's trying to be nice, like there's some sort of behavioural developmental problem. So much for good omens.

03/26/18 — I gave the forge another try. I didn't set anything on fire and I even managed to heat up a piece of metal. It's no wonder why she's so strong. I couldn't give beating the metal all that much effort, but I totally put some dents into it and bent it a bit. I'm turning into a real professional. Pretty soon, I might even be able to make something. Soon. Like in seven years. Also gave myself a bit of a burn, but this is why you wear gloves, right? Her hands are SO small. Best get myself some gloves of my own since hers just don't fit. Also, best way to avoid my parents. And it's way to hot in there, I don't know how she stands it.

03/25/18 — Not much to do. Just my usual morning stuff and then in the afternoon I went to the skate park. Working a bit more on an early mid-life's crisis. Maybe it's just that I'm fighting the inevitable. At home, I went into her forge for the first time, like ever. Without her there anyways. Tongs and files and all sorts of things. They reminded me of her, of course. And then I wondered, you know, how hard could it be?
Turns out it can be much more difficult than it looks. It was only a small fire, though. And I was able to put it out. Even if I wasn't able to heat up one of her scrap pieces. Still, A for effort, right? But I did manage to finish the letter I was looking to finish.

03/24/18 — Still working on the letter for Voyager. I have the start and the end, but everything in the middle is being a real pain. It's not that I just want to write it, but I want to mean it too. Worse still, Mom let me know that I had to be on my best behaviour tonight, while she got more wine. We're going to have a guest. When I tried to inquire more, she just smiled and told me I would see. Or that Dad was going to make roast beef. It was extremely not helpful.
I found out later, when the doorbell rang. Mom had invited Lark over for dinner. To set us up. If that hadn't been embarrassing enough, Mom was drunk. I don't know that I've ever seen-- well, no. There was a couple of times now that I think about it, that I saw her drinking. And hammered.
Anyways, she was getting all handsie, pinching my cheeks. Calling me her little baby in front of the company. I couldn't stick around, so I left to work on the letter. Being upset with her really helped with getting the words to flow. I went later to see if there was anything left for dessert, and caught my parents, uh. I'm just going to need therapy and a new sofa. What is that, like the fourth one?

03/23/18 — Finally, school's all finished. Well, for now anyways. Slept in past breakfast, Dad cooks, but Mom complains. I didn't stick around, still had to finish registering, and if I took my tablet, I could pine in peace. Love lost, literal leaking landfill. Lesson? Less. Less light, less limit. Longing. Loaf. ... loneliness. I went to see the guys, not remembering how beloved I am over there, so my stay was short. Ben's things are already gone, Blake hasn't arranged for someone to get his yet. Someone's going to have to box them up. I volunteer, but the Ses think it's better that someone else do it. I understand, of course, and again, apologize.
They do too.
I putz around, looking through the internet, talking with her in my head. The only way I know I'm still sane, is that she doesn't answer me back. Or maybe I'm getting the silent treatment there also. I do my best to ignore the hoot, and the one girl that came up to ask if that was me, at that thing that she saw. I'm sure it probably was. I apologize. Wasted almost enough time, I go to WaffleMania, have a snack before I go home, but really nothing on the menu looks good. It probably has something to do with how I realize I'm sitting at our table. That one time we came here. I was affectionate, naughty really. To the point of almost getting us kicked out. I settle for just a coffee, and then notice that they have a new waitress. She seems pleasant enough, and tries to put me in a good mood. Before I head home, I leave a nice tip.
When I get home, Mom lets drop we're going to the clubhouse, hooray, again. I really don't want to leave the house, socialize. I know, it's funny because reading about my day, I did just that, but I still don't want to go there. In the long run I suppose it's ok that I did go. Ran into Possum there, finally. Mom and he had a long talk. I got spoken about as though I wasn't there for a bit, before Possum included me, and shut Mom up too. Put her in her place, it was nice to see for a change. Later she calls him rude, but he's probably thinking worse, I'd guess. I get reminded that I hadn't done something, that's been a year in the making. I don't remember being asked. I normally do what they tell me; that's what I'm supposed to do. So if I was asked to, I woulda. I'm not looking forward to it, just thinking about tossing myself into that lion's den is terrifying, but, I have to do what I have to do. I keep getting reminded I'm a man now. Like I'd forgotten, like it means I have to be John Wayne or something, when all I want to be is me. When we get home, I start thinking about how to do this, and show that I put effort into it. To do it right.

03/22/18 — Last final today. Still lethargic, and getting out of bed, the big, gigantic, empty bed, it feels like torture. I miss her. I miss her so stupid much. I've been watching the videos we took together, yeah sometimes even those ones. And the pictures. Whatever I have on the cloud and on my tablet, since I can't get my phone back. I just, sit there and look at her ever-evolving hairstyle, stroking her with my thumb. Which makes the tablet shift the picture, which makes me have to change it back and then I'm staring again until my thumb moves and the whole thing starts again.
I became aware that I've been shucking off my other jobs when I got a phone call. Wanted to know what's going on. My heart just wasn't in it. Suck it up, she said, or she could come down there. My parents are in town. Or I could go up there. It was a nice offer but it's the last thing I want right now. Well just about, the last last thing I wanted was to have to post some new content. Some cannabis advocate says the process for getting the card is burdensome. Yeah, no duh. That's not interesting. Oh, here, Epicenter putting chips in their employees to help them control devices. That's kinda neat, and the Off-Griders will get really freaked out by that. Took me a while longer than usual to get my ducks in a row on the research and before I was finished, I had to go to school for that final. When I got back, though, there was more time for looking at her picture, then forced family time, while I brought my security tablet with me. By the time Dad was ready to call it quits, it was late evening already. Without anything better to do, though, I stayed up, switched between her, and them, until I was finished. Compile, upload. Apologies. Then back to that empty prairie of a bed. Sleep was as it has been since she left: evasive.

03/21/18 — Morning ritual as usual. Backyard looks well enough, even though Dad says it's unfinished, for me to perform my sun salutation after my run. A good way to burn off some energy and then cool down, but it gives you a lot of time to just Be. Be with the universe. Be in your own head. But I have nothing good to think about. Have a final today too, but that's not until later. Since I wanted to get out of the house and the construction still going on, I went to school anyways. The Frat was, well it was different and I got to find out why pretty quick. Apparently the police came over and arrested Blake and Ben for their part in my gag, the party that was thrown for me. Charged as accessories. It seems a shame for Blake, he seems more like a follower, like me. But Ben. Ben hasn't been anything but a pain in my side since I got here. I don't want harm to come to him, and now that I've had a few days to cool down, not Amber either. But, still, the saying it couldn't happen to a nicer guy? Rather appropriate now. The Ses, Scott and Sam don't blame me, and some of the other guys, though. Well, since I've became a member, their fellow brothers have been dwindling, and they're asking the President and Vice uncomfortable questions. I still don't remember joining, but I can see the writing on the wall.
So I went to my favorite comfy spot at the Student Union, kept my head down and just studied. Not really much more to write about after that. Went to the exam feeling crammed with the weight of everything, and like all the time I'd been studying just went in through one ear and out the other.

03/20/18 — Well, you'll never guess who came over later. Oh, right, the morning stuff: nothing happened. It was just a day of hanging out with the parents, getting Mom and Dad being nice to me. I know they mean well, especially Mom, but I think they know, like I do, that it's all done. There's still some unfinished business to repair, or clean. And the place smells oh-so-much better. Dad's doing his magic with the trees. I'd have felt really bad if some of them managed to survive the storm, only to succumb to a party.
Anyways, back to what I was saying: Bunny came over. I wasn't expecting that in the least, and shut the door in her face. Not my most chivalric moment, but I know how ... SHE wouldn't approve if Bunny was there. But she begged, and my parents were there, so I knew nothing funky would happen. Or so I thought. Through no mention of my own, turns out my Mom knew all about Bunny, or at least an overview, and her involvement in my marriage thus far. Bunny had some replies, and with HER name being mentioned an awful lot it was hard for me to keep my calm, especially with Mother not bothering to hide her disdain for my future ex-wife. That feels so ugly to write. Anyways, I put up with it for awhile before I left the room, with Mom hot on my heels. Bunny wasn't there when we both got back. Dad said, around one of the sticky buns Bunny'd brought over, that she'd left during our private conversation.

03/19/18 — Late day before I had to leave for school. Then it was the first final. Not all that fun, but I think I did ok, so that's something. After that it was back home, time to study for the next two on Wednesday. At least I had to study for a bit, and then it was time to go for my interview with the ADA. They had a few questions that they wanted to clear up. My parents wanted to be there, but they had to wait in the lobby, while it was just me and the lawyer talking with the ADA over what Amber did. She said there were only going to be a few questions, but we were there for over two and a half hours, so someone's idea of a few is a little off. Not like I really have anywhere to go, or anything I really wanted to do, but at least I want to be able to enjoy my own time before next term starts. Oh yeah, I should totally remember to sign up for that sooner than later, before the classes I want are gone. Maybe tomorrow, tonight we stayed in, finally a break from being out and about and all social. So when we got home I just went for the bedroom and hid under the blankets. I'm not coming out again until the world makes sense again.

03/18/18 — Mom again. She took Dad and I to this drum circle mumbo-jumbo thing she'd heard about the day before while I'd so much rather not. Just not socialize if I don't have to. Just not go out. Just not breath. Blah, blah blah, you're an adult. Blah, blah blah, you need to get out. I hate when my Mother is probably right but even if she isn't she won't leave me alone until I do the thing she wants to do. Since I didn't have a drum, I took my guitar, see, lessons already paying off. On the ride over, she asked what song I would play, and she didn't like my rendition. Told me I wasn't allowed to play it as it would be mistaken; the message in the lyrics could be mistook. Which, naturally, was the point.
At the party I saw Lark. She was drumming so I joined in and that's where I stayed. Though on the ride back I was filled in that other then Mom's excitement of stopping my performance, and waiting to see if Possum would be there like she'd been told, apparently Dad made a new friend. Stood by the BBQ most of the stay. I don't know who he was talking about but whoever it is he says she's a wholesome young woman to Mom's smirk. Parents are weird, but at least I got taken back home and got to finish my me time.

03/17/18 — I hid in my study, or in the bedroom, swimming in the gigantic, empty bed, all day. Got some work done, though because it never stops, and if I don't attack it when I can, it'll pile up. Wrote somethings in the margins, just some doodles. Mom dragged me around with Dad, looking for Possum. Finally got a lead and I was able to go back home, look at what remains of the reconstruction Dad wandered the trees for a bit, getting a feel for what was left there to fix and continued to take after the lawn, I guess that's where I get my nurturing side from, since he's the one that pretty much raised us. Mom was on the phone for much of the day

What Am I
The kind of person who thought that not a single thing in his life mattered.
Until he fell in love with an amazing person.
Because loving her matters,
loving her makes me matter.

I won't give up on you,
   if you won't give up on me.

03/16/18 — Woke up late since I didn't have to be anywhere and the sound of construction started. The wave of depression hit me when I found myself alone in bed and I began to remember where my life is and then that this too shall pass. Asked Mom if there was any news from Possum, but of course there wasn't. Luckily one of the few rooms that hadn't been damaged was my study. Well, not much, but the few items that were missing had been easy enough to replace. I had no heart for it, but I had to do something with the channel. I was able to find a few things and even though the production value wasn't want it was, I put those up, after a bit of an explanation video in case I still had any fans that wanted to know what was going on. I just went with some personal issues, since they didn't need to know the whole gruesome truth and set those off. Then it was time to come out for air again, and hang out with the parents who'd been putting up with a lot from me. They wanted to know that I would do if they couldn't do anything. But I mean, what can I do? I've never not done something I was told to do, because I'm a good boy. It's just not my fault they've left me alone all this time, then got upset I had no direction. Doesn't seem exactly fair, certainly not a way to run a military organization. Back in SanFran I didn't have to have my hand held, because I wasn't left alone to fend for myself and then blamed for being alone.
Sour a little? Yeah, maybe, and I'll probably get over it. Eventually. Maybe. And maybe I should take this chance to move closer? Be that obnoxious guy nobody wants around but he's always around? Ugh, what did they do to me?

03/15/18 — Morning went pretty much as I expected it to go lately. With my popularity on campus, I've had to stop hanging out there. Just interested in showing up for the last classes before finals and getting them out of the way and then moving on. About the only thing I can think about is getting the school year over with, making sure the last of the corrections are finished, throwing some videos against the youtube sit-- aw hell, the Youtube page. A look of it sees that there was some party goers on there too, celebrating, posting video clips of the party and of my most embarrassing moments which I pointedly decided not to relive, since I'd rather just, forget about the whole thing.
At lunch Mom left my phone on the counter. I stared at it for about five minutes wondering if I should pick it up. If I should call. But the fear that it was over, all of it, just kept me from reaching for it and calling. I think, assuming Possum will be as deeply unreliable with returning my Mother's phone message has he has never returned any of mine, and then had the gall to ask why I didn't call if I needed help, then my situation doesn't have a chance to improve.
Last class before finals, Amber wasn't going to be there. I'd already been told, through my new secretary, that the authorities had her in jail. I'm going to have to testify and the whole thing is going to hit the news again. In a month or two when her case comes up, I'll be informed. I gave them my Publicist's number, just in case, so there isn't a scheduling conflict. Class was over quickly, very quickly. The Professor just went over a few things that might be on the final and then called it. Yu stopped me after class and apologized, she said she didn't know what had been going on and said she'd been keeping up on the news. I thanked her, and though I hadn't before, I found myself wondering what she might want from me. But it turned out to be just to apologize; and wish I was going to have better future.
When I got home, there wasn't any change. Of course. Studying, dinner, off to bed. The weight over how those sworn to protect me, failed, was burdensome.

03/14/18 — I was at home when I heard she got taken away from me again: my baby. These group of thugs. I asked. I was there at the meeting and I asked if there was something, anything that I could do, be useful for. That I wanted to be more than just sperm bank. And nothing, there was nothing then, there's nothing now only now that's what they call me. And because I can't do something useful; finger wiggle, or fight, then my only use is the third, coarser, F.
And I can't even do that right.
Jim called my phone to let me know, and Mom told me the details. They didn't even ask. That's the thing, they just assumed and because of some psycho chick I've lost my wife and my child. I'd say respect but only a hand few have ever bothered to give me that.

It's all left a cynical taste in my mouth now people can be so two-faced, putting their fingers in other people's, adults, lives just to serve their own interests for the sake of their own ego. Make themselves feel big, by making other people feel small. Bullies. I remember being so trusting, so believing. But they killed that boy; and they're such talented killers.
Needless to say, school wasn't fun. They say bad news travels in threes, and when I got home I got the third. The publicist had called. The speaking engagement had been called off. I still get some payment because of the contract they signed, but it wasn't the amount I would have gotten, or meeting the people I would have. At least tomorrow is the last day of school before finals and then I can pray for a quick death. Dad finally joined us, and between his looking at the grounds to see what he could do, and quiet talks with Mom, I was expecting a classic Dad talk, but I didn't get one. He had nothing.

03/13/18 — I thought I heard something going on outside, last night, but I was really too exhausted to go out and check. Sounded like raccoons playing in trash bins or something like that. It went on for a bit and kept me awake for awhile, but eventually I was able to ignore it, and my arm and get back to sleep. So I was a little crazy in the morning when I had my normal routine to get to. Mom was there after I ran, to make sure I had something to eat and, like some odd TV family, she dropped me off at school. Wanted to know if I needed money for the cafeteria, which I didn't, and warned me, with a smile, not to let the bullies take my lunch money.
Crazy old lady, but she's my only Mom, and she razzes me because she loves me.
First class was easy enough. Yesterday's notoriety didn't ebb any, though. I'm not sure how long I'll have to suffer through chants of finish him, so that's not a lot of fun. But I'm usually left alone, for the most part when I'm eating.
Second class though, that's what I've been dreading. It's going to be the first time I'll see Amber since, since the whole thing started. Will I get any answers? Should I tell her the damage she's caused? Should I be there early or would that send the wrong message? I opted for just trying not to think about it and that didn't work out well either. Eventually it was five too, and I had enough time to get there and find a seat and not much else, so that's just what I did.
Amber wasn't there
Her friends didn't want to talk to me, but they didn't want to ignore me either, flicking paper balls at me when the Prof wasn't looking. But after school, when I said I just wanted to know where she was, I heard they didn't know either but it was my fault. So, they just didn't know. And on one hand I wanted to know she was ok, like I would any person. But on the other hand. On the other hand, after everything, I just couldn't bring myself to expend the energy to make the effort. I didn't really want to go to home, what with Mom there, so I went to the campus Starbucks, it's open late, and tried to get some work done. A lot of it had piled up. But, as much as I tried, all I could think about was the spouse, play with my ring, and just stare at the words higher up in this diary entry, waiting for the words to come. And when I got tired, Mom was home to greet me. She'd done some more cleaning up, hired more people to help. It's almost looking like my life didn't end there.

03/12/18 — Having Mom around really does help. I missed her a whole bunch and the way she teases me is nice. Monday, though, and Mom made sure that I had something to eat before I went to school. The kitchen still isn't, greatly, serviceable. But there was clean surfaces in some places at the very least. So I'm not standing over the sink and eating, in her words, like an animal. I know she's doing her best to keep me from thinking about what's actually going on, but once I got my, in her words, death machine of death helmet, and she reminded me that I wouldn't get far, or legal with the one hand, I had to opt for an Uber. On the way to school, it all came coming back. Ignoring the Uber driver is really rough with water soaked eyes.
A week until finals, and I'm not sure how this whole thing is going to affect my grades, but probably not well. I wasn't far into campus when I noticed the looks, then the pointing. A couple of guys hooted at me and shouted "FINISH HIM!" and I got a feeling of dread while I kept getting similar shouts. It was all kind of familiar but not at the same time. I hid my head and went to Genetics, hoping I could hide. I couldn't, but they were more polite about it. Before class sounded I was found by the Dean of Students assistant. The Dean wanted to speak with me, hooray. I swear I was told there'd be days like this. It was worse than the string of bad luck I had after Kitty put the whammy on me.
But it wasn't all that bad, and after class I got a chance to make my case to the Dean and a few other people with stern glares. Even though it wasn't my party, they still let me out with a warning, apparently there's a behavior clause that I had maybe broken if it was mine. So, maybe a small break there. I couldn't have lunch on campus, so I went somewhere I hadn't gone before for lunch, but that didn't help either.
Was everybody there?
Home a little after two, and back to cleaning up. The sod guys had been there while I was gone and had replaced large swathes of the front yard and the grass in the back, taking the brown, dying stuff out with them. The guys came out soon after, Ben making a bee-line for my Mom, and after some short how-do-you-dos, got back to it again. To thank them for the work, Mom took us out for waffles, but the very last place I wanted to be was out. If I had to be. And I really wasn't hungry either. Even when he's eating on someone else's dime, Ben managed to find someone to flirt at and I'm told he tried to make time with some woman there. Mom and I went to the clubhouse after thanking the Frat guys, and I took something of a bath; second one in the year I've been here. Not a great record, also, something I shouldn't brag about to others. Home. Bed. Pray for death; barely noticed Mom fiddling with my phone she confiscated, so I wouldn't do something stupid. That's after she's already trying to find me replacements.

03/11/18 — The first call came at four in the morning. Mom got my call and she would come over as soon as she could, but it might be a while and was I ok and everything will be fine and on and on. I told her I was fine, and we would have kept on talking but I got another phone call. The Publicist. She was there at the hospital when I woke up, standing beside the bed. Wanted to know why she wasn't invited to this party, ha ha, but seriously why didn't I call when I got into trouble. This time it was to let me know that there might be some blow back from this. At least from an image stand point, and maybe some of my gigs. She let me know that there were more than a few news sources that were carrying the story, pictures. She also let me know what was going on with Amber, nothing pretty. For her, or for me since her lawyer is going to say that the party was all my idea to defend his client. Also got a follow up call from another cop; I let the machine take it.
Before noon the guys showed up, which kind of surprised me. I would have thought they'd be protecting Ben and Blake, who were also there. Normally, I'm not a violent man, but when I opened the door and I saw those two guys, I'm not proud to say that I let them have it right there on the stoop.
Such a glare.
The Ses broke up the fight, and let me know how sorry Blake, but especially Ben was. Especially, because apparently Ben and Amber had a thing. And it was Ben, too, that told Amber where I lived, my phone number, helped her with the party. Because he wanted to help me, um, dip my wick. I nearly punched him, if I knew how to hold a fist, and the negative emotions that would throw into the universe. And Scott gave him a cuff upside the head anyways. To help make restitution, the Frat made Ben and Blake from over and and help me clean up. Especially given my arm.
I was able to make a dent with the Frat in clean up duty. Ben and Blake would take breaks to watch Netflix. They put on old Saturday Night Lives right up until Scott gave them a cuff again.
Ben was getting tired of having to clean his mess, wanted to know why he had to. Even Blake got on his case about the recklessness of their actions; good to see it was hitting someone. And while I was mopping dry, I think puke, from the floor with an excessive amount of cleaner, Sam came over and showed me some papers. Apparently the Frat has a process on how a Frat brother can take grievance against another. If found guilty, Ben or Blake could get suspended, or even expelled from Alpha Epsilon Pi.
I was a little surprised. I didn't know I was in the Frat. But I turned down Sam's offer. Blake was giving it a go and even Ben was trying. Weakly. Honestly it's more effort than I'd ever seen coming from him.
I deflected questions about where The Wife had gone. And no sooner had we been making headway then, in the evening two surprising things happened:
Got a text from Bunny, like she could sense I was wounded, alone and feeling low. Is it an aura I give off? And Mom showed up which meant that Ben stopped working, because he can't think straight when anything with paired chromosomes walks by. He gave me an elbow and told me with a grin I should get used to calling him Daddy. I kind of wish I could burst him on fire. Mom seems to put up with it politely, and the other guys too. The two of us went out for something to eat, because ordering in means soaking in the smell. Pass. The Ses swore they'd be back until the place was clean again. Ben especially, who wasn't paying attention. Mom borrowed my phone while I got changed, and we caught up; Dad's on his way over later, and maybe some of the other family. I got held for awhile, and that was nice.

03/10/18 — I-- I think the next thing I remember was laying in the hospital. Prospect Hospital, not Lemon Grove. The closest hospital to home is only something like twenty blocks away, so, I was moved way out of the way. My arm was in a sling too, and I had to settle down for observation, rather than go home. The doctor eventually came in, I'm sure he was busy, and he asked me some pretty weird questions about leaving my drinks unattended after he'd asked if I'd been taking drugs from people I didn't know and I told him I was at some kind of party.
Since I wasn't going anywhere, the police came over, asked me some questions too. Mostly to do with the party, where was I, whose idea was it, stuff like that. Nothing to do after that but to sit around until I was discharged just before supper, which is good because, no offense, but I'm sure the hospital kitchen does the best job they can do.
When I got home. Man, the damage. I couldn't believe it. I took a quick look around, winced at the room where my hiding place had been, and then got a broom to start cleaning up and that's when my Angel came home. For awhile.
For awhile it was a sweet reunion. And when I told her what happened, what I remember happening, she got mad at me. Mad that I see the good in people. Mad that I give people the benefit of the doubt, that I give them the opportunity to take advantage of me. And when she left, tears heavy in her eyes, before slamming the door behind her, she told me I'll be hearing from her lawyer.
I'm so scared. I did the only thing I knew what to do for comfort.

03/09/18 — I remember waking up feeling really groggy, because there was someone at the door at Oh My God o'clock. Turns out it was a delivery. I don't remember ordering anything, but they seemed trustworthy enough, so I let them in. And then the next delivery, and the next. After awhile I just left the door open because there were so many people coming and going that I got lost, so I went to my office to get some work done. I was there for a couple of hours and when I came out for more to drink, finally some people I knew.
Amber, Ben, even Blake were in the living room. The guys were talking to some other guys, while Amber was just sort of supervising. It gave me a chance to pull her aside to talk to her. She was very excited and energetic to see me, introduced me to the DJ, but I wanted to know what was going on. There was a lot of things being brought in for just a couple of people. She let me know that a few more people then expected had heard I was throwing a party and they wanted to be there too. Just a few, I remember asking. And she nodded and smiled, hanging on me, and said only a few. She told me to go back into my study, keep working and she and Ben and Blake would take care of everything. She'd come and give me something to drink. That all I would have to do would be to wear something, show up, make a little speech that she would help me with and then to have some fun. I still remembered how to have fun, right, or had I been married too long?
She got a scoff and I went back into my office after she got me a drink. I guess I got tired because I took a nap at my desk. When I woke up, it was, it was LOUD. And I was wearing a toy ball and chain on my ankle which was weird because I don't remember putting it on. Peeking outside my office, some people fell in, and I saw why it was loud. People. Everywhere. Loud Music. Various Stages of Undress. College looking people, but I don't remember knowing any of them. While I was staring around, Blake saw me, had to shout to ask me how my nap was. Told me it was just about time for my Big Moment and gave me a slap on the shoulder and the weirdest laugh.
Just then, a couple of guys started a shoving match nearby and knocked into Blake. I took my chance and made a break for it. I don't know how long I hid, but Ben found me and signaled for the others. I remember getting hauled on a stage with Amber, with the DJ. I remember Amber saying something about how I was free and then she wrestled my tongue like it was some kind of athletic event, and forced something in my mouth. Something that wasn't her tongue. I remember someone else being there. A vague recollection that I knew her, and then. And then I got grabbed from behind and a rotund woman picked me up like I was a toy and slammed me to the ground. I don't remember anything else after that.

03/08/18 — She left this morning. Super sad face. It’s not like the last time I had to say good-bye, where I was on the other coast. This time she was in a different country all together. I tried to get her to linger as long as possible, stretch it out and maybe make the departure late, but she wouldn’t have any of it. Not for long anyways. And, I do have early classes and the trip to the airport adds a bit more time to my commute – the good news is that She Who Must and I mean MUST Be Obeyed allowed me to drive Kiki while she was away.
I’ll just take her for a little spin
And maybe show her off to a couple of friends
I’ll just cruise her around the neightbourhood
... well, maybe I shouldn't.

Slapped my parking permit on her dash and I was off so fast, I almost got whip-lash.

Now, writing this, I realize my mistake, but I parked her out front at the frat since it's so close to campus it’s just about walking distance. It’s why I need the permit. The guys didn’t come out right away, so I honked my horn just to get their attention. They came on out, and Ben asked, "Is that for me?". I scoffed and replied, "Yeah," with a roll of my eyes. The jock noted the sarcasm and said, "Why?" and I kicked up my feet over the center panel, put my hands behind my head and lounged and said, "'Cuz I'm a hellova guy." We all had a chuckle, and after Ben offered to turn me over and shake the keys out of me, and I made sure it was ok to park Kiki there with Scott, who was more than happy to have her parked there if not for the status alone, I dashed off to my first class.
After which, I thought I'd do something nice for the guys, seeing as how they were car sitting for me. For lunch I ordered some pizza, and had it delivered over there. Bunny once, well more than once, told me that I needed more friends that were guys, so I guess I'm working on that. We sat around and just BSed a bunch. Forgot about the crud that was going on, out there, under our own roof. We were just a cramped house full of guys, watching ESPN and explaining what the rules are to me. Before I knew it, though, it was time to go to my evening class, so I left the guys alone and went to class like a good boy. I can't help that my mind wandered, even though I'd cheated again this afternoon, I was thinking about what I could have this evening, since I'm only cooking for one. And when class was over, I wasn't paying attention enough and got held up by Amber. Seems she'd heard that I was all on my lonesome for a few days. And seems a little birdie told her about it. And seems she was going to have to think of a way to keep me entertained and the home fires, BURNING. I chuckled nervously while she escorted me to the car and, well, that was a mistake too. She was surprised by Kiki and I flat out rejected, not only her asking for a ride, but begging for one, even when she did that thing they do where they press their breasts together and bend over and have pouty lip and say things like 'With cream on top.'
Oh, hell did I get out of there. But I was in a mood to talk with the wife when I got home and with the time difference between here and there, I wasn't sure if it would be ok to call her, make sure she was ok. So, I settled inside for leaving her a little video on Skype. As we did when I was in New York. She might not be gone long, but it feels like the best part of me is fleeting.

03/07/18 — When classes were over for the afternoon, I hopped over to the skate park for a bit. Not too long, since she'll be living in the morning. I kept practicing my kickflips, for some reason those are hella hard. Maybe I'm just getting old. Whatever, old man. Went home after I did a couple of them in a row successfully, and spent as much time as I could squeeze in with the Little Woman after that, because she's leaving in the morning and I'm going to miss her like the devil. Kinda miss her already. She's got me around her tiniest of fingers. Man, my hair is getting long again, ah well.

03/06/18 — Got some texts from Lark, that was nice. You know, the staying connected and all that. She'd just finished giving her place the once over and, while I'm not interior decorator, she asked for my opinion. It looks really nice. There's something about a woman, I've seemed to notice, that seems to make a house into a home. And what I mean by that, is that my place was my place, it worked, it functioned. Stuff was where it needed to be. But when The Better Half and I were getting serious, when we started buying furniture together, when she started moving things in, the little touches, the decorations is what made it, liveable. A home. Eh, maybe that's just me.
Anyways, the texts came in the middle of my classes; I'd gone back home in between, something I don't normally do, so I can get a crack down on all the work I need to do. I suspect that, when she's gone, I'll just be so busy I won't even notice what day it is. Yeah. Or I'll be counting the seconds until she gets back. Probably that one; chomping at the bit. After evening classes, I went back to the skate park. I had fun, brought back some nice memories so I thought, 'meh, why not!' I'll go back a couple more times. When I'm not running, it's a good work out too.

03/05/18 — After the usual morning stuff and then school. I gave my statement with Campus Police which was, I'm told, pretty much like The Ses on what we saw. I blew off some steam from Sunday by going to the skate park. I hadn't been there for awhile. Before I could surf, I could shred. And it's certainly much easier to do than getting a wetsuit on and braving those cold, cold waters right now. Just gave me some time to be alone, think about Jacob and everything else. I could have gone to the Frat House, but I dunno, something told me that the mood there would be poor, at best. After a couple of hours, getting my legs back, practicing a few things, went back home and gave some snuggles to The Wife. She reminded me about her trip soon; couple of days to Egypt, to go see a client. Wish I could have gone, but I told her to bring me back a Mommy.

03/04/18 — The Ses called. That's kind of unusual. It was Scott, actually, but he had me on speaker phone. Apparently Jacob was getting worse, and they didn't know what to do and asked me to come over. I wasn't exactly sure what to expect, but I wasn't expecting what we found. Since it's a Frat house, members are given privacy, but you don't have privacy if they think they need to get into your room. Scott, Sam, they were beyond concerned. Jacob wasn't into something drug related. He wasn't even home when we went inside and I'd never been in his room before but it was, it was disturbing. I think he needed the kind of help that only a professional could provide and judging by the looks, Scott and Sam agreed. We left, trying to make it look like we hadn't touched anything and exchanged those looks again. The Ses next call was to the office of the Dean of Students. I only stuck around for a little bit, long enough to know that I probably wasn't going to see Jacob anymore, hearing Sam make sure that they call the police. I can't imagine how close all of us came.
I wasn't in any mood to write when I got home, but snuggle up with the wife and watch something mindless. I got a text later letting me know that I'd have to give a statement later with campus police. So looking forward to that too. God, what drives a person to that, I wish I knew.

03/03/18 — Took a little break from the writing and went for some carbs. I know, I know. But I'm a dirty cheater, so it's ok. And while I was there I had a visitor. Lark told me about her unfortunate situation, and there wasn't much really on my end to tell her. I mean, looking back, I'm sure I could have said a thing or two, but -- I don't know. I would have rather listened for once, than spoken. We made a date to make it a regular thing, which is nice. Just the connection, the offer was great. Who knows if it'll go anywhere or if it was just something you say in polite company. Or mine.
Regardless, she left, and when I got home, I nearly lost her phone number when it fell out of my jacket. Luckily the Boss was there to point it out and help.

03/02/18 — The last of the edits came today too. But at least I'm keeping busy. Managed to finish the videos early, and then started working on the edits because I have time for the speech, but the book is under a deadline. A deadline that I'm well in advance of, but still, a deadline. It's actually kind of funny how much better my writing has gotten since I've gotten together with my better half. They've still not contacted me about the title for the new book, so it looks like mine might stick. Not much to write about here since I spent the day pretty much just writing, locked, figuratively, to my desk creating wordsmithing. I even got my lap warmed for a little bit, which is a complete and total bonus because when I have my head down like this, I sometimes just lose track of time. I hope this newly wed feeling never goes away. She even commented on how long my hair was getting. Like a dirty, long haired hippie, she teased. Oh, she'll get hers.

03/01/18 — Since this speaking engagement is going to take up so much of my time, I made a few videos. One about the best thing ever in life: Coachella. A survivor's tips: bring cash, or something to barter. And water. And soap, you stinky bacteria-ridden meatbags. Ew. Well, maybe not in so many words, I might have been a little more polite about it then that. Shots about last year, and the crazy stuff that occurred. But on further reflection, I'm going to have to go to just the first week if I'm going to make it back by the 20th so I can surprise the wife with something, I don't know what yet, to celebrate the day that we met, and the magic happened. Eventual, slow, often precarious magic but magic nevertheless. Another video followed about my speaking at Pitzer, just in case there were people there or in the area that wanted to meet up with me afterwards. Otherwise, I had school since the video production of these videos weren't all that high budget, I had to split the work up a couple of days and come home for a nooner.

02/28/18 — Wednesday was the perfect time to meeting with Pitzer people. We drove Kiki over to the Publicist, which she wasn't counting on. There was a brief moment about if the Wife was going to even be allowed in the conference room for the call, but she gives me confidence, so it was dropped when I asked. The phone call went well; I got my questions answers, like why me, and what should I talk about. It's nothing large, just about my success with writing, tips I can pass on, a little history. I'll have to be careful there and wish there was someone I could talk to about that, but none of the family are at all interested, so I'm on my own; I'll just have to be careful what I say. If she doesn't know anything, then I'm pretty good at this saying mum thing. I left before talk got to financial stuff because I can trust that to get taken care of and it isn't like I'm want for any of that anymore. Tip for the world: if you can, marry wealthy, and even though I've said this before, it's a good lesson.
Went to school after, and after writing class, went to the Student Union to nibble on my pen and think about my speech. Got home a little late, but that's what phones are for.

02/27/18 — Waking up in the morning was like death. I shouldn't drink, not with those guys aways. I really only remember what happened because I wrote it down, but no, it really wasn't all that bad. Poetic license? All the same, it was a painful enterprise and She Who Must Be Obeyed had no sympathy for me. I'm dying, I said. You sure are, she replied. The solicitude of the devil. At least to begin with, but she did let me sleep in for a bit. Then it was aspirin and bed shakes until I got up so I'd make it to school. Wicked minx. Amber was at class, and though she's agreed to cool it, I get the feeling that it's only because of some other reason that's keeping her back. Whatever, so long as I'm left alone. I can be a good boy.
Noticed my hair is starting to grow back too. Caught myself twirling it around my fingers like I sometimes do when I'm reading or concentrating. Won't be all that long and I'll start needing something to tie my hair back again.

02/26/18 — Back to classes in the morning. After creative writing, I went to the Frat and hung out with the guys for a bit. Scott still looks worried about Jacob and the few of us spend some time talking about that while watching and playing games and not studying. Ben eventually said he had enough, Blake too. It didn't take all that much to convince the rest of them that the best way to forget what was going on, at least for a little while, was to go out and have a good time. That's my cue to back out. Having a good time with these guys gets me in trouble, and one of them in a headlock. But they were convincing and, really, with them looking out for me, how much trouble could I get into after all?
Turns out quite a bit, at least the nice stripper lady actually took me home rather than doing something suggestive like I remember the guys offering, the next morning. Yeah, my angel really likes having her husband pawing at the front door, trying to get his key into her padlock. And that's not a euphemism this time; I swear.

02/25/18 — Didn't really do much on a lazy Sunday. Went to the city and did some shopping to get a new outfit for this speaking engagement. I guess a suit, or maybe something more, … "me". Had an early dinner by going to the clubhouse. Wasn't anyone around which is a shame, I mean there was, the usual people. Still, nice food and what not but it would be nice to hang out with other people every now and then. Maybe I'll ask the family to come over; feeling a little isolated.

02/24/18 — Stayed in bed for a little while, until the phone broke the newlyweds up. It was the call back from yesterday; she was a little eager I guess. I'll have to go over to her office in LA, and have the call with her so we can go over just what the Pomona College wants from me, maybe Monday or Wednesday. I let the wife sleep in, since it was my turn for breakfast. The way the rising sun kisses her soft, slender curves. Her long hair cascaded over her shoulders and back like a blanket of orange carnations. It gave me pause until she spoke, while still pretending to be sleeping, wanting to know if I was going to feed her or just stare all day. I could still do both and in a million years. I caught her up with how things were going with me, and where I was going to be, she did the same and after I took the dishes, I retreated back to my office to start on that second video. California State decided to join Montana and New York in taking steps to protect net neutrality. Still not new news, but important enough for me, some days getting good news is such a fight.

02/23/18 — Since it was a day off, the only thing I had to do was a bit of jogging and using the other gym equipment, and then catch up on what's going on with the Internet. I saw a piece that really gripped me in my hometown(ish) pride. Since California voted to allow cannabis for recreational use, the District Attorney for San Francisco, George Gascon, was going to overturn thousands of convictions, some going back decades. That's totally cool. I did a little more looking into it and decided I had something else to make a video on. That took up a big chunk of my day, even if it wasn't exactly NEW news anymore, still, SanFran pride. While I was looking around, I found something for tomorrow while I was at it. In the middle, well, close to the end more like, of recording I got a call from the Publicist. Turns out I've been contacted by Pitzer College in Claremont for a speaking engagement, which is weird because I've never done that better. But I was in the middle of recording so I brushed her off, get the details tomorrow.

02/22/18 — Feeling like death warmed over, I stayed home from class. Well, more like the wife made me stay after she heard about how dizzy I was and maybe the near accident I might have, maybe, kinda almost definitely had. It's like she wants me to stick around or something. Like last time I was sick, she nursed me. Soup and everything. I hardly had to do any whining at all, which is a shame because that's my favorite part about being sick.
Gave me plenty of time to catch up on the local news, which is all doom and gloom as per usual.

02/21/18 — So much for feeling fine. My nodes are massive, like grapefruits under my jaw. The little miss noticed as soon as I started talking, or maybe it's that I didn't want to kiss her anymore and spread my germs on her. It's what I get, I guess, for being in a school with a lot of people and not taking care to wash my hands all the time, or avoid touching my face. Meh; still, it isn't bad enough that I have to stay home though, so I went to class. You know, to give back to the community that made me ill; probably. I only felt a little dizzy so it was fine to drive the motorcycle and I only almost got into an accident instead of actually getting into one, so I'm fine. My cold went up a notch when I started coughing in class, much to my Professor's enjoyment. The next one especially liked the constant sniffing because I didn't have a tissue. I'm a mess. Driving home was an adventure.

02/20/18 — An OK day at school; nothing to report from The Trouble Maker in OrgChem. That icky feeling from yesterday has turned into a light cold, but otherwise I'm fine. I got asked to meet up with the Ses because they're concerned about Jacob. Ever since cannabis has become legal they really haven't seen much of him. And now that I thought about it, I only saw him a couple of times during the Superbowl party when he came down to grab a bowl full of snacks and then retreat back upstairs. The Ses are a little concerned that he's going to smoke his grades away and either get kicked out, or have to drop out. Ideas got tossed around as to what we should do. Ben, having recovered from his own Superbowl humiliation, was right in there with a mixture of ass kicking, and hands-off approach. But in the end, I think we're going to just make sure he's ok, not missing anything important, maybe get him counseling if he needs it. You know, the not-the-way-Ben-would-do-it approach. As far as President and Vice's go, Scott and Sam are pretty cool. Since yesterday was his day, we then chased Scott around until Ben was able to tackle him (go figure, it's his sport), and we made him drink beer. And by drink I mean chug, and by we I mean they, and I think they made him barf a little. I dunno why I'm with these guys sometimes, then I go to the clubhouse and the similarities all come crashing back to me.

02/19/18 — No school on a President's day, so I got to spend it all at home, starting to feel a little cruddy. By myself for a bit, doing more corrections and looking for something to make some videos about. There's the obvious, of course, but I do try so hard not to take a political bent, so I stay away from topics like that. Nothing can get you hate and venom like picking the wrong hill to die on, and on the internet, they're isn't any right hill.
Just some light corrections, and while talking with the editor, he said there weren't as many to this time as there were the times prior. Cheekily asked if I'd had someone edit my work before I submitted it. Wish I'd thought of that, but it all just goes back to things being easier to write. Words seem to flow from thought to fingers. It isn't like this topic has anything awe inspiring to go with it or anything. I guess I'm just getting better at it, a more prolific writer.

02/18/18 — Snuck off into the city in the evening. The wife didn't ask where I went, probably because I don't ask her where she goes during her run offs. And I had some pancakes for dinner. Took the tablet and headphones with me so I'd have something to do while I was at WaffleMania. I met a really nice person who genuinely seemed interested in what I was doing: cheating, again. It's like can't help myself, but every so often I just have to go off the wagon; break promises I make and I know I can't keep. Not for long anyways, and just gorge myself. Even in public, where I know I'll be seen. I just can't help myself. I see it and I want it and it nags and nags at me until I have to have it.
Damnable fluffy pancakes.

02/17/18 — Started the day with another hard work-out which was interrupted by the arrival of the little woman. I'm not sure what she was expecting, of course I was sweaty. I was working out. Not that I mind her interrupting me, or watching her leaving. I considered following for a long moment before I returned back to my regiment. I had an appointment at the spa I didn't want to miss, and I definitely would have if I chased that redhead.
The rest of the day, probably tomorrow too, was just a me day. Spent some time making sure I look pretty, and stayed in the city for a while longer before I had to go to LA to meet the Publicist. She wanted to meet in person and after the pleasantries caught me up on how things were going. She pitched me a few ideas, and like lately they involved going somewhere else; out of California. Just us, on the road, like New York. Then we spent some time reminiscing about that travesty. She got a little annoyed because, I guess I kept mentioning the wife. I knew she was ok when she muttered if I loved her so much why don't I marry her. With a hug, I went to the clubhouse after, got to see something I hadn't before so that was neat. And then it was time to return home. All in all, not a bad time.

02/16/18 — Back to work-work and not school-work on my day off. The corrections they'd sent over last week weren't all that difficult to finish and return, and normally I would have something else to work on by now. It's kind of funny, but for months now my writing seems like it's been easier, the words flowing without prompting. Some of that must have been rubbing off on this new book so I suppose that's why I haven't as many corrections to do this time around. So, not much else to do but make some updates on the channel. I saved looking through the comments until later, looked around to see what was new and saw that scientists have developed a way to get sheep and human hybrids about a year after pig and human hybrids. Read a little bit about how and the why it's done and the obvious jokes aside, it's actually find of interesting. So I do a little bit of research, write the script and pull out some videos on who is going to get helped with this; even transplants among identical twins fail when the immune system fights off the foreign tissue but this would be a better alternative. Truly interesting. I don't trust my subscribers to be mature about the comments, of course, not all of them, but I'm still not going to turn off the comments. Let's see if my faith in humanity has been misplaced. Now; time to bite the bullet and read the last one's comments.

02/15/18 — Still on a high from the renewed newlywed buzz from yesterday, I was all about staying inside again but She Who Must Be Obeyed wouldn't have any of it and she's not all that wrong, but I could have spent a good long while just basking in her glow, as it were. So we compromised and I came home for lunch. I'd forgotten to call or return calls from the family yesterday, so I did that. Still no Mom though, but at least The Wife got to be in on the family tradition. I guess it must seem a little weird to her, a whole family expression how much they love one another, at least it seemed so, and before long, I had to go back to class. That was uneventful, fortunately. I think the rides home have stopped. Normally I stick around after classes at the Union, but for some reason I was motivated to go home and show the wife how much two hours apart crushed my soul just a little bit and while snuggling and showing her a disgusting amount of affection we watched a little television on the sofa before sneaking to bed. My Valentine's Day flowers still smell sweet.

02/14/18 — Hooray, Valentine's Day. The Day of Love, no matter what the nay-sayers have to say about it. I made sure to go to bed early so I'd wake up before she did, and slipped out of bed to creep out into the kitchen and get things ready. She's going to be so surprised. At least I thought so. When I got back, and I wasn't gone for long, she'd already made the bed and sprinkled rose petals on it, lit candles, and while I held the tray of mixed covered strawberries, she turned the romantic music on and then patted the bed. Then there was the gift; one of those things that wasn't so much for me as it was for her. But I love her and it makes her happy.
It's the first Valentine's Day I've celebrated with a girlfriend or, naturally, wife. Well, no, there was my first. We had a couple of Valentine's, but they weren't anything like this. It was, it was certainly memorable, and I skipped school so I could spend the whole day, every second of it when the one person who gets and loves me no matter what. She even made brownies. Normal brownies, but ones I could eat, sort of, but then it is a cheat day and I was working off the carbs, wasn't I?

02/13/18 — Day before Valentine's Day and I'm sure the wife suspects NOTHING. Normally she's got a sixth sense about, well about all the kind of mischief that I get myself into. But this time, this time nothing. Genetics again in the morning and then I went out shopping to get some things for tomorrow. Even better that she wasn't home when I got back so I was able to get some of it started and hide the rest in my office, and when I was finished cooking, hide the rest in the back of the fridge and attend to the dishes before she gets back and sees them. Then it was back to school for Chemistry.
Oddly it was Amber that stopped me at the door. I wasn't expecting the ambush, but it made me super nervous when she told her friends to go on inside without her. She told me a few things that were kinda weird, while she played with the buttons on my shirt and backed me up against the wall, like my wife loves me very much, and she didn't know that I lived in a mansion, and maybe someday, when she's ready to settle down we can explore this thing that we have between us, whatever she meant, but until then I would have to be happy with the one time we kissed. Confused, pinned, and having to hurry to class, I might not have been thinking when I asked what kiss. And that's when she laid it on me and sashayed in to join her friends. I stayed put for a while, letting the feelings wash over me, then found a new place to sit. No more rides; for anybody.

02/12/18 — Another school day has me with Genetics in the morning. At lunch, I saw the Ses, Sam and Scott, there. More like they saw me. We didn't really talk about much, the game that I hadn't paid attention too, classes. Then the conversation turned to mine. They were pretty impressed with how Not-So-Aqua-Anymore handled herself with Ben, not putting up with his, uh, personality. He's a brother and all, but someone needed to put him in his place, and I shouldn't pay much attention to what he was saying about her. It's just talk, you know. Which of course means there's some talk going on. I wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't something along the lines of how his feelings got hurt that he got put in his place. We talked about Kiki for a little. Yeah, I get to drive her, but just a little, and even then usually I drive pretty slow. As nice as the car looks there really isn't a place to just open her up and let her loose. Especially if I don't want to get a ticket. I brought the conversation back to my favorite person, and compared the way I drove with the way the wife does. Not to say she isn't a very careful driver just a little, uh, quick. Less careful though when I get bored.
Then Critical Writing after lunch, not much happened there, not during the class afterwards. It wasn't until after class that I got a couple of ladies asking me to give them rides home. I left while they were arguing among themselves. This rumor thing is getting really old.

02/11/18 — Spent the morning with the little lady. February might be the shortest month, but it's often the coldest, so we spent a little bit of it taking care of the peach trees. Cold, I was told, is important for their bloom. So if we want a nice harvest, you have to let them get cold, but not overly so. It isn't as easy as just dropping a seed in the ground and letting Mother Nature do her thing, like Dad made it seem. Gave him a call; mom wasn't available and he sounded like he was nervous about that or maybe something else. Could be anything, and I wish I could be there for the old man.
Had an invite for a party, timing was about right for it to be a birthing announcement. I don't know, maybe it was just intuition or something. Either way, I didn't want to go to Short-crop's party without bringing something. So I registered him for a year for Carnivore Club's Meat of the Month. I think that's something he'd like. I'm really not good at giving gifts, and I don't know her at all. I know more about her now. Another one of finger wigglers, certainly far too many of them. I got asked why it is I didn't bring the wife. What a funny turn out that would have been. Hi. Bye. But it's always nice just being mentioned. I'll have to make mention of it to her, if I can figure it out.
You know, I remember when thinking about not sharing everything with her, the wife, was gut wrenching. That I would have to hold something back, a big thing and I wouldn't be able to tell her about it. But as I'm sitting here, thinking about it, I find that it's getting easier and easier the more time goes on. And I don't want to be that kind of person where lying becomes second nature. I wish I knew what to do about this. What I do know, if with all the kids, now and coming, I'd give just about anything to see mine with a round belly.

02/10/18 — Day started not so bad. Found a way to get sweaty with the wife, working out, and then I went back to those corrections. Took a pause around ten to see how the comment section of the last video was doing and it was doing around about as well as I thought it would. Some people liked it. Some people hated it. But, in general, more likes than dislikes. I answered a few of the positive ones, and a couple of the negative ones I thought I could stomach, and then returned to work. At least that was the intention. I don't know how she got it, but I got a suggestive text by Amber and an invite for me to give her a ride home again, only it didn't seem platonic.
I just couldn't. Not anymore. So I tattled. Showed the wife, since she'd asked what the matter was, and told her what was going on. Told her I was being good too. I got an affectionate peck and a pat on the cheek before she went to her office, then with a folder in hand, told me she was stepping out for a bit, but that she'll be right back. Kiki took her away and, true to her word, she wasn't gone for long. But when she came back she was a little miffed. I tried to ply my husbandly ways. Newly wed ways failed, but the close second of a snuggle on the sofa, watching that new show on Netflix and giving her little toes a massage seemed to do the trick.

02/09/18 — Since I have Friday's off I just stayed at home. I had enough work for me to do, not only did the corrections come in, and boy some of them were pretty easy. I must have been some kind of distracted, but it was time for another set of videos too. As much as I don't like to do it, I made a couple of videos about the new threat the advancing nutria population are doing near my home town. Highlighting that the critters, native to South America, are only doing what their instincts are telling them to do, and how life is precious. Weigh that with the damage an invasive species can do to an environment that isn't used to it. Not to mention that they can, because they're semi-aquatic, contaminate drinking water with disease and parasites that are transmittable to livestock, pets, and humans. I even hit on how much damage they've done to Louisiana. I end the last one before the outro, by just letting people know, it might be a rodent, but it still tastes something like rabbit.

02/08/18 — This time I waited beside the door, and when she and her friends came in and took their normal seats, I was able to sit behind her. I thought I was being quiet. I thought we were being discreet. I thought we wouldn't interrupt anyone, three against one, her friends asking for rides home too. I'm desperate to get her to stop. So much so that I had. Apparently. Pissed the Prof off. She singled me out, asked me if I had anything to share with the class. Of course I said no, but she insisted, so. I was forced to air out the dirty laundry however mortifying it was.

I. Did not. Have sexual relations. With this woman.
Bottom lip bite.

Amber look mortified, and I wasn't much better, the Professor was pretty cool about it, getting the class to settle back down and moving us back to the task at hand. Thankfully it's the last class of the week so everybody'll forget my confession by Tuesday. I hope. On the up side, nobody asked me for a ride home.

02/07/18 — Early to bed, early to rise as the saying goes, so I was up when the door rang and checked security to see it was delivery. First couple of corrections coming in for the new book. They're still shopping names since they didn't like mine. If I remember the contract, if they don't pick it when the book is ready to go to print then I get the name back. Not that I'm married to it too. Either way, those had to wait, even though I got my old editor back. Large celebration.
At school I saw Jacob wandering around. He looked beady eyed and totally out of it, and I hadn't seen him at the Superbowl party so I stopped him and asked him what was up. Took him awhile to piece things together, but what I was able to get was that, now that pot was legal, he's been spending a lot of time helping sample the local product, 'Before The Man realizes what a mistake he did, giving free thought to the masses.' Not the first time I'd heard, or um, maybe said those words. I told him to let his freak flag fly, but not to get to wrapped up in too much unrestrained thinking. He was still nodding on his way to Weaver hall, offering me a cautionary watch who I give rides home. The hell, and he's in a drug stupor.

02/06/18 — Finally, the day of reckoning is here. First class went by really slow, but that's only because I knew there was a long wait for lunch and then the class I really wanted to be in. Finally, it was close to start and I was able to get in, sat near where she was normally sitting with her friends. When class was about to begin though, all three of them finally snuck in at the last moment and took seats at the back. Son of a. I had to wait the whole way through, shooting glances over my shoulder just to make sure she was still there. When class was over, my neighbor asked me something, but I was already out of my seat. I waited for a pause in their conversation, Amber noticed my approach and smirk, and asked Amber if I could talk to her privately. She said sure, she could use a ride home. Telling her friends not to wait up, we rode my bike back to her place and when I took my helmet back from her, I tried to start up a conversation right away, there on the street. But she slid her around my neck and pressed herself in. If she hadn't tightened her hold I'm sure I would have fallen off the other side. I had to tell her no, again. I wasn't there for that. I needed her to stop telling people we had slept together, how bad it would be for me, for her, if my wife found out. She just smiled, smirked, and nodded, playing with the zipper on my jacket and asked why I kept giving her rides home then. I mean, she has a point, she said she needed a ride, didn't she? I just told her one more time to stop it. When I got home, I spiked my helmet off the floor. Somehow, Aqua was able to tell something was wrong. Nothing. Nothing's wrong.

02/05/18 — Still on her high from the other night I was almost late for morning classes. As it is, the professor was late to classes anyways, didn't offer any explanations not that we were really asking for any. At lunch, I saw a couple of the guys from the Frat but they either didn't see me or were ignoring me. Meh, I guess the little woman's display put me in the hot seat a little, maybe. Either way, with midterms, couldn't afford the distraction anyways, so I went back to lunch and reading. Next class was over quick, and I got to go home after that, to the tigress in her den. Pretty kitty.

02/04/18 — Superbowl Sunday and I got a text from Sam who let me know that he expected to see all the Frat Brothers there; really there was just to much food so if I didn't bring the wife, I should at least bring one of my MANY, OH SO MANY mistresses. Emphasis his; and he thinks he's so funny. When I asked the Little Miss she was all for it. Something about finally getting to meet those two too guys. I didn't know what she meant by that until later, but just shrugged it off, since she knows what's best for me.
When she was ready to go, she was wearing a baggy Eagles #24 jersey because she 'likes the underdog', whatever that means, but at least her bottoms weren't baggy. She knows more about this stuff then I do, I just went in normal clothes. Of course we took Kiki, and like last time, we drew a crowd, Scott, Sam and Ben came out to look at the car. Ben asked me if he could take her for a ride, and when I told him he'd have to ask the wife, he told me that's who he was talking about. I rolled my eyes, I didn't have to do much else, Scott gave him a punch to the arm and for her part, she put the jock in a headlock. Pretty nice of him to play along, but I think it was just to get closer to her and put an arm around her. Taking the horseplay inside, the Pres had put out a big spread; carbs and meat. The guy's girlfriends where there too and since I had only a passing interest in the game, I hung out with them, mostly. Ben's new girlfriend of the day that he was ignoring to get closer to the wife, Scott's girlfriend Clarice, Sam's and Andre's too. But I think my new reputation had gotten ahead of me. Clarice asked me if I'd been doing anyone lately, and that got a laugh from them. I laid it all out, while the pre-game was going on, and when it started up. At least they seemed a little sympathetic by the end, except for Ben's date. She looked bored, kept watching Ben disapprovingly.
Things were going along swimmingly, until the halftime show. In the kitchen, we were watching the puppy bowl when we heard the commotion. Seems my darling wife was having a deep and intense conversation with Ben's boxers that she was trying to pull over his head. I thought he'd done something, well something Ben. Turns out though that though gentle interrogation throughout the game, my darling wife was making subtle inquiries as to who put me in the little pink tu-tu back in August. One thing let to another and apparently all the guys fingered Ben as the guy whose idea it was. They all had a hand in it, but Ben got the wedgie for that, or maybe for being a little to handsie.
There was a bit of a ruckus at that point, his girlfriend went over to help Ben out of the jam he'd gotten himself into. Sam and Scott were surprised but very pleased. I had to tell my darling wife to put her toy down. And Ben left her alone for the rest day, he and his date went upstairs while we all settled down. But it was only for a few minutes before she left more than a little upset.

It was a pretty good Superbowl. I don't even remember who won, but She Who Must Be Obeyed was very happy with herself for the rest of the day, my strong, little protectorate. We went to Smoke and Barley afterwards, the place was a mess though, the place where I first gave her a key to my place, and had a nice, super loud evening together. Damn, I love that woman.

02/03/18 — Turns out I was wrong. I guess you don't get ahead in business by taking weekends off; both Publicist and the Publishers answered my texts, her first. She'd advised caution with my wording, I suppose I hadn't been in the best of moods lately. But like she'd said, they weren't happy but they also weren't willing to die on this movie thing either. I think she was right, that it was just a dispute between the movie studio and them, and they wanted to be able to say that I had a problem with it too. Fun stuff, like my life isn't complicated enough already. Seeing as how mid-terms are going up, I spent most of the day cured up with my text books. Twice the classes, just about, means I should have been studying just about twice as hard. Went out for a bike ride after dark to the club house for a change of scenery, but the place was pretty empty. A snack and coffee, and I curled up in a corner, with a book for a couple of hours. Then it was time to go back home.

02/02/18 — Since there weren't any classes for me today, I thought maybe I could stalk the University and see if I could find my personal trouble maker. While I was on the elliptical, I was thinking about everything I would do, or say when I finally caught up to her. And through eggs and bacon twirled my wedding ring around my finger. I think that's becoming either a nervous or thoughtful habit. Gave the wife a quick smooch on the cheek goodbye after she showed me what she was working on; as usual, it looked almost as beautiful as she does and I let her know that. Nearly ended up staying, but I'm a man with a mission.
At school I acted like a stalker. For about a half hour, creeping around Biology areas, but then I realized I don't know her whole name. Don't know her schedule. Don't know anything about her other than she likes to tell stories. I ran into a couple of people from my classes I did know. Smile, friendly nod. And then the two worst people to run into, Ben and Blake. I saw Blake see me first and tap Ben before pointing me out and they headed in my direction. Along the way Ben was talking and when they got close enough I could hear it was about my conquests. ConQUESTS. I just can't win, and Ben gloated telling me he knew that I was a dog too and now that he knew the kind of girls I was into he'd help me out. I made the mistake of saying I didn't need help, and not something like, none of it is true. Blake agreed, said I was doing fine on my own. Strange world to have him on my side, until I realized, so much long after the conversation was over, what exactly he meant. There wasn't any convincing either of them, so I threw up my hands and went home.
Stayed indoors the rest of the night because going outside was not working out for me. She Who Shall Be Obeyed and I had a movie night, and somewhere in there I decided what I was going to do about the whole movie and book situation. I mass-texted the Publishers and the Publicist after hours. I expect that Monday I'll hear about it.

02/01/18 — In the morning, over breakfast, the wife could tell something was bothering me. And when she asked me about it, I wasn't sure how to tell her about it. I mean, how do you tell your wife that you're getting a certain reputation even though you're not doing anything (now) to deserve it. I'd like to say I'm good at changing the topic. I'd like to say that I'm good at telling her it's nothing. But I know I'm not, and I know when I do those things, she leaves it alone, rather than prying. So I told her a little bit, it was something at school. Having trouble with one of the people there, getting along with them. Bless her, she offered some advice while we finished and cleaned up. Side note: If we're so wealthy, why don't we have someone doing this for us? Someone in a cute little dres-- dude.
Anyways, morning class came and went and I was hardly paying attention to the pre mid-term preamble. I was just looking, I don't know, forward?, to the next class.
At lunch I was kind of distracted still, thinking about what was coming.
Finally, Organic Chemistry, and I went looking for her right away. She was sitting with two others, her pack I guess, and then I hesitated. If I try to talk to her then, I put her on the defensive and her friends will go on the attack. And if I wait it out, then my guts keep twisting. Class crept along, and like the masochist I am, I felt every twist. When the class was over, they tried to make good their escape, and I tried to go after her, hoping to catch her by the door but wouldn't you know it, the woman that sits next to me, she wanted a ride home too. I was in a hurry, I was trying to catch up to the rumor mill, and just said something affirmative, I don't even remember what, so she'd get out of my way. Maybe I was a little louder than I'd meant to be, looking back. Anyways, I didn't catch up with her, and to make things worse, after Yu Yan got off the motorcycle and was looking at me expectantly I realized then what she was thinking was going to happen. I apologized, stammered that I had to get home; the wife was expecting me. Blushed, tried not to meet her gaze, and left as soon as she said good bye. Good grief.

01/31/18 — Morning breakfast and then my meditation before my morning jog. Before school I got to sneak in some snuggle time with the wife, but it was quick because I had to go after the morning rituals. When I got to school though, Ben and Sam attacked me from behind. Ben was extremely happy, and congratulated me. Sam not so much, asked me how I could have done it. I was, like, huh? Totally confused, the only thing I'd done was to stuff celery sticks in my mouth. Ben patted me on the shoulder and told me he'd heard about it from Lisa, who she is I'm not sure, that heard it from three other women's names, that the women I drove home the other night was telling people that she and I had hooked up. If only I was indoors, I'da hit the roof. It took a lot of innocence protesting before I had to go to class; Sam at least looked skeptical, but Ben. Ben I think likes to think everybody is as much a dog as he is. He wasn't buying any of it. Wait until I catch up with her tomorrow.

01/30/18 — Another long day at school; and I got to burn off some time while waiting between classes at the fraternity house with the guys. Sports games aren't my thing usually, but when the guys around talking smack with each other make it much more fun. After the second class, one of the women there asked me if she could get a ride home. I only had the one helmet, so I had to be sure not to get pulled over or anything. It wasn't like she lived all that far away. Then the awkward part when she tried to thank me and I had to show her the ring. But she wasn't taking no for an answer, asking if the wife was here now and when I said no, she put her arms around my shoulders and told me then she'd never know. I almost fell off the bike to get away from her when she leaned forward to kiss me. And while that amused her to no end, I couldn't get out of there fast enough. Yeesh.

01/29/18 — Hooray. The start of another week of school and a surprise test. Boo. That said, I don't mind this professor. He's actually pretty good at it, throwing all the bits of information out there and making sure that they stick. And if they don't, he has some pretty wide office hours so, I suppose, if I had to balance it out, not so bad. Doing alright, Genetics isn't my favorite thing in the world. Well, some parts of it. But as long as She who Must Be Obeyed keeps riding me to study and I keep up I'll make it through this and the next term. Bought a new jacket to make up for the one I gave away. Luckily I had my phone in my front pocket or some stranger would be getting all my sexts. Ha!

01/28/18 — Woke up early in the morning, probably from the nap the night before. Wife had appreciated how pretty I looked for her after the trip to the spa. Afterwards, she had to go to town, and I waited until she was gone before I went on a trip to the woods. I met some new people that didn't introduce themselves. I saw way more full frontal then I wanted to, and gave away my jacket to help cover him up. I dunno when I came such a prude, or maybe it's just that I wasn't expecting spontaneous bits and tackle. As expected, I drove off people when I started to play, but then that's why I was there, to practice. After a couple of glares, I went back home to the nudity I thoroughly enjoy.

01/27/18 — Went to the spa after the morning stuff. Still trying not to worry about the ultimatum. I'm still not sure why this is being laid down at my feet and exactly what the issue was. I was so upset I could hardly focus on the YouTube channel. Managed to get through the editing, and reading the comments. Man, why do I read those comments? Some of them can be pretty good, but otherwise, the majority of them are really out there. The whole cloning thing turned into a religious argument and how the science is evil. Not my typical kind of comments. I took a ride to escape, and went to the clubhouse, and yet again, had the place to myself. Gave me a lot of time to think and I was able to take a nap upstairs before I went back home.

01/26/18 — Got a call in the morning. The publishers, along with their boss. The publicist was on the line too. It kinda felt like I'd been called into the Principal's office. They weren't happy that You'll Be Fine was being turned into a movie and the direction it was heading in. Talked to me about it, and told me they have the option to void my contract if I don't see things their way. Before he hung up, the boss told me he liked my progress, though, and the book I'd submitted. They were still doing research and submitting corrections however. When they hung up I had to weigh my options, but the publicist told me not to make any decisions about it just yet. Take some time to think about it, because of how far from my book the script is, she thinks if we gave them time, they'll not care if it gets released or not. Caught up with some of the television shows I'd missed during the week, and bummed around the home. I really do think I'll go Honest Company for the baby, I like the name. The government wouldn't let them take it if they weren't honest, right?

01/25/18 — Morning meditation, and then worked up a sweat before I went to class. Had my long break at Roasters and got a chance to study my Genetics book in silence. Mostly silence, I mean I was in a cafe after all. After Chem I found my usual spot at the Union was occupied so I just went home to do my studying there and ended up clinging on the wife like she's my air, my water, my food. And I'll keep doing that until I'm served with the cease and desist papers. Worked on those videos to add to my channel; explain the process on how it was done, how many fetuses were needed just for those two primates to get born, and how far away we actually are from being able to just get a new body when your current body breaks down. Don't have to go to school in the morning, so I stayed up late, just working on that.

01/24/18 — Between classes, I read that the people of the Chinese Academy of Sciences managed to clone the first primates successfully. Macaque clones, and they'd been trying for twenty years. Man, I might get a new clone body everytime I get old, like forty or something. Technology is pretty awesome. I'm going to have to make some videos about that. If I even could body swap like that, how much could I even remember? Would I even want to live forever? After class, I took a break from my diet and had dessert at Patisserie Fantastique while I read some of that book I bought at the Farmer's market. It isn't wrong information, but it is kinda sexist. Sandy's a polite girl, and always wears dresses. Oh, boy.

01/23/18 — Long day at school. It didn't go so well, this professor believes in surprise examinations, and class has only just started for crying out loud. I'd heard that there was going to be a protest, and I wanted to go, but I had class and a wife that'd kick my booty if I skipped it in order to protest the man keeping us down. As it is, I didn't hear how bad it, the protest, had gotten until after I got there and saw some of the damage. Trash in the street, cars vandalized. There was probably blood in the street too, at least I think it was blood. I went home while there was still some confusion going on, and had to duck out of the way of some police that thought I was part of it, but I managed to get home ok

01/22/18 — Good old school. Worked out with the better half which is always nice; I like seeing her getting sweaty, breathing heavily, bouncing. I think we timing it the way we do so that there isn't enough time to get romantic after because I have to run off to school. Except on those days that there is. There wasn't much going on at school though, and after it, I went to the clubhouse. I had the place pretty much to myself for a couple of house so I got some studying done, and homework, before I went home in time for dinner -- it was my turn to cook after all.

01/21/18 — Woke up alone. Wife was gone, but left a text letting me know where she'd gotten to. Hawaii for the day with some guy. I guess she's off to get lei'ed, oh, I crack myself up. I guess if she's going to be gone for the day, I might as well go see how my baby is doing. A bit of a drive, but I hung out with Shooting star for awhile. It's sad, but she's still unhappy, and I wish there was something I could do other then just come visit her every couple of weeks. I try to pass along news about what's going on, but I'm really not the best person for that. My whole new makeover means usually just going somewhere and then back home. Lingering gets me in trouble. Even now, with her, I know we're alone but also not alone. I got a new picture to add to the collection which was nice and got to spend the afternoon with her before I had to head back. Got home just before she did and showed her the newest picture. And, thanked her for being so awesome about everything. Even though there hasn't been any word about if we're going to get to keep the baby, it's about time to start baby proofing, getting ready. Talking about diapers -- I'm thinking Honest Company, I like the name. She said something about carving a crib. I'm not sure how she got greeted in Hawaii, but I made sure to make up for it.

01/20/18 — Woke up this Saturday with a weird feeling that I couldn't shake all throughout my morning rituals and that's when it finally hit me. With the book finished, I didn't really have anything to do. Workwise. So I cleaned up around the house a little; there's a bajillion rooms, but we hardly use any of them, and then looked up something to make some videos on, and let my channel know what was going on with me, book being finished there'd be more channel content, maybe. Thought about watching some television, but that didn't appeal. Then I rearranged the books in the library. I realized I was super bored, so I went for a walk. I found the Sprouts Farmers Market while exploring my new city. I wandered around for a bit, bought a book explaining human sexuality from the 1950s. When I got home I added the book to the library all willy-nilly because I'm a rebel. Then I parked my butt on the sofa, and got my textbooks out, put the television on and vegged out.

01/19/18 — Spent the better part of the day at home, watching the Better Half doing work on the garden and with the orchard. Looks like really tiring work, still, so I brought her out something to drink again when I wanted to make sure she should take a break. Fielded a phone call from Mom. She wanted to know how I was doing, how work was, what was going on with school, the guys at the frat that I've not technically joined, the baby. Everything, just calling to catch up I guess, until she told me that one of my sisters looks like she was getting serious with a fella back home and he's something of a big deal, so good for her. After we hung up I realized that Mom didn't ask about the Wife, sorta weird, but I didn't think anything about it. Later that evening, went to Roasters. Saw a couple of my rave friends there, Hair and Dreads. Which, I guess, are kinda similarly nicknamed. Anyhow, I overheard them talking about jobs, and Hair introduced me to his assertive, but silent boyfriend, and then mentioned that he had some kush for me but not on him. So I gave him an advance, I can understand the starving artist/student type, and left my digits on his phone before I went back home, wondering why it is now that it's legal, we aren't growing our own. Not that I'm super into cannabis.

01/17/18 — Weather was actually kinda nice, so after getting some payback early awakenings, I went out for a jog, or a limp, in the cold air. Considered life after I got back and then a quick breakfast and off to school before I got another swat. Once there, the first class went by uneventfully. But before I could get to Critical Writing, I had an hour to kill. Popped over to Roasters for a tea, and ran into Sam, we chatted for a bit, about nothing really, chewed up my hour long lunch and then it was back to school. After I took a drive out to the clubhouse, and I guess I fell asleep. Got woken up by Lark, and we talked for a bit; poor woman, having trouble at home, can't get any sleep because her neighbor is, well, me. Sung Trey Songz, I bet the neighbors know my name. Well that's her, one of the neighbors. Thought she was a professional and then I think she asked me because she thinks I'm such a player. Yeah, if only. I guess? She went upstairs for some sleep, I finished my coffee and went home finally., study s'more.

01/16/18 — Groan, school. Totally not looking for it considering the evening class. But it's the rough part of being an adult, said Dad, like all the time, is all the responsibilities that go with it. He'd smile knowingly everytime I said I wished I were an adult because then I could do anything I wanted. Smug son-of-a. Love you, Dad, have a laugh at the young me. More phone calls, I'm going to get the script tomorrow. I'm slightly disappointed that I don't get any sort of rights on it. Other than paying me for it, it's really not mine anymore, changing the title and basically everything else about it. Still, those things can take years, and I was told it's actually a good thing since my contract has a non-compete clause in it, and this might have counted. The wife went to run errands in the city, so I stayed home for a bit longer since I was taking so many phone calls, but when it was time to go, I had to go. Didn't see any of the guys at school, kinda good, then hung around the Union again until about nine, and then came back home to mah baby.

01/15/18 — Today wasn't an exciting day. Stayed in the house. Dome. I stayed in the Tit on the Hill, hung out either with the wife or by myself throughout the day. Researched and wrote a little more, and then started to think about titles. Bounced ideas off my better half's head, looking for one that'll stick, but still no joy. With the book title, plenty of joy with the wife. Watched a bit of television, and then went back to look at the previous comments on my videos. Oh, boy, what a mistake that was. Give a person a bit of anonymity and just watch them do things that they, hopefully, wouldn't do in person. Sat around while taking a break, took a phone call from the publicist, and watched some Netflix. Not much going on. Oh, well, except that the movie script was greenlit. You'll Be Fine, the movie. Sort of, they don't like the title (harumph) so it'll be under a different name, but still. Cool.

01/14/18 — Sunday morning, not so bad. Did the usual morning routine, lounged about for awhile before I got some more work done. The wife needed to run some errands, and had to go into town, so I bummed a ride from her, and got dropped off at Roaster's. Spent a while there, watching music videos, youtube in general, people watching, until a woman came in dressed like she was in some branch of the military. A flight suit, she called it, when she started conversation up with me. Just an idle bit of chitchat to pass the time, until Blueeyes had to run off. Fly off? I hung around a little longer until the wife showed up and we went home together. I was happy, right up until I remembered it was Monday tomorrow. But then I remembered that it was the 15th, so it'd be Martin Luther King, Jr. day. So another day off. So I was happy, until I remembered that that means it's only a two day school day, so I was ecstatic. Wife was introspective on the ride home. She's probably thinking about some project or something, she clearly has something on her mind.

01/13/18 — Early to bed, early to rise, and if I had to get up then I don't see any reason why the wife shouldn't be either. So I woke her up carefully, and spent the next couple of hours just enjoying her company. Wore a smile for the rest of the day while we exercised and then I had my private time to center myself. Didn't feel much like doing any work, so I checked what was said yesterday on the channel. Sure enough, all sorts of people with all sorts of opinions, letting me know what I forgot. What I forgot was to say it was super basic history, but even then; 'You can please some of the people all of the, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time,' said John Lydgate. I'd heard there was going to be a thing over at the clubhouse, and I intended to go, but I didn't get far towards the door when I encountered She Who Must Be Obeyed wearing her work out clothes. I'm pretty sure they sell yoga pants in the lingerie department -- or they ought to. Got to the clubhouse just in time to be the last person there but the hostess and her boyfriend. Since hiking with my equipment tired me out, I sang for my supper, sort of. Screeched? Caterwauled? Broke glass with my voice. Played the wife's song, it was that or another one I like but wasn't mine, and the audience picked. After that, there was a bit of conversation, then a hike back to the van. At least it was mostly downhill.

01/12/18 — Seeing as how it's my day off, decided to get some work done on the channel. Found really nothing to talk about; all the news I listen to is about California's pot laws. Everybody's really excited about it. So, I guess, if it's what the public wants then I ought to write something. Little opinion piece ("Hooray!"), and a history about the illegalization of it in the first place. I didn't go into it so deeply, figuring everybody on my channel would know all this stuff already. Then it was back to work. Sent in a couple more chapters, rounding the corner I think. Shouldn't take too much longer now. Unless the edits are really a beast like the last one. My turn to cook, and I found a recipe I wanted to try. After about an hour and a half, way to much lorighittas with shrimp, mussels, and orange. Over ate, so I went to bed early.

01/11/18 — Morning stuff found us working out together; the family that sweats together... does a lot of towel washing? I dunno, didn't think about that one. Genetics in the morning, Organic Chem in the evening. Stopped by Roasters on my way from, and hung out at the Union, eating off campus just to avoid the guys for a couple of days. Listened to some classic music, updated my playlist and found the playlist I'd made for when Bunny and I... maybe I'll see if She Who Must Be Obeyed would like any of 'em. Or I could just flush it. Late dinner at home with the wife, then a snuggles on the sofa watching The Magicians. Freakin' Finger-wigglers. She likes to watch Mythbusters, and sits through Project Runway with me. Though when one of us gets bored, our attention usually drifts. Weirdest kinda honeymoon, but I like it.

01/10/18 — Woke up and just chilled, reading news on my phone when the wife came in and gave me breakfast in bed. But I had that after my dessert, to work up an appetite. Wish I could have napped after but had to get ready for school. Drug myself to class, and at lunch met some of the guys again. Ben's with a new girl, told me the other one was to uptight. Cue gross jokes. I said my goodbyes as quick as I could rather then make a scene. School was otherwise not entertaining; after class I stuck at the Union, reading ahead, then I went home.
Found a message waiting for me by someone I didn't know. They said they had news about a situation of Bunny's. If she's in trouble, I'd want to help, so I made arrangements to go meet up. Turns out it was less about news -- no, it wasn't about news at all. That was a lie to get me to meet him. It was about a baseless accusation; had I invited Bunny over during the storm to engage in inappropriate activities with her. I had to set him straight more then once, since he was a little dubious about my love life which, really, none of his business, even if he is friends with The Wife. He wouldn't give up who told him, but I have my suspicions. If he had, I probably could have given him a motive for why he was lied to. Meh.
It wasn't all downhill, though. Met some ok people, and a massive... pet rat. One of them, people not rat, reminded me a little of The Wife. ... had I not been distraught. Went home, told the wife about what her new boyfriend did, while getting frisky, and left her confused. She follows after me, let me know it wasn't over.

She's a darling woman. And I found that what I like about her is her strength. Not physical, though she certainly has that, but of her character.

01/09/18 — Slept in a bit, then went to my morning Genetics class, came back home because the next one wasn't until the evening. Time to do some work. Wrote a little, a very little, and did some video work. She Who Will Not Be Disobeyed was out, working on another piece, so I took a solo nap. Life of the rich and dozing. I suddenly realized why it is that all evil rich people do weird things. It's because they're just bored and want something to do. Like. You know, world domination, or making hamsters wear tiny jetpacks and suicide vests and then realizing you ought to have given them a fanatical devotion to you and your image first when you have to hire a misfit team of mercenaries to clear out the rogue elements.
If that's not a movie, then it should be. Matt Damon should play the professor. Or one of the hamsters. Or both. Am I having a flashback from the Rave?

01/08/18 — Went to my morning class. No, seriously, waking up before the sun really sucks. Then it was lunch and after, my afternoon class. Saw Sam while eating. He apologized that my bachelor party didn't go over so well. He seemed genuinely unhappy that he got to miss out on all the fun. Ben, and his girlfriend De Jour, that means 'of the day', joined the conversation. Ben was looking forward to the strippers. Sam was, like, they weren't for him. And Ben replied, that they would have been. I chuckled, because he could have them, Sam wasn't impressed, and his girl elbowed him in the ribs and then left in a huff. Being the gentleman that he was, Ben let her leave.
Back at home I finally worked up the courage to serenade the wife with the song I made for her. I'm certainly not good, but I guess I got the A for the effort. She didn't even let me get past the first chorus, so I guess anytime I feel like having snuggle time, I can just whip out my refrain. After a nap, went to Roasters. Met a pretty outgoing woman, who knew Sunrise's boyfriend when he showed up. Chatted for a while, before I realised how late it was, made my excuses and went home.

01/07/18 — Pretty normal day at home. Although I've been told I am, I'm no God, but even that guy took a day off. Did the morning stuff, and then some videos for the YouTube guys, like Hippie Jack and his wife helping the less fortunate people around the Appalachia. Nice people. Still, no rest for the wicked, had more research to do, and I wanted to study ahead in the textbooks. Whilst cuddling on the couch watching television with the wife it came to me that this whole thing is going to make me a scientist. A NERD. I can't tell anyone and the realization made me make a face, and She Who Must Be Obeyed asked me about it. All I said was nerd. She thought I was calling her a nerd, so I caught a pillow to the face. Which prompted a chase through the house. Don't tell anyone, but I really love that woman.

01/06/17 — Woke up in the caravan. Sore, and I would have been cold if it weren't for the heater. When I took a look around, apparently I was in the desert but fortunately GPS could find me. I don't remember much about yesterday -- I guess that would be Friday, there was a rave out by where the wife lived. Well, or lives? She's still keeping her Bachelorette pad, so I guess lives. Didn't have much to do. I worked it out on my schedule so every weekend is a long weekend. Not hard with 12 credits. Jog, centered, made a nuisance of myself. Wrote, researched, got some calls. Big things, maybe. I ate up my time before the rave, but I still got there early, and left when the ground started to spin, but met some nice people. I think. I'm sure I did. I remember there was a brownie. With blueberries? Or one big blueberry. And a didgeridoo. I think I remember there being breasts, like, all over the place. And I didn't wake up in some stranger's bed, just in the back of the van. I guess I made it out, eventually, and parked in the middle of nowhere.
Oh, god. And there was this guy. I don't remember his name. He had hair longer than mine used to be, and I think he was hitting on me? He told me he wanted something sucked, so I tried to get him to hit on a girl there, but she flaked, so that's unfortunate. I make for a poor wingman, and probably couldn't seduce my way out of a wet paper bag.
Uh! Someone made me drop my special brownie. Aww, man.

I remember waking up and dreaming that I was cuddling with a coyote. Weird, right? When I got home it was still ungodly o'clock. Woke the wife up so she knew I made it home ok. Took a nap, then my normal morning stuff and then the shower. Cracked the spines on my textbooks, until I went looking through yesterday's jacket for my phone. Found a joint. Why not, I deserve a break. Puff, puff, pass, right, so I made sure the wife got some too. Took another nap after eating some snacks and when I woke up, it was already a quarter past late PM. Didn't feel like cooking, so I took my studying stuff to WaffleMania. Met some people from the Rave and Lark. We talked about DiscoTits among topics. But Lark wasn't feeling so well, so I offered we leave, saying goodbye to Hair and Dreads. Went back to the clubhouse where she tried to convince me to take a shower and I told her about the GMOs in her steak. I won. Then it was to home. To sleep.

01/04/18 — Genetics, before the evening class of Organic Chemistry, went into Roasters. I saw Bunny there. Briefly. No sooner had I entered then she dashed out. I guess she's avoiding me now. That. I'm not going to lie, that hurts. I guess I felt more for her than she had for me and now that we're done, we can't even be friends. I cheered myself up with some pictures of kittens; it's what the internet is for after all, right? A little before six thirty, I bandaged up my bleeding heart and sullenly went to class, then back home. Evening classes are so fun. I'm looking forward to more of this like a, a. I dunno, an extra hole, or something.

01/03/18 — The day started like it normally does; me wishing that I had a few more days off. But no such luck. Time to get back into my routine, only now I have to set aside some time to center myself and just be. She Who Must Be Obeyed gave me a right smooching, told me she had a delivery to make. I saw her take something out from her forge out back while I was putzing around and out to the car. Making a delivery. Shuffling over to Campus, I spent the majority of my day there, happy day. First class was Genetics at a normal hour. The professor went over the standard stuff, and that chewed up a majority of the time. After that, wasted some time at Muir Woods with a coffee, because my next class, Critical Writing was in an hour and a half. Enough time to go home and back, but The Wife probably wasn't back home so I figured why bother. After that, went to the Union, and lounged out with the Genetics book. Saw an incredible girl coming in, get something from the vending machine. Swear she's a model or something, and when I found I was staring I just had to get out of there before I got myself into more trouble. Went home since I didn't have any other classes. Wife was home, but I missed dinner. Went to the studio to work on my videos and her gift; redid yesterday's entry rather than repost the whole thing. Now; how do I deliver it to her? Do I really want to torture her with song?

I Do
Every time I see you go,
   I want to stop, to tell you no.
Pull you near, to tell you, Dear,
   That every departure makes me tear.

Until the stars grow old,
   'til they turn dark, go cold.
I will love you, cherish you,
   'til the end of time; I do.

When we met we were with others,
   And when we spoke we ignored our mothers.
Don't fall in love too fast, sorrow is forecast,
   That it is sure never not to last.


I've made mistakes, they seem to swell,
   From a tarnished pedestal I fell.
And throughout it all, never have I doubted,
   Your love was touted, from the hilltop I've shouted.


As our love matures, ages like wine,
   I know that I am yours, and you are mine.
For now. For ever. Until the end of my lifespan,
   Because it's plain to scan, you make me a better man.

'til the end of time; I do. (x2)

01/02/18 — Last day off before going back to school. Boo. Tried going out for my jogging outside, but it was really to cold in my usual running outfit, so I went back to the elliptical in the warmth of home. At least the snow is gone. Or mostly gone. Peaced out for a bit with the meditation and then back to the grind with the book for awhile when I saw the wife outside, digging up the peach trees that aren't going to make it. Shame too, I had plans for those trees. And her. But being the caring husband I am, I took some tea out to her and took a look at the damage while I made her take a break from digging up the trees. She turned down my offer to help, which is good. I might get a callus or splinter and bleed to death. Told her of my plans to take Human Reproduction just as an excuse to ask her to help me with my homework. Old broad. Old broad she called herself. Silly girl, she's not any older than I am. I took my reward for bringing her something warm and went back to work until she came back in from outside and gave me a look. Curiosity got the better of me, so I followed her, and I'm glad that I did.
In the evening, went to 'Mania to have a short stack of virgins. While I was there, I wrote something for her. I didn't get weepy at all. And if I tell her that, she'll probably call me on it. Ugh, my love for her is palpable. I hope this feeling never goes away. Maybe I'll turn these words into a song and play it for her.

01/01/18 — While the cat's away, the mice will... write on their book while they still have a couple of days left before school starts on the third and, because none of his classes are offered in the summer, he has to take a full-time student class load. Awesome. Choke me. So, did that. Then got the studio setup, mostly well. I tweeted out a live broadcast, got some people. Turned into an impromptu AMA, mostly focused on where I was living, and information about the wife. I try not to include her too much there, not unless she wants to, like the make-up episode, so averted questions on that end. Then I recorded some videos, put off editing them until tomorrow, and wrote some more in the living room.
It occured to me that I hadn't seen Shooting star in awhile, so I got on the bike, and drove to see her and to hear about any new developments. Baby's doing well. She's melancholy about the changes to her body, the bloating, the bladder. I tried to say the right thing, but I'm just the guy that did this to her. I got more than one pillow thrown at me. We sang a lullaby to her bump, I filled her in with what was going on, and there was a fight too, but I had to remember that, as horrific as it sounds, she was dealing with a lot. She asked me to come by more often when I was getting ready to go. I didn't promise, but I'll see, and she gave me a new sonogram. I still don't want to know the gender, but I could tell by her smile that she knows.
When I got back, I went to the clubhouse since it was a close stop. Ran into Red's Dad, and his, Date? I'm not exactly sure, but they were cuddly. As well as the Old Man. After something to eat, I went home, and put up this sonogram with the other on the fridge. After I finish writing this, I get to slip into bed with the best woman ever. I'm happy.📷DuskSono23.jpegDuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png

12/31/17 — Dear Diary,
Not much to talk about. Grabbed a few more things from the apartment and signed the last of the paperwork and handed over my keys after I did the last walk around. The Wife was out, she's spending a lot of time out nowadays. Gave me time to unpack boxes and pee in all the corners to mark my territory. Ok, maybe not that last one. Maybe. She was back in time for the evening, all prettified, and promptly chided me to not ruin her hair or make-up. We had a fun time at the party, though. Apparently the wife knew some people that knew some people. Either way, it was an excuse to get fitted for proper evening wear and drink things that I would pale to think how much they would cost. Too many such things as it turns out. I was a little flush by the time the countdown came and made sure that her first kiss of the year was, hopefully, something she'd remember and compare to the next.
I might have made a spectacle. No, I definitely made a spectacle of myself; I remember my hands kind of roamed where they oughtn't in public. She made excuses and we went home, where I showed her what I'd done in the ballroom, there at the doorway. And in the kitchen, the living room and I would have in the hall too, but I think her gown zipper was stuck.
Happy New Year, me.

12/30/17 — Hottie wanted to talk, sent me a text. It'd been awhile since I spoke with her. Last time was just a brief 'Hey' at Halloween when she was dressed up like a sexy cop. She said she wouldn't dress up in the costume again, much to my disappointment. I went into the city, She Who Must Be Obeyed had already left, and got a few more things packed. The Coral Reef manager thought it was very fortuitous that I moved out so soon before the storm. I had to just shrug and smile; I guess I didn't realize how lucky I was. Moved out just about all of it. I should be finished by tomorrow, let the mover's move the heavy stuff.
With all that taken care of, it was time to meet Leather Pants. She was gorgeous, as always. I had to remember why I wasn't allowed to date her while sitting down. We caught up a bit, talked mostly about She Who Must Be Obeyed, a topic I could talk about Ad nauseam, and a little about what was going on with her, before she got to what she wanted to ask. Something about my Christmas visitors, and not the one I thought she meant, just Richie Rich and Bunny. I guess I confirmed some things for her, and that's all that was necessary. I was feeling some pangs for Bunny, after talking about her, and Leather Pants helped talk me off the edge. Gave me some free advice, too. Not to overthink gift giving with She Who Must Be Obeyed. I'll give it a try.

12/29/17 — Another day with my best friend. Binged the heck outta Black Mirror and I got a text from Sam. He apologized for how the bachelor party turned out and I'd really forgot about it and when he reminded me, I was actually really relieved. The last thing I'd need is some complication mixing up my home-life, as fragile as it now. She Who Must Be Obeyed changed out her hair. Again. Just when I started getting used to the aquamarine now it's. I dunno. Orange? I teased a little and I got The Look. You know, I know, the one that says I better knock it off if I don't want to sleep on the sofa again. And I don't, given the option. There was a hug and a smooch, I asked how her hair got so long. She show me the extensions. Huh, I said, you don't have to go through all that hassle for me. I've seen you nude, I said, meaning without make-up. You're plenty gorgeous. She smirked at me with affection and patted my cheek. She went to the city after she got all breathtaking and spectacular. Probably more about the work to do to ensure that those who need the essentials for the winter get them. Troubles of the Rich and Famous. I did a little more work and then I went to the clubhouse. Place was all mine, felt good to stretch my legs a little. I thought about it a little and made a small change to my schedule, well, two. Added Sign Language and Its Culture for the Diversity course, and Psychology because. Well, because of Bunny.

12/28/17 — Today was a good day. It was just me and The Wife all day. It was just a pleasant day, spent lounging, and me getting stuff for her. It's not that I don't care, or that I can't do it. It's just that I feel like anything I did get her would be woefully inadequate. Like I would lose it if I made something for her, and she gave me the kind of affectionate sound that mothers give their sons when they're given macaroni are and promise to put it on on the fridge. I would. Lose it. So, three days AFTER Christmas, and I'm still looking for something to get her. Thus far, attentiveness and loyalty. Like a dog. Sigh. I can't even. I spent most of the day getting my new class schedule in order, and then finished with alot of book writing. Hooray.

12/27/17 — Sat around most of the day. I think the wife is keeping an eye on me, 'cuz she stayed home too. Hey, here's a thing, turns out, uh, there's a feature this place has that I didn't know about. And, uh, I'm glad I'm a good boy. I thought she was watching pornography, turns out not so much. But she asked me a little question, and when she liked my answer, I got a good boy reward. I like rewards. Rewards are good, otherwise airlines wouldn't offer them. She left a little later, something something, blizzard something? I dunno, I was pointed to the my computer and told to get cracking or the whip gets cracking. And considering what I saw in her last playroom, I fully believe her. In short, the book is coming along. I took a little break, shot some footage of the snow, and made a quickie video to let the subscribers know that I'm not dead. There was a little mumble about the Tit on the Hill (that's what I call the dome I live under) that sparked some back and forth on the channel about pros and cons. Mostly pros. But at least the subscribers know I'm not dead.

12/26/17 — Spent some of the afternoon in, still healing from greeting the wife at the door. No school, yet, so I took a page from the publisher's book and started to work on the next chapters. Right as soon as I finished setting up more of my recording studio, have lunch, put the fridge back where it should be. I'll get around to it. Besides, all the greats work better under a tight deadline.
Yeah, I'm totally procrastinating.
I had a New Years Eve party to go to and when the wife left to go clubbing, and I couldn't go because my homework wasn't done, I left for that. I had a pretty nice time. All told. I got there just after a surprise wedding, apparently and there were gifts abound. You know, your usual. Walmart things, and stuff, and a dead mouse that the groom pocketed, how gross. Just your average gifts. I made a complete spectacle out of myself when I clinked my glass to get the couple to kiss, but, ah. Apparently that's a SanFran thing, 'cuz they all looked at me like I was going to give a speech. I met her once, and him just then. I hadn't drank enough to start speechafying. More than a little embarrassed, I got out of there and earned a little sympathy from someone I hadn't met before. ShortNSweet was helpful in letting me forget my goof, asking, not in so much words, to see the pictures I'd taken until the picture police came over and make me delete one. So really all I have of the evening is one. When weight starts getting tossed around, it's best just to scatter. Besides, I had to get back and pretend like I was working on my book. All night. So I can join the wife on outings.📷DuskB&MVase.pngDuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png

12/25/17 — My guests left, in the morning after breakfast with what seemed to be a new sense of being enamored with each other. While I had a bit of a chore on my hands, getting the place back up to code. As if that wasn't bad enough, it seems like the publishers finally got a phone to work through, aw shucks, and let me know that the blizzard was a perfect time for me to have written more chapters. I wanted to give them choice words, but though that my future employment might depend on a more tactful reply. So when I started doing that, I heard the front door open, and the voice of an Angel calling out for me. In my socked feet I slid on the floor rounding the corner and almost lost my balance, but I was in a hurry to greet her. God, had I missed my wife.

Twas the day before Christmas and all through the dome,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a gnome.
The food had been packed in a cooler outside,
And was found in the morn to be strewn far and wide.
The couple, exhausted, still slept in their beds,
Whilst dreaming of meats to go with their breads.
She in my bathrobe and he in my clothes,
While I too had succumbed to sleep's undertows.
Then out in the garden there came such a noise,
I flung to the window and there I was poised.
A blanket of white, the howling of wind,
I saw nothing out there, I felt quite chagrined.
I studied the snowfall with eyes like a hawk,
And out from the depths a figure did stalk.
Hunched it appeared, with long willowy arms,
And gnashed its sharp teeth, its clear aim to cause harms.
It moved with a quiver, so lively and quick,
And parted the snow like something toxic.
As it twitched closer, I noticed its pallor,
My eyes, they grew wide, and I misplaced my valor.
Its shadow then darkened the glass where I peeped,
I hid by the wall, not a sound, but I meeped.
Its paw touched the window, its visage profane,
And frost from its fingers slithered 'cross the pane.
It turned in departure, with nary a sound,
I pressed to the window, my horror unbound.
Then watched it discover the box of our food,
Saw between snowfall, its ribs did protrude.
It judged all the choicest with eyes like an owl,
The best cuts it hung from its ribs to embowel.
It sprang from its crouching, all covered in meat,
And away in the blizzard it fled, weirdly fleet.
But I heard it call out, ere it dashed out of sight--
A call that was widely returned, to my fright.

12/23/17 — When I woke up in the morning, I was exhausted. Nothing like having precious little sleep to make a man feel like utter garbage in the morning. Thinking about it, I'm sure this is Karma for all the times I've kept my neighbors up; and my neighbors know my name. Day got even better when the bathroom light wouldn't turn on. I muttered. We finally lost power. But we still had water, and worse comes to worse, there's plenty of snow outside to melt. I washed in the sink to save the water heater effort and had a little bit of a deja vu. Back when I was 15, and Amanda was 14, and we went to Mount Shasta with, some of her friends. Four hour drive and when we got there, after hiking around, the weather turned for the worse. They were all fine, but me? I'm squishy, and I could freeze. Learned a lot about surviving in the woods in cold weather. But nothing like this.
All the same, no idea how long the fridge had been without power, so we'll have to cook everything. I unplugged it before I engaged the generator, I figured there was no sense in keeping potentially rotten food cool. Plus, nature provided us with the perfect freezer outside. The snow drifts will even hide whatever boxes of food we save. I managed to turn one of the generators on, power drain didn't look all that bad, but all the same, I made sure to close doors and unplug everything in rooms we aren't going to use. Radio didn't supply good news.
When my guests gave signs of life I was already beating eggs; we're going to eat like kings today. The rest of the food we don't eat and doesn't look bad I'll put in a box and we'll leave under the snow, near the door so we can get to it again. Bunny wanted sausages, I decided it was best to retreat to my room rather than watch her eat phallic foods, but all the same, Richie Rich seemed amused when I related the story of how she eats them. We popped in Die Hard, for a Christmas movie, rather than Bad Santa or ... god, Home Alone. Ugh. That's when I retreated, leaving the love birds alone. I think I remembered reading somewhere that there was a direct correlation between natural disasters that force you to stay indoors, and spikes in population. Nothing to do when Mother Nature rages than, well, to feel victim to the urge, I guess. I vaguely wondered if this is what B&B owners felt like, knowing what was going on, but trying to ignore it and be scarce for it to happen. God, I miss my wife. Put in earbuds, listened to music, medicated -- glad I took those classes. I came out every now and then when the sounds dulled, for lunch or dinner. Was a little social, but then scampered off when I saw they were getting kissy-feely. I might still have feelings, but ... well, it is what it is and I'm glad they're both happy and found something to distract themselves with while we go through a new Ice Age.

Let the bloat king tempt you again to bed. Pinch wanton on your cheek, call you his mouse. (Hamlet: Act 3, Scene 4)

12/22/17 — When I woke up in the morning it was a rude kind of awakening. But familiar. Pleasantly familiar. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to know that the feelings are there, but she's making it really difficult to be a good boy. And while I didn't get a lot of hours of sleep, it was nice sleep. I remember I dreamed about the wife, so waking up with someone was a nice feeling even though it wasn't who I wanted it to be. We saw the storm raging no better. Snow, so much snow. So we knew we were going to have a longer wait for this to pass. We thought of things to do in order to pass the time; a little cards, and a little reminiscing, and some harmless flirting. Then we heard someone at the door. Could you believe it, Bunny's current boyfriend, Richie Rich. He was in the area and trudged over, but even still, it took a couple of us to close the door again. I remember thinking that the garden's going to look the shambles after this. With Bunny, we made sure he got warmed up, and I gave him some of my clothes to wear rather than a towel. Guy's built like a tank, taller than me too. If I thought Bunny was the shallow type I'd say I knew what she sees in him: muscles, looks, wealthy; I think he's even taller than me too. But he's actually a nice guy as well. I made sure the boyfriend of the year got something warm in him, and we re-started our game of Go Fish. Took me a while to remember the rules, but even still, we were a little lax with them. With the internet down, there wasn't much else to do, but that, watch some movies. That sort of thing. When they went off to bed, it wasn't all that long until I heard her thanking him properly.

I write this, and then try to suffocate myself under my pillow.
God, I miss my wife.

12/21/17 — I don't know how she made it. No, I do, because she told me, but I really don't know how she had the determination to get all the way here. The wind was pretty loud, rain was coming down too, and I'd just eaten. Since I didn't know how long I'm going to be holed up in here, I pulled up some blankets, most of the blankets, into the living room and made a big pile out of them. Then a bit of a blanket fort. Had a radio on and a light to read by. No new word from Aqua though but I think that might just be because the services are kinda crappy. Anyways, I went around and unplugged as much as I could, so there was less of a draw. And instead of watching videos on the lappie, or the phone, I finished my new school schedule (lame) and then set down with a book, Prisoner. I don't recognize it, so I think it's the wife's.
That's when I heard the weak knock. Poor thing looked like she'd drowned. Said a tree fell through the roof of her beach house. Got her a warm shower and something of mine to wear and something warm to eat. And then she was out like a light. She's just as cute sleeping as I remember. I stayed awake and soothed her hair a little, watching her sleeping. Then I got a little self conscious that I was probably being creepy, so I returned to my book and I wish I hadn't. Turns out the Aliens eat people; among the things they do to people. In graphic detail. Think I'll just turn in, listening to the rain and the wind, snuggling with my Bunny.

12/20/17 — Well things are getting really serious now. I'm glad Kumo and I took care of the plants. When I woke up, no wife. But I got a text later, she's safe and with friends. That's good. She put in extra water and loaded up the larder, that's good too. Something about the backup generator--S? There's more than one? I should have paid more attention, but she's so CUTE when she's going on about her doomsday stuff, and about how much better her DOME home can survive against storms and hurricanes and the like. I get glassy eyed and my mind wanders to other things. I remembered thinking when I read the text that I hoped I wouldn't need them. That's called foreshadowing, Grandma.
I had the television on, fiddling around on the computer when the internet died first. I gave it a try but after turning the router off and then back on I was sorta at the end of what I knew what to do. By then the noise outside was pretty bad, and I tried texting back, but I was only getting sporadic bars at best. At least I was able to send something. Without the internet life really has no meaning, so I decided to do something stupid: I went outside and took a picture. And then one of how damp I was after toweling off. The lights flickered for a bit, so I went looking for those generators and got familiar with their use and got a flashlight just incase I needed it. I may or may not have slept with her pillow.📷Storm from lemon grove.jpgDuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.pngDusk wet.jpgDuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png

12/19/17 — Skies are looking pretty dark, that's not great, especially over Prospect. Kumo and I took care of protecting the peach trees in the back and covered the garden, just in case the dark clouds led to something worse. I found some old, and very bad, poetry about the Ex. The time she asked me to open the relationship up. I'd forgotten about that. She wanted to see other women, and after thinking about it, realizing that there would always be some way I wouldn't be able to satisfy her and wanting her to be happy, I let her know she could after I'd thought about it for a day or two. Of course, I'd be free to see other people too. When I said that, she wasn't interested anymore. And I didn't know then, like I do now, that what she really wanted was to be with the Third Wheel guilt free. I guess she got what she wanted, in the end.
Funny how that stuff works out.
But that got me thinking about, ... other things, and how much I missed Bunny. Just because I'm not allowed to see her anymore, doesn't mean I still don't have feelings still for her. I can't turn them off, but I can push them down. If it's a choice between the two, the wife would win everytime. But. Still. And then like she can read my mind, Bunny sent me a picture. Did I like her new swimsuit? Oh boy. She has to know what she's doing to me. I left Roasters a mighty bit distracted and went home before replying, diplomatically. To add to all that, the Publishers got my grades. It wasn't that they weren't happy, it's just that they weren't, what'd they say? Weren't paying to send me to play with co-eds. I'm there to get a certain set of skills and ART isn't one of them. Ppft. Seems like having a Dr. before my name would give me books more weight, while I think it would make them seem more stuffy. But they're paying the bills, so now I have to go back to Biology. Not that I wasn't anyways. Meh, and bah humbug.

12/18/17 — After another casual morning of moving some of my things over to the new house. ... well, dome, I dropped the presents for the family off at the post office. Had to go express because apparently everybody else has decided that they too have family that need presents. Around lunch at the DOME we got a house visit from The Doctor. She, like the wife, like everybody else really, was stunned by the change. I didn't get a chance to tell her why the change but then, I don't think she needs to know. She already thinks poorly of me enough as it is. She did want to touch it though; a lot less to brush and it feels like I have about 15 pounds less on my head. So that's good.

12/17/17 — While moving some of my clothes in, Aqua gave me a bit of a surprise. I didn't know that she could play the accordion. But that's neat, and she's much better at it than I am. If I weren't so self conscious about it, we could jam out together, dueling banjo style, only with my two accordions. Yeah, two, she decided to give me an early Christmas present. It looks really, just really impressive. She must have been working on it for awhile. I said thanks not so much with my words. There was a little bit of a misunderstanding, I thought she wanted more kids. Who says 'them' when you don't know the gender of one baby? But I love her, so I'll overlook her flagrant disregard of the English language. Poor English, I still love you.

12/16/17 — Saturday, and I decided to go into the city, join the rest of the herd in looking for Christmas presents. Still nothing looks like it's right enough for her, but I did pick up stuff for Mom and Dad and the rest of the family. Mostly. I'll have to sent it to them in the post though, so I'll have to remember to send them early so they get there in time for them to open. It's not like we do the whole, sitting around a tree, drinking eggnog, singing Christmas songs or anything like that. Just a little gift on this day and your birthday. It's not about the material things, the parents said, but it's still nice to be given a reminder that someone thinks nicely of you. Mom likes jewelry, Dad's more practical. The uncle gifts can be goofy.
Since I was out, had an early dinner at the clubhouse and met someone that I didn't know before, and I thought at first her daughter. Turns out not to be the case, but the little girl was more mature than both adults. We talked for a bit, submarines and thumbs, before I noticed the time. When I was leaving, NoThumbs gave me a compliment that I only just realize now, writing in my diary, that it really wasn't. Well, half was. More studying of the student catalog is in my future, I think.

12/15/17 — Second night in the new home, still getting used to the sounds it makes when the house settles during the night. I left a little early for school since I don't know what the traffic situation is going to be like, and I'm not familiar with how to get to school from this way. Glad I did too, because there was a little Friday traffic but the guitar and I made it safety to the one-on-one final. I got a few good pointers, and the instructor told me if I keep at it I'll develop some nice calluses on my fingertips like that's something I want. Calluses are the wife's territory. Anyways, school semester is all finished and now I have to pick up classes for next year. Happy and joy. Biology, I think, the whole reason I'm there. Picked up one of the catalogs to give it a look over tomorrow. Kicked around Prospect for a bit, still trying to figure out what to get her for our first Christmas together. Something epic enough to say what I feel about her, but that I won't, you know, won't be able to top next year.

12/14/17 — This morning was a little fun. I had to make some calls to see if there were any moving companies that would be able to help me pack my stuff up so I could move in with, well, to our new house. Apparently that's not an easy get, especially when I blew most of my spending allowance on that last charity for the Prospects Opportunity Program. I don't know what I was thinking, but it just reminded me of them, and it looked so nice. And I have a fatal inability to haggle. I just went right to my maximum. Either way, I'll figure something out. Next was going to the manager to talk to him. He was very understanding, but let me know that since I had a contract, unless it was paid, he couldn't release me from it. It's just not my day. I left telling him I'll think it over, heck, worse case, I just keep renting the apartment and I have someplace to crash in the city if I don't feel like facing traffic. Or something else. Day was pretty much a wash, but at least I got to come home and spend time with the wife. I called Dad and updated him on what was going on. He said he'd come by later to look at the land, so we have that visit to look forward to and I realize that I didn't tell him about my hair cropping so he could prep Mom since she liked my long hair.

12/13/17 — In the morning, after my jog, I got ambushed at the door again. Well, after the door closed, but still. It's a nice surprise. She had exciting news and wanted to show me something. The wife was pretty excited and it was infectious. I don't get to see her like this often, and when I do, well, it's nice. It's weird, but when she's like that she reminds me more of the young adult she looks like. Not like some person, aged beyond the years of their appearance. Like I'm around because I amuse her. Like a favorite painting, or a pet. Meh.
So after we got ready we went out for a drive, back to Lemon Grove. It isn't that long of a drive outside of Prospect proper, about seven minutes with how she drives and then I saw it. There's been some changes to the property. We parked in the driveway, she gave me a set of keys and gestured inside with a nod of her head. The place is huge. My whole extended family could fit in here with room to spare. And there's even a nursery for Sky, assuming we get her. Assuming she's a her. And peach trees in the backyard, a garden. I'm going to have to learn how to garden, but I know enough from watching Dad, that the plants are either transplants or they were planted earlier. She smiled slyly at me and told me we're going to have a lot or rooms to christen. Oh, boy.

12/12/17 — After coming home from school after my two dimensional exam, Aqua told me she had a surprise. She doesn't give bad surprises, so I was happy to see what it was, but she said it wasn't just finished yet, but soon and then grinned profusely. Now I was a little nervous. Two out of three exams down, I think I did ok, despite the rocky semester I had. I hung out with the wife, my best friend for the rest of the evening. The next final wasn't until Friday, but I picked up the guitar anyways, and fooled around a little bit.

12/11/17 — When I came back home I was greeted at the door with a lovely sight. She helped me get ready for breakfast, and I was almost late for school. Or at least it would have been, if I didn't remember at the eleventh hour that it's finals week this week. We came up for air and she drove me to campus. I nearly had to tuck, roll and take off sprinting to make the history exam in time. Kiki made quite the impression with the student body, like I thought it would, which is why I try to bring myself to school. I think I did ok, but it's the one I was sweating the biggest.

12/10/17 — Today was spend with the wife, making up for lost time. Messing pretty well, we came up for air late in the afternoon and by then we were starving. I have to say, with all this less hair, my head feels lighter but more than that, I save a ton of time washing it. Sunrise texted me later in the evening again, wanted to pick up where we'd left off. I insisted on going over to her place. But she cautioned about her state of dress, but really I just wanted to see their albino peacocks. After she relented, and we had a talk for a while, she told me the happy news -- she and her boyfriend are expecting. I couldn't be happier, and I didn't stick my foot in it at all and think that maybe the thing she wanted to talk to me about was that the baby was mine. Ha, ha. So awkward.

12/09/17 — Found a good spot to park the van for the night where I wouldn't be a bother. Spent the night in the caravan, and kinda wish I hadn't. If I thought the apartment was cold, it must have gotten to twenty during the night. Luckily I have heat, and blankets, and in the morning I still had all my toes. Had a dry breakfast and put on layers, opened the back and started to just doodle on my notebook. I think it was around noon when there were signs of life, so I got out and greeted. She looked a little surprised, and I imagine it was by my new appearance. But I'm a new man now. One that realizes what he could have lost. I guess I was forgiven, when we started making out, but I had to be sure and not just assume because I want to make sure there's nothing, and nobody between us. This time. We had a talk, the kind of talk that most couples have long, long before things get as far as marriage. About her and my expectations, monogamy, and more importantly, that when she gets upset, she should use her words instead of getting violent. It was a good, long conversation, and I enjoyed every bit of it. Especially the handshake at the end.<br\>And while she was sleeping, I got a text from Sunrise. Someone else I had to talk to. I was a little subtle in text, so offered to meet her at a place of her choice. The Gatsby. And while I was trying to let her know what the new rules were and do it in a way that wouldn't make me come off as a horrible person, Bunny showed up and helped, uh, make things more than awkward. Bless her heart. Sunrise left but on good terms, and then Bunny's current boyfriend showed up, Richie Rich. I was feeling a little awkward, third wheel style, and feeling the Champagne, so I made my good-byes too. Called both a Lyft and an Uber, just to see which one would get there first. The answer? I don't know, some nice lady outside gave me a ride home instead.

12/08/17 — Woke up in the afternoon feeling like, well I suppose like one would expect and I moped around for a little while longer until, it dawned on me that this isn't the end of something. I can make it the beginning of something new. Like a whole new me. Or, ... I could plant my face of the couch all day and wait for death to take me. And as attractive as that sounded, I had some, small amount of people that depended on me to tell them what I thought about and what was going on in my life. And I had a kid on the way, I mean, around April, I'm going to be a Dad. So I should stop acting like a kid, and more like an adult. And one that can keep his priorities straight, rather than acting like an indulgent ... I dunno, something mean.
So I went out for a late jog and brunch, then took a ride over to the Mall and did some shopping. After that, I went to the saloon and got a haircut. I think she cried more than I ever did. Home and tried on some of the new clothes. I looked ok, I guess. Then I got the van, packed it up with some essentials, and drove off, into the sunset, figuratively. Watching Prospect getting smaller and smaller in the rear view mirror.

12/07/17 — Didn't do anything except laid out on the sofa after I woke up in the guest room. She took her things, left her key on the counter. That started a whole new round in the kitchen. Spent the rest of the day watching Youtube and not eating.

12/06/17 — It's over. She took her things and left after I gave her the letter. Said she couldn't do this anymore. I don't blame her. I'm just unlovable.

12/05/17 — Dear god, was it unholy cold last night. And the wife wasn't around to keep me warm, so, on with the heat. I don't know what it is, but that woman is always burning hot. In the summer there's air conditioning, I don't mind the snuggle. But when it's freezing out there, like 52 degrees, I wouldn't mind having her warming up the bed, and warming up the bed. Since there isn't anymore school, I stayed home, browsed my videos a bit, talked to the adoring fans. I don't do that enough, if it weren't for them, I wouldn't be able to live the way I do. So a nice thank you to a nice group of people. Did the normal breakfast stuff once it warmed up a little and then looked over some YouTube on the TV while doing some writing. It was then that the front desk called up and said I had a delivery. Or rather, the wife did. So I asked them to please send it up, and when I answered the bell, I was greeted with a face full of flowers. Sure enough the card was for Aqua, and I put the vase on the dining room table and looked at them for awhile. Who'd be giving her flowers? And what for? Is some creep hitting on my wife? Pink and red roses, did they... do something? Is that why she hasn't been around? Is she cheating on me and this is her paramour's way of thanking her for one of their long nights spend coiled in a lover's embrace, heaving and panting, sweaty with effo--. Steady yourself, man. She wouldn't do that to you. It's just your vivid writer's imagination running wild, not that she isn't worthy of the attention. With those doleful thoughts, I took out the letter I made for her, and put some more work on it.

12/04/17 — I think I'm caught up with my studies. But probably not; I think I'll check in, maybe, with the tutors and see if I can't have the last couple of days brushed up on my studies. That is if I feel like getting up and doing anything. I only thought about Bunny about a million times, and sulked around a little. Or a lot. It was worse while I was jogging. Usually I can let my mind, what little of it I have, wander but this time it was just thinking about her. Lovesick. I guess. Didn't help that I haven't deleted her past text. The ones that got me in trouble in the first place. Anyways, I managed to hobble to school and both classes were canceled due to low attendance, with the option of going to the instructor's office if we wanted more. I'm not that much of a glutton, I'm suffering enough already. I don't know why, but Ben was still at school. He had a new girlfriend and made some introductions with I was the guy he'd been telling her about. Clearly something was going on between the two of them. Small talk followed, then Ben said we'd see me later at the party and left before answering my confusion. Nothing good is going to happen with that guy. Went to the clubhouse after school and had something to eat while I tried to take my mind off of Bunny, wrote a story about what happened, maybe I'll add it to here if I think it's a good idea. But I put it in an envelope and left it in my nightstand. Maybe I'll give it to Aqua later. Wrote a poem about her too, but it was, and I can't emphasize this enough, not good. Which only makes me think that the story isn't good either. I just need to do more to not think about Bunny, and how much I still miss her.

12/03/17 — Today was a me day and to heck with the finals. The wife hadn't come back after her ride, or, maybe she did and I missed her while I was out and that only got her even more upset. So, the heck it. Had some tea at the Tea House, and then over to the mall to look around for Christmas gifts. Even if she can buy anything, or make anything in the world, I still have to give her something for that holiday. Not that it's going to be fidelity. I still have to ask her why that's her name, I mean... is it an alias, or did she change her name to that because it sounds Asian and she doesn't look Asian at all. Maybe her parents are weird, but then, whose parents aren't weird. So I went looking around for some kind of idea and nothing clicked. Went to the gardens afterwards and looked around. Not the same place, but it reminded me of the Park where we met and smooched... until we started to draw a crowd. Thought about Bunny, and Bombshell. Sunrise and Shooting star. The Ex, my whole sorted slutty past. And then I realized I wasn't doing it right. Somewhere along the way I got my lines crossed, and I got to be the kind of person, guy, that's worth being around her. Because she's special, and she means something special to me. And I don't know where I would be right now, or the kind of guy I would be if it wasn't for her. Even if she knew that I cheated on the Ex with her, I have to start thinking with the right equipment. Yeah.

12/02/17 — I know it isn't open, but while the wife was out, I went to Campus. Studying with a change of scenery for a while. At least long enough until the Roaster's tea was gone, and then I went back home and Aqua was back. We hung out for a little while and then The Fan gave me some texts. Some wonderfully suggestive texts. While that was going on, the Wife got upset. I'm not exactly sure about what, maybe it was because she asked if if the texts was from my college buddies, but it wasn't, and worse still it was from someone I wasn't supposed to be seeing anymore. She got changed into her riding gear and took a ride, she does that to clear her head, like me. Bunny and I made plans to talk in person, but at the Jolly Dragon. I offered to pick her up and, ... what a mistake that turned out to be. But I miss her so much that it makes me sad that I can't see her anymore.

12/01/17 — I'm not sure that this meditation is working. Sure, I haven't really been giving it that long, but I'm supposed to be thinking about nothing. Instead, my brain wanders. Thinking about all the stresses going on. The wife, the schoolwork, the final I'm going to flunk, the channel, the book. Even checking the phone to see if anybody called, or if the Neighbor left a message to let me know about the next date night. Then I was thinking if this is even how the situation was even supposed to work. If I got it wrong, maybe that's why the wife put her foot down. And then I remember I'm supposed to be not worrying about that kind of stuff anymore. And then I think about Bunny. And then I find myself thinking about her, missing her. I'd wrote that I was going to do something stupid. I finally got around to it. Waited until the afternoon and went to her office. She was in session, so I hung out in the cafeteria for a bit, drinking coffee and thinking what a bad idea I was about to do, but also psyching myself up as well. I went back a little while later and sure enough, she wasn't busy. I missed her, and I let her know that. It was a close call, but I only did something stupid, not moronic. I wish I was the kind of person that could do what I did and not feel anything.

11/30/17 — Didn't really have much planned to do other then some more studying, and a little bit of work on the book. That's all after the morning routine which now includes finding a little moment to opening myself up to hearing what the universe is trying to tell me. I'd crashed out on the sofa with a close look of my textbook... on my face, and a bit of drool, when my phone woke me from my deep contemplation. Autumn, from New York city. She just called to see how I was doing, what was going on. At first she seemed disappointed to hear I'd gotten married, but then she was amused. She said she might be in the area at sometime, sometime soon and wanted to know if we could hook up, and I could show her around. I corrected her; she meant meetup. Sure she did. Before she hung up she congratulated me on the good news about the movie, but after we'd hung up, I couldn't remember actually telling her about that. Hmm, well, this textbook isn't going to get drool stains on it by itself.

11/29/17 — My phone went off in the middle of class. It's not like there was anyone in there or anything, but still. Nobody's fault but mine, but that didn't stop the assistant from glaring at me. A week of class left, and it's my first infraction, so what is she going to do? Not that I want to tempt fate, so I didn't answer it until class was over, but I saw it was from the publicist. Long time no hear from. I called her back and got the excitement; the network guys finally got back to her and the option is a go. She gave me the synopsis over the phone and I'm not sure I like the idea. It's a RomCom about a guy who gets his heart broken badly by a cruel, heartless villainess and people whom he thought were his friends turn on him to side with her until the unlikeliest of matches which makes him see he's worth loving again. And when he gives love a second chance, the ex returns after she hears he's doing well, to take him back. New and old girl square off. Hilarity ensues. They're even using the title of my book so far, but I don't know. Never thought of myself as associated wot a romantic ... well, anything. Maybe I'll see what the spouse, I mean new girl, thinks first before I cast my final vote. The Publicist wasn't happy to be reminded about that. She offered me a stay at her place, and weirdly mentioned just me, to talk about it. Meeh, I dunno.

11/28/17 — With the extra spice gone, I found I have a bit more time. Well, more than a bit. YouTube numbers suffered while I was away, they're a fickle bunch. Now that the spare room has been turned back into the studio again, I made a short video explaining -- as vaguely as possible -- where I had been while I wasn't posting videos on my irregular schedule. You know; the wife, school and all that entails, the holiday season. I didn't mention The Fan. I think those that know, know and those that don't, don't need to. From there a video about the desalination of the oceans, and the plans that are happening overseas to fight droughts and what they're doing here in our own backyard. It's actually pretty cool. But it wasn't long after that, maybe a couple of hours, and the discussion had turned mostly into the world running out of water. I'd gone to a meditation place by the university I see just about every day. Mellow, yellow, willow moon. Something like that. All the stress, feeling like I'm being pulled in every direction. I used to smirk at the festivals when I saw them doing it, but, I dunno -- if it works for them, maybe it won't be so bad. I need to learn how to better center myself. Get some focus back. I nearly died when they suggested tantric. How about something a little more basic? We sat around, working on breathing, posture, and not thinking. Well, two out of three isn't so bad.

11/27/17 — Woke with the wife. It's like nothing happened. Nothing except we're on our third sofa. Went out for a jog and came back with breakfast to give it to the wife in bed. School after, I'm still worried that, with all the distractions that happened this month that I'm going to flunk out; at least the Native art class. I went to see if I could get some help for it, and then went to class. I know Aqua's not worried, that I could just take it over again if I do. And maybe it's nothing and I'm worried about nothing. But if the publishers decide that my poor grades voids the agreement, maybe they'll send me to South America after all. When I got home, we got to hanging out a little, snuggled on the new sofa. At least for a bit, then I had to move my studio back into the spare room, Bunny's room. I miss her, I wish I could see her again. Maybe just a text, or something...

11/26/17 — Went back into town after a bit to do my morning ritual stuff. Went to school, everything was closed, so I went back home and swapped out clothes. In and out real quick, I didn't even notice anything happened in the apartment. Hung out at Roaster's and sit so long studying I think my butt fell asleep. I was there past dinner when some guy started a conversation. Frenchie apparently knew me from when Aqua proposed, and had seen her at the opening of the Cabaret. There was a big of confusion, I think because his, I think his, accent is pretty thick. Then, with a weird case of speak-of-the-devil, I got a text from wife, asking if I'm coming home. All the talk about her, the proposal at the charity event in September, I was feeling wife-sick. Plus I'd been gone for the usual time. I went home and we snuggled in front of the television watching Netflix like we used to.

11/25/17 — I took a few things with me and I went to the clubhouse to stay there for the night. Today was the day that Aqua said she'd replace everything that got damaged in the fight and I kinda didn't want to be there for it. Not because she would be there, but because the eggnog smell was really starting to get non-festive. And I figured it would give me a place to crash and study in some peace. But I didn't feel like getting much in the way of studying done. So I did the second best thing; I moped. Got into a confrontation about it, so I figured I'd just go upstairs to study some more until someone whipped out a secret weapon: baby. Pinning so damn hard, but once I wasn't the focus of people's attention, I slipped back upstairs. Sad.

11/24/17 — Now where do I even start? I was in the kitchen when Aqua came home and right away I could tell something was wrong. I got it right away. Words spoken well, but the body language wasn't her, and then she let me have it. Bunny's pregnancy plans. I hadn't mentioned it because it was just bedroom talk. Mostly. And when she, Bunny, kept moving the date back and back again I just figured she had lost interest in it. After talking with her friends about it, and them giving her concerns, I had figured it wasn't going to happen and Bunny didn't know how to tell me. So there wasn't anything to tell. But I didn't tell Aqua. Everybody knew, except for her. She decorated the wall with the remainder of the eggnog and just like that, I was having flashbacks of being back home, cleaning food off the walls, having to hide bruises. I didn't think she'd be like this. Our last argument wasn't this bad either, but that's how it happens, right? It's how it happened before.
I remember she didn't follow the script. She tried to leave. So if she was going to go off script then so would I. I did the only thing I know how to do and looking back at it, that was totally not the time for it. But she did lay down the ground rules. No more Bunny. Oddly, no more Bombshell either. I can only figure it's because she still thinks they're still friends, but I broke that up too. I hope they mend that friendship without me around. Ugh, how do I make a mess of things? Later on, Bunny came back home. I haven't had to do this before, so I wasn't sure what to do. I'm usually the loved and left. I had some things I'd been saving for her, and then the bad news. She knew it was coming, said she had a conversation with Aqua before and expected the worst. I offered for her to stay, but she declined and, again, she's probably right. Might be a little awkward. But I am going to miss her. Maybe I'll just work on myself for awhile. But I think I said that before. I checked back; Bunny... The Fan and I, almost made it a month, just a couple of days shy. Happy Monthiversary.

11/23/17 — Thanksgiving. Always a few last minute items to pick up, at least that was the plan. Aqua came over, she had everything ready on her end earlier than I'd expected. So I had to entertain her for a bit before things got hot in the kitchen. All told it wasn't that bad a time. Bunny still seems, on uneasy footing, and I think Aqua thinks she's being friendly most of the time. But I don't blame her for being guarded. Once bitten, twice shy and all that. They know me, but not each other, and I'm hoping this will help bring the two of them closer together. Then I got a call from the parents, there were good wishes all around, and then when they weren't on speaker phone Mom asked who the other woman was. I explained and, uh, she told Dad to talk to me. It was a pleasant chat, one that I think Mom was still there listening, or guiding Dad through and I expect it's not the last I'll hear about it. But this works, or something like it. It seems like it's what she wants and I want to make her happy, so it's what I want. And it isn't like Bunny didn't come into this without both eyes open. Mom's not even using Aqua's name anymore, just 'That woman.' Christmas is going to be a treat.
I had to go out for some items I'd forgotten. Isn't that always the way? But fortunately I knew everything would be set before I got back and Aqua was there with her things to make sure everything would come out of the oven find. And of course, because it was Thanksgiving, a ten minute trip took me forever. For. EVER. When I came back home, I first thought people got kidnapped, plates had been set out, and served, but nobody was home. Though if there was a fight or an abduction, there would probably be more of a mess. Nobody's going to take Aqua without causing a mess, is my guess. So I packaged everything up; had myself something to eat.

11/22/17 — Some of the family called. Wished me an early Thanksgiving. They were with Mom and Dad, up there in SanFran. I'm happy they at least get to go. Took the bike on a little road trip, not really driving anywhere and I found myself back at the scene of the crime. Just stood there awhile and took in the view, thinking about then and now. Time I go see Shooting star, see how the baby is. I've been following along, by now she might have a bit of a bump. And the baby, she wants to call her Sky. Sky should have fingers. ... I'm a Dad. I still wish things had turned out different, still feel guilty. Big boy's don't cry. They go back to Prospect, and get a few of the things they need to finish getting ready for Thanksgiving dinner. With Aqua and Bunny and maybe a few others. This won't be at all awkward.

11/21/17 — I put the books down for a bit, went to class. Or I thought I would. One of the classes was cancelled, because of low attendance before it was even started, and the other, really should have been because there weren't a lot of us in there. Kind of a drag to come down all that way just to have nothing to do. I hid in the library for a bit, not studying, but working on the book. When the walls fell. Man made barrier. No home for cougar. I dunno, the title is still a working project. I finally did break down and get some studying done, and Bunny got upset, demanded I take a study break. Oh, what a chore.

11/20/17 — Ah, thank god that's over with. Woke up in the morning with this stupid cold over and done. What a luxury, being able to breathe out of both nostrils at the same time. Since I hadn't been jogging in a while I figured it was best to do a little longer of a one before I went back home. Got a call from Dad, wanted to know what my plans were for Thanksgiving. Mom got on the extension later to let me know how much better I sounded and how sorry she was she wasn't there to make sure I was healed up quickly. Again, reminding me that Aqua should have been there to take care of her baby. Sigh. They told me what their plans were for the holidays, and since I couldn't be there, did I want them to come down. I couldn't have said no fast enough. Standard platitudes followed. Maybe I'll ask Susan to come down and visit; I think she'd like the wife. Anyways, school -- same boring stuff there up until I saw Scott and a few of the guys. Scott looked like he figuratively swallowed the canary when he saw me and handed me a flier. Bachelor party, it said. December 22-24th, it said. Debauchery, it misspelt. Strippers, Girls, Booze. It even had my name on it. Scott poked me in the chest and told me if I wasn't there, he'd send the guys to kidnap me and make sure I was there. Stunned, I left, Scott shouting his advice that I drink a lot of fluids first. Could they find me if I went somewhere far away, like Mexico, or worse Canada?

11/19/17 — Well I certainly feel better, this is true. Nothing like having a Doctor coming by your house. But I wasn't still myself. Chicken noodle, tea, and the last of Netflix. Fell asleep somewhere in there, and when I woke up, the wife was home again. We had a short conversation, I forgot to mention Thanksgiving plans so I sent her a text with the so-so news and the bad news. Well, for her it would be bad news. Anyways, she mentioned some burlesque opening thing and on any other day I would probably have gone with her, but with how things were going lately, I just really couldn't stare at another pair of boobs.
Who said that?
Instead, I took a trip, just to see if I could find something herbal to work this cold out. Instead I found a really nice person. Super smart, educated, going to be married soon. Red and I chatted a while, long enough to find out how lucky she's been since coming to town. And I just. ... I just unloaded with just about everything that happened to me in the last seven months. Like, all the stuff I wish I could tell my wife, all the stuff going on in my head. Before I knew it, it was stupid late and I had to get going. I'm sure she thinks I'm a spaz that likes to talk about himself. Meh, oh well. I blame the cold. I'm going back to bed.

11/18/17 — Suffering in silence. Mostly. Mom wants to know what my wife was doing to take care of her poor sick baby. The last thing I'm going to do is pass that on to Aqua. Then she wanted to know if she should come over, 'We're not that far away, Donnie,' she said. I bet Aqua clenched hard, miles away, and didn't know why. I told her we were doing fine, but thanks, and all that jazz. Got some of the family gossip, and then went back to watching television and resting. I got to episode six of the new Punisher stuff when there was a rap-tap-tapping on my door. The good Doctor making a house call. Probably had a sixth sense that there was a friend out there with a cold. She gave me the once over, and I felt a little better already, just having her hands on me. Then we had a talk until Bunny came home and then the conversation turned a little risque. I learned a new word. Also, I know who has a crush on a certain someone. Juicy secrets and gossip, high school is never over, is what they say, so I imagine this is what high school was like.

11/17/17 — Pretty sure Bunny'll get sick too. But I still don't feel great. Sleeping schedule is all messed up too, but it's not like I can get up and go to class like the way I am, or I'll just infect poor, innocent people with this black plague. Bunny says I'm not allowed to die, just yet. Instead, I have to take her out on a date, to cheer me up. We went to the amusement park on the boardwalk and took in some touristy things, played some games and then we had a walk and talk on the boardwalk. Got in some serious snuggle time. Then someone Bunny knew came up. Drove up. He's actually pretty cool for an old guy. Was in the military, has some really neat theories about love and stuff. I'll have to talk to him again. If only I could do it somewhere they don't allow smoking, ugh.

11/16/17 — Normal morning routine; only by noon I started to feel really cruddy. Started as a tickle in my throat, and then it was full blown achy neck. I stuck it out at school as long as I could, but then it was home as soon as I was able with a stop to Chinatown to get some soup and tea at the Tea House to hopefully get something to make this cold go away. Got the laptop and everything out in the living room, huddled on the sofa and prayed for death. Then Bunny came back from visiting her mother. It didn't go well. Poor woman. Both of them. I wish there was something that I could do to help them, other than simple comforts.

11/15/17 — Early morning jog, breakfast. Made some videos for the youtube crowd and then sat down to do some more studying. It isn't 2D Practices that's giving me trouble, but how I FEEL about some of these Pacific coast First Nation art. Have to be careful about that. Ran into the guys, we chatted, but not for long, I think they had somewhere to go without the "old man". Then, given my experience the last time, I just had a quiet night at home which is, like so refreshing. And a little terrifying at the same time, wondering when the other shoe is going to drop. At least I got to watch some Hulu.

11/14/17 — Realized this morning that finals are a month away; and the next chapter deadline was less than that. Then there were videos to get out, the one for the wife to finish. So burning the candle on both ends, in the middle and a few other portions. Spent the day with classes and then biting off some of this work. I was so tired, I went to the clubhouse for a bit. Saw a few people I know, including Sox. I don't get it, maybe I see something other people don't, but she's just. Weird. She asked a few questions, one I especially didn't want to answer, and was kinda rude. I dunno, maybe it's just to me. I wonder if Short-crop knows Sox has a thing for him, or maybe she just likes objectifying guys.

11/13/17 — I tried to sleep in, but I had a visitor and she wouldn't let me sleep. Or skip school. I think Aqua's developing some sort of mischief sense about her, able to run over and ruin my fun and then scamper away, giggling gleefully. So I returned the favor and let her know the parents say Hi. And they had too, they wanted to know how Bora Bora was. So I had to tell them that we hadn't gone, yet. Not that I don't know if we will, the wife seems sorta busy, spending crazy time at her workshop. But she's doing something she likes, so that's all that matters.

11/12/17 — Sure, I can do homework on a Sunday. But I don't want to. Tried looking for some distraction, especially since the Aqua is at her's, still. She won't know if I slack off. Not a little. I sent Sunrise some messages, and she was on her way over, so nice. But she turned out to be a tease. So wonderfully so, I got my comeuppance for all the times, the many times, I teased her, so I couldn't be mad. She's wonderful, vengeful, but wonderful. I decided to keep the lesson she gave me, and go back to work, not that I was able to keep my mind focused very well.

11/11/17 — After the morning routine, I put out the stuff on the dining table and got working on some video ideas, more writing, and then homework. So fun. It's where I was when Bombshell knocked on the door again. It was a nice surprise, especially with the way she was dressed, and I guess she was here to see Bunny again, but Bunny wasn't home again. Off socializing, really like I was supposed to do. Group activity and male friends, I promised her. I think she's using her jedi mind tricks on me. Anyways, with Bunny not here, Bombshell stuck around. We chatted, flirted, and then she showed me she's serious. I still think I might regret this later.

11/10/17 — Friday and I called Sunrise. I called to early, she didn't answer, but I left a message to see if she wanted to go out on that date. While I was waiting for the call back, I took in some more Netflix, and the AC was ok, so I guess I was chilling. The Bombshell came over and with Bunny not here, I would have thought that she would have gone, but apparently not. There was a little back and forth, and I guess I can say that, if someone's being subtle enough, it goes right over my head. But when I got it, I tried to return the favor, figuring I had her number. But she called my bluff, and left. Aw well. Later in the evening Sunrise gave me a text back, so I told her what the schedule was. Something to eat, a movie. You know, the classics. I met her there and she looked… she looked great. We ate and talked, I got some pretty good advice about this new situation I find myself in. We went to the movie afterwards and I didn't see any of it. The night ended really well before she sent me back over to mine. This time I made sure to get dressed before the walk of not-so-much shame.

11/09/17 — Knocking at the door woke me up pretty early. Was there even a six am before this and why wasn't I told? It was the Bombshell and she was a little, well, she was coming down from partying all night. I remember when I used to do that. She came to see Bunny, but I thought she wasn't there. And, uh. One thing after another happened. Suffice it to say, when Bunny woke up, she had a. I dunno, I would have rather been woken up that way. She wasn't happy to say the least, Bombshell left, and we spent the rest of the night hugging, talking. She asked me about my other child. And, so I told her about Shooting star, and what happened that I understood. I didn't cry, because I'm a big boy, but I wanted to. Going to see her isn't the same as having to just go a few blocks. I wish I wasn't such a mess. If it wasn't for Aqua, it'd almost be worth going back home. At least I when the punches will come then.

11/08/17 — Breakfast and my morning workout. I went to school for a little bit, study and homework. I don't get a chance to do those when I'm at home anymore, so it's best to get it out of the way before I go there. It was pretty pointless as it turns out, I was all alone when I did get home. Made something to eat for dinner, and then someone new dropped by. Short-Crop had a few questions for me, and because this was about something ELSE not my kid, I can probably expect more of this in my future. He'd said that he came from talking to Aqua, and I would have called her to see if she was ok, but Bunny had came home, took a gawk at him and left. I get it. But she did bring me some lovely cookies, loaded in carbs. Then again, it's just about cheat day everyday.

Love is as you

A dream,
A forbidden thought,
A shared wicked smile,

Do you remember the park?
I conquered the table,
And you rushed away.

Do you recall the beach?
Kissing in the parking lot,
In the morning more in store.

My life without you,
The pain of it would be,
Gnashing, gnawing, eternally.

A wild beast,
Both feral and pure,
My life would end, and be no more.

11/07/17 — Wife came back, for breakfast. When she went to lay down, Bunny had some breakfast, we held hands. It was nice, but when I had a moment of silence, I found myself thinking about Sunrise. I gave her a text, just to let her know I was thinking about her, and got on with my day. I'd slept in, missed school, so, just bumming around the house seemed ok. Settled down, with Netflix, I had concentrated on work, and, finishing Aqua's present so hard, I didn't realize how exhausted I was when I poked my head up. I'd found my unfinished vows for the wedding too, and since the pressure was off, it was easier to finish. And apply the smallest of polish. Bunny sent some texts, she wouldn't be home tonight. Good for her. I did some more work and then went to bed and stared at the ceiling for a while, not realizing how lonely I felt until just then.

11/06/17 — Woke up for breakfast and my morning jog. School, some more editing, and checking to see if the videos were ok. I'd promised Bunny a date the other night, so we went for lunch. She licked BBQ sauce from her finger, and I realized how much trouble I was in. But at least we tried, to just chat. Went home after, she went to work. I started working on Aqua's present until my hand cramped, then gave myself a break with some writing, watching television, and texted up a storm with the--, well, I guess I can't call her that anymore. But her. We made plans for a date too, and I'm really looking forward to it. Even if we're doing things a little unconventionally, but then, since when have I been conventional.

11/05/17 — I haven't in checked in awhile and noticed that subscriber numbers have started to dwindle. That is, right until the wedding announcement was shown on the FOX channel. Not a big spike, but numbers are numbers, is what the Publicist said, even while she had been yelling at me. So I spent a good while working on the videos; make a batch of them, slip on different t-shirts sometimes. Then loading up the editing software, try to make myself not sound like a moron. Reshoot anything that needs reshooting. I had to move the stuff out, since Bunny's in the spare, so things are a little cramped, but it'll do, even though I don't like the new audio. I think there's a little echo and I don't have any sound proofing in here. During all that, I thought of a gift to get Bunny, shopped around and ordered it, but I wanted something more, so headed over to Fashion Valley Mall. Got something for Bunny. With Bunny at work and then on a date, and Aqua still gone, I went to see the Neighbor. She'd said something before, when I ran into her in the hall. I'd used her. And I wanted to know just what that meant. She was hurt, about something, something I'd done, but I can't tell what and she was sneering at me. When I turned to leave, things got. Well they got real. I guess we made up, and I staggered home early in the morning. Bunny was back from her date, and, I guess she's had a change of mind. It was kinda cute, the way she was being diminutive. But it's her choice. I'm not going to force her, or anything. What I didn't know is that it was too late to cancel my online purchase.

11/04/17 — Bunny told today was the day she was going to get her things and move in. I, ah. Can't help but feel like things are going fast, but it feels good. And this seems to be what she wants and I'll just play by the rules. The really weird rules. Since it's the weekend, took my sweet time before I went out for my jog to the park and back and when I got back, Bunny was snoozing so I went out for breakfast so I wouldn't wake her. I wasn't gone for long so I wasn't surprise that she was still zonked out when I got back, so I pulled out the old laptop and get some more work done. A lot of good information about jaguars, and submitted the completed new chapters. While I was working, sleeping beauty woke up and told me she was going home for her things. If I'd been thinking, I would have given her the keys to the van, but I just made sure she had an Uber. But I wasn't doing a lot of thinking these days. Went to the mall, figured I'd get her a Welcome Home present; and if you get one a present, you get them all a present. I was in the living room making Aqua's when Bunny came in with another one of her strays. This one seems to be alright especially in a philanthropic sense. When Richie Rich and his Entourage left, Bunny showed me something I had missed before.

11/03/17 — Friday, ugh. Woke up later than I had intended to, not my fault. Not at all. Bunny was sleeping in, lucky, so I left her there and went to school. Almost didn't make it into Two-Dimensional Practices in time. Saw the guys at the Quad. Ben immediate was gross, and this time he got an elbow from Andre. While those two wrestled, Sam asked me what was going on, so I told him, well, a little bit. I don't think his brows will come back from orbit. I swore him to secrecy, but who knows how long that'll last and I got a slap on the shoulder and a 'You dawg'. Walking to my bike, I realize I kinda am. Well, more than kinda. But I'm not supposed to dwell on that. Back home. Bunny's still snoozing; how much sleep does that girl need? So I cracked out the laptop and got some work done. Everything was going great until my phone rang. Turns out Fox 5 ran a piece on Aqua and I's elope-age, and the Publicist was P.O.! Did I ever get an ear full. She was mad, she was yelling, and weirdly she was disappointed. We had a conversation, but she still wasn't happy when ended the call; more like miffed. I wasn't back to work for long when the Doctor came over to talk, and brush my hair. That was nice, we hadn't done that in awhile. While we were talking about her, Bunny arose from the dead, just after the sun went down. I guess she'd been up longer and talking on her phone, because a friend of hers came over. Bombshell. I didn't so much put my foot in my mouth as make the worst first impression in recorded history. The four of us chatted for a little while being Bombshell had to go, no, it was very nice seeing HER. And when Bunny started getting frisky, the good Doctor vacated as well. Oh, Bunny. What am I going to do with you?

11/02/17 — Woke up to a very nice sight, and stayed around the condo for awhile. I helped provide care for someone's stability. Well. Kinda. No, not at all. As usual, I was a complete and total distraction but at least I had fun doing it. Bunny called a friend over since there was an accident, and what-do-you-know, the Doctor was there. I figure it's about time I change her moniker, since, really, that's all in the past. And they were all there when the Wife came home. The guests were nervous, but I was a good boy. But she didn't stay for too long, Doctor either. After a chat, then sleep. Tomorrow, I guess I have to go to school before I start to flunk out, if that happens, not only with the Publishers punish me monetarily, but I'm sure Aqua wouldn't be to happy.

11/01/17 — Stayed in and played hookie from school. Since Aqua wasn't in town to make me. Spent the day opening up and enjoying bunny shaped candy. Hooray for Halloween!

10/31/17 — The day after the confrontation. I'd gone there to get punished, but I'm not really sure what's going on. I was a little distracted at school and with work because of it, but just to make sure she's eating I brought over something for her to eat, but I shouldn't have bother, though the thought was appreciated. Instead I got a late start for the party at The Crypt, which was unfortunate. The wife helped. Some. Before I left I made sure we were still ok, and she reassured me. I guess-- I don't know, I guess Amanda and the Ex had done more damage than I thought they had. It's not that I don't believe her when she says we're fine, and we show it but it's just, a let down? Anyways, went to the party, saw some zombies and sexy witches, and sexy nurses and sexy Native Americans and sexy zombies and sexy… well pretty much everything really. Apparently I couldn't get frisked if I wanted to, but I ended the day on a good note. A really good note. Back to bed before this little bunny wakes up though.

10/30/17 — In the morning she was gone. If it wasn't for the mess I'd have thought last night was a dream. Fortunately Aqua hadn't come home, do I did the best I could do to cover up the scene of the crime and then, when confronted with all of it, it was just another big mount of lies that looked like laundry and welts down my back. And I wanted to tell her, I wanted to come clean. But the fight last time… I don't think we would survive me doing this again. And I had to go to class, and jog. All my normal staff. Some of the boys found me on campus, Scott told me they found the perfect strippers. Considering what just happened I told him no way. No strippers. Something jarring about the way he smiled and agreed, but I believe him. Still nothing back from the Publicist. As the day wore so did I and, I couldn't stand another night without her. I rode out to see the wife, and the way she greeted me was.
Thrilling and shaming at the sametime. But I don't deserve her. I saw the door to that room, the I'm not brave enough to go in, but today I was. I put myself in her hands and she shocked me. It's more that she knew, it was everything. Are we're going to be ok; was I was killing myself over nothing?

10/29/17 — I've been feeling so guilty, I had to do something about it. While Aqua was away, I called The Fan, asked her to come over. I hated to say it, but, we needed to talk. And then I met the Neighbor in the hallway. She still looks good, but. But she's another person that I'd gotten too carried away with. Not like that, but it could have been. And I won't say I wouldn't want to, it's just that something always got in the way with her, usually right at the last second. My conscience. But when we needed to talk, where was it then?

10/28/17 — Still wearing t-shirts with the pjs. Spent the day in, watching television with the little wifey. Feelings of guilt still aren't going away, and I'm taking on everything; breakfast, lunch and dinner chores. Probably overcompensating. Called the publicist and left a message, maybe she has something for me to do that'll take me away so I don't have to see her, and feel like, well, feel bad. Really bad. I just don't want another fight like the last one, that scared me. I can do this. I can be cool, calm and collected. Millions of people lie everyday, heck, some do it professionally. I can do it to for, … uh, the, like, rest of my life. God. Maybe we should get a puppy.

10/27/17 — For Friday, I was out of the Condo early and went for a longer run than usual. Just me and my memories. I mean thoughts. It's likes I… I don't know, but maybe I should talk to someone about it. But I have to be careful because I can't just talk to anyone about what's wrong with me, so then what do I do? In the shower I found out I have some scratches down my back. Normally I'd fess up; the guilt is eating me alive. But considering what happened last time, I don't know that I can. I'm stupid. Just stupid. And now I can't be honest with her, and I can't lie. I can't look at her without feeling guilty, and my appetite isn't doing so well either. School was, I don't even remember. I was there, I remember that much. To make matters worse, finally heard from the parents. They FedEx'd some tickets to go to Bora Bora as a wedding present, which is more than any of my other siblings got. I thought it was nice, I think Aqua thought something malicious. She's so endearing the way she loves my Mom.

10/26/17 — Another school day. I didn't get to see the wife, I guess she had somewhere that she had to be. And then I got a text from The Fan. How about dinner, she asked. Sounded innocuous enough. I don't know what's wrong with me. From the moment I walked into her office, I think I was damned. I just know this: if Aqua finds out, mine will be the shortest marriage in history.

10/25/17 — Publishers. Said I was dragging my feet, and my grades were slipping. They wanted to send me to South America, do some research first hand, this was back with the Ex. So it sorta feels like I have two sets of parents. Three, really, if you include Aqua and you're only talking about schooling because, ew. Gross, otherwise. Anyways, they wanted to see what I had, so I sent that off to them, who knows if they'll like it or hate it. Since i was thinking about it, I thought about giving the Publicist a call or text, but then I remembered she was probably still with that executive in New York, and didn't want to get in the way of that. Did a bit of school work and then Netflix and Chilled with the wife. The Wife. Aw, man, I'm never going to get tired of typing that. The Wife. My Wife. I should go see how Shooting star is doing.

10/24/17 — Standard routine day, you know, jog breakfast school, dashed home for lunch, meander back for more school. Only I saw the guys from the frat. Of all of them, Ben took the news the worst. It was like he was looking forward to Christmas and I'd just told him there's no such thing as-- uh, I mean that it was cancelled. Scott congratulated me, like the others, but told me that it still doesn't mean we weren't going to celebrate, get drunk and do something stupid. I smiled, but I'm wondering what day it is so I can be sick then. I got a weird call too, just silence. Wouldn't answer or say hello. Also from SanFran. What are the odds on two wrong numbers to my phone?

10/23/17 — Today we just stayed home. It was another 'Us' day. I could honestly have as many of those in a row as I could get away with. Playing hookie from school and just spent in bed, with my number one fan. She said she let me play hookie, but if I spent too much time from school I'll become stupid. I offered stupider, she just smiled. So that's a yes. Still nothing from the parents. I'm not sure if, after what she did, if I should try to talk to them first or if they'll call again. Maybe tomorrow. And I have to apologize to the neighbors, that music was way too loud.

10/22/17 — She stepped out for a few seconds to get something to eat and drink from the kitchen, so I figured I'd jot some words down. Seems like, with the rush to tie the knot and then the even faster rush home, we'd forgotten to tell my family. This afternoon, I got a long text broken into three, interrupt our fun. So we decided that then was as good a time as any. I should have turned off the phone, but I was, well, distracted, and it wasn't long after I let Mom know I'd married the woman of my dreams that she called. Aqua grabbed the phone, and by the time it was past down to me, Mom wasn't on the line anymore. I'm probably going to hear about this later; but at least-- there she is. But at least we can continue our honeymoon in peace.<br\>Turns out peace isn't everlasting. The Fan sent me another text with super bad news, so I went over to cheer her up. And I did. And I did. Helped her to forget.

10/21/17 — Saturday was spent at home. You know why. I'd even turned my phone off for awhile, when Mom wouldn't stop. We're going to have to tell her at sometime. Soon. I guess somewhere between rehydrating I must have turned it back on because I got a text from The Fan. She was in the area and wanted to come over, and just then, there was a knock. I guess I was a little distracted from answering. Aqua and I put things on pause, and pretended to be good hosts. She, The Fan, mentioned some troubling news that happened at her camping trip. I tried to distract her in the ways that I could think of and she was the first person that we told the news to, so that helped distract her. In the end, I think she was feeling better when she left, and that's a good thing. Now; where was I before the knock on the door? Oh yeah...

10/20/17 — We did it. We're nuts. We're young.<br\>And we went to City hall and eloped. I'm married. I'm someone's husband. Man. I never thought that that would happen. I was just looking at some new email that Mom and Sue were exchanging and had another freak out. I hadn't even heard of some of these people and I didn't know their relations. Mom's wedding was, … well it was small. Just the two of them saying they did to each other and for the longest time that was enough. Yeah, I guess that technically makes me a bastard. But when Aqua found me freak out again, she's just got this way about her and one thing led to another and when she offered to push the date back I guess I thought she was having second thoughts and counter offered with racing to City hall and, well, you know how it turned out. The Hippie married a Goth. If opposites attract, it explains why I feel so pulled to her.

10/19/17 — Hump day, aptly named, I guess. Took some time between classes to get some writing done in the computer lab, and a bit of research. Book is coming along nicely, and just in time too. I can think of a few good titles but I can't think of anything that I really like -- I'm not married to any of them. Har.

10/18/17 — After the morning jog along the cold beach and breakfast, I took the bike over to school and exchanged some texts with the sister. I told her an idea I had that morning while I was jogging and it'll probably backfire and blow up in my face, most of my plans like that do, but I asked Sue to take a look into finding Aqua's parents. I know she doesn't hold them in high regard, and she's got every reason to, but I really can't think that they wouldn't want to be there for this transition in their daughter's life. Or, if my little lady doesn't like that idea, then the next one would be to send them an invitation, but purposefully late. I think she's rubbing off on me, and not in the usually very pleasant ways.

10/17/17 — Susan. If it isn't Mom, then it's my oldest sister. Not that she acts like an older sibling, that's Mark's job. Sunshine's more a last child than I ever am, the black sheep of the family. The things she's into, I couldn't even keep track, so when she calls and lets me know that Mom's telling everybody that I'm getting married and nobody from our side of the family is invited because the bride doesn't want us there… well, I had to set the record straight. It took awhile, but in the end I was able to get Sue to see what was going on and how much I was freaking out and Mom's, … energy wasn't helping. She offered to help, with some of it anyways, which is nice of her, and I was more than willing to take it. And she said she'd let the rest of the family know it was just Mom being Mom and freaking out a little. I got teased, Momma's Little Boy is growing up, getting married, and she's having trouble letting go.

10/16/17 — Some class work, and between them, while I was writing, I got a call from dear darling Mother. She wanted to know how things were going, and since I didn't get a chance to tell Dad about it the day before, I told Mom how soon the wedding day was. Mom freaked. I mean, to put it simply, she just came unglued. She started going over all the things that we needed to have for the wedding. It started with the guest list. If I didn't include Uncle this, or Cousin that then the family will be ruined, and there just wasn't enough time to get the invitations printed and mailed in such short notice. Then there was the venue, and the officiant. Photographer, florist, band, caterer. Videographer, dress, hotel reservations for all the out of towners, register. Honeymoon, bridesmaids' dresses, save-the-date cards, transportation. Rehearsal, rehearsal-dinners, hair, make-up, music. Music, wedding favors, list of toast givers, newspaper announcement, marriage license, assigned seating, bridesmaids' gifts. I think she was still talking, but I'd dropped the phone long before then and was staring at Aqua with deep anxiety while she was listening to Mom talking. I'd like to say that I handled myself with poise and bravery, but I didn't. After Aqua said good bye and hung up, she asked if I'd rather just elope to Las Vegas, and have Elvis marry us. I whimpered loudly while we cuddled.

10/15/17 — After the morning workout and breakfast, went to the school's library. While I was there, though, I got another text. This one told me that if I went through with it, I would regret my wedding day. I finally had it so I texted back, asking who this was. I didn't get anything back so I forgot about it. It wasn't until I got home, and was lounging under a carob high when I got a phone call from the same number that was texting me. But when I answered it and said Hello, I didn't hear anything other than breathing. For a few seconds before they hung up. Now I was getting creeped out, so I listened to Aqua, blocked the number and returned to chilling with maximum Netflix. Not a problem anymore.

10/14/17 — I guess Aqua liked the videos. I got woken up in the most creative of ways but I don't think that I'll be able to go past a bakery without blushing. At least a little bit. Dad called; wanted to know how things we going on. I filled him in on the specifics, especially with the trouble I'm having with writing my own vows. Typical Dad, he had some good advice. Don't force it. Let the words come. He said that sometimes it helps to just look at what you want to write about, or think about it, and be inspired. I hope I'm half the Father Dad is one day. Though, to be fair, he's had more chances to practice his craft that I have. I spent some time working on finding the right words, and when I needed to take a break, working on the book. Words, man. Words. Everywhere there's words.

10/13/17 — Nothing new at school, really. Going to look forward to the upcoming weeks when we discuss totem poles and masks. Those seem like fun and I could get involved in that. Ben and Blake from the frat was at the food court and called me over. They asked me if there was a date for the wedding yet, which brought about a conversation about being to young to marry that I haven't heard before, he wrote sarcastically. When I told Ben he said that was good because there might be some people around still, if they haven't left for winter break or something, but then got on his phone because he said he'll have calls to make. While he was doing that, Blake asked to see a picture, so I showed him one, he looked impressed, and had to be reminded she was already spoken for. Asked if I'd knocked her up, because he's a classy sort of guy. But I left him wondering. At home I made a few videos about a sustainable farming community I'd found. It's pretty neat, and looks like it works well. Then, just for fun, did a 'My Girlfriend Does My Makeup' video. Laughs for everybody.

10/12/17 — The morning brought my normal jog and breakfast routine. Stayed a little longer than I should have, making sure that Aqua was properly fed, so I had to hussle to school. I had a close call on the way to work, think I nearly got pulled over by the police, so I slowed down a little. Managed to get to class barely on time, this professor has a rule: the doors get locked when the class starts. So, phew. After school, I got a visit by some guys I didn't know, telling me they can't wait. I was bewildered but got hearty backslaps as they left. I went back to working on my vows. I don't know why I have so much trouble with them. I'm staring at just one line. There should be more. The words usually just roll from me but with this, these words I can't seem to find the right ones. The ones to tell her just how I feel. That, no matter what, whatever else happens, or happened. For me, there's only ever been her, since the first day I met her and climbed over the picnic table to be near her. To hold her. Watch her peacefully sleeping. If only I could tell her all of that in a few words.

10/11/17 — In the morning my worry hasn't been helped. At all. Aqua was able to distract me, pleasantly enough, but she didn't really have any of the answers I was looking for. Just said that it was being taken of. Whatever that means, but I've said it before. If you're going to marry, marry a sugar-momma that puts up with your misbehavior and eccentricities. So I languished under her attention for a bit, before I got another one of those texts that brought my mood down. Aqua could tell that something was wrong but didn't pry, which is good because I didn't want her to see what this person had just called her. A reverse phone number look-up didn't show who the phone number belonged to.

10/10/17 — There really isn't enough hours in the day to get everything I want to get gone. After my jog, yeah, I'm feeling better, I picked up breakfast. I missed a couple of turns while I was sick so it was only fair. Thought about my vows while I was in line. And the ceremony itself. Only a couple of months away and there really hasn't been any planning on that front at all. Took out my phone and started looking up venues. I was still looking up places that might be both nice and have a vacancy. And then I started thinking about flowers and cake. Bouquets, dresses. I think I started hyperventilating, which is totally unlike me. I mean, this day has to be absolutely perfect and the invites haven't even been made. Oh god, the invites, who do I invite? I was only momentarily interrupted when my order was done but when I ran home it was for a different reason altogether. Have to have a talk with Aqua about this, and Mom.

10/09/17 — When Monday rolled around I was feeling like my usual sexy self. So, no reason not to go back to school. Class was raw, professor was cold. Worse still when my phone rang in class because I forgot to turn the ringer off. At least this time I knew who the call was from. I called the publishers back and had a conversation about the book. They were tentative about the subject but said they'd let me continue. Now I have to do more of that, ugh.

10/08/17 — Spent a third day at home, recuperating from the festive flu season. At least I got to watch some fun things, and absorb some sunlight from the patio. I wasn't great, but by the afternoon I finally went out for a run, or at least I thought I would be I didn't get far before I got a little light headed, so I didn't push myself. Went home and collapsed on the couch. When I woke up from my nap I'd developed a blanket and a pillow. She hates me so much. :) The condo was dark and she wasn't around, so, feeling a little better, I went out to WaffleMania for waffles. Ran into The Fan. I'm going to have to have what she ate next time. Who moans when eating waffles, or does that to sausage? We were hanging out when I got another text from the same number, this one was less friendly, warning me that I'd better stay away from her. I looked around, but didn't see anyone, or who the her was. Who's texting me?

10/07/17 — Woke up still sick from another nap. Hung out in bed, watching youtube on the tablet, or the phone when one or the other had to recharge. Aqua hung out with me for most of it even though I didn't want her to get ill. At least I was want for nothing, even her company. She said she knew I was feeling better when I got frisky, but trust is she brings out the best in me. My mostly aqua-haired muse. But the end of the day the drugs and tea had worked their magic, and I was feeling a bit better. Even so, not a hundred percent.

10/06/17 — Not got much to say today except I'm dying. I'm sick. Prolly got it from school or from all those sweet, young things that throw themselves at me, says Aqua. Har, death rattle, sneeze, har. At least she's around to keep care of me while I stay in bed and try to keep my slipping off my mortal coil to a minimum. Oh god, my chest.

10/05/17 — Woke in the morning feeling like death. I wanted to stay in, but school and all. I'm actually taking topics I don't know all that well so I have to concentrate a little. For once I didn't bother going out to run. I gave a half-assed attempt on the occipital, but my heart wasn't in it. Instead I went to school and tried not to die. Had a case of the sniffles in the morning and as the day wore on I felt better. As he was passing me by, Scott asked me, with a mischievous grin, what size gorilla suit did I wear? I replied I thought he got my measurements from the last outfit he stuffed me into, and he smiled wider at that, but didn't stay. I'm nervous, but I'll be a good sport. I usually am. After classes I spotted off and bought some chicken soup, did some work on the book and watched television. Hopefully I'll feel better in the morning.

10/04/17 — I cut it a little close in the morning, so I had to go to school in my jogging outfit. The guys gave me a little grief at the food court later. Between being sexist, and I mean I like the guy otherwise, Ben suggested that I register for Ironman 70.3 Santa Rosa in May. Why not, I figured, what's the worst that could happen? Getting to call myself Iron Man with wicked Ozzy Osbourne guitar licks in the background? Totally worth it. Then after a bit of talking about this and that, it came back around to me and how I don't have any plans for a stag party. Scott laughed wickedly, slapped me hard on the back and told me not to worry about it. As if the evil glint in his eye wasn't worrisome enough. The rest of the day seemed pretty normal for a Wednesday, except after dinner I got a weird text from a 415 area code, but a number I didn't know. 'You're mine', is all it said. Weird wrong number, so I didn't bother replying. Aqua went out for something and if I didn't have work to do I would have totally joined her, but I don't hate to see her going. Wait, … ew.

10/03/17 — Mom and Dad hadn't left yet by early morning. They sent me a text to tell me to come meet them. Together the three of us went to see the mother of my baby. To be honest, I wasn't sure what to expect, but it didn't seem all that bad. She had her own place, and it seemed all nice and comfortable, where all she had to do was concentrate on being well and healthy. There were pictures of the three month old Bean. I've seen sonograms from my brother and sister's kids, but it's different when it's your own. I noticed that my parents were decidedly nicer to Shooting star than they are to Aqua, and I can guess as to why that is. The place did remind me a little of a place where one retires their dog to a farm upstate. But if it were a retirement home, it looked nice and clean. I wouldn't mind retiring there. I should have talked to Mom and Dad before we parted about why they treat them differently, but I forgot until after I saw them off back home to SanFran.

10/02/17 — The parents came over again, after breakfast. Things between Mom and Aqua were… better. Not great, I don't think they're going to the spa anytime soon together, but they were at least talking together without things seeming awkward or Aqua raising her voice. The date for the big day came up and Aqua and I exchanged surprised looks, because we hadn't thought about that. She wanted something close to Halloween. That's my pretty Goth. I offered January 1st, because then that way every time Time Square's ball dropped it meant another year with her. Mom offered that a more traditional June or August. Aqua and I compromised with December 31st, and I'll admit that it's going to be a difficult day to forget, so so much for that excuse. We had an early dinner before Mom and Dad went back to their hotel, to get ready to go back home in the morning. Aqua couldn't be more relieved, but I think she hid it pretty well. Nobody believes you when you say something like 'Aw, what a shame.'

10/01/17 — Another day with my parents, off to show them Prospect. When we were at the University, we saw a couple of the guys. Two forces crashed together, both of them making fun of me. Oh, it was such a hoot. One of them brought up my little adventure, calling me Princess which Mom somehow thought was college kids flirting with her. Dad looked more amused than ticked. They both united over my upcoming nuptials, the guys saying that I was making a mistake, I was too young, there's better girls out there. And Mom saying, well, really the same thing. Finally I just, I just couldn't and I lost my mind and Mom got the blunt of it. I told her how Aqua had been there for me. How she was my everything. How duty be damned, I'm going to marry her, we're going to be happy, and if she didn't like it, then she could just stay home.
I instantly felt bad, I'm sure I was red-faced. The guys seemed more surprised than my parents. I walked off in a huff, only because I didn't know what else to do, but they drove so I just went back to the car. And that's where they found me. Mom apologized, I apologized. Dad was calm and stoic. Mom said she'd try to be better and I thanked her and we went home and had some tea. We were sitting around and laughing when Aqua/not-Aqua came come and I have to admit, Mom did give it her best before they went back to their hotel. I got a text later on from The Fan. They were having a girl's night out and wanted to know if I wanted to be there. Since I'm always in favor of seeing the girls out, it didn't take me long to get there. Doctor Wheel was there too and when they asked what was new, I shared my news. I got tackled and for the first time had second thoughts, cold feet. It's really. REALLY difficult trying to be good. The Fan shared her bad news and the rest of us tried to cheer her up. I painted toes and even had a glass of Champagne until it was really late and I had to go home. Some guy out there is making a really stupid mistake I think, but then again, what do I know?

09/30/17 — Got a text from Dad this morning. They wanted to be shown around the place. It wasn't all that difficult to get away from Aqua/not-Aqua, I just had to tell her that Mom wanted a tour of the town, which is true enough. We got to all the places we needed to, Mom doing most of the talking, like she does. The best part of the whole trip is that I got to show them both WaffleMania. Any excuse I can get to stuff carbs into my mouth. Mom turned down any offers I gave to come back home with me, talk to the Fiance more but I'm not exactly sure why. That is until she spent a little bit of the conversation at the Mania just bad mouthing her. It was starting to get old and, I have to admit that she was doing it while I was showing her around too. Sigh, I just. Everytime I'm around Mom I revert to a five year old and that's not healthy if I want to, I don't know, be a man or be an adult or something.

09/29/17 — I'll admit I was a little surprised. Nothing from Mom or Dad, but Aqua/not-Aqua was a little less frosty this morning. I brought her breakfast in bed even though it wasn't my turn to make it, and gave her another apology and I'm kind of worried, but I won't say it to her, that if… when she and I raise my baby together, if it would be a daily reminder of what I did and how I let her down. I don't know if I could do that if the shoe were on the other foot. I mean, I love her, of that, there's no question. Anyways, I was also expecting a call from my parents, so I took my phone with me when I went out to jog after breakfast and a little bit of affection because my love tank was empty. Went to classes like usual and it was actually pretty fun. We're going to learn a little bit about totem poles and that's pretty interesting, all things considered. When I got home it was a normal night, television, and homework and then some more research about the new book before chasing the Fiance into bed.

09/28/17 — Day had a normal start to it. Which should have been my first clue as to how horrible the day was going to turn out to be. Classes where fine. I ran into one of the guys at the food court. He had this girl with him, Stacey. Wow. He made me an offer though that he'd let me have her if I took my ring off. That lead into a short conversation about how women aren't property, they're people. And through Stacey's blank, vacuous stare, I could tell if anyone was home, they might have agreed with me. I guess this is what he meant by tight. In the end he scoffed and took his barbie with him, poor thing, and I went back to my tater tots. They don't could as carbs if I close my eyes when I eat them, but I should probably stop eating them if I want to fit into my dress for the wedding.
All those thoughts were fleeting when I got home and told Aqua/not-Aqua what had happened at school. I knew I was a good boy who did a good thing when I got my favorite reward. We then continued making dinner, when there was a knock on the door. Answering the door in my apron and a smile, imagine my surprise when it was my parents. Kumo entertained for awhile while I ran into the bedroom and I tripped over the dresser in my hurry. Mom accused Aqua/not-Aqua of lying before the truth came out about my unfaithfulness, where the baby is coming from. Now that I think about it, I wonder if Mom thought this was a shotgun wedding. They didn't get married until after Susan, so that's not all that fair. Anyways, learning that I'm a bad boyfriend and I couldn't keep it in my pants sorta put a dampener on the evening. Plus, they didn't exactly call to let us know they were coming so, Mom and Dad said their goodbyes and left, while things couldn't have gotten cooler in the condo.

09/27/17 — Woke up a little late. I can afford to because my class isn't until later in the day. Took a run down the shoals and with the uneven ground really did a number on me. When I got home I was a little more sore than usual. Aqua had breakfast all ready when I came in, only she wasn't aqua anymore. I don't know why she wears the color or the wig or the contacts. She's plenty pretty without all that stuff and I told her so the last time I saw it, during The Fight and so I told her again. There wasn't much going on in school either, classes just started, new professors, new rules. Things are coming up Milhouse.

09/26/17 — Woke up this morning; my turn to make breakfast. I took a jog and picked up some bagels and coffee on the way back. I did some more research on the new book. Nothing heavy, but at least it was progress. When she wasn't in the room I even gave some thought about my vows. And sometimes when she was in the room and all I could do was look at her rather than the television. And, of course, there was the homework that I had make sure to keep up on. I'm not exactly thrilled about the Intro to Art Making: 2D practices, but Pacific Coast American Indian art, that seems really great.
Hey. Is that wolf howl?

09/25/17 — First day of classes. Wasn't so bad. Woke up but the (sort of) WIFE wasn't around. I guess she had somewhere to be, that happens. So I took a little stroll and thought about calling my parents back, making sure that they didn't, you know, come down. Not that I don't like seeing them. That's not it at all, it's just that I'd rather it be for something more pleasant. And maybe go into the details of how she's going to be a Grandmother. But then maybe that's a conversation that should be done in person. I met some of the people from last quarter, the guys of the fraternity. Jacob noticed the ring and man did I get it. They just don't get it, when you meet The One. Scott, Ben and Jacob told me they have to throw a stag party for 'The Old Man'. That's me. Ben promised he could find me someone tighter, whatever that means. Sorta gross.

09/24/17 — Seeing as how tomorrow was the start of school, we came up for air in the afternoon. Stretching out I went for a late jog. A late and short jog. Everything hurt and I should have stretched before but better late than never. I'd been dragging my feet about making this call but when I got home I called my parents on speaker so Aqua could partake. Mom wasn't home, that happens, but after the pleasantries were over, we told Dad the good news. He was enthusiastic, and I could tell it was genuine. He liked Aqua from the one time they met, but then Dad doesn't not get along with most people. He apologized that Mom wasn't there to hear the news, but that he'll make sure to tell her, and spread the news among the family. Within a couple of hours we got several calls or texts with well wishes. After a bit of a break we drove out to Lemon Grove and La Mesa to look at lots. Aqua wants to build a new house, a dome home. Something with solar which I'm all for. Living off the grid, but not so far away from Prospect, or LA. I started working on my vows and I have a whole sentence so far. It has to be… perfect. But that's when the fireworks started. Mom called and she... wasn't happy. She raised some valid concerns, sure: I'd only known her for 5 months, I'm her baby, she (Mom) had only met her once. Somehow she made it all about her. I love my Mom, you know that, but sometimes, she can be infuriating. And it only got worse when I told her she was going to be a Grandmother again. I didn't even manage to get every far into THAT mess when she cut me off and told me she was coming over to see me. That turned into about twenty minutes of me telling her she didn't need to do that and her telling me she had to make sure everything was done right. I don't remember her doing this when Mark got married, but once she's made up her mind about something, only something shiny, Dad, or sleep can stop her. So I can expect a visit and soon, she said. Sigh. Life, am I right?

09/21/17 — Today's the day of the auction. So much to do. I had to get my hair up and then go to the salon to get my hands and feet done. Might as well get a wrap too I figured while I was there to make sure my skin is soft and supple. Aqua likes me pretty. I think she even had less getting ready than I did. We made sure to eat before we left; advice long ago from Mom, to make sure I'm not seen chewing or trying to have a conversation while eating. We watched a bit of the show; the Neighbor and the Fan both had a dance together that was pretty sexy. A few other things of no consequence happened and then Kumo and I took Kiki home. Yup. Nothing at all happened. Oh hold on, something did happen of minor importance.


09/20/17 — Took my morning run, and then for breakfast I went to school. Yeah, shut up, it's just that the bookstore was open and I wanted to get my books. Unfortunately they weren't all available and then the quad wasn't open either. School looks so dead, and deserted, maybe worse than summer classes. So I'll have to go to the internet and fetch them there; even get stabbed with a decent shipping so I'll have them for Monday. Aqua's been just a little weird lately, something seems like it's on her mind but I dunno what. I caught her staring at me while we were mindlessly watching the boob-tube. I asked her what. She said it wasn't anything. I sometimes I can't tell if she's looking at me because she loves me, like I do when she's sleeping, or like she wants to stab me in the temple. Not that I think she would hurt me, I'm trying to say she's still so guarded. And I don't blame her, she's probably just picking up on me holding back, not being one hundred percent truthful with her.

09/19/17 — Well I'm an idiot. Hush, I know you know that but you don't have to be mean about it. Anyways, the reason why I said it is because the fire festival is already over. Went out with Aqua to the woods rather than watching people burn stuff. All in all though, a much better expenditure of my time, but I'll miss the sand at Camp Meriwether, and finding it in places I don't remember even seeing the sun. Regardless, school doesn't start until next week so I have all sorts of time. After the morning ritual (and I discovered my error and spent some time feeling like an idiot), I pulled out some old footage from my previous trips and set up a couple of videos. Worst part is the editing, still. Casey Neistat once told me that if I wanted to have a lot of subscribers, best thing to do is to have a regular release schedule. And while he did a post a day regardless of content, I just couldn't do that. So the struggle continues. Couple of the comments were wondering why I hadn't done anything substantial about climate change and it's obvious effects on the weather but those people are lunatics and it sparked an argument. Crazy. Everybody knows why the things are getting worse.

09/18/17 — Schedule returns to normal. I talked to Aqua about going to the Fire Gathering. She stared at me, cupped my cheeks and told me I'm adorable. Then she walked off. I'm not sure if that's a yes or a no. … maybe it's a maybe. I'll buy the tickets anyways, and if she doesn't I'll give them to someone else. Well, not tickets, you get your name on a list, but still. I remember going there once and asked a guy what his name was and he told me he'd rather I gave him a name. Had my jog, of course. Still a bit of a wait to see when we're going to expect a visit. On one hand I want it over with, but on the other I don't want there to be anything wrong and them to find a reason why I can't take care of Bean. No new letters under the door either. Now I have to look forward, and I just realized Bean'll be walking before I graduate. Weirdness. Later in the evening, I heard music from across the hall. I went over since I hadn't thanked the Neighbor yet for helping me. I saw something I shouldn't have, and after a bit I had to go, with a bit of a gash. Have to remember to look up what 'kaso' means.

09/17/17 — We came home early on Sunday. Wanted to beat the traffic back, she said. I believed her too, until Aqua just about ran for the shower, shedding clothes as she went. And while I could have just enjoyed the view from the patio, I was smelly too. I told her too about the Neighbor; I remembered about it before when I was hauling some of our things in (Aqua's strong. Probably from all that manual labor.) She was holding something back, that much I could tell, but it wasn't bad because her eye didn't do that twitching thing, like Uncle Thomas, and the vein at his temple when he gets really piiiissssed. Regardless, at least I could tell her, and it's great to be back home. Whew. I checked in with my people. The publishers wanted to know how the book was coming. The one I forgot about, so that's fun. And the publicist, she's still in New York. Apparently she's dating one of the executives we met. Good for her, but she didn't have any other news for me other then the pilot was written and they were scouting locations. Apparently nobody works unless they've gotten paid, or promised that they will, so it sorta drags. That's show biz, I'm told.

09/16/17 — More people during the night. I was a little embarrassed that we didn't hear them. We'll have to be quieter so as to not disturb other people just looking for a nice weekend. Lazypants stayed in for a bit longer than usual. We talked about what to do when we left and got back home. First thing out of Aqua's mouth was a shower; she's adorable, but that's not what I meant and she knew it. Had someone wander through our unmarked campsite, so it's not like I can blame them, but I only heard them after. The caravan is going to have to be, I don't know, hosed out? Burnt and rebuilt? How does such a tiny girl make such a mess?

09/15/17 — Friday brought some campers in the evening. But that was the evening. In the morning we had a warm breakfast and limited clean up. Spending all this time in close quarters with Aqua makes me think we can make this work. I mean, if we can spend days with nothing but each other (and our electrical devices) for entertainment, and she hasn't yelled or had that adorable eye twitch once… The hike today was as uneventful as before. More tracks, and they were definately wolf, and bear? Anyways, I didn't contradict her this time, they were too big to be coyote and I'm supposed to be the expert. Heh. Expert. Anyways, the weekend is here, so it brought a neighbor. He seems nice, forty-something, rugged. Said he was a banker, or something and comes here all the time. As I thought he warned against drinking the tepid water pools we'd found. Running water only, bubbling is best.

09/14/17 — While we were hiking today we found still pools of water. Which nice for washing, I suppose, I definitely wouldn't drink it. But it would be a place to empty our gray water nearby and let the earth filter it out and fill out there if our supply doesn't last. Not that I think it wouldn't, we aren't going to stay that long. Had lunch when she noticed some paw prints on the ground. Wolf, of course, and she wouldn't hear my idea that maybe it was a big coyote. Either way, it meant we had to be careful. Or well, more careful. Brave woman that she is, she seemed unfazed, probably because I was there to protect her. I know what to do if it's a wolf, not much of anything, because they've run the other way. The evening was another long night of hard core snuggles, getting away from the city and just enjoying us time.

09/13/17 — We arrived at the camp site in the afternoon and then van was easily set up like usual. Took stock of supplies and then there was a little time to take a hike. We came back and got reacquainted before it was time for dinner. Cooking over a camping stove is certainly different than at home and I forgot that. Since there was a little bit of daylight left, we opened the back doors and watched some nature happen while reading and writing, her doodling on her tablet, me on mine getting some notes done while I napped on her. Except for sending a little email, it was just her and me with nobody else to get in the way.

09/12/17 — Took another ride down to the natural trail and then jogged up along it. The view with the summit is really something. I had a sit there and ate something like I watched the city beneath me. My the city. That's a Tick reference for you and a damn fine one. The other professor met me at her office after I came home for lunch, and I was able to get my last final sorted out. Passed, both of them, hooray. Summer classes makes it seem like they last for ever. Since I was on campus, I got things sorted for fall. A whole two weeks off and to myself, mostly. But now I can be reckless. I'd asked Aqua before if she wanted to go camping before and know that I had some time and she only has a few meetings here and there, I guess to maintain her wealth, now's the perfect time. Just her, me, and nothing else to do. Time to gear up some videos and lay down the summer schedule. One subscriber turned me on to Guitars Not Guns a good mentorship program for at risk kids to teach them how to play the guitar. Also, have to ask Aqua if she wants to go to Pacific Fire with me. I'd love to have someone with me this year!

09/11/17 — So this morning I woke up to something wonderful, he said somewhat sarcastically. I had a great dream and got snuggles from Aqua because of it. She slept in because it was my turn for breakfast. On the way back with breakfast in bed I saw a letter tucked under the door. Shooting star left me a little note. News about the baby was really appreciated. I'm man enough to say I might have cried a little. But just a little. Maybe. It's too soon to know but she's already assigned her a gender. It's cute and reminds me of something she would do. She ends it by asking me a question and I want to answer her, but I promised I wouldn't. Wouldn't talk to her, or get in touch with her and I understand Aqua's position, I do. But I have to do, … something. I showered Aqua with some affection and then showed her the letter. She's sets a hard line in the sand and then when it seems like it's important to me, she bends a little. I spent the rest of the day making sure she knew she's always going to be my number one, no matter what. Until the end of time; just her and me. Right up until she had to go home for a bit. I got a text from the Fan who asked if I wanted to go for a swim at hers. I should have said no. I should have been good. But I don't have to tell you I have a certain weakness. Her bikini was criminal. I thought I had had a stroke. No, shut up, I mean heart attack. I would have had a harde-- more difficult time of it but she kept asking me about Aqua and that gave me a chance to talk her up and remind me of her. Most importantly, stay good. I've come such a long way. Just last year I would have been beaten into an inch of my life for being here with her. I'm so lucky, there's no way I'm going to ruin it now.

09/10/17 — So this Sunday Aqua and I decided to go to church and w-- oh, ok. I'll be serious. Since I got my voice back last night, I answered a few of her questions then, and then this morning told her how I feel about her and showered her like love and attention. And breakfast. Another jog, this time down to the Athletic Park. I finally got a good sweat on and to look at some of the damage that was still being cleaned up. The city had a couple of crews I passed by trying to get branches out of the way and so on. Since I was a good boy last night, I wasn't greeted with homework at the door, but I did text my Professors to let them know my medical problem was over. One of them got back to me right away, told me he could arrange for me to take the make-up that day at his office. Since Aqua said she had to go for a bit for a meeting, I let her know about my plans. It also gave me a chance to go out afterwards for a drive in the woods. I met a person who acted as a translator and got to find out that I had more support than I thought I had. Though I'm a little worried about step one. From here on out, it's all out of my hands, but at least I'm doing it right.

09/09/17 — At first I thought it was going to be another nothing day. Morning ritual was the same without any significant changes: breakfast, jogging it off. This time I drove south and took a run down the nature trails. I don't know them that well, but the videos about Forest Bathing got me thinking more about it. Then a drive back, and no, I didn't pick the place furthest away so that it would take me longer to get there and back and thus delay my resuming of homework. That's a silly thought and you shouldn't entertain such things. But when I got back home Aqua was there waiting for me and with a smirk put my homework and laptop in my hands gave me a kiss on the cheek and let me know she was going to kick my ass if I didn't stop acting like a baby. I love that woman. And that's where I was when the weather turned bad. We first heard the rain coming down on the patio door causing us both to look. I went outside to fetch the chairs and table so they wouldn't blow away. And a good thing too. We went back to look again when we heard the hail pinging off the windows. And watched out on the street as a trash can smashed into a car. Nothing about this on the weather forecasts at all. It was weird and I got that weird feeling like when Amanda used to use that look at me. Whole thing was over in about thirty minutes or so and then I was told I had to go back to work.

09/08/17 — Had a visit from the Doctor and the Fan when they arrived together. I thought maybe it was about the charity event, but as it happens they just wanted to stop by for a chat. For a chat. What a bad idea on my part. If it wasn't for Aqua they probably wouldn't have even been able to understand me considering how bad I am at charades. Or how good she is at lying. Strep throat, heh. I couldn't think of anything for 'girlfriend' and ended up calling her my wife. But when I think about it now, you know, it doesn't seem all that ridiculous. I'm sure it probably wouldn't be looked on all that favorably maybe, but we fit together really well and I don't think I'll ever be able to find someone better than her. I mean, I'm still young and all, but. It's not the most laughable thought I've ever had. Makes me smile, actually. When the Fan left she indicated she knew what was going on, which is more that I knew. I'll have to ask later. When I can ask without saying things I don't intend.

09/07/17 — Afternoon got me a call from the publishers. They set up a meeting for Monday to talk about the new book and I'm not sure how they liked it. I wasn't allowed to goof off much, with the cute taskmaster making sure I worked it, hard. I'm thinking with all the extra studying I'll pass without much trouble whenever I can get this over with. Still, nothing stopping me from volunteering to do the cooking and cleaning, if only as a way to stop studying, or taking a break from book research. It was suggested I could make something for the young; maybe a coloring book, or a book for kids with critters in it. I could bring that up on Monday.

09/06/17 — After the jog, breakfast, and a chase around the condo, I got down to some studying. Aqua wouldn't let me slack off anymore. So I sent what I had on the book to the publishers (after doing a hefty amount of changes and actual work), and then got down to cracking. Normally we take turns with the meals, but I volunteered to do them all. Because it was a delay tactic. I mean wasn't. Definitely. Went out for a bit of a ride, got feedback about the ideas. Had dinner at Club 67 and then walked it off around Lindo Lake. Then it was back home and more studying.

09/05/17 — In the morning I got up late. The neighbor was asleep on the sofa, the living room was dark and she was cuddling with that sword of hers. I figured I'd thank her later, rather than trying to wake her up and maybe get myself cut. Or dead. I went over to my place with a task I had to do right away. Aqua was awake and she helped me out, but didn't ask where I was so I think I luckily avoided a really bad, really awkward fight. You know, I wonder if I'd be nearly as forgiving if half the weirdness happened to her that happened to me. It is really refreshing dating someone … stable and normal. And with a seemingly inexhaustible capacity for my bull. Anyways, I was avoiding homework when the neighbor showed up, so I had that still waiting for me. And then some research on the new book, which really just seemed like me, on the laptop, watching YouTube videos rather than studying. I really need some discipline!

09/04/17 — Got up early and figured after my morning routine I'd ask, in a roundabout way, if Aqua will call in sick for me. She seems to get the vague idea about what I want, so I'll butter her up with some pastries first because I'm a loving and caring boyfriend that wants something. She saw through it right away, naturally. She makes me smile. But after an hour she agreed to help me out. That left me free to study for the final I should be taking. Or rather, the television I ended up watching. In the evening the Neighbor showed up, man talk about long time no see. And properly inflicted the way I was, I couldn't tell her what was going on, but she managed to get the handle of it when I guess she heard me say some silly things. She demanded that I stay at her place that night and wouldn't take no for an answer. I think she's just super protective of me, not that a guy that gets in so much weirdness like I do can't used the help. She's got a big bed, and smells nice. Left a message for Aqua in case she worries, but with my luck it'll say something risque. Next on the agenda, no talking to anyone about anything for any reason. At all. Ever. Good gravy.

09/03/17 — Busy doing the studying thing again, after another active morning. More studying and examining the comment fields of my uploads. I don't know why I do that, it always puts me in a funk, and I was a grumpy gus at Aqua. Or maybe it was because I couldn't effectively communicate with her. Though I'm getting better at Charades and pointing for things. Kinda said that I'm better at communicating again by not speaking. And, oh yeah, writing things down doesn't seem to work and I wrote something really offensive apparently. I don't even know how I'm going to get through my finals. Maybe I can get permission to delay, or a medical deferment for later. It wasn't until late that night that the more exciting thing happened; a bird flew through my window while I was locking up and talked to me. Maybe I'm not cursed. Maybe someone at the frat house spiked my water with LSD or something and I just THINK I'm going nuts. Anyways, the talking bird was a trip, and the only reason I know it was real is because it, she? left feathers behind.

09/02/17 — Woke up and went for a jog, then breakfast. I have a lot to plan out today so I have to get my head on straight. Sent a text to Possum and then put my books out on the coffee table again because finals is next week and I better get crunching; though I have to admit, this wasn't my favorite term. Though, going to school in the summer, whose would be? We spent some time at home while I was studying/not studying, just trying to fool around when I got word back and set up a time to meet him in a few. I didn't like not telling Aqua first but, have to make sure everything is on the up-and-up before I tell her. While I was there, something weird seemed to be happening, like they weren't really reacting to what I was saying, but sorta. It was weird. By the time I got everything cleared up and left I was pretty sure something hinky was going on. That feeling only got confirmed when I came back home and told Aqua the, well the news. I'm not really sure if it's good or bad news yet. She… surprised me and volunteered before I could even get around to asking her, in the round about way that I could communicate. She really is fantastic, I don't deserve her. That part all set up, and the home set up, the next thing I have to do is contact a lawyer and then do the scariest thing ever: tell Mom. But not until after I figure out what's going on; did Kitty jinx me again?

09/01/17 — Early day, started it with a jog on the beach. Then edited some of the video I took last night. I was finished a little before noon, so after lunch I took my beach wear and went across the street to the beach. I was pleasantly sunbathing, and swimming, when I got a visit by the Russian mafia. Well he said he wasn't with the Russian mafia, and turns out I actually knew of him and he's a lawyer. Kinda the same thing, right? Har, har. So. If I understand right, Shooting star's decided to give up our child. Which kinda surprised me, everything considered. And if I sign the papers and give up my parental rights, it'll be raised by her family. Something about that doesn't sit right with me and I've got, oh, eight months or so to decide. But if she doesn't want it, then-- then someone that's his or her parents should do the right thing. I'll have to talk to Aqua first, but Papa don't preach.

08/31/17 — Another day in, finally catching up on my homework. One of my subscribers told me about this thing I might like so I took a look at it. It’s a little embarrassing that the link came from my home town, mostly, Forest Bathing Club of San Francisco. I mean I get it. Really I do. Walking in the woods, hiking, yeah, sure. And call it what you want to call it, bathing, or just being in nature. Whatever gets people out there and enjoying their surroundings. So I have a couple of new videos to record and edit. Some of it recalls going out on location too. So that was a fun day.

08/30/17 — Another glorious, albeit foggy day. Had a bit of a jog which I had to take it easy because the last thing I wanted to do was get in front of a car when it wasn’t able to see me all that well. And i had just watched The Mist too, the night before, so I wasn’t creeped out in the slightest. Good breakfast, and a call from the Publicist. She’s back in the city of angels and wanted to let me know that things seemed like a go over with the network folks. Having that greenlit means there’s still other things that have to go on like figure out what kind of a show they want, write the pilot, scout locations. She went on and on, which was nice, that she seemed happy about it and I just nodded through it all. So, maybe someday next year or something I’ll be on television. Whatever for, I don’t know. Weird though. She reminded me that I was also supposed to be writing a book too, and with everything else going on I had totally forgotten. Later on I went to the mall to kill some time. The Fan snuck up behind me and scared me almost out of my skin. We went to Cinnabon to have a chat, and I finally figured out what her deal is: she’s just a harmless flirt. I’m seen a few episodes of My Strange Addiction, so I know loving cars is a thing and with her, she loves pans. That’s fine. Still, naming them and wearing lingerie… that’s sorta weird. To each their own. I guess it’ll take some … skillet to get to be with her. HA! Oh, I’m funny. I have to tell Aqua that one.

08/29/17 — Not much to write about here. Took some time to put up the new videos on the ‘Tube after I spent some time editing them. After classes yesterday and still catching up on homework I was a little busy, but I can get a lot done when I sit on the floor when Aqua takes up the whole sofa like a couch potato. No, it’s fine, I like the floor better. And it’s not as if we didn’t buy it together. If we break up, not that I’m looking forward to that, will she want to cut it in half? And if so, would she cut it down the middle or lengthwise? I feel like she’d cut down, because otherwise she’d get only all seat or all back. But then maybe she’d want me to have all back in the case of a break up so I couldn’t get comfortable. … why is she so mean to me in my imagination? She’s so harsh :) Anyhow, homework and not much else to write about. Her life seems better, she just loafs around all day, oh my god, like a cat. I have a pet! I pray she never reads this. Oh yeah, classes -- I’m still being called the Fairy Princess, so my trip and two and a bit weeks away hasn’t put distance between that event. Oh boy.

08/28/17 — I don’t know what possessed me. After hearing on Friday that the Ex and the Third Wheel weren’t together anymore, I kinda sat on the information for awhile. I guess I didn’t know what to do about it. But I sent her a text, the Third Wheel I mean. I guess I ought to think of a new name for her. Doctor Third Wheel. What’d I call her before? Ok, that was a nice stroll through memory lane. Said she’d wanted to make things right but didn’t because she was being greedy. I guess I’m just too trusting when I took her word for it that she’d at least try. But there’s nothing to try for anymore; I’ve moved on, just like they both wanted and if I think about it, I’m in a much better place now, with Aqua then I’d ever been. Sure the family might not agree, and one day they might even object. But until that happens I can have all kinds of fun with a normal girl in a normal relationship until the walls all come crashing down on me. Again. Or is that again again?

08/27/17 — Fleshed out some of my plans with the national park services on paper, and then started editing the first couple of videos. I’d have more of a presence online, I was told, if I could stick to a schedule rather then do it whenever the thought sorta struck me. But who wants their job to feel like a job? I started looking into Old Town and Sunset Cliffs because if I wanted to go to these places, and I did, then I sure couldn’t go to Muir. Not with Aqua, certainly. There was a little bit of a disagreement over how to get there. But in the end, she cared more about driving then THE ENVIRONMENT… I don’t know why I wrote that in caps, it’s not like she can hear me over the revving of the engine. Love the lady, love her toys, I guess. It's what Dad says.

08/26/17 — Spent most of the day with Aqua again. Not that I’m complaining, mind you. After I was gone for so long and even before then when it felt like the well had dried up, sort to speak, I’m glad things are going back to normal. Yay, normal. We hung out a lot doing gross things like cuddling and watching the Defenders between me catching up on my homework. If I were a smarter person I probably would have taken some of that work with me on my vacation and gotten it done then. But I’m not a smart man, I’m just a man (well, mostly). I also had to think about something to do with the YouTube stuff and it occurred to me that, since I’d been there and took some shots ‘on location’ as it were, that I could do a bit about the national parks there and here and how important they are.

08/25/17 — Today was more chores, little things like unpacking and seeing all what I had missed. Of course there was more getting acquainted with Aqua until we had to be pryed apart and come up for air. I had to go to school and catch up on anything, make that everything, that I’d missed out while I was gone. Some professors were cooler about that then others. Home at lunch, Aquaculture. No, to much? Yeah, probably. Then back to school for a little bit, then back home to start on the pile of homework and study for three make up tests. Later that evening, she let me go out and play with the Fan from the Beach. She wanted me to come over and I thought it was about the charity event, but… I guess we got our signals crossed a little bit. I stuck around because she’s great company to be around anyways, and then realized I was moving into dangerous water and I should rein myself back in before I did something dumb. Still, I hope she doesn’t think it was her, because it certainly wasn’t, and I had someone back home to get real romantic with: Art History, oooooh. Sexy.

08/24/17 — Home day, thank god, it’s home day. She tried to hide it under her makeup, I have experience with that sort of thing, and I could tell that my publicist had gotten hurt last night. But she didn’t mention it, so I didn’t bring it up. She did apologize though, for breaking up my date, so I had to settle her straight there: it most definitely wasn’t a date, which seems to have cheered her up. She said there were a few loose ends to tie up here so I was to go on alone, which suited me just fine. I put on a little something special for Aqua and I was dying to get it off. To sooner I got home, the better. Adjusting for the time zone I didn’t get home until two in the afternoon, and found my girl waiting for me. Aah, did I miss her. Cuddles, then snores. And so did I. I MISSED Prospect.

08/23/17 — Today when I woke up I realized, with glee, that I didn’t have to go to that stupid meeting anymore. But also, I didn’t have long left in New York. After a visit down to the gymnasium and back I got everything I needed for my drive and hike. First stop was to Bear Mountain State Park, mostly just because it was on the way to the other park I was going to. I took the Appalachian trail, not only because it seemed the most popular, but it went through the zoo but also took me to the peak. From up there I could see a bit of the Manhattan skyline, and though there were pay-binoculars, I just took it all in from where I was. Though I did have a sit on the wooden benches to rest up. I didn’t want to stick around for long, because the real prize was going to be the next park, but I guess I should have done my homework. The only parts of the Trump park that I could get to where in a real state of disuse and covered in graffiti. It really wasn’t much of a park at all when I got back home and did a little digging, I found out why and it was all just pretty much a shame anyways. Though I got to have lunch on the road, it was only about an hour and a half getting back but I was pretty exhausted. Had a nap until my alarm woke me up. Darn right I’m not going to miss a call to Aqua, and I’m glad I hadn’t. But when the call was over and I was still exhausted, I went back down for a longer nap. I heard a knock on my door, and judging by how dark it was outside my nap had turned into a sleep. To say I was surprised by who was at the door was putting it mildly, it was Autumn. I don’t know how she keeps finding me, but she pushed her way inside and after a bit of talking told me she wasn’t going to play games anymore. She said something about ‘of the green’, but by then I wasn’t paying attention. I guess I kinda lost it when her blouse came off, and I probably would have been in real trouble if someone hadn’t knocked on the door again and I’d answered it, despite Autumn’s reservations. The Publicist was there, wanting to help me get dressed for our last night out. The two women saw each other and I guess they took an instant disliking. They started shouting and name calling, they were both ignoring me when I tried to claim things down. There was some really harsh things said, but they were both still fighting so much they didn’t notice when I slipped out with my car keys. When I came back to my room after driving around for an hour and getting something to eat, they were both gone. It was the last time I saw Autumn, calling my publicist a skank. She has fire, I’ll give her that; I think I’ll miss her.

08/22/17 — Considering my last encounter with her, I decided to exercise in the hotel’s gym and then I met the Publicist. She swore there wouldn’t be much more talking over breakfast, which I was grateful. Looking over the nearby parks I choked on my OJ when I saw Trump had his own park. Now that, I had to see. But if I had a day of that meeting to go to, that probably wasn’t likely. I asked for a rental and got told one would be there in the afternoon, so we went to the last of the meetings. The executives seemed to have changed a little bit since the other night, which was kinda weird. But they still haven’t nailed down exactly why I was there, just something about visuals and marketability. Whenever I asked the Publicist she just told me to trust her, so that’s what I did. Handshakes around, I got my rental and plugged in Wildwood park, I needed to see some ocean. Wrong ocean, but ocean. About three and a bit hours later there I was. First place: the beach. I had to smile at the little unruly kids ignoring the collapsing bluff slope warning and climbing on everything. It reminded me of what I had at home and while I looked over the calm-ish water I had a bit of time to introspect. I missed that too. Spent a while there, pretending like I was alone and just thinking about life before the happy squeal of the same unattended children woke me from my reverie. Time for a hike, and check out the green of nature. Listening to my music, alone on the trail, or so I thought when along came Autumn. We agreed that it was an unbelievable coincidence, but she’d always wanted to come here, so we hiked together. I found she was really curious about the plants, hung on my word, and then later on me. She’s cute, and I was lonely, so I was probably throwing out signals I didn’t mean to. When we got back to parking, she’d parked next to me as it turns out, and said she’d just follow me back home, but somewhere along the way, I guess I lost her, or she had to stop for gas because when I got back, she wasn’t there. Weird. Either way, I was kinda glad, I didn’t have much time before the call from Aqua came in and that would have been awkward. This time she out did herself. Seriously, maybe I should just have a long distance relationship with her, if it wasn’t for the whole missing holding her and other things. I can not wait to get back home. Thursday cannot come fast enough.

08/21/17 — Finally, the day I've been waiting for. I woke up super early -- it wouldn't even be two am yet, back home. Now that I knew where the park was, I went for there and there was definitely a different set of people in the morning. The homeless seemed like they were filing out helped, more or less, by the police, while tourists like myself, were moving into the vacancies left behind. It made me feel a little sad that I was using someone's home for my exercise; but I don't know what I can do about it. I was lost in my own thoughts before I noticed I wasn't jogging alone. Somewhere along the way Autumn found me again and started jogging with me again, what a small world. We chatted for a bit, and I slowed down but I have a feeling that she was just being nice and she could have out ran me if she wanted to. Nearing the end of my run she wants hounding me to nail down another 'date', and she wouldn't take 'I have a girlfriend' for an answer. I didn't want to hurt her feelings, she is cute, so I made plans with her for Thursday. I made sure to get her number rather than the other way around because, well, I was living on Thursday morning. I know, I know. I'm a jerk. But I told her already that I was taken, as much as I could. Anyways, after my colossal jerky move, I got breakfast on the way back to the hotel, and got freshened up. When the Publicist knocked on the door, looking a little dismayed, we walked the short distance to the studio. I shook some hands and the executives, all three of them, spoke at length about what they wanted and my Publicist spoke about what she wanted. It was a total back and forth and the only part of it that I needed to be there for was learning their names (and I've already forgotten them), and finally discovering what they were thinking. I'm not exactly sure if the publishers will be up for it, or even if there's a conflict or something, but I trust my Publicist. She's good at what she does if I just get out of her way and let her do what she needs to do. Or at least that's what she tells me I ought to do. The meeting took a while. Long enough that we had to break for lunch, which we had a short car ride away. It was a nice place, looked really expensive. I spent a little time looking up state parks, maybe find one or two to take a hike at. After that there were more talking and by now I was kinda over it all, but I have to do what she tells me to do. It’s how I get along, how I’ve gotten this far. So I sit, smile and nod, just like she likes but she kept flashing me looks, I don’t think I was fooling her. After the meeting was over she pretty much told me that exact thing. Let go back to the hotel so she could talk more with the executives, or maybe just the one she was also looking at. I dunno. All I could think about was that it was getting pretty close to Skyping with Aqua time and I’d gotten to look forward to it. Wasted time watching TV until the tablet rang and then I was giddy like at Christmas. I can’t leave that woman alone and with access to my YouTube stuff. I just can’t, good god what a show.

08/20/17 — Sunday; I woke up especially early, or maybe traffic was pretty light. I decided to give running into Central park another shot. It was a different, and indifferent, doorman that showed me the vague direction of the park. I won't lie; I was expecting to get curious looks; I usually do back home. But here everybody walked around like weird was normal and if you look at it you've validated it. Don't look, don't get in its way and the weird running guy will go away. And they weren't wrong, I did, all the way to the park. Once there things were a little better, probably because I was with other tourists. Right up until a blonde sat down next to me and started up conversation like we'd been previously interrupted. I found out her name was... is Autumn. She thought it was weird she hadn't seen me there before, and wanted to know more about me, where I was from, was I married, what am I doing in the Big Apple. Really, she was a little pushy, but cute. But she was nice and accepted my excuse when I had to keep running, literally and figuratively. I managed to get back to the hotel without getting mugged, so there's that. Harder to mug a moving target, I guess. Got back and out of breath, cleaned up and had a nap. Woke up before lunch, starved and had missed a couple of calls. Since I don't pick up calls from numbers I don't know -- especially local numbers, I only called the Publicist back to be told we were going out and she'd be right there to help me towel off. I met her in the lobby and we went to eat nearby. Last minute conversation and strategy. Now all I had to do was look pretty and answer anything that was thrown at me. I guess I could handle that. At my room again, I gave Aqua a call again, wondering about the time difference. But she was ready for me, oh boy was she ready. I wish there was a way to record these sessions, but they'll be burned, forever, in my memory. She let me go for dinner and I went to Time's Square to check the place out and find a place to eat and look up places to see while I was there. I got two texts while eating. One was the Publicist, telling me to get ready to go out again, the other was more cryptic, from an unlisted number asking if I was going to be in the park again tomorrow. Weirdness. I got home and let the Publicist know I wasn't in the mood to go out, but she knew I wanted to see Chicago, so I was surprised when we got out of the taxi and the marquee read Kinky Boots. I suppose it was alright, but the bait and switch wasn't fine. Went to bed a little miffed, but still plenty of time in New York to see other shows.

08/19/17 — In the morning I got into my jogging suit and asked the doorman where I could go to get a run in. He looked at me like I was crazy, and then told me that central park was 15 blocks north, or the pier was about the same distance west. But, then he looked me over and suggested that if I didn't want to get mugged, maybe I should do it in the gymnasium. The traffic was pretty bad already, so I thought he was right, and I went back into the hotel and used the gym. I had my fair share of getting mugged and beaten when at home. A little while later the Publicist called, wanted to know where I was, since I wasn't in my room. We met up there and talked strategy about the upcoming meeting while I showered and got dressed; she wouldn't leave me alone for even a minute. But we spent a few hours together hashing out the details until lunch. We walked to Times Square, and had lunch there. Then, after we got back I was left to my own devices. I gave Aqua a call and we talked for a bit before something weird happened. I mean I missed her and all, but I didn't know you could do that on Skype. Anyways, she had to go, and I was left to watch a bit of TV until the Publicist called my room and told me to look nice. She came by later, and what I thought would be more strategy turned out to be going out on a date. We had dinner, then saw Cats, then there was a club that I don't remember the name of. She swears she saw Paris Hilton there, but I didn't see anybody famous. It was super late when we got back and I went straight to bed, even though she wanted to come in. Something about her dress needed to be loosened; I dunno. Either way, New York smells and it's LOUD.

08/18/17 — Woke up early this morning and told Aqua that I was leaving. And then: magic. I was almost late. I should leave town more often. It was magical. It was about time. She helped me get ready since the shuttle was waiting. Took the tablet; don't know how much time I'll get to write, but I can keep practice going. I made the flight, just barely, and there was a car waiting for me, took me to The Gotham (I'm Batman, bit--!) Gave Aqua a text to let her know I'd made it, but between the 3 hour difference, the over 6 hour flight time, half hour drive to the hotel, and check in, all sum up to it being super late back home. I hope she's ok. More tomorrow?

08/17/17 — Spent the day with Aqua again. You'd think I would have found time to tell her I was leaving in the morning. But, no. I think it was because by now she should have known and I'm an idiot and didn't tell her. So now I feel bad. But I'll feel worse if I just ... leave and she doesn't know where I am. So, yeah. I have to do that real soon now. After she went down to sleep, I went to the neighbor's. Had to tell her ... everything. But she wasn't home. And I got an /eye-full/ when I checked her place of business. Nudity sure has a way of breaking the ice. Neighbor's significant other, chin-beard, was entertaining someone I refused to look anywhere lower than the nose. Vagely aware she was female, but that's it. I ran out of there (after a peek of the peacock).

08/16/17 — Today was pretty normal; I woke up a little late so there wasn't any time to go jogging first. I ran (ha!) to school and spent the day there. Seems my exploits at the party have garnered me a little fame around the quad where I was trying to study, but I'm sure that'll pass with time. Went home for lunch, then recorded a few new videos. I made a couple of videos about booze (ethanol, nerd) and set them to go off a little around while I'm not here. I tweeted too that I'll be in New York, a little late notice, and maybe later on I'll give a time and a place and if I have any New York fans, maybe I can meet them. Wouldn't that be nice? Anywhozil, spent the rest of the day just bumming around with Aqua, which was nice and all but, ... I'd rather be doing other things then just kicking back watching season 2 of Mr. Robot. Computer, snore, this. Computer, SNORE, that. She went to bed, still no love for me, and I stayed up to burn off some energy. Later, the neighbor came by and there she was, on my counter. Should I? No I shouldn't. I got what I had coming to me when she took a slice out of me, but better to leave frustrated again then to make another mistake. Ugh! GIRLS! Why are you so irresistible?!

08/15/17 — For the most part today was a day for home. I even stayed inside to exercise. Just me and my lady, living like royalty. She's learning to take the cuddles, and I think I'm learning when she's in the mood. Which is kinda crazy 'cuz that's new. You know, I don't even remember the last time we were... god, it's almost been a week. No wonder why I, ugh. Well, whatever. Went to school to drop my other class persistent to my promise. God, she looked so fragile when she asked me to, how couldn't I agree. She's always so tough, and mean. That was a new, vulnerable side to her. Made me want to take her and protect her like the neanderthal I am. Ugh, Dusk smash.

08/14/17 — She's strong. Stronger than I am. That night when I received the 'Dear Dusk' letter, she was there. She watched me panic, but held her crazy together. She wasn't in any kind of mood, but we went to bed, and just talked for a bit. She was tired, I was tired but wired. Sleep was pretty much instant after we stopped talking. In the morning it was my turn for breakfast and I was feeling extra generous so she got it in bed. We hung out until noon, I think that's what I need, someone stable like her. I went out for a late Sunday jog, remembered that I'll have to drop guitar. Maybe I'll pick it up next semester. Then I had some work to do that I've been ignoring for awhile. It was late when I poked my head out of the guest room. The mess from last night was still on the floor, and I got bummed when cleaning it up. So I went out for dinner, brought down some other people too. I came home after midnight again, but at least this time it wasn't with rice wine on my breath.

08/13/17 — Weekend is a good day for a drive. The weather forecast had it overcast, so the beach was out. After a jog and shower I took a drive up the I-5 for a bit and then back. It gave me a bit to think, what I wanted to do with my life, where it was going and how I was going to get everything settled. I ended up at Roasters, like the Lost do. After a drink and a losing a few games to Inky and Blinky when they killed a certain plucky, jaundiced young woman over and over.
After I lost the last game of Ms. Pac-Man, I went home and passed by the neighbor's door which was open. The lady's got skills. I didn't drink a lot, but I drank too much and stayed longer than I should have, I think. I hobbled home to shoot for the moon but stumbled into two pieces of mail. The first was my test results from the hospital. Seems I have Syphilis. Shocking, right? Yeah, it would be if it were true -– no, I'm fine. So that's a relief. Or at least it would have been if not for the next. Shooting star left me a note. It's another kiss off. I'm not good for her. We're just friends. She'll let me know when it's born. I tried to call, I tried to text, but I was blocked. And just like that, I'll never hold my little Dawn in my hands.

08/12/17 — Ooookay. Maybe it was my fault. I woke up early, the sun digging his claws into my brain with painful throbs. When I ran my hand through my hair and moved I discovered two things. Well, a couple things, really. Firstly, I was sleeping on a flattened cardboard box on the asphalt next to the dumpster behind an El Pollo Loco. The other thing I discovered was a cheap plastic tiara dangling from my messy hair. That was unusual, so I took closer stock. I was wearing a tight pink leotard-slash-tu-tu and I had on old brown army combat boots.
I swear, this is the last time I drink. … I don't even remember drinking. I don't remember anything. At least I still had Aqua's bracelet. Since I didn't know where I was, I took that off when I got up, and put it in my new found cleavage, and to my dismay, while I walked around to look at my surroundings, it wiggled it's way down. Like, all the way down. At least I won't lose it.
With my tiara, which I left, I had a fairy wand and a wallet with some woman's identification inside. Since she had her student identification inside for UCP, I figured maybe she had my clothes, or something. All I had to do was call, oh yeah, my phone. Ffuuuuuuuuu...dge. So the next couple of hours were spent wandering around, asking if I could borrow a cell phone. It took a long time, like a really long time before a pair of old Asian women showed me why people were looking at me horrific or humorously. In addition to my costume, the Frat brothers gave me an undercoat of permenate market etchings. Nothing I would want on my face ever again, including the profanity across my forehead. Over that I had … the worst of make up job in the history of make up. Like pancaked on and colors not found in nature.
It was about two hours of asking strangers to use their phone before one finally let me. He only nodded understandably when I told him which fraternity. Kiki was there not soon after, thank god for Aqua. I was in Oceanside, damn. It was a long drive home, and even longer clean up. I took some pills, better living through chemistry, hooray, and went to see Clarice McMasters, the owner of the wallet. Sure enough, she had my stuff. She's Scott's GF, and was glad I had her wallet, but bummed the tiara went missing because it looked cute on me. She kept shifting the conversation when I asked if there were pictures, so that means... there are pictures. Dang. I was around campus, getting laughed at, that was fun, trying to do damage control.
The rest of the day was a blur. Helped the neighbor with her moving, took a nap, dinner and then attended the opening of her place since she asked me to go. Ran into a good old friend, and two more. That was fun. Even the morning.

08/11/17 — Morning woke me up early and sore. After a shower to loosen up, I took a run on the beach and then it was off to school; summer school. Fun. I had lunch at the quad and cut my thumb under the nail bed on the packaging. For a second I thought my bad luck was back, but nothing else bad happened so, maybe it was just normal bad luck, and not the super, cape-wearing kind. Sheldon, from Alpha Epsilon Pi found me there. He said he had a good time at the Club the other day and the guys were going to have another party. Of course, I was the 'Maid of Honor' (big chuckle; painful slap on the back) so I was going to have to go with him and he wouldn't take no for an answer. I think the guys like just having someone that's wealthy enough not to have to worry about it, but they don't impose all that much, and I do have fun. So I went with and helped the other guys and the DJ set up. Scott had a Twinkie eating competition area to one side. His Dad works for Hostess so he was able to get a bunch and he's acting as the ref. I'm going to go on a booze run, before more guests arrive, more later.

08/10/17 — Shooting starr came over today. We painted toe nails (hers not mine), and had other activities planned, but she decided that it was better that she go. We really ought not be left alone. Artemis had his heel. Superman had his kryptonite. Even I, somehow, have a vulnerability. Since she left, I played a bit of Little Big Planet 3 myself, and had some tea. I guess I just lost track of time listening to Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie, it was all to soon that it was really late and I fell asleep on the couch Aqua and I bought together, listening the the ocean from the open patio door.

08/09/17 — Me day! Well, mostly. Did some running, and grabbed some breakfast to go because I'm sure I stank the place up. Then off to school, more catching up to do, always fun. Caught up with one of my class mates after class, and got some notes that I missed. Then she gave me some pointers about my concealer, I guess I could have done a better job. That led to an awkward conversation after, and equally awkward departure. Then it occurred to me that I hadn't seen Aqua since Roaster's. And it's been about the same amount of time as the last girlfriend would just up and disappear for. Since my, ... mishap, she'd been sticking pretty close, so. That's weird. If I don't hear from her at the end of the day, maybe I'll send the cops over to check if she's still alive. Talked with shooting star a bit, that was fun. A couple of guys from Alpha Epsilon Pi saw me studying and called me a nerd for awhile, and made me go with them and their guys to Club 215. And since I wasn't in the fraternity, the first round was on me. I left then a couple of hours after that and went to WaffleMania since it was super late and I hadn't eaten yet. Then, collapsed to sleep when I got home with something nagging me like I'd forgotten something.

08/08/17 — Today was pretty nice; had a jog with shooting star where we had some real productive talk. About relationships and what we expect and all sorts of things like that. She had nice things to say about Kitten, which was nice to hear, although one thing she said in particular was pretty difficult. It might be a little bump in the road and bares investigating. We said our goodbyes and I went to do some more boring research and then to school. I had a test and some assignments to turn in since my days of ill fortune. I ate there at the quad, but stopped by for a second to pick up a bite at Smoke and Barley until I got news from the neighbor that she might be moving and asked if I could bring the tea cup I still had over to her new place of business. I kinda wished I'd looked the place up first. It kinda looks seedy, but I forgot all that when I was shown into the back where they had a LOVELY vivarium. Among the cherry trees I saw all manner of fauna, but freaked out over seeing what looked like white peacocks, maybe albino. Man. That was a place I could go back to. Tried not to look at naked or nearly naked girls, since I'm still attached and all, and the neighbor took me aside. She was serious, I was awkward, so goofy. I had to apologize a little, but let her kiss my cheek and make up. Unfortunate that she feels like she has to move, but, it is what it is, and I helped to move.

08/07/17 — The day was sort of a wash until the evening; jog, breakfast and lunch. A little bit of research on the new book. I'm really rather glad that they have people that do this sort of thing for me, correct my research and facts so I don't look like an ass when it gets printed. No sign of the Aqua by the evening, so when shooting star asked me over for dinner and dessert I thought 'Why not?' Dinner was great! We talked for hours, and she cooks a mean chicken parmesan. We slow danced, and I held her close but we skipped dessert since it was getting late, never had a lemon pound cake before. All in all, nice night.

08/06/17 — Woke up like usual, and took a brisk jog. I didn't trip, and didn't get hit by a car. When I got home Aqua let me know, in a delightful way, that she was going to get some coffee. Shooting star wanted to take a trip to Campus, so I met her there. We registered for classes a long with a host of other people. Then went to Roasters for a little celebration. Not only was our drink comped but a nice guy, but I saw Aqua there! We had a great conversation, she showed interest in our classes, offered to make instruments, Shooting star was laughing. It was great, but when I came back from the bathroom, Aqua was gone, so that was a bummer. She texted she had some work to do, and I can't have a guitar that spits out fireballs because of state laws. Stupid California. So shooting star and I hung for a bit, then we got antagonized by Foodie. She upset Shooting star, and kept with the finger-gun thing which is weird, so I walked Shooting star home. Then I went home, had an early dinner. Not a single bad thing happened with my day, klutz-wise, but I did discover that the videos I'd put up yesterday hadn't made it. So I had to re-upload them. But technically that was a goof from yesterday, I only discovered it today. Not so bad a day!

08/05/17 — Another fantastic day, he wrote sarcastically. The oven's temperature was more sensitive then usual, I guess because I burnt my breakfast, and nearly the whole kitchen. I woke Aqua (Aqua, Aqua, Aqua, not Purple) with the smoke alarm and she glared at me while opening up windows to let the place air out, like it was my fault. Took a jog to get some breakfast for her, score some brownie points, and had to do it three times, once because I tripped and wore it and the other time because a car nearly ran me down. I stayed inside after that, and had delivery. I thought it was a good time to get some work done, but between the internet not working (and only for me), and my work not saving before the computer crashed, I didn't get anything really done. I did get a call from the publishers to remind me about my meeting, and the phone service cut out because they thought I hadn't paid my bill. After that problem, my chair broke sending me tumbling. My card was declined when dinner showed up, so I paid by cash, which took the delivery person's tip, so there's another person that hates me. I'll call, if I can, in the morning about the card. At least the TV was fine, and there was only a few bumps and bruises and no blood. Please let this end.

08/04/17 — Thursday was a fun day. I got an electric shock when the toaster ate my bagel and I tried to fish it out. Weird thing is, I'd been smart enough to unplug it, so it was probably just static electricity. After that, I guess it wasn't ebbing. I tired once more time to get to class and this time I was able to find my way, after a bruiser pushed me into UCP's grass because I was 'looking at his girl'. Fortunately she corrected him, right after I got a gut punch, so there's a relief. The art history professor didn't buy my excuse for missing class until I found someone's dropped pencil by stepping on it. I didn't fall, fortunately, then, but the mechanical pencil on the next step sent me down. I think I loosened a tooth. Not only did I get excused, but I was told I'm carrying some 'bad juju', whatever that means. On the way back home, there was a liquor store robbery that went bad. There was a bit of a shoot out when the robber tried to get away and I was nearly hit by a stray round. Instead I got debris in my eye, and they made me go to the hospital to get checked over. So that was fun.

08/03/17 — Took to jogging in the morning. Before I left the house, time for a little concealer on the old shiner. Unfortunately it's something I've done many times before, but still, Musta poked myself in the eye about a billion times. I couldn't find my normal running shoes, so I wore a different pair of footwear. I didn't get far when I felt the first blister surely coming on. When I got home, sure enough, blister city. And I'd forgotten to take my keys with me so I had to get the super to let me in, then limp to the bathroom to take care of myself. Shooting star texted, and we met at Roasters. With my luck lately, I took a taxi and left my phone; good enough I did too. Our conversation had just started and my first sip had me knocking my tea all over my lap, but star gave me a really nice hand. Went to the washroom to clean up, and the plumping came loose. Like I said, I was glad I left the phone at home, because trying to turn the faucet off got me drenched. I was given a ride home though, so that was nice. Quickly got clean, as tempting as it would have been to methodical, she had other plans. We took her ride, and visited friends, hopefully friends, and saw the new baby. Talked about some other plans that I had been thinking about but especially now, it especially means something more. I just want to see the best, for her, for the future. Anyways, I only had a few mishaps, so there's that. Maybe it's ebbing. Hope springs eternal.

08/02/17 — Missed purple when she woke up and left earlier than usual. I'm guessing to get my phone fixed, bless her ever loving heart. I switched my cold press for one that was actually cold and then got ready to go to class. Today was more torture; couldn't find my toothbrush, so I used purple's, my favorite mug got a crack in it when I dropped it, and then I couldn't find my shoes. Elevator wouldn't come up to my floor, so I had to walk down the stairs. Trying to get to school was mission impossible. I've been there a hundred times, but I couldn't find the class room. My eye got some attention, so I just went home. Eventually, I got a flat tire on the way there, so that was fun. After that morning I decided on a nap and woke up to what sounded like the police pounding on my door. After a quick flush, I answered it: it was shooting star who gave me some... really, really good news. Now just how to give it to purple. There was a meeting too, that I wanted to go to later in the evening. With all my bad luck lately, I figured it'd be best I leave early after shooting star left. Good thing I did, too. Ran out of gas, twice. I don't know how that happened. And with no phone, I had to wait for one nice people, and highway patrol to come by. The officer gave me a ticket for parking on the side of the freeway. Nice guy. I got there and got a ride back. Purple was home by then. At least I had my phone... right until I dropped it in the can. So now I'm just letting it soak in a baggie of rice, and I'm going to bed early. Ugh.

08/01/17 — Stay up late, wake up late; that's my motto. I got up eventually, and went for a run since purple wasn't there when I woke up. When I came back home I just grabbed a handful of carrots and stand down to edit some videos until there was a knock on the door. It was who I thought it would be. I mean, eventually. Since I'm a terrible liar, I came out with the truth. I got what I thought I was going to get. And a little bit more, ... it was weird, and brought back a little bit of the feelings the first girlfriend gave me before I had to leave. To make matters worse, I slipped on my phone and broke the screen so now I have to get that replaced. And I tweaked something in my back when I did that. So I laid down on the couch with some bags of ice. Until the batteries in the remote ran out and I couldn't find any more in the whole condo, so now the TV's stuck on the TV listings station. That repeats. Every five. Minutes. End it now. Somehow I was able to go to sleep and woke up with Purple coming home. She wanted to know how I got the shiner, and managed to guess. Not that there's a long line of people looking to pop me in the face. ... that I know of. Anyways, I handed over my broke phone after nearly choking to death on the sim card, so I can get the screen repaired. We decided on not having me cook, anything with a knife or open flame was out.

07/31/17 — Sunday found breakfast in bed for my darlin', then I let her get back to sleep. Must be rough to have all that money and not enough pits to drop it into and then roll around in it. I had a bit of a jog and stopped on the park bench for a conversation via the phone. I was a little nervous after that, went back home and hung out there for awhile, working on my projects, quietly in the guest room with the headphones on. After a while I had to get out of there, so I went over to Roasters, got a table and sat down to veg-out.

07/30/17 — So, Saturday. Took a run down the beach, to get some sun. Met a couple of surfers just getting ready to leave for the day. Seems like a neat activity to get into, and I'll have to get into it later. I realized I still haven't told purple about my up coming trip, so I stopped for some bagels and coffee. I know, I know, carb-tastic, but every now and then it's ok. When I got home, she wasn't there so I had the bagels myself, that'll teach her. And I realized just how much I missed bread. Nothing from shooting star, so I'll give her a ring if I don't hear from her tomorrow. Sat my butt in front of the computer and did some work, for once. Before I knew it it was super late. I had a late lunch/early dinner and then changed into my jammies. I didn't feel like going out, and purple had been watching some old episodes of Archer on Netflix, so I had to catch up. I started a binge, then switched to cartoons. That's when the neighbor stopped by. If I thought she was aggressive yesterday, she was damn right scary today. ... it wasn't good, but she broke down and told me why, well, hinted at it. Poor lady, it'd been such a long time for her, she just had to scrape the bottom of the barrel. We had a talk, hugged it out. I think she'll be ok. After she left, the girlfriend came home. She'd been drinking apparently, and seemed like her joyous, loving self. We greeted each other in that special way we do, and then there was a night spent inside. Though I couldn't help but feel like there was something going on with her, it was like the time at WaffleMania where she did, but after, she didn't.

07/29/17 — Went to the clinic today. Just to make sure. Was shown the way by EMT. Turns out she knows the purple. Small world, right? And she told me some personal information too. Weird thing to tell a stranger. She was right though, I should have called ahead for an appointment. I'm pretty sure I was recognized. I have to wait a week for the results, but I'm pretty sure I'm fine. It's more a piece of mind thing. Went back home, had a heavy work out. Purple and I still making up, I hoped everything would turn out fine. Stayed at home with her, right until midnight or so, then I got a knock on the door. Was the neighbor. She returned more coconut oil because the first one she left to replace what she borrowed wasn't enough, she said. I'm sure it is, though, but I appreciate the gesture. I asked her to stay for tea and that's when things got... steamy. I nearly got molested in the kitchen, with purple only in the bedroom. Wow, what's going on? Is it just springtime mating season pheromones in the air or something?

07/28/17 — Morning ritual went well, and then I got some work done with my YouTube videos, bros. Just as I was recording, I got a call from Never-Returns-My-Phone-Calls Publishers. Seems there's someone in New York they want me to meet and I leave in a couple of weeks. After everything that's happened, and then I have to just leave for a week. Dang. So then on top of everything else I had to make some videos about leaving and when the posts would resume. Then I spent a while editing, talking with shooting star. Then there was art history class; let the good times roll. The brothers at AEP caught up with me; told me there'd be a sick party tonight and wanted me to be there. I gave a non-committal answer, Jeff told me as an aside that if I asked, they might consider letting me into the fraternity and I told him I'd think about it. I was bummed, they were bummed, but I told them that next time I'd be there. I don't remember being this popular in a cliche the first time. I went home. Seemed lately like I've been dreading it. When I got home though, I got the best news ever. Quartz-eyes and I are still together. We apologized, I think all night long. Someone's earned herself breakfast in bed.

07/27/17 — Spoke with shooting star for a bit, over the phone, before school. Don't know what we're going to do but everything seems to be going for the best. She's told someone about us, which means it might just be a matter of time before who knows who else knows.<br\>Who who. Who who.<br\>Then there was school where I kind of moped and dragged my feet. A couple nice girls from class asked me what was up, we hung out for a bit and talked about everything other than my problem. Later, because the neighbor was nice, I got myself in a good mood and sent her some funny. She wanted to come over but that wasn't a good idea. I hope she's ok, I'm just a jerk.

07/26/17 — Got up and tried to get on with a normal life. Shooting star had left me a text. I replied, but, didn't get anything back for awhile. Then there was a short conversation, followed by an offer of coffee later in the week. Can't be that bad an idea. Keep it in public. I thought about texting the neighbor, but I just wasn't up to it yet. Went to the BBQ joint and found it was still open. Met some new people and got a good laugh. It was exactly what I'd needed just then.

07/25/17 — Lazy day today. Got up, jogged, tried to pretend like today was just a normal day. I found a present outside my door, that was a smile giver. I thought it was best to take a really long jog today. Went back home and everything feels... different. Like I broke it and I don't know how to fix it. I met shooting star at Off the Record and, I wish I could say I could turn it off. But I just can't. Then got some troubling news. She and I had to go back to the scene of the crime to look for her jewelry. We didn't find it though. We didn't a lot of things.

07/24/17 — Shooting star came over with some baked goods. The three of us had a nice moment talking, until the two of them started picking on me, and I sprayed my tea over the room. Not fair. After that, shooting star proposed a drive, since mine was already here, we didn't have to go back to hers to get her bike. We took off down the highway, about a half hour down found a really nice place with a great view. I took it all in, and so did she. Lost track of time, had a shower and then dropped her off at home. It was ... worth the wait. Then I got home and it all came real. Seeing her, watching her goofy show, so innocent. I'm horrible, and I just couldn't keep it from her. We talked it out, we yelled it out, and then we cried it out. And slept in the guest room. I don't know how I got here. Well, no, I know exactly how I got here. I'm a bad boyfriend.

07/23/17 — Not much going on today. Traveled the city, taking my new ride for a joy-ride now that I'm legal and all. Hit a couple of spots, but there wasn't anything really going on. Had a little free time so I spent it fixing up some more Youtube videos. Sometimes I feel like I just ought to disable the comments. But, you know, develop a thick skin. It's the internet, people talk trash there.

07/22/17 — Well today was a really productive day. Started with a 2 am wake up call from the neighbor. There are worse ways to wake up, I suppose. She needed to borrow something, and it's only fair, since she gave me so much sugar. Add coconut oil to the grocery list and hopefully replace it before the GF notices that it's missing. Returned back to bed, got up. My jog, then went over to Roasters for breakfast. Had the Ruben, and then had a nice girl with the social skills of a robot infer I'm a sociopath 'cuz I read and listen to music at Roasters. I think we had a bit of banter back and forth. And I say thing, 'cuz I think her Alien overlords hadn't downloaded human interactions into her neural network. Boop beep boop boop. I finished my breakfast and went to the stacks to study, then class. After that, I did some heavy lifting and went to the beach by my place. I met a fan, she was a ten, who hit me up for a charity event. Why not, right? And it's for a good reason. After I baked the back, I flipped over on the grill and baked the front. Then I went home. Purple changed her hair. Do I call her aquamarine now? Mehhh. I'm not sure how I feel about the new hair, but she likes it, and that's all that matters. I surprised her by planning an event for our second monthiversary, and we celebrated well. Very well. Then, later in the evening I met the neighbor coming home from somewhere. She looked, ... she looked bad, so I tried my best to help her out as well as I could. What are neighbors for, right? When her boyfriend showed up, I made myself scarce, I'm sure they'd want to be left alone. What a busy day. I'm glad I went to bed early.

07/21/17 — Sometimes life takes you in a weird sorta way. As I was leaving my condo, I saw the neighbor's door had been left open. I thought she was getting robbed but the only thing getting stolen was my dignity. In the end, I think I managed to salvage the situation, and met someone new -- she's too much! Rather than go out, I went back home since I'd been drinking, and wanted to make sure purple got everything she had coming to her. And she did. And she did.

07/20/17 — Purple woke me up in some of the nicest ways, and while she slept, I took some cake over to sugar in the evening and we chatted for a bit. Kinda awkward talking with an attractive woman while she's wearing next to nothing. Later I was hanging out at For The Record where I think I saw some guy getting really ticked off at the help. Some people just totally lose their cool if you don't make their 'Grande, Iced, Sugar-Free, Vanilla Latte With Soy Milk' right.

07/19/17 — Woke up in the morning, to the bedroom door closing. Only thing is, not my bedroom. I guess I had to much, and slept it off upstairs. At least I had all my clothes on, so nothing happened. I think. Found my toy parked somewhere I don't remember leaving it, and drove home. Not worried about getting pulled over, now that I'm legal, but I'd probably blow a sobriety test. When I got home purple still wasn't there. I ate, then crashed.

07/18/17 — Normal day routine; yawn. Nothing at all out of the ordinary happened at all. Afternoon was art history class. I met the guys from Alpha Epsilon Pi again. They knew of a party to go to later, and since I had nothing better to do, figured I'd go. Studied a bit, early dinner and change of clothes. Purple wasn't anywhere, sometimes she does that, otherwise I would've taken her with. Dancing, drinking the night away.

07/17/17 — Woke up, gave a kiss, slipped out of bed. Breakfast, then morning jogging down to the beach and back. Early morning, part deux of the motorcycle safety program. Snuck away from Margie at lunch to go back home and wake up the GF. Had lunch, and desert, but got back a little late. Luckily it was the driving proficiency portion, and the instructor wasn't all that much of a hard butt about my tardiness. Let me stay a little late a go over the material which let me avoid Margie. The instructor was friendly, like, really friendly, but I was able to get out of there intact. Back home, dinner, then hung out at Off The Record for a bit. Well, late. Then I crept back home and spent some quality time with the main squeeze.

07/16/17 — Morning jog, then breakfast. Part one of the full day motorcycle class. Yawn city. Met some nice people though; Jack, and his wife Mary, going to use theirs to see America. Take the side roads, stay off the grid and do all the things they used to do when they were young... whatever that means. Margie's not shy, she came with me to lunch, told me all about what's going on with her and her husband Larry. Well, her husband for now, I guess she caught him cheating on her and she's decided to do something wild. When I got home I thought I would bake a cake, Mary had been talking about it. I got started, but I had to get some sugar from the neighbor. She was in a hurry, but let me have it, nice lady. Even invited me to her special club, and if I wasn't baking, I woulda gone. Maybe I'll bring someone special. After that, the doctor made a house call. Just like old times. And not like old times.

07/15/17 — I've been thinking about it for awhile. So after my morning jog, and breakfast, I hung out at Roasters. From there I put up a Craig's list ad. Only one nibble so far and it's from the photographer, which is a little on the nose. I'm hesitant, and I hope someone else makes makes an offer. He seems nice, he means well, but he kinda gives me the creeps. Like the way some women look at me. Hungry?

07/14/17 — Shooting star called me over in the morning. She wanted someone strong, but all I have to offer was moral support. Dry wall work isn't in my wheel house of knowledge, but I watched and held the ladder. And best of all, I brought some iced coffee. We had a good talk, it was nice, actually like back in the day nice. Without any of the awkwardness that's been in our conversations. ... that is, until she wanted to meet my folks. I don't know how Mom would take it. I mean, no, I know how they'd take it. They'd think I was a player, and I'd probably get congratulated for it, but that's just not me. If I'm going to make them proud of me for something, it should be something real.

07/13/17 — Took my new toy out for a ride around the city. I got a few looks. Not because I'm super cool; mmm, not JUST because I'm super cool but also because I was driving like a little old lady. Still haven't gotten the program, so if I get pulled over and checked I'd be in some serious trouble. But it's just like Dad says: it's only a crime if you get caught. I turned real slow, drove carefully, but took a ride over downtown and I was fine. I hung out at the skate park for a bit, watched some tricks, and then back home.

07/13/17 — Stupid slow day. One of those that just would never end. Had a run like I usually do, breakfast. Then a bit of a study, but purple wouldn't let me, that adorable girl. Later that night there was a mania of waffles to refuel.

07/12/17 — I took a picture of my new toy, and put it up online. Apparently it caused some triggers to go off among some of my subscribers. But it's definitely better than driving my van around. They'll have to convince of me of that. Not sure purple likes my smell, doesn't hate it, just don't LIKE it. But we kissed and made up. Maybe something that smells like death...

07/11/17 — Not much going on today. Freshmen studies, why even? I went out and got more cologne, bought more food since I have a sexy purple beast that does her best to burn all calories everywhere. We both ate and then, best day ever, I took delivery of my new toy. Now I just need the outfit to go with it.

07/10/17 — I got a few names of people that can help me learn the basics on how to ride from Kitten. That was nice of her. I gave a few a call until I found one that was willing to teach me and earn a bit on the side, and then I signed up for the motorcycle safety program. 15 hours? Oh my god, who has time for that? Well I guess I do, if I want to ride. Bleh, down with unnecessary governmental oversight. :)

07/09/17 — Dear diary,<br\>Uh. Wow. Just, ... wow.<br\>One thing about dating someone with more experience than you is that everyday you learn something knew. Not just about them, but about yourself as well. I don't think I'm ever going to forget that look in her eye, or how she acted. It scared me, a little, but... wow. After a nap and hydration I had to take care of some school work, and then did a little research on the computer.

07/08/17 — Had a bit of a jog today, and then texted the GF to see what she was doing. She's going to come over later, so I looked up some recipes online, something to make for her, you know, show her how much I appreciate her. I was looking through the window of the Meat Market, which I know what I'm thinking, no, it isn't a gay bar. While I was there, I saw shooting star. We talked for a little bit, and she told me she was picking up some things to cook for kitten. After that it kinda seemed like the conversation went into a circle, mentioning the same things again. I want to move on with her, but I can't seem able, and I don't know why.

07/06/17 — School day -- but before that, I jotted down some ideas about the next book. Since it's to soon to see how the book is going to do. Also, relationship books like that are like one hits. Unless, I guess, you learn more about relationships? I dunno, but I think that's the only one for me. Or at least I hope so. Hit the stacks to get a book. Good day all around.

07/05/17 — Comfy day in with my better half, but then I remembered to pass along a message from the photographer guy. I guess my little emo muffin did some work for him and he wanted me to thank her by passing along a kiss, and, well, I guess one kiss became many. She's pretty thanked, I think. Gunna steal purple's book later, and do some videos about that, everybody like hydroponics.

07/04/17 — Happy Indie Day, Merika!
We spent the beginning of the day together. Just when did I start referring to purple and I as we? Breakfast in bed, gross snuggles. I learned something new about her. She stepped out for a little bit, and I went to have a chat with kitten about bikes. Cruiser or Roadster, she says, so now I can start looking. Left her with the certificates I'd picked up the day before as a way of saying thanks, and tried my first whiskey. Is there really such a thing as a 'good burn'? Took a short detour to Roasters. There are a lot of beautiful people in this city, not surprising, really, considering how close we are to LA, but still. I saw fish in front of me in line; that's a sad story. Do you smile and wave and bother her, or don't bother her and seem like you're shunning her? Tough call, but luckily all I had to wait for was boiled water.

07/02/17 — Before breakfast I took my textbook for a walk. First day of class is tomorrow, not that I expect many people will show. While at Off The Record, I saw shooting star. We had a really nice chat, and I tried to get her advice, but she pushed me on to kitten, so I'll have to ask her about which motorcycle would be best. Rest of the day was spent Netflix'ing and chillin'.

07/01/17 — For lunch we went to Smoke and Barley, I had the same thing I did the last time I was there and gave her the spare key to my apartment. When we got home, she went to read about hydroponics, and not at ALL because I'm brushing off on her, but don't tell her that. I made another gesture; and moved my stuff out of the top drawer. The gesture was deeply, and thoroughly appreciated.

06/30/17 — Didn't do much today. Made breakfast for two, and while she went back to hers to keep up with things on her end, I went for a jog. A little elaborte, I took the nature trails up to the top. Sat on the picnic tables and looked out at the foothill. The view was totally worth it. Instead of going home, I went to hers, and we spent then rest of the day together.

06/28/17 — Tuesday I occupied myself with doing a little more studying. Class doesn't start until the 3rd, but still no reason not to study ahead. In the evening, purple said she had something to go do, and took her car with her, so I gave kitten a call, and she let me come over. I brought a bottle, but it was of the wrong kind of stuff and we mostly talked about shooting star. I ate some crow and apologized. Hopefully I'm on a path to making things better.

06/27/17 — Woke up late, like super late, by a light rapping at my door. It was shooting star, came to see me, which was a delightful surprise. We talked a little about the awkwardness that happened at the fire house the other day. She asked me a question I really didn't know how to answer. I think, that people don't know just how naive I am with those kinds of things. Then about how my Mom doesn't particularly like purple. Well too bad about that, she's around to stay. Purple and I spent the day together, looking at new sofas on-line and having a general good time for a couple of crazy kids.

06/26/17 — Went to the Athletic Park with a book and in my jogging outfit. After i had a run, I curled up under a tree and read a little of the reading for my history class. I figure there's no reason why not to get ahead in the reading; being the giant nerd that I am. After that, went home and changed before going to the beach. I still have the welt down my chest, but it was already faded a bunch. I got some sun, with the earbuds in, letting YouTube randomly put something new on. A comical song slipped on, so I sent it to purple. She liked it so much, she wanted to come over so I had little chance to get back home and shower off sunscreen before she got there. We spent a nice time in, and she stayed the night.

06/25/17 — Took my iPhone out for a walk to Maple park. I saw shooting star on the swings, and remembered our last encounter. I didn't want to get verbally slapped again so I tried leaving before she noticed me but no dice. I was more than a jerk, still feeling in a bad mood. There's only so many times you can give your heart so someone to have them throw it away. And then, we just sort of started to connect again. I couldn't stay mad at her, especially when she revealed why she was gone so long. And then it hit me then. That I had been doing the same thing to her and kitten, that was done to me. Maybe I just needed to be a friend. She thought so too. We went to her place after, to hang out with kitty. They have a fire pole. A real not-so-live fire pole. I took a turn down it, but forgot that my open shirt on brass don't mix well. I may have picked up a new nickname. There was talk about my relationship briefly before the photographer showed up in, well. What can only be described as a very brave outfit. They had apparently engaged in a bet, the details were lost to me, but they agreed that he had won so they were going to have to get some sort of tattoo. Things then started getting weird, and I decided to get going while the going was good.

Waffle Mania

Ghosts from the past
They won't let me go
I server the cords, but
They keep coming back

"I'm sorry," say the winners
And how should I feel
Happy for their success
Or the bleeding pain over my ordeal?

06/24/17 — To give my YouTube fans a sign that I was still alive, I held an impromptu AMA in the morning. There were a few people really engaged with asking questions, and wanting to know what's in the future for me. That lasted well into the afternoon. After that, I grabbed a light lunch and then took a jog to clear my head. When I got back home I did a little work and when I looked up again, it was after six and I was starving so I went to WaffleMania to some virgins. I was minding my own business when the third wheel showed up at my table. She told me she was sorry for everything, but I could help but remember when she was walking away, that she used to tell me she'd fix everything. I guess she doesn't believe it anymore. After she was gone I wrote a little poem; and sent it to purple. I felt like sharing.

06/23/17 — In the morning, I took a little drive after breakfast. In the afternoon, I went to Maple park for a little run. It had been awhile, but I saw shooting star there. It felt kind of weird to see her again, after she broke up our friendship. I'm reminded over how I feel about her, but how she keeps pushing me away at the same time as telling me she feels the same way. But I wasn't the only one feeling awkward. We had a good conversation; or so I thought. When she took a bite at me, I figured it would be best to just keep moving. So I left her there at the park. It gave me plenty of time to think; I know, a lot of heavy lifting.

06/22/17 — First full day back. I figured there's no better time than to register for new session's classes. Freshman's Seminar is so stupid. I know it's requirement, but for someone like me it doesn't really make much sense. But if I keep taking only two courses at a time, graduation is going to take forever. Taking History of Film for the other one. Once I did all that, I spent a me day. After vegging out at home, and then recording some fresh content for my YouTube fans, I went out in the evening to a local art gallery. They had some neat sculpted mushroom and ferns throughout the building that it made it look sorta outdoors-y.

06/21/17 — And back. You know, I've never really appreciated having as weird a schedule as I do when it allows me to just take off on short notice, spend a couple of days in my old neighborhood and do touristy stuff with my main squeeze. We were a little early the first day, so we killed some time by traveling over the Golden Gate Bridge. The Uber driver said he gets a lot of tourists asking to do that. After that we had Father's day dinner with my parents. It, uh. Could have gone better, but I was able to get purple back in a good mood after that, because I'm funny. Looking. The Trolley station was within walking distance of the hotel, so that was a start. Saw the crazy houses on the hills. She said she saw the house from Fuller House, but I think she's crazy. Went down to Fisherman's Wharf; we were told if we wanted to see the seals then we should have shown up sooner, but we were pretty lucky I guess and saw one milling about. After that it was to Chinatown, I got some different tea, 'for enhanced energy', the store owner said and she and purple exchanged looks just to get me to blush more. The tea wasn't all that bad. That night I wanted to take her back to my old stomping grounds since I knew the first girlfriend wasn't going to be in SanFran. We went to Muir Beach overlook. There's a little cave there when the local boys take the girls and make out. I made sure she got the full Muir experience.

06/18/17 — Breakfast time, then took a jog. I got a few things ready, took a deep breath and then bit the bullet and asked her if she wanted to go with me. The GF was actually surprisingly accepting and willing to go at a moments notice. I'm not exactly sure what that says about her. Anyways, this is just a little note before she gets here. Got a copy of my book for her, I hope she likes the foreword. I think I'll have a tea while I wait and then maybe record a holder video. Uh, nervous. I need something for my nerves a little stronger than tea. Oh, I hear her at the door now, TTYL.

06/17/17 — So, woke up this morning and realized I was a little nervous - tomorrow is Father's day. A little big because it's when the family gets together, celebrates my birthday and Dad's day at the same time. More then that, Sarah'd asked if I was seeing anyone and if I was going to bring them, you know, plenty of time to remember that I hadn't told the GF about it. I spent the rest of the morning making plans as if she was going. I'm so stupid, but at least the last thing I'll do is ask her. After I made the preparations, I went for an afternoon jog at the North Beach Athletic Park. Went home, cleaned up, and then back outside and walked to the beach. I was setting up to set some sun and a tan, when I met shutterbug. Small world, he knew the GF. We chatted for a bit, and then he left to find a drink. Nice guy; think he's from Scotland.

06/16/17 — Started the day off with a jog, and then a light breakfast. Inspiration took over while I was listening to the White Stripes about new book idea. What would the effects be to the local flora and fauna if there is a wall across the border. Only, you know, try not to make it political, there's enough of that already. The make up test went well; the Professor was agreeable, and I took it in her office. It was hard, harder than I thought it could be. But I managed to get it done. When I got home, exhausted, I found that my advances were waiting for me. Hooray, I'm published again, next the mind numbing sales; my book, my brand... myself.

06/15/17 — Yesterday and today, I kind of made a nuisance of myself. Cramping the GF's style wasn't as easy as I thought it'd be, but mostly because we really didn't go anywhere, just talked and... other stuff. Finally decided to disengage in the evening, can't help but think it's a good thing I don't have pets. After all that, I really couldn't think about anything or anyone else. What I do have to do is talk with my Prof to see if I can get a make up for her final, oops. There's another one today too, ugh. I find myself contemplating nothing, while fidgeting her gift.

Woke up feeling great! Texted my gal, and that was great. Took a jog along the beach, and that was great. Had breakfast on the pier, you guessed it, great. Then I went shopping, great. Took a nap, great. Pedi/mani, painful (but great.) Orange julias, also great. Watched some Netflix, pretty great. At supper, bugged the great girlfriend for greatness and she greatly a-great-ly agreed to great BBQ. Great. I gave her the second of the third gifts, never you mind what the third is, and she gave me this great bracelet and the great thing about that is I've never told her about why I wear so many of them. It's like... she just knows me. Ugh, gush. She's just great. I hope my parents like her as much as I do.📷Dusk bracelet.jpgDuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png

06/12/17 — My first final today; History of Film. I think it went well, well enough. The Professor thinks I'm doing well in his class so, I ought not have any problems. Then I pulled my head out of my own world for a minute and saw an advertisement for Remember the 49 remembrance at The Back Door. I went, but it felt kinda weird. Read the names, at least, before I left. Returned to campus, Intro to Media final is next. But, tomorrow is my birthday!

06/11/17 — Today was actually a great day. I got woke up in the most pleasant way imaginable, and spent the morning with purple. Took a doze and when I woke up, my sweet angel was gone, but I was STARVING. Had breakfast/lunch and putz around the apartment doing laundry, cleaning stains. About three-ish, went out for a jog, and got a text from shooting star. She was a little drunk, sent me a sweet picture, and then said we couldn't be friends anymore. It was pretty surreal. Shared with the GF, she thought so too, and then I told her it was my birthday in two days. It'd slipped my mind. Sent a package off by FedEx and then went out for a bit to study, I had to find a new place since I can't go to Roasters anymore.

06/10/17 — While the GF rested the night away, I took my new trophies on a stroll, in the afternoon. Went to get coffee and to study, I know, I know. That's sort of like taking your laptop to a cafe and hoping people will ask you about your manuscript. But, while there and speaking with glasses girl I overheard third wheel talking about the Ex and I felt the walls closing in. I guess I'm not as over it as I thought I was. Why do I feel lied to and taken advantage of? Glasses girl and I found a quiet place to talk and fool around in for awhile. She gave me her digits and left after hearing my sob story, but I did warn her it was sophomoric. Took a short stroll in the woods after that, hadn't played with my instrument in a while, so that was fun.

06/09/17 — Saw shooting star around noon-ish when she came by my apartment and we hung out for a bit. This got a little out of hand, and steamy, like they do with her. The GF showed up during and I thought it was going to be awkward, but it really wasn't. She showed me to whom I belong, and in that sense be belonging was better that any aphrodisiac.

06/08/17 — Thursday was spent recuperating from the day before. Purple knows how to celebrate the right way. Or at least that was the plan; unfortunately I forgot I had an Intro to Digital Media class, so I arrived for that class dutifully late.

06/07/17 — Weather was a little overcast today, so I stayed inside and used the elliptical to get my run in. Breakfast, bacon and eggs, hooray. I had some studying to make up, and then there were YouTube videos to make a batch of. I wasn't supposed to make an announcement about my book coming out, but I couldn't help teasing it a little. Dad saw it, and he gave me a call later in the afternoon when I was studying. Wanted to know more, how I was doing, if I've made any friends. You know Dads. In the evening she showed up, and the rest of the night was pretty much a wash.

06/06/17 — Make out morning before I said my reluctant good byes and gave a change for the rooms to air out. I can't stay locked away forever (unfortunately.) A sore jog, followed by lunch. I returned some calls I'd missed out on. Good news, the book's gone to the printers! Now to let everybody do their bit of work and eventually everybody'll see the kind of pain I had gone through, and gotten over, ah. <3

06/05/17 — Woke up super early, for me anyways and had a bit of fun. I had classes, but... I mean it's an easy class and I've been studying this body of work for the last while. God, I hope she's on the final 'cuz I'll be sure to get an A. She's going to get me in trouble, but really nice trouble. Spent the whole day together again. We had a conversation early on in my visit that she doesn't need her torture devices, so, I mean... why not? Now I just have to try to see if I can like it too; I mean, besides that one thing. I liiiike that one thing.

06/04/17 — Studying at the Koi pond in the afternoon, North Beach Athletic Park, after breakfast and run. Got interrupted studying by being chased by the wildlife, then met glasses girl. We chatted for a bit and then she had to leave. I wasn't in any mood to study then, so I sent the GF some BAD poetry, and I think I got back Fallout 4 intro song lyrics. She's such a nerd, I love it. I got my van and headed over to her ... dwelling and stayed the night. Things get out of control around her, and I need to learn cool down, but she knows where my buttons are. <3

06/03/17 — Woke up in the morning, a little late. No classes, but finals ARE fast approaching. So after a jog, and publishing some new videos. Posted one about ways to reduce carbon foot prints, that I have to admit, I could do better at, like unplugging the devices you aren't using and eating less meat. But I like meat. That took up a large chunk of the day and I figured some studying was in order, so I went out to get some overcast sun at the North Beach Athletic Park garden and studied in the gazebo until after dark, then went home.

06/02/17 — Little bit of a work out today. I found out from my friend at the publishers who I stayed with that Ash is actually a woman, which surprised me. But the reason she's being so cold with the editing is because she doesn't think guys have feelings, never mind that they need a book about it. Locked in, I have to put up with it like a good boy and this too shall pass. She got a little aggressive after, and I had to remind her I've got someone, and she got mad then suggested drinks, but I have home work, so I went back home. Did a bit of studying, had a surprise visitor which rounded the day out pretty nicely.

06/01/17 — Jogged a new trail today after waking up. Runner's high is awesome. Breakfast, then studying more. At lunch I did my good deed... maybe for the year. Introduced 7-11 to leather pants. Things went super well, even though 7-11 insisted on wearing her beanie. Now she's got a steady job, and people get to enjoy her art. Gives me a warm glow knowing I did something nice for someone that's nice. Celebratory dinner went as well as could be expected; dinner was comp'ed. I'll have to get leather pants back for that.

05/31/17 — Not much going on today. A few more corrections came in, but other than that, I was studying for the finals, like a good boy. Sent some little nothings to the girlfriend, it got real cute. She's going to be dangerous for my grades, but... in a good way. Threw up more content on the channel, importance of the Paris agreements, things of that nature. Spaced out, it'll buy me more time.

05/30/17 — Late start to the day, of course. Spent the day mostly at the U, classes, studying in the stacks. Lunch at the little cart in the quad, why not. Tomorrow I'll have to remember to work extra hard. My little surprise for the GF still hasn't shown up; but really? What to you get the woman that can have anything? Light dinner, was invited to Alpha Epsilon Pi house for a party. Might as well go, but on a Tuesday? Fooled around on the 'ccordion, started to pen a song; they're just poems to music, right? I dunno. I had to stop when the guy upstairs started stomping on the floor. If the view wasn't so good, I wish I'd bought the house. Ah well.

05/29/17 — Sigh. Back to the grind, I guess. Spring session ends on the 9th, so, even though I'm not going to fail these classes, no point in not studying for them. Hate. Ernest Hemingway once wrote, 'Write Drunk; Edit Sober'. If that's true, I'm going to be a fantastic writer, because Ash is driving me to drink. Not really, but if I get another note about lazy writing, I swear. I'll talk to the publishers later about it, but right now I have to concentrate. At least until it turned dark. I mean it's a holiday, no school, so might as well go party. I went to the Rhapsody, actually seems pretty nice; I fit in there more than anywhere else. Came home late, right to bed.

05/28/17 — Woke up, purple was gone. Sad. But sore, so deliciously sore, mmmph! Nothing to do on a Sunday but study and do more corrections. Ash is getting on my cash about being more forthcoming with my corrections, like all I have to do with my time is to do them. I'm sure he's a good editor and all, but. Took a break to do a little online shopping. the GF liked the last poem I gave her even though it was trash. I think they have to say that, though. So I tried for something, better. Took another look through tickle monster's electric van plans. Still doesn't make much sense.

05/27/17 — Purple, the GF, woke me up by replying to the text. She was over right away. Best. Day. Ever. I'm so happy. So sore, but so happy. And I didn't think I would fit in those, but they weren't all that bad.

05/26/17 — A little bit of corrections that my editor, Ash, FedEx'ed over. This guy is brutal. A did a bit of it, and then some homework slash studying. At least that was the plan. I was happy for the distraction when shooting star showed up and we talked for a little bit, then third wheel arrived with plans for the electric vehicle. That was more interesting but I think it bored shooting star, so she left. Third wheel later brushed my hair, I punished her knot tugs with a tickle . She got her revenge with a tickle and things ended a little... unexpectedly. Sent a text to the GF, but she didn't reply, went to sleep thinking of her.

05/25/17 — When it rains, it pours. Texts, studying, and worse still, more corrections. They tell me I have a new editor because this is new material for me and this guy's just the worst. Every little thing, rather than just correcting it and moving on, sends it back to me to let me know I got it wrong. Just send the book to the printer all ready. Sheesh. I'mma have to blow off some steam.

05/24/17 — Morning started out in only a minor panic. Deadlines suck so much. They're being pricks about it too, talking about installing fines if I'm late. Hardasses; the classes was their idea. Afternoon, shooting star came over with something delicious. Had a stimulating conversation, but my classes get in the way. In the evening I got another visit from purple. :). Just... :). Gave her a nice present and she let me cuddle. 'Love loves to love love.'

05/23/17 — While out for a morning jog, I ran into 7-11 girl. I met some of her friends and Theo and Andre seem like a really nice gay couple. She escorted me back to my place since she's much tougher than I am. It's a good day for me when I'm able to use my powers for good, I think I was able to hook her up with casino girl to help her music career. Hopefully she won't forget the little people, like me. Later in the evening, purple and I had some Nexflix and chilled. I missed that.

05/22/17 — Got some chapters back, more red than black. Editors have no soul. Went to school for a bit, had to borrow a pen from a pretty cool guy. When that pen didn't work, his buddy's pen did. Turns out they were with Alpha Epsilon Pi and said I should join, you know, if I wasn't Jewish. We had a laugh over that and while I'm tickled, a little, at the idea, something about the idea of 'Going Greek' as they put it gave me pause. I'll think about it. Homework, corrections.

05/21/17 — More writing, I love this high of making words do their little dance for me. Pulling them from the nothing they were in so that they make some semblance of sense. After that, Intro to Media. I think this semester I'll be able to skip a lot of classes and still pass. Bought a gift and called purple to ask if she wanted to come over. Things didn't go like I thought they would; they went better. I'm such a sucker for love.

05/20/17 — No rest for the wicked, so especially no rest for me. While writing, shooting star sent me a text. Do I want to check out a natural spring with her? Uh, yeah! We took her bike over which was a new experience for me, in behind, getting all hands-y, you know, for balance. And then the hike over wasn't so bad but I wasn't watching where I was going so I took a tumble. The water was freezing, fortunately I had her to keep me warm. The spot she knew must be pretty popular because there was a guy there later that she knew. I called him by the wrong name; I can't imagine how I was distracted, bikinis are awesome. Later, when I was back in town, I saw the third-wheel at the Tea House, where I get mine. I should think of a different pseudonym for her. We chatted for a bit, she nearly cried (I have that effect on woman.) We managed to regroup and I invited her back to my place as my first guest because my hair needed brushing and she likes doing it.

05/19/17 — Woke up early and did more writing. Books don't make themselves, unfortunately or everybody would do it. Before I knew it it was pretty late, and I got a call from possum guy. He wanted to have a chat, and I wasn't really doing anything; ironically the depression chapter was depressing, so I agreed to go. We had a long, illuminating conversation and I learned more talking with him then I have in a good long while. He invited a friend over, and before I had to go we got clean.

05/18/17 — Did a bit of writing, but then I got a call I'd been waiting for. 7-11 had a gig and wanted to know if I wanted to attend. Damn right I did. The setting wasn't great, but I wasn't there for that. I invited a few people to check her out, but only one of them could make it. Beer is terrible, I don't know why people drink it. Hottie had the evening free, or so we thought. So I took her to that Indian place on Broadway and Second. I had a really nice time, we chatted for a bit before some of the local, and colorful wildlife came in. She blessed the naan, which was a little old fashioned, but there's nothing wrong with an old fashioned lady. And then, as I should have expected, she got called back into work. Still, I had a nice time.

05/17/17 — Heard back from the publishers, they loved the new book! Of course there are some changes to make but it's looking good. The hits on the methane-biomass are pretty good, subscription rate is good even though YouTube's being weird about monetized videos. Spoke to the 7-11 cutie, and got invited to her show. She's good, so I'll go of course. Acted on my third wheel instincts, and got called out. Kind of a relief actually, but sad. So lonely, how long has it been now? More classes, co-eds looking nice.

05/16/17 — More class work. Who knew being a student would leave you so busy all the time? I met someone nice while out for a quick bite at the 7-11. We talked for a long time, she's nice. Then it was back to more classes and reading some dirty texts. :) Back home, did some homework, worked on channel stuff. Pacific Northwest National Laboratory discovered how to turn methane into biomass. I can use that as material for days. Cars powered on cow farts. I know, I'm three. Talked with my Prof for awhile about this, has me stoked. Spent awhile at school, went to see a late showing of Guardians, and then texted the hottie. Good day!

05/15/17 — Movers came in early, so I had to skip a class. I think I can make it up, Intro to Media isn't that hard. I had some of it in boxes already, and what I didn't, they did. The hardest thing was the shoe box of her things. I saved that as the last thing I was going to take out. Figure if I miss anything, management will get it to me. Now I'm surround in boxes again, about a month later, and a very little bit smarter. Took a drive up to San Fran, and spent the rest of the day with Mom and some of the siblings. Dad got her yesterday, so it was our turn to spoil her rotten the day after Mother's day. Drive back I saw some bikers, and that got me thinking. I dunno, I guess everything will be alright.

05/14/17 — Didn't feel like doing much of anything. Saw Shooting star in the woods. She and I are going to get in trouble. On the drive back I realized I'm becoming their third wheel, and that's not cool. I also realized two others things; there aren't much self-help books for getting over breakups for guys, and I need to pay more attention to the road and less in my own head. When I got home I jotted down some ideas and sent them off to the publishers. Maybe they're bite. It's not my normal kind of book. It's a Sunday, but I had to spend the rest of my time organizing my things for the move and studying.

05/13/17 — Fell asleep at the stacks, embarrassing. Home for a shower and a change of clothes, then other to Roasters to get coffee in me and catch up on late admission work. Called some movers but the soonest they can start is Monday. Just don't answer the door, don't stay at home. Book suggested getting self-esteem back, so I asked out Leather Pants. She accepted. I went to pick her up at 6, but work happened and had to take a rain check. Lost some cash at the Casino, but not much. After that I took a walk, thought about smoking pot more, how horrible my life is: you know, wallowing in self-pity. Stumbled into Maple Park and ran into friends there that are good on a man's ego, though when they got amorous with each other I felt awkward. I walked home, forgetting I was avoiding the place, but it's funny that it took until the breakup for her to actually TALK to me.

05/12/17 — So today was a bitch. Felt like getting out of bed, and got some sun even though the weather wasn't for it. Stopped to get a book to help me get over ... everything. The GF...ex-GF found me, and reminded me how over things were because I took a drug that makes you touch things, and I touched things. Had a healthy cry, then afternoon classes. Later in the day the third wheel showed up. Gloated. At least she'll be there to pick up the ex's pieces. With friends like this, right? Found a new place, has a view of the ocean. Can't move soon enough. Heard a new song I like, Kissing Strangers. Think I'll take DNCE's advice for awhile.

05/11/17 — Ecstasy can be great, but the down is a downer; planned on spending all day in bed until I got texts from the GF. She 'doesn't want to be in a relationship' and thinks 'I'll be fine'. I guess it's clearer this time. Only got out of bed to get some water and write this. Back to bed and pray for death, FML. Or at least that was the plan. A friend came over to cheer me up and we spent hours just talking. I was feeling better when she had to leave, and I guess I will be fine. I need to move.

05/10/17 — Didn't do much of anything other than some school stuff. Studying sucks, home schooling is much better. Then I made a new video about the new book without saying too much. A little bit of research got me started. A guy in one of my classes invited me to a dorm party, and a friend he knew had some E. Last time was a BLAST on molly, so I thought I'd have some fun. Everything was going well -- until the GF's GF threw booze in my face and made a scene. I don't know why she and the GF were so upset. No replies to my texts.

05/09/17 — The texts worked! Just woke up from her visit. We actually talked this time, to start. Then I paid her back what I owned her. She makes up the best, ugh! After I woke up, I really wasn't feeling like moving, so... kinda just stayed home and walked around the home in my nothings. Worked more on the book, working title: The animals behind Trump's wall? I dunno, not married to it.

05/08/17 — I did some work on my new book. The GF's GF took some interest in my book ideas, and I like the idea about the effects Trump's proposed wall will have on the animal life that uses the border. As with any good book, research and lots of internet clicks. Still nothing from the GF, so I took matters into my own hands and sent her some texts. Hope I hear from her soon. Publishers happy I'm writing, naturally.

05/07/17 — Took a jog at Surfer's Cove. Ran into a cute girl I'd seen before, but she's kinda weird and looks me in the eyes really intensely. The cool girl with the awesome hair showed up, the day got better. Then a drug dealer showed up, nice guy but he was giving his stuff away. I normally stick to all natural, but awesome hair wanted to give it a try and I'm down to impress her. She picked Molly and we spent the rest of the day touching EVERYTHING. I checked my phone later, no message from the GF. It's another repeat of last time. But there was one from someone new. Possumboy seems alright, if a little unfair. Still, I got a diet Pepsi out of it and met a cute Asian girl that makes martial aids, of all things. Definitely have to get her out again.

05/06/17 — Another late night visit by the GF's GF. We exchanged apologies for my open mouth-insert foot. Then we chatted. She asked me something weird, and then we got close as I got stroked. I got to know her a little before I got super tired and realized we'd been together for hours and I had to get some sleep for a meeting in LA in a few hours so we got some sleep. I managed to get to my meeting only a little late. Exchanged book ideas, collected an advance. Now to enroll in University of California, Prospect. Yay. Nothing good to say about a meeting I had afterwards; some people can be dicks, and some people just are.

05/05/17 — Started the day off well enough. My GF's GF came over late, we had a conversation. It was good, but I'm an idiot. Had a conversation with the GF in the morning that lasted a little while before the clothes came off, so of course there were harsh emotions. Making up is fun though, but I think I just noticed, she initiates. Is that normal? Anyways, the friend came over, we went for Waffles. I made a mistake and got slapped for it. Brought back a lot of bad... baggage. She left after that and I helped by lashing out at everybody around me. Today I was definitely uncool. :(

05/04/17 — Found a groovy little place called Off the Record. Not exactly my kind of crowd, but the tea was nice. Then it was over to WaffleMania to stuff myself with virgins. A night time jog and nap later and it was 7:30. Time for breakfast. Over bacon and eggs I had two visitors. Got a new picture of the GF that I LOVE. Made some loose plans to do a show for the kids at Chan's work. Plans fell threw for a triple date, so ended up Netflix and chillin'

05/03/17 — Spoke with the publishers yesterday and today. We worked on a deal; rather than going away for a year, I can stick around. Transfer my credits to the university and get some information about where I'm going. Hey, maybe I can turn this stupid book thing into a career. Got back around noon, answered an interesting text from the GF. YouTubed. It was a good couple of days. Wish I could remember last night though.

05/01/17 — Didn't do anything at all today, much. A subscriber reached out to me and we had a long conversation and boy and girls and the stupid way life is. I hope I helped, she seems like such a nice person.

04/30/17 — Thanked my friend for her advice the other day, it's the nice thing to do. I'll have to get her a present -- maybe some turkey basters and jars of mayo. She'll get it. Then I took myself on a tour of the forest. It was hell, but I brought my accordion and I played a bit. In the forest, just me and mother nature. I felt like taking my clothes off and running around, but I guess I'm not THAT much of a dirty hippie. I did meet a bunch of nice people, too much in fact, so I just hung around the back and provided entertainment. Anyways, after I left, came back home. Day was pretty shot with driving there and back, so just some tea and watch Markiplier videos. He makes me laugh.

04/29/17 — Woke up to another nighttime visit. This one was a little... different. I think everything's going to be ok now, though, now that there are some rules set. Man. Took some time for myself that day. No girlfriend yesterday or today and I don't want to seem needy, so I gave her her space. Checked out the desert some more, my head is buzzing with ideas -- I'll put them in my work journal. I advertised a AMA for my fans, who knows if they'll even respond. Then I looked at my videos; YouTube changed monitization so I might need new ideas on getting more fans. Maybe if I show my tits! :)

04/28/17 — Went to a new gym to sign up. What a mistake that was. After paying some employee there told me I needed to bulk up, and that was after maligning my gender. All in front of other customers, and while I had paid for the service. If I ever want abuse, I know where to go. Took a stroll at Surfer's Cove, just to watch the sun rise, missing home a little bit. Found some neat places in the desert to explore later, maybe with some company? Later that evening I had dumplings with the girlfriend and her friend. But they bailed on me, so I texted some women I knew and we had a long conversation about my late night problems. Met the most lovely server-slash-owner.

04/27/17 — Ran some ideas by my editor, checked on some new video ideas. Went to WaffleMania and got back in touch with a friend. Went back to her place and took the full tour. Found out something super awesome about the girlfriend. Later in the night I went to a goth club, because I was in a weird mood. Got a phone number and then the hottest woman, like, ever came over and talked to me. I gave her my card, maybe she'll call.

04/26/17 — Encoder being difficult. Publishers asking for an answer. Just seeing her gives me joy.

04/25/17 — Recording a batch of videos to release over the weekend. Cuddles on the bed. Great day.

04/24/17 — She came back! :) I didn't know I could be mad, and happy, scared I'd chase her off again, and horny all at the same time. I'm just glad she's back.

04/23/17 — Edited videos, met new friends, went clubbing and got st00pid. :)

04/22/17 — Moping on the schedule. Met a guy on the beach.

04/21/17 — Nothing today. She's not answering her door. Did we break up?

04/20/17 — Busy day: had our first argument at the beach, she ran off. Not answering her phone. I found the most interesting person at the park looking for her; we drew a crowd. I didn't know what to do, so I went to the publisher's for some advice. She got a little mad, but then calmed down after we had some wine. I suppose I drank too much and she put me to bed, because I don't remember anything after that first glass. The search goes on.📷DuskOcean03.jpgDuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.pngDuskPills.jpgDuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png

04/19/17 — Came back at way too early o'clock, because I just had to give my neighbor something. Then a greet with the extended family.

04/18/17 — Spent the night in Los Angeles even though it's only two hour drive. One of the publishers had a killer view. They're talking South America; but I'm dubious.

04/17/17 — More editing, then a strip poker event. I got to see some famous boobs so that's nice, but then I had to go. Stupid publishers.

04/16/17 — Edited some videos that Friday then called the girl and we went jogging. I got mugged, can you believe that? Anyways, day ended well, like, really well. Like, I didn't go back to my place for three days. I like her.

04/13/17 — Met a girl. She just about literally fell into me. She's got good taste. Kiss on the beach.

04/12/17 — All moved in, finally. That's a relief.

04/11/17 — Detour from moving in, think I'll spend one night looking at the ocean.📷DuskOcean01.jpgDuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.pngDuskOcean02.jpgDuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.pngDuskMiniFeather.png