Jaz - Journal

03.20.2023 I was feeling listless, unfocused. I know I need to learn, to grow, but without Jay, it's been hard to do anything but make videos and go over my many notebooks and wait for inspiration to come to me. I don't think I will be doing that any more, even if I don't take the offer given to me today. Her name is Lyra Grey. She is an impossibility that somehow exists. She is... I have never seen any human being so compelling. It isn't even sexual; it's a complete sense that whatever place she is in, it belongs wholly and completely to her. Including, it seems... me. She met me by chance (or not so much) in the coffee shop Jay told me about, told me was owned by Mages who would likely connect me to the others in the city. I was there with Fortuno (Hands) and nervous; I didn't know what to expect. After all, I've known all of two mages in my life, one of them the girl I see in the mirror. She came in and suddenly everything else... well, it didn't cease to exist, it just ceased to have importance. We talked; she brought me to the sanctuary area in the shop, and we discussed my learning. She seemed... disapproving, to be honest, of what Jay had managed to teach me in the years I've been a student. Was I a terrible student? Jay didn't seem to think so. I worked hard, took in all I could, learned as much as I could... and yet, a few simple questions from Lyra made me see how much still remained to be learned. My skill hasn't been tested by strife in any way. I have no idea if I'd survive an encounter with a hostile spirit. She offered me a dinner to get to know one another more, and training. I am choosing to say yes to the dinner meeting. The training... she scares me, if I can be frank, but in a way that tells me that she would be a very good ally and a very bad enemy to have. I don't want to be half-ignorant. I want to learn.