Four Walls

Four Walls

Dark in day, and in night as well
I lose track of all the lightless hours
The minutes that pass, uncounted, numberless:
I gave up on marking what I felt were the days
When I realized that there was probably no more room
left on my walls for marks, anymore

When I was a girl, I thought
the world would be transfigured by my cleverness
The very earth charmed by the smile
that always got me what I wanted
at home and in every class I'd ever had
Defeat the darkness on my own, perhaps
I wouldn't even need a plan
Would just wave my wand and make the bad things disappear
Heroism seemed a logical next step
after everything else

No one cares if you're clever, in the real world

Before I ran out of chalk, converted into lines
I used to write my name on the walls, in the darkness
When I couldn't see what I was doing, just to do something
Leave some sort of memento of myself behind
It seems rather pointless now
When I am gone, the next person they bring in
will no more be able to read it than I can

Sometimes I run my fingers along the stone when I can't sleep at night
sometimes I wonder if I'm touching some old memory of someone else who was once here
or perhaps my own name, a piece of my own self
I'm not so sure that there's a difference anymore