2014.06.23: PWN - LEGACY - Equal Opportunity Destruction

LEGACY Wrestling Presents: Independence Day (7/5/14)

@ The Carson Community Center w/ Len Ragatti & Tracy Race on Commentary

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Adrian Abernathy Gates w/ Johnny Bonecrusher vs. Terry John and Ryan Hawkins (1 on 2 Handicap Match)

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In the only 'special attraction' match of the evening.. After the mini-brawl Brixton and AAG was involved in at Friday the 20th, Bonecrusher and AAG PLEADED with LEGACY Officials that they have the same opportunity to get a handicap match.. and their wish was granted. We'll see Adrian Abernathy Gates with Johnny Bonecrusher take on Terry John who was featured in a 4-Way Dance and lost-- and Ryan Hawkins, a 'pro' in handicap matches despite being DOMINATED by Brixton-- as the two look to try their luck as a partnership to take down The Gentleman Thug.

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...Except that's not going to be as easy as it seems!

I could go on about the events of the first-ever Legacy event, but I'm just going to bring it up shortly anyway, so I won't bother waste your time.

Now... how has it been thus far: I've survived, what, a week or so? with this Brixton-born nobleman wannabe. He acts like everything about his character is out of benevolence, but then he mugs someone for their stash. This is California, after all.

But then, then, he surprises me again by dumping it down a drain. What?! 'I don't take kindly to none ov dat stuff 'round my parts, John.' he explained to me. Of course. So he's called the Gentleman Thug because he follows a specific code of conduct when it comes to his misdeeds. Fat lot of good that did me, huh, Ade, ol' buddy, ol' pal??

Not that I'm bitter or anything.

Anyway, he's a complex character. Nothing complex, however, about his intentions when I finally broke down and told him about the colossal being known as Bulldozer Brixton. I remember it well - seeing as it was three days ago: Ade and I were backstage at the inaugural Legacy show, and I very very incredibly stupidly... stupidly... felt the sudden urge to inform my man about what Brixton's been saying on Twitter. The look in his eyes, the pupils contracting, the muscles tensing, the look of a man who's looked into the eyes of eternity, discovered the secrets of the universe, felt peace finally for once in his hard life... and told eternity, 'Sod off ya nonce, I gotta do dis fing!'

A part of me regretted telling him, but a much bigger part of me intentionally timed my revealing of my Twitformation to occur, oh, say, right after Brixton's match? Snowflake becomes a blizzard, cue to today, where the news of Ade's debut match becomes public knowledge.

And... cue to this late morning!

I'm standing with this guy named Rob Hendricks, who I'm told is the backstage interviewer. He looks a bit on edge. I'm 90% sure he's spoken to MSW's Robert Fields, who I'm sure told this guy some crazy levels of speculation in regards to Yours Truly.

"Ladies and gentleman, we're joined by a man well-known in our sister promotion Missouri State Wrestling, one-half of the tag team of Yugo Phalious... and my guest today, Johnny Bonecrusher."

I waggle my head in a cocky manner, but no one's going to call me on it because I'm liked. I think this, and I wonder why no one's punched me in the face lately.

"And with him is Mr. Bonecrusher's latest acquisition, a man of the streets, Brixton-born and raised, The Gentleman Thug, ladies and gentleman, Adrian Abernathy Gates...!"

"Whoa whoa whoa there, Mr. Hendricks, you're saying it wrong!"

He looks at me, confused. He knows some things, but not all things! B- for effort on the research there, buddy!

"Ho-how should I say it?"

I sigh. Looks like I gotta do everything around here!

"Mr. Hendricks, this man towering over you and I? This big ball of mutually-assured destruction? This force of nature? This master of pugilism and practical grappling? This ever-enduring engine powered by the blood of villainy? This man-beast-god is none other than Adrian... Abernathy... Gates!"

Rob now thinks I'm a prima donna. Don't worry, I'll explain it to him later. I just don't want to take up all our interview time explaining proper protocol when referring to the riddle wrapped in barbed wire that is Ade.

"So... at-"

I'm just going to interrupt to point out that there's no real way he could respond to what I just said, there's no purpose to dwell on it, so he just moves on as he did. I totally understand.

"-Independence Day, one day removed from... Independence Day, Mr. Gates has his hands full in his in-ring debut when he squares off against not one, but two men: Terry John and Ryan Hawkins. You demanded this match, wanting to go move-for-move with The Titan, Bulldozer Brixton."

I don't bother correct him; Ade clearly had his in-ring debut at the last/first show. What's that? He means match-wise? Well, why didn't he say so!!

"Well, we wanted three or more opponents, but Mister Brassy-Brass was all like, 'then who will everyone else face?' That's not my problem, boss!"

He shrugs; it's like he doesn't want to engage in any unnecessary banter in case he raises either my ire, or worse, Ade's. Sheesh, you guys! It's not like we're... insane or anything!!

"As it stands, The Gentleman Thug is surely gunning to go the distance in what is being billed as a special attraction. What are your thoughts on this pairing?"

"Mr. Hendricks... lemme make one thing... perfectly cl-"

Silent all this time, Ade finally becomes animated and interjects himself between Rob and myself.

"No! I wanna say it! Lemme make one fing perfectly clear, my son! It's very simples: my mate Bones 'ere's lookin' out for me. 'e wants th' best for me. So, 'e gets me dis match where I am legally oh-bligated to pummel th' life outta some wallys from 'round th' block. Dat's all well and good. Not so well and good for dem, but dis is nuffing but biznis, so I don't expect any bad feelings after it's all said and done."

"Which is all leading to the showing up of that overgrown weed Bulldozer Brixton. How long did it take him to take down his opponents? Huh, Mr. Hendricks? Five minutes? Two minutes? One minute?! How long??"

Rob backs up a bit and looks a bit flustered. I mean, what the hell? We're the good guys here, right? Does he think we're going to just tear him apart and feast on his offal? He hasn't even gotten us mad or anything!

"Uhh, I-I don't know! I'd have to check the tapes from the show to find out for sure."

"You do that, because the time it took that bohunk to take down those ham and eggers, it'll take half as long for my man Ade to seal the deal against Terry John and Ryan Hawkins. Terry John, John... toilet... that's what you are, because we're coming to dump all over your very existence! And Ryan Hawkins... Hawkins... Hawkins Cheezies. ...It's a Canadian thing, folks. Like Cheetos. The point is, Ade's gonna crunch him down like the small-sized bag of Cheezies he is! Bottom line, it's not about anything Brixton can do, Ade can do better... Well, it is about that, but it's much more than that. It's about doing what Brixton's already done, doing it better, doing it so beyond better than him, that he has to sit back and admit, 'Wow, what have I got myself into?' which he won't, because that's the kind of guy he is, but rest assured, Terry John, Ryan Hawkins, and yes, you too, Bulldozer Brixton, you'll all experience varying degrees of the mayhem encapsulated inside a orb made of thin glass. Once it hits the ring, bam! everybody gets blown away!"

I finally end my diatribe. Rob composes himself before he pipes up again.

"Any further thoughts from you, Mr. Gates?"

"I suss 'e's said it all awready, John."

Rob shrugs and wraps it up.

"Well, there you have it, folks, Johnny Bonecrusher and Adrian, uh... Abernathy... Gates is here in Legacy and are looking forward to turn some heads. Good luck at Independence Day, gentlemen!"

"'Luck'... psssh!"

Then we walk away. I resist the urge to step on his shoes as I walk past him.

THE END.