2018.05.25: PWN - LONE - LONE 12
The Rumble
The ring bell is rung 3 times
Baxter: The following contest... is a 30 Woman Over the Top Rope Battle Royale! Two LONE superstars will start the match, and after a few minutes another will enter the fray until all 30 participants have entered! The only way to eliminate your opponent, is to throw her over the top rope and have both of her feet touch the floor! The winner will be granted the #1 Contendership to The Glorious One's LONE Championship, and Terri Thompson is barred from participating. Making her way out to the ring, at number one — she is — CINNNAMMMOOOONNN!
With “Cinnamon Girl” by Neil Young playing over the public address sound system, Cinnamon walks down to the ring and enters while looking focused and ready.
Baxter: And entering at number two...
Stepping through the gorilla curtain to no music or anything, Hip O. Potamus walks out with a huge smile on her face. Slapping hands with the fans, she enters the ring and stands across from Cinnamon.
DIC: Well... One thing is for certain, Cinnamon has her hands full, REALLY full!
North: You don’t mean that in the way I think, do you?
DIC: Who? Me? Psh...
With the referee signaling for the bell, both women step out and begin circling each other. Tying up in a collar and elbow tie-up, Hip O. Potamus uses her size advantage and shoves Cinnamon back into the nearest turnbuckle.
North: Hip O. Potamus with the clear size advantage.
DIC: Yeah, clearly!
North: What do you mean clearly? Didn’t I see you with her last night?
DIC: Wha? Me? No!
North: Is that why you’re shifty eyed?
DIC: Shouldn’t we be calling the action, North?
Making her way out of the turnbuckle, Cinnamon goes to embrace Hip O. Potamus again in a collar and elbow tie-up but this time, Cinnamon throws a thumb to Hip O. Potamus’ eye causing her to stumble back while holding her eye. With Hip O. near the ropes, Cinnamon bends down grabbing her leg and tries hoisting her up enough to get her over the top rope but in reality? Cinnamon is barely able to lift her up, at all.
DIC: Poor Cinnamon, there’s no way she can lift someone so massive.
Placing her hand on Cinnamon’s shoulder, she shoves her back and as Cinnamon rushes back in — Hip O. flattens her with a clothesline as Cinnamon lies on the canvas to regain her bearings.
DIC: Talk about a Cinnamon pancake! Hippo just flattened her!
North: Size matters in matches like these; that's for sure. The number 2 entrant at that it just may very well be a long night.
Hip O. goes to scoop Cinnamon off the mat as The Jaws theme begins to play
Baxter: Entering at number three...
Bullshark #6 darts out from the curtains as she sprints to the ring doing the fin taunt.
Baxter: Bullshark #6!
She slides in under the bottom rope and begins to pound at Hip O. with her fists, flailing wildly.
North: Talk about a blast from the past here!The Lady Bullshark.
DIC: You know, if you believe them they're supposed to be the children of the Original Bullshark. Frankly I don't really see the resemblance.
North: Stranger things have happened in wrestling truth be told. But this is the opportunity of a lifetime.
DIC: Well she's definitely a 6 alright. Makes you wonder what kind of ugly mug she's hiding under that mask.
Hip O. drops Cinnamon unceremoniously and turns around to stare down at the little shark. Bullshark #6 attempts to kick her in the gut looking for a stunner but eats a headbutt to the back of the head for her troubles as she turns around. Hip O. picks up Bullshark #6 and tosses her like a ragdoll into the corner and charges forward with a massive splash, flattening the shark as she slumps down to a seated position. In the opposite corner Cinnamon is barely pulling herself up and eats a similar massive splash for her troubles! Hip O. isn't finished as she runs right back to Bullshark #6 and launches herself into her with cannonball! She sprints back and hits Cinnamon with a cannonball!
DIC: I've heard of Moby Dick but this is ridiculous!
North: The only thing missing is a plank to walk. Give her enough time she'll improvise one out of the ropes at this rate.
DIC: It really does play to be late!
Bullshark #6 tries to pull herself up with legs of jello with the ropes as Hip O. turns back around. Having played with her food enough Hip O. grabs Bullshark #6 by the head and with a running toss flings her over the top rope and torso first straight onto the barricade!
North: Talk about drawing first blood!
DIC: Wait! She's still in this! Her feet haven't hit the floor yet. If she's really really good at acrobatics and gymnastics she could still...
Bullshark #6 slowly slides off the barricade, both feet touching the floor and body onto the ground.
DIC: Nevermind...
Baxter: Bullshark #6 has been eliminated!
Baxter: And the fourth entrant...
Running down the ramp and sliding into the ring, Violent Violet immediately grabs a handful of hair and and starts to headbutt Hip O. repeatedly until she drops down to one knee trying to shake out the proverbial cobwebs.
Baxter: Violent Violet!
North: Look at that wicked smile on Violet’s face, she loves every minute of this.
DIC: Well it IS in her name after all, VIOLENT Violet.
North: For once we agree on something.
Violet gets back up but Hip O. pushes her away. Cinnamon gets up and tries to club her from behind but she only gets a spinning backfist for her troubles. Violet catches Hip O. by surprise with an eyerake and shoves her, this causes her to tumble backwards as a prone Cinnamon serves to trip her up.
North: That's some rather unorthodox teamwork but whatever works, right?
DIC: Nothing about Spice & Ice is orthodox, they are as exotic as they come! Big plus for the ole DICster.
North: You can't be serious...
Baxter: And the fifth entrant... Molly Rayve!
Kernkraft 400's "Zombie Nation (Original Version)" starts up. Running down the ramp and sliding into the ring, Molly Rayve sees Violet and when she does, she hits the ropes and upon coming back with a ton of momentum, she leaps into the air with a flying crossbody which takes Violet down. Seeing Cinnamon get up now, Rayve hits the ropes again and upon coming back, she leaps into the air with yet another flying crossbody which takes Cinnamon down. Letting out a war cry, she sees Hip O. getting up and hitting the ropes, again, she comes back with a full head of steam but instead of attempting a crossbody, she hits a clothesline as Hip O. stumbles against the ropes. Backing up again, Rayve hits the opposite ropes again and with another clothesline, Hip O. is leaned up against the ropes. Looking at each other, Cinnamon, Rayve and Violet bend down grabbing the legs of Hip O. as they all work together and somehow, someway, manage to get Hip O. Potamus over the top rope.
Baxter: Hip O. Potamus has been eliminated!
North: Well future entrants can breath a sigh of relief.
DIC: The fact that they eliminated her without a forklift or a crane is nothing short of amazing.
As soon as Hip O. Potamus was dumped over the top rope by the trio Violent Violet scores another one when she grabs Molly Rayve by the legs and tips her over the top rope!
Baxter: Molly Rayve has been eliminated!
Molly Rayve slams her hands on the apron in frustration as Violet grins.
North: That alliance lasted about as long as a coffee break. Not even seconds after Rayve gets dumped over by one of her two temporary partners.
DIC: Sometimes that's just how the cookie crumbles; once your job is completed you're expendable! But hey, if she needs any kind of consolation I'll be her prize.
North: Good grief...
Cinnamon and Violent Violet, being the only two left in the ring decide to take a quick breather, finding it rather pointless to attack one another this early as they take turns taunting Molly from inside the ring. Their celebration and antics wouldn't last long as a familiar theme played over the arena.
As I Am by Dream Theater hits as Alison Crowne slowly walks out from the back.
Baxter: Entering in at number six... Alison Crowne!
Crown slides into the ring as she's immediately attacked by Violet and Cinnamon as they double team her. Crowne however having the luxury of entering fresh and not having to team up to eliminate someone else is able to fight her way out of it. Crowne shoots off a sharp elbow to Cinnamon while hitting a fluid kick to Violet's midsection. Violet and Cinnamon try to swarm her again but Crowne manages to duck and weave away from their grasps before firing off a pair of kicks to Spice and Ice.
North: She may be gone but Hip O.'s still having an indirect effect on this match. Normally two to one odds would be pretty daunting but it took an awful lot of energy to eliminate her.
DIC: My back hurt just watching that and it still hurts. Remind me to stay 100ft away from Moby Dick.
Cinnamon lingers down by the bottom rope as Violet continues to go after Crowne. Violet begins to retaliate with a series of repeated headbutts to the head in an attempt to stun and disorient Crowne. Crowne staggers backwards towards the ropes, Violet attempts to eliminate her but Crowne hooks her arm and her leg within the ropes to anchor herself within the ring. Violet backs up and charges as she looks to knock the wind out of her sails but Crowne sidesteps and slips out of the way, causing Violet to catch her throat on the middle rope. Crowne shakes the cobwebs out and repositions herself as Violet pops back up. Without a second wasted Crowne fires off a Superkick that catches Violet right on the chin as the momentum carries her over the top rope and to the outside.
Baxter: Violent Violet has been eliminated!
DIC: And just like that, we’re down to two.
North: These two look hungry and Cinnamon has been in there since the very beginning; I’m surprised she’s still in this thing honestly.
With both Cinnamon and Crowne circling each other, Cinnamon brushes her red hair out of her face as Crowne mouths off to her. Walking up to each other, Crowne continues to mouth off to Cinnamon and in typical Cinnamon fashion, she mouths off right back.
DIC: Why don’t they just kiss already?
North: I’m almost certain that’s never going to happen, like EVER!
DIC: Hey, you never know North.
Obviously getting tired of the talking, Crowne rears back and pops Cinnamon right in the mouth. Holding her mouth, she suddenly looks enraged as she tackles Crowne to the ground and begins to unleash a flurry of punches causing Crowne to cover up.
DIC: CAT FIGHT!
North: Haven’t they been fighting?
Baxter: The seventh entrant... Hannah Kix!
As “La Rage” by Keny Arkana plays over the public address sound system, Hannah Kix comes running out and quickly sliding into the ring, she Muay Thai kicks Cinnamon right in the head causing her to fall off of Crowne’s body limply. Bending down and picking Crowne up to her feet, Hannah shoves her into the nearest turnbuckle and then begins to unload with a flurry of Muay Thai kicks in the corner as all Crowne can do is cover up but it’s still damaging her and greatly at that.
North: Holy smokes! Look at those kicks on Hannah Kix!
DIC: I’m pretty sure you just quoted a rap song, North. However, that girl RIGHT THERE is my pick to win this ENTIRE THING!
North: I can’t blame you, she is definitely a very fine pick with all of the tools to win this entire thing.
Backing out of the corner with adrenaline coursing through her veins, Hannah let’s out a loud scream as Crowne is in the seated position now trying to regain her bearings. Having gotten back to her feet, Cinnamon rushes in behind Hannah and hits an axe handle to her back causing her to stumble up against the ropes. Quickly rushing in and grabbing her leg, trying to eliminate her, Hannah throws a stiff kick right to the sternum which causes Cinnamon to clutch her chest and back away, dropping to a knee. Removing herself from the ropes, Hannah walks up to Cinnamon and again, throws a nasty looking head kick right to the temple of Cinnamon as she falls over, limp, again and lies there motionless. Holding her hands out with a huge smirk on her face, these fans give her a very mixed reaction when suddenly, we hear the voice of Baxter.
Baxter: The eighth entrant is...
DIC: Oh look, another head for Hannah to kick off.
Baxter: El Jinete Rojo!
With no music playing whatsoever, El Jinete Rojo, a luchadora dressed in red with blonde hair flowing from her mask, comes running out with a ton of energy and slides underneath the bottom rope now standing inside the ring. Standing across from each other, Rojo and Hannah have a stare down as Hannah looks at the masked woman and shakes her head, obviously not impressed in the slightest.
DIC: Who in the blue hell is... El Jinete Rojo?
North: Well word is she traveled a long way for the opportunity to participate in the Rumble.
DIC: Well wherever she came from smells just... awful! Do backpackers not know what a bar of soap is anymore?
Hannah Kix fires off a muay thai kick to El Jinete Rojo but she catches her leg! The crowd pops out of surprise as El Jinete Rojo held the leg and shot off a kick of her own only for Hannah Kix to catch her leg! Both hopping on one leg Kix fires off with a punch with a free hand. El Jinete Rojo responds in kind with a knife edge chop! A punch. Chop. Punch. Chop. Punch. Punch. Chop. Chop. Chop. Chop. The crowd woos along with each chop, the woos getting faster and faster as more chops rain down on Hannah Kix's chest. Kix finally does the only thing she can do and that's fall backwards with El Jinete Rojo stubbornly holding on. Kix follows through and rolls through with a very impressive looking single leg boston crab as she tries to apply her knee to the back for leverage.
North: Very impressive counter by Kix. Just when it looked like El Jinete Rojo was capturing the momentum Kix found an ingenious counter. Unfortunately submissions do not count in a match like this.
DIC: It may not, but you try eliminating other people while saving your own skin with only one good leg; try it Kev-O. Hannah Kix is showing she's got beauty and brains in this one and I'll tell you what, the D-I-C loves flexible women!
North: This is going to be a very long night...
DIC: What? She's hot!
El Jinete Rojo cries out in pain as she struggles to break free of the hold but she manages to get a rather timely and convinent assist as Crowne catches Kix in the temple with a flying enziguri!
DIC: Where did she come from?!
North: That's a receipt if I ever saw one!
Crowne's triumph doesn't last very long as Cinnamon grabs her by the back of her head and slams her back down on the mat! El Jinete Rojo crawls towards the bottom rope now free and Kix appears to have her head caught up with a pair of metaphorical cobwebs. Just as it looked like chaos was about to break out...
“Long Way Down” by Haste the Day hits the speakers with a big eruption from the crowd. She comes out with a big smile on her face and her baseball cap on backwards. She’s pointing out to the crowd and takes her cap off, tossing it out into the fans and points her eyes to the ring.
Baxter: And entering in at number nine… Anne - “Flying” - Grayson!
Anne is jogging down the ramp towards the ring, but what she doesn’t see is her biggest rival, Ainslee Avalon is tailing right behind her.
North: Oh no, DIC, this isn’t looking good for Anne early on! Ainslee tailing her like that she’s got some sort of plan!
DIC: Ooh I don’t know about that but you go ahead and watch that tail - I’ve got my eye on another!
North: I swear I’ve never had a more professional colleague.
DIC: My uncle taught me everything I know!
Anne slid into the ring and was looking at all the women fighting and is getting ready to mount some kind of offense. Ainslee is crouched down and hugging the side of the ring with the crowd in the front row booing her and AInslee is keeping her eyes locked on Anne. Anne goes from inside the ring to the apron, holding the top rope and she’s setting up for some kind of a springboard attack. When Anne jumps up to the top rope, Ainslee moves quicker than we’ve ever seen her and grabs at Anne’s foot while she’s on the top rope and pulls her right back to the apron. Anne turns and is shocked to see Ainslee, she’s met with a stiff knee to the face with an echo that the entire building could hear and Anne falls to the floor.
Baxter: Anne Grayson has been eliminated!
North: I… I can’t believe what I just saw! Ainslee has such an inherent jealousy over Anne…
DIC: Jealousy? Jealous of what?! Anne Grayson didn’t even deserve to be in this match and Ainslee knew it!
North: I’d say she belonged in this match as much as the next woman out there.
While Ainslee didn’t see it, Anne was getting up and holding her jaw from the knee strike and climbed over the guardrail into the crowd.
DIC: If she did, she’s still be in the match. It’s OK though, she can come get her some DIC anytime to cheer her up.
North: I don’t think she’d go for that, but you keep that in your head and look up who her dad is and who trained her.
DIC: Nevermind that! We’ve got the beautiful Ainslee Avalon sitting out here next to us just waiting for her turn!
Baxter: Entering in at number ten...
I'm Damned by Vampira with Satan's Cheerleaders hits the arena as suddenly all action in the ring ceases.
Baxter: Sister Catherine!
The lights first go red before cutting completely to black. After a moment the lights flicker back on as Sister Catherine is standing in the center of the ring! Crowne, El Jinete Rojo, Cinnamon, and Hannah Kix are all huddled in their own corner recuperating as Sister Catherine invites them in barring her fangs.
DIC: That may very well be the favorite right there! Things are about to pick up!
As everyone looks at each other and then back to Catherine, they begin to rush her, accepting her invite but Catherine begins to drop all of them with punches as bodies are falling left and right all around her.
North: Oh my goodness, Sister Catherine just leveled every single one of them.
DIC: Well... They shouldn’t have accepted her invite.
Getting up pretty quickly, Cinnamon rushes in again but is met again with another hard right to the face as she clutches her jaw and stumbles back into the nearest turnbuckle. Running forward and flattening Crowne with a clothesline, Catherine then charges at Cinnamon and hits an avalanche splash and upon bouncing back and out, Cinnamon’s body goes lifeless in the corner. Grinning to reveal those fangs again, these fans are deafening the arena.
Fans: CATH-ERINE! CATH-ERINE! CATH-ERINE!
North: I think it’s safe to say that these people love Sister Catherine.
DIC: Yeah and she loves the D... I... C...
North: I am pretty sure that she has never said that, and if I may be honest, I don’t think she ever will.
Turning around, Catherine gets leveled with a stiff kick by Hannah Kix. Standing over her motionless body, Hannah begins to mock her which causes all of these fans in attendance to suddenly boo and loudly at that.
North: I’m pretty sure these people did not like that.
DIC: What makes you think that? The booing?
North: You’re a real smart ass, you know that?
DIC: EVERYTHING about me is smart North, I have been telling you that for a LONG time now.
North: You know that’s not what I meant.
Coming in from behind Kix, Crowne tries tossing her over the top rope but Hannah manages to hold on with incredible strength as Crowne continues to struggle.
Baxter: The eleventh entrant is... Kayoko Ichikawa!
Suddenly “Karate” by Babymetal plays over the public address sound system as Kayoko Ichikawa comes out dancing on the stage just a little bit, getting this capacity crowd on their feet.
North: Ohhhh man, here we go, one half of the tag team champions right here, Kayoko Ichikawa baby!
DIC: This music is making my ears bleed, please, for the love of God — make it stop!
As the music dies down, Kayoko enters the ring and immediately gets in a fist fight with Rojo. As Rojo starts to gain the upper hand, Kayoko hits a stiff leg kick that echoes through the arena as Rojo holds her leg.
North: This is why you NEVER get in a brawl with someone who knows Martial Arts.
Hitting a back elbow right to the temple of Crowne, it drops her down to one knee. Measuring her up, Hannah hits another stiff head kick which drops Crowne and hard. Seeing what is happening, Hannah walks over there and has a kicking competition with Kayoko as each leg of Rojo is the target and with each kick, they get harder and harder.
DIC: Wait a minute... Are they having a who kicks harder competition right now?
North: Only in LONE can you see this!
Having lost the kicking competition, Hannah takes poorly to it and instead of kicking the left leg of Rojo again, she turns and kicks Kayoko right in the chest which immediately drops her to the canvas.
DIC: Well that ended quickly!
North: Yes, yes it did!
DIC: But holy smokes, look at the thighs on Hannah.
North: Can we PLEASE treat these women with the respect and dignity that they rightfully deserve?
DIC: What? It’s a huge compliment saying that they are so hot.
North: Ugh...
Baxter: The twelfth entrant is... "Fly" Felicia Hawkins!
As “Stay Fly” by Three Six Mafia blasts over the public address sound system, out comes the other half of the tag team champions in “Fly” Felicia Hawkins.
North: This should get VERY interesting now that the tag team champions are in this thing, together, and at the same time.
Running down to the ring, Felicia tosses her fitted hat off and it lands towards Splash! She jumps onto the apron and springboards herself off of the top rope hitting a jump kick right to Hannah’s face which drops her. Throwing her arms out to her sides, she gets this capacity crowd booming in cheers as they absolutely love and adore Hawkins.
North: Talk about making an entrance! High risk out of the gate but one that paid off.
DIC: Yeah, at least she can fly. One slip on the top rope like that and you're out in under a few seconds. But flexibility always makes a winner! If only she'd ditch that girl scout attitude.
Cinnamon springs up and runs at Hawkins but she sidesteps and gets hit on the rebound with a rope assisted enziguri, Hawkins keeping herself on her feet. Kix pops up and tries to club her from behind but Kayoko intercepts her with a bulldog! Kayoko and Hawkins look at one another as they run off opposite ropes as as Kayoko hits a dropkick to the back of a seated Kix just as Hawkins hits a shinning wizard to the front of Kix.
North: Very creative double team maneuver there.
DIC: Yeah, better enjoy it now while they can. Nobody is an ally in this thing if you last long enough.
By this time El Jinete Rojo managed to get back to her feet and tried to strike out at Kayoko. The two on one initially proves to be too much but Alison Crowne is also up at this point and tries to even the odds. The Tag Team Champions No Fly Zone hold their ground but so do Crowne and El Jinete Rojo as they trade blows with one another. Crowne and Hawkins trade kicks back and forth while El Jinete Rojo is quick to trade fists with Kayoko. Kix and Cinnamon blindside both pairs as the Rumble begins to devolve into an all out brawl as the ring became a chaotic sea.
North: We knew this would happen eventually!
DIC: It's the catfight to end all catfights!
El Jinete Rojo aims for a superkick but Kayoko ducks leading to Cinnamon catching it straight to the jaw. She wobbles on her feet as Crowne sees and hits a superkick on Cinnamon causing her to wobble and bounce off the ropes and stumble forward. El Jinete Rojo and Crowne being on the same page both hit a superkick at the same time on Cinnamon sending her crashing to the mat! El Jinete Rojo and Crowne next size up Hannah Kix and hit a tandum superkick sending her crashing to the mat!
North: Looks like a Superkick Party!
Crowne and El Jinete Rojo look to go after Hawkins and Kyoko again next but all four women turn around as Sister Catherine comes flying off the top turnbuckle and takes out all four!
North: Normally you see the Sacrificial Lamb connecting to the outside but being the kind of match this is... I can understand why she'd keep it in the ring and not eliminate herself.
DIC: So that's where the term Flying Nun came from. I would've paid attention in church more often if someone like her were around.
North: Is there no line you won't cross?
DIC: Yeah, the crosswalk during rush hour traffic in LA.
Baxter: The thirteenth entrant is... Ami Reeves!
The Legend of Zelda Theme plays as Ami Reeves enters from the back, taking her time to slap fans hands.
Hannah Kix, still shaking the cobwebs instinctively rolled under the bottom rope ad to the outside to recover. Suddenly Reeves stops in her tracks and eyes her rival.
North: I don't think Kix was bargaining for this! She rolled out under the bottom rope so she's still in this match but I think that's the least of her worries now.
DIC: Let's just call this the Catfight Classic already because we've seen plenty of that!
Kix's eyes go wide as she sees Reeves coming to the ring and quickly albeit sloppily pulls herself off the floor and starts to run around the ring. Reeves gives pursuit before Kix darts back into the ring. Reeves quickly follows her only to get met by a few stomps from Kix. Kix is quick to target the head with her feet but Reeves rolls out of the way and pops up onto her feet. Kix goes for a spinning heelkick but Reeves catches her foot and attempts to put her in an anklelock!
North: Hannah Kix looks like she's seen a ghost! With the bad blood between these two you can only assume that either she hoped Reeves wouldn't get the green light to enter or that it would be much.... muuuuch later with perhaps someone else to draw the fire.
DIC: All is far and love and war and these two love to go to war! These two are fated to tear each other apart until the D-I-C has decided he's seen enough and tries to get them to kiss and make up.
North: You're on track for a Guinness World Record tonight.
DIC: Oh yeah?
North: Yeah, to see how many promotions blacklist you after this.
DIC: Please, I got money. What's a blacklist going to really do? You only put me on the list because you know I'm the best! And when you're the best at what you do the money and offers come to you! Bux may have screwed the pooch financially but hey, as long as I keep collecting my lucrative paycheck that's someone else's problem!
Reeves is twisting mercilessly at the ankle as Kix grabs onto the top rope in a way to try to block it. Reeves however sees the opportunity and moves forward enough to tip Kix OVER the top rope as she's now left dangling and trapped in a submission hold! Kix at this point seems to forget she's in a match as she wants nothing more than to try to escape the clutches of her hated rival. Reeves keeps and ironclad grip on it and torques it for all she's worth. Finally Kix manages to slip out of her boot and falls to the outside!
Baxter: Hannah Kix has been eliminated!
North: Ladies and gentlemen that does in fact count as an elimination for Ami Reeves. It was a direct result of her actions that lead to the elimination and she was responsible for tipping her over the top rope.
DIC: I don't think she cares Kev, look!
Ami Reeves actually looks furious that Kix escaped her clutches and she hops over the top rope and to the outside to give pursuit to Kix who was quick to grab her boot and start running up the ramp!
Baxter: Ami Reeves has been eliminated!
North: Sometimes bad blood means more than championship opportunities! Ami Reeves eliminated herself because she's not finished with her!
Baxter: And entrant number fourteen, Ainslee Avalon!
DIC: WHOOHOO MY HERO!
North: Settle down, DIC!
“Holy Diver” by Killswitch Engage plays but not for long because Anne casually gets up from her seat and slowly rolls into the ring. Everybody else is so focused on each other, Ainslee just decides to chill in the background, leaning against the ropes near the corner watching everybody just fighting and fighting. Anne Grayson sees this and decides this is her moment.
DIC: Oh no! You want to talk about jealousy, this is it right here! Anne never left! Somebody arrest her! GAAAAAH!
North: I’d say turnabout is fair play! It looks like she’s going for the same method of elimination and not even let Ainslee get started in this!
DIC: Booooo!
Sure enough that was Anne’s plan and she ran around behind Ainslee and jumped up on the apron on the other side of the turnbuckle and waves at Ainslee. This takes Ainslee off guard but Anne smiles and with the top rope to assist her, she throws her foot up to catch Ainslee in the side of the head, dazing her and stumbling her back. Ainslee falls over the top rope but lands on the apron.
DIC: No! No no no no no no! This can’t be! Somebody arrest that woman, she’s assaulting my beautiful Ainslee! Protect the tail! Protect it I say!
North: She’s going to need all the protection she can get here DIC, because Anne is about to put the “Flying” in her name to good use!
And that Anne “Flying” Grayson did because right when Ainslee got to her feet, with some distance between the two, Anne jumped off flipping in mid air and grabbing a hold of Ainslee’s neck and dropping her neck/back first onto the ring apron with a mean sounding Blockbuster that made the crowd go “OOOOOOOOOH!” with chants of “HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!” breaking out. Anne took it straight to the floor but Ainslee got all the impact from the unforgiving apron and then rolled off to the outside, both feet hitting the floor.
Baxter: Ainslee Avalon has been eliminated!
Baxter: The fifteenth entrant is... Tessa Wilcox!
Hunting Girl by Jethro Tull begins to play. Coming out from behind the gorilla curtains, Tessa Wilcox looks rather nervous while walking down the aisle heading to the ring.
North: This young lady has quite possibly the biggest opportunity of her young career.
DIC: Not as big as the opportunity that I can give her.
North: Oh for Heavens sake!
Climbing into the ring, she looks around and immediately spots Cinnamon who has been trying to catch her breath.
North: Smart move by the young Tessa. Cinnamon has been in for almost thirty minutes now and since she was the number one entrant, you know that she has to be tired.
Immediately taking it to Cinnamon, the redheaded beauty covers up to the best of her ability but Tessa manages to get in several stiff shots. Grabbing her by the arm, Tessa launches Cinnamon to the ropes and instead of bouncing back — Cinnamon stops which causes Tessa to run forward trying to clothesline her over the top rope but Cinnamon drops down and pulls the top rope down as Tessa goes flying over the top rope and out onto the floor below.
Baxter: Tessa Wilcox has been eliminated!
North: Well... It didn’t go as well as she hoped I would imagine.
DIC: Mistakes were made North.
Feeling quite frustrated, Tessa slaps the canvas as Cinnamon looks down at her, smiles, and blows a kiss taunting her. Meanwhile, Hawkins and Ichikawa have Sister Catherine positioned in a double suplex. Grabbing a hold of each side of her outfit, they both lift Catherine into the air and fall backwards with a hard suplex as Catherine arches her back in a great deal of pain.
North: Great teamwork by No Fly Zone but then again, that is why they are the inaugural LONE tag team champions.
DIC: Gee... You think?
With Catherine still on the ground, Hawkins ascends up to the top rope and after measuring her, Hawkins leaps off and hits a textbook splash with all of her bodyweight coming down onto the chest region of Catherine.
North: Very risky move by Hawkins but it seems to have paid off.
DIC: Yeah but you know as well as I do that too many more of those kinds of moves and she could very well find herself being eliminated.
North: Well that logic I can’t really argue with.
Baxter: The sixteenth entrant is... Marie Porter!
“Love Lockdown" plays and Marie comes to the stage with all kinds of colorful lights flashing on her on the stage. Marie hops around at the top of the stage with her big smile and raises her arms high in the air. Marie gives a nod of her head and dances down the ramp, turning in circles a few times just really enjoying herself and so does the crowd. Marie uses her arms and legs to really get into it before she slides into the ring and is immediately confronted by Alison Crowne.
North: Now is NOT the time to party Miss. Porter.
DIC: Says you... My door is ALWAYS open Marie, ALWAYS!
North: But do you REALLY think that Alison feels the same way you do?
DIC: Well she should. I mean, just look at those jugs on Marie, makes me really thirsty just thinking about them.
North: For the love of God!
Marie Porter and Alison Crowne size one another circling each other before tying up with one another as they throw alternating elbows and punches at one another. Crowne swiftly manages to catch her in a wrist lock and throws a few kicks to the midsection. Porter however manages to slip out in spite of that combination by flipping and shifting her weight and kicking off the ropes to send them falling backwards. Porter then ascends to the second rope and drives down with a calculated kneedrop on Crowne and hitting her mark. Porter then goes to scoop Crowne up and drags her to the corner as she goes for her patented monkey flip but amazingly Crowne managed to land on her feet! Crowne then pivots and hits a roundhouse kick on Porter so hard it causes her to spin in place before dropping to the mat!
DIC: You spin me right round baby right round!
North: Few people have the knockout power in their legs like Alison Crowne does. That was devastating!
Porter reels on the ground from the impact as Crowne couldn't help but flash a cocky smirk at her handiwork. Crowne methodically stalks Porter as she pulls herself up with the aid of the ropes as she scoops her up on her shoulder as she looks for The Crowning Moment but before she can complete the transition Porter manages to slip out and behind her. Crowne stumbles momentarily losing her footing from the unexpected shift in weight before she feels herself pushed forward by Porter straight towards a springboard crossbody from El Jinete Rojo!
North: Talk about some impromptu teamwork!
DIC: The smell should've been the dead giveaway. Am I the only one who thinks she smells like stale Cheez-Its and mice droppings? This is why you never go backpacking cross country without a bar of soap!
North: I swear it's just you DIC. Give it a rest already.
DIC: No, I won't! This is a violation of my breathing space!
North: You'd know an awful lot about violations wouldn't you?
DIC: Duh, I'm a level three judge. I once judged the Miss Gilroy Beauty Pageant! And let me tell you what, that whole damn place reeked of garlic! Thankfully most of the ladies were easy on the eyes so it balanced out.
Baxter: Entering in at number seventeen... Vixen!
“The Fox” by The Chainsmokers featuring Calvin Harris hits the arena as Vixen quickly runs out from the back and slides into the ring
DIC: Lock her up! Lock her up!
North: You still going on about that?
DIC: Yeah! She stole my wallet, she's a thief!
Vixen quickly runs over and hits Cinnamon with a running dropkick into the corner just as she was getting ready to pull herself back up, decidedly putting that plan back a few more moments. She then launches herself at Kayoko and wastes no time throwing out a flurry of kicks, eblows, fists and stomps looking to strike hard and fast and take advantage of her opponents' collective fatigue. Vixen scoops up Kayoko and tries to get her over the top rope but Hawkins is quick to drop what she's doing and run over to save her partner.
Meanwhile El Jinete Rojo and Marie Porter are battling it out before they both stop and share a few words as they both end up pointing towards Vixen and Hawkins before they shake hands and run over to try and eliminate both of them! Kayoko by this time had dropped safely onto the apron and rolled back into the ring under the bottom rope. El Jinete Rojo and Porter try to tip Vixen and Hawkins over the top rope now causing another impromptu alliance to for as they have no choice but to work together to avoid elimination! A flurry of fists are traded as the four women flirted with the proverbial edge of the cliff after Hawkins and Vixen are tipped over the top rope but still firmly on the ring apron. Hawkins takes a risk after battling back El Jinete Rojo by springboarding back into the ring and nailing her with a hurricanrana while Vixen takes the safer approach and lands a swift to kick the temple of Marie Porter with a little help from the ropes!
North: Talk about a close call!
DIC: Considering we could've had anywhere from one to four near simultaneous eliminations just now I have no choice to agree.
Baxter: Enterting in at number eighteen.... Hookah Jones!
".... TITTIIIIIES!" Krizz Kaliko's Titties (Ft. Tech N9ne) cuts on over the PA. Hookah Jones parts the curtain with both hands and springs forward. Hooka skips down the aisle and pauses, shaking her titties towards a man and grabbing the back of his head, forcing it into her chest and she jiggles them.
DIC: My breast friends!
North: Stop it, you've been embarrassing yourself all night but that... that is a new low.
DIC: Stop being a dweeb already. We got a show to call but that doesn't mean we can't mix business and pleasure!
Hookah slides into the ring and get up on one of the middle turnbuckles, throwing her hands up and then pushing her chest out, jiggling her titties towards the fans.
DIC: See, all she wants to do is give us all a show! D-I-C Seal of Approval... Hey, wait! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Vixen had remained on the apron and like a ninja began to make her rounds on the apron before finally approaching Hookah Jones from her blindside and tipping her right out of the ring!
Baxter: Hookah Jones has been eliminated!
North: Seven seconds. She only lasted seven... seconds.
DIC: First she robbed me of my wallet, now she robbed me of my chance to watch one of my favorites win this whole damn thing! You know my room number baby, Daddy DIC will take care of you later!
North: Don't... EVER say anything like that again.
Vixen hopped back into the ring and upon seeing DIC's plight thumbed her nose at him causing him toss his papers into the air out of frustration!
DIC: Do you smell that North?
North: Oh for the love of God, what now?
DIC: Hey, calm down. I asked you a simple question, no reason to get so upset or anything, geesh!
North: Really? REALLY? All night long, you have been a pervert and a nuisance and when you ask me a question like that, you honestly don’t think that my first reaction regarding you is that it’s going to be perverted?
Baxter: The nineteenth entrant is... Homeless Hannah!
Ingrid Michaelson's "Spare Change" kicks in. Coming out from behind the gorilla curtain, Homeless Hannah immediately runs down the aisle sliding into the ring from underneath the bottom rope. Looking around to see who would be the easiest pickings for her, she runs over to Cinnamon who has been in this thing the longest.
DIC: Oh... There’s the smell. Old McDonald’s cheeseburgers and fries, that explains it.
North: Can we PLEASE call the action?! PLEASE?!
DIC: What? I did! Does she not smell like old McDonald’s cheeseburgers and fries to you?
North: ANYWAY... A surprisingly smart move by Homeless Hannah going for Cinnamon who has been in this thing the longest now, since number one.
DIC: I always knew she had amazing stamina.
North: Fans I'm getting word that something is going on in the back. Our cameras are on Ainslee Avalon right now!
Slightly cutting away from the match for the folks at home with a double screen visual, and the Titantron lighting up for the fans in the arena, we're backstage in Drew Stevenson's office and it looks like he's filling out some paper work and a tablet propped up next to him with the show going on. When his door is flung open and barging in is Ainslee Avalon, none too happy about the elimination that she suffered earlier in the night at the hands of Anne Grayson. Drew threw his pen down and looked up none too happy at Ainslee.
Drew Stevenson: What the... what the hell are you doing in here?
Ainslee: Tell me you saw what the hell happened out there?! TELL ME YOU SAW IT!
Drew rolled his chair back and stood up, walking around his desk and over to Ainslee.
Drew Stevenson: First of all, I don't know who the hell you think you're raising your voice to but I highly suggest that you lower your tone lest you find out from Terri Thompson what it's like to be on the outside looking in.
Ainslee looks like she wants to say something but she holds it in.
Drew Stevenson: And I highly suggest you rethink yourself before you open your mouth to me again. I can have you black listed from the business with a snap of my fingers. Yeah, I saw what happened out there and the truth is I don't care.
Ainslee: What?! How can you...
Drew Stevenson: ...How can I what? Not care? Not care that you got involved first? Not care that you came out when it wasn't your turn and eliminated somebody from *my* rumble? I guess you got what was coming to you then, didn't you?
Ainslee: That's not even fair! She was ELIMINATED! She should have been long gone! That's illegal!
"Illegal like you knocking me out when it wasn't *your* turn?!"
Drew just rolled his eyes when Anne Grayson also came into the room, directed by staff. The two women are in each others faces, yelling back and forth trying to yell over one another before Drew pushes them both back, yelling "ENOUGH!"
Drew Stevenson: I have far more important things to do than to listen to this cat fight tonight and frankly I'm sick of the two of you going at it at every turn. You two want a match? FINE! You have it. Next month, Ainslee Avalon, Anne Grayson. You two settle it then or so help me god I'll have both of you black listed! Now security get them the hell out of my office!
A couple of security guards come into the office, grabbing the women by their arms and escorting them out of the office and Drew slams the door shut. The double screen fades out and back to just the rumble on screen, with the Titantron going black.
North: What an announcement! We'll finally get to see Anne Grayson and Ainslee Avalon get it on next month!
DIC: You would like to see them get it on, wouldn't you, North?
North: You of all people would say something like that...
DIC: As much as I love Ainslee and would like to see her put down Anne Grayson, it wasn't smart what my lovely Ainslee did storming into the boss' office and all!
Stomping on Cinnamon a few times, Hannah begins to build a little bit of momentum but all of a sudden, from behind, Sister Catherine dumps Homeless Hannah over the top rope.
DIC: And just like that — Hannah disappears into the night. Another victim by Sister Catherine.
Baxter: Homeless Hannah has been eliminated!
Showing no real signs of being upset or frustrated, Homeless Hannah walks around the side of the ring where she sees a fan eating a corndog . Walking up to the fan, she reaches out and takes his corndog and then gives him a kiss on the cheek.
DIC: KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF, THERE’S STILL MORE CORNDOGS!
North: Well as I always say, ANYTHING can happen here in LONE!
Baxter: The twentieth entrant is...
As “Gucci Gucci” by Kreayshawn plays over the public address sound system, Miss. Gucci comes walking out to a loud sea of boos.
North: Oh... Man... Business JUST picked up!
DIC: Ain’t that the truth!
Walking down the aisle, wasting no time whatsoever, Miss. Gucci steps foot into the ring and immediately guns for Felicia Hawkins. Nailing her from behind with a forearm smash, this causes Hawkins to double over as Miss. Gucci then grabs her by her long blonde hair picking her up and snatches her up hitting a scoop slam. Clutching her lower back in pain, Miss. Gucci taunts a little bit, showing her arrogance as Cinnamon comes running in with a full head of steam but Miss. Gucci ducks and back body drops Cinnamon over the top rope as Cinnamon spills out onto the floor below.
DIC: Did you see the airtime? Holy smokes! Those titties went in every direction.
North: Ugh... Anyway, Cinnamon was in there a little over an hour.
Baxter: Cinnamon has been eliminated!
North: Now only three women remain from the first ten, including El Jinete Rojo, Sister Catherine, and Alison Crowne who having entered at number six has now been in the match the longest. The longer this match goes the better things are looking for the later entrants. There's a reason why many rumble winners come from the latter fifteen but this match is still far from over.
Baxter: Now entering in at number twenty-one... Ashley Lopez!
Britney Spears' "Piece of Me" plays over the PA. Lopez quickly runs down to the ring and slides under the bottom rope. Porter is quick to meet her as they begin to brawl. Porter seems to have the upper hand over the rookie as she begins hitting her with a series of knife edge chops against the ropes. Porter grabs Lopez by her arm and whips her towards the ropes, Lopez rebounds as Porter runs at her and connects with a flying crossbody. Porter picks up and Lopez and drags her towards the top rope looking for an elimination but Lopez manages to squirm and free herself, slipping behind Porter and tossing her over the top rope and onto the floor!
Baxter: Marie Porter has been eliminated!
Lopez is giddy with excitement as she begins to jump around with Marie Porter absolutely stunned on the outside as a ringside official tries to guide her back to the locker room.
North: That's how you capture a moment right there! That is a moment that rookie will remember for the rest of her life!
DIC: Putting the horse before the carriage there, now she has to do that about... say... sixteen more times? Or at the very least ensure she's not one of those sixteen. Still she's got that Hollywood body and I'll tell you what, she just became one of my favorites!
Lopez is still basking in the moment but suddenly her expression quickly becomes one as shock as Alison Crowne sneaks up from behind and tosses her out of the ring like one would expect Uncle Phil to toss Jazz out of his Bel Air home!
Baxter: Ashley Lopez has been eliminated!
Crowne leans over the top rope telling Lopez to keep her eye on the prize before turning her attention back to the ring.
North: Well she's not wrong. Ashley Lopez got too caught up in the moment and lost sight of the bigger picture
DIC: Rookie mistake, but hey all she needs is a good teacher. The D-I-C is always ready to help out beautiful talent!
North: Yeah... I recommend she pass on that one...
Baxter: Now entering in at twenty-two... Slapp!
"Chicken Huntin" by ICP hits the arena as Slapp walks out trying to look as intimidating as possible as she moves to the music.
Upon entering the ring, Slapp looks around the ring like a kid at a candy store with all of her options. Choosing Hawkins, Slapp immediately rushes over there and begins to put the boots to her.
DIC: You know what North? I think this could be her time — Slapp to win it all.
North: I mean no disrespect to the young woman but you have to be kidding, right?
DIC: No, why? I mean, in case you forgot North; she did recently beat Terri Thompson. Speaking of which, where is that sewer rat?
North: You know as well as I do that Stevenson banned her from this match — unfairly and unjustly might I add.
DIC: Oh please, if Mr. Stevenson did that then you know that he had a very good reason for doing so. He has always been a fair and just man, and I can’t believe that you would accuse him of something so terrible.
North: I think I’m going to get sick.
As Hawkins tries to pull herself up to her feet, she continues to get stomped in the corner. From behind however, Ichikawa hits a drop kick right to the upper back portion of Slapp as she stumbles forward and ends up going over the top rope and out onto the padded floor below.
Baxter: Slapp has been eliminated!
North: And that is just one of the reasons why having friends is so important in this thing. Also, wasn’t Slapp your newest pick to win?
DIC: Pfft... No, obviously you’re hearing things.
North: Uh huh... Suuure!
Baxter: The twenty-third entrant is... Prada Paula!
Bjork's Army of Me plays on the PA. Wasting no time whatsoever, the curtains part to the side as Prada Paula runs down to the ring and slides into the ring. Seeing Vixen on Miss. Gucci, throwing several punches to her face, Prada Paula comes in from behind and forearm smashes Vixen in the back causing her to double over. Grabbing her by the hair, she pulls her up to her feet and as Gucci gets up as well, they position Vixen just right and hoist her up hitting a double suplex.
North: And again... This is why having a partner is so crucial to survival in these kinds of matches.
DIC: Yes... We know... We get it...
North: My, my, somebody is getting cranky!
Over across the ring, Ichikawa rises to her feet after hitting that drop kick and as she turns around — here comes Sister Catherine with a huge clothesline that sends Ichikawa over the top rope and out onto the floor.
Baxter: Kayoko Ichikawa has been eliminated!
Having exited the corner and snuck in behind Catherine, Hawkins grabs her by the back of her outfit and sends her over the top rope as well.
Baxter: Sister Catherine has been eliminated!
North: Wow... Just like that, we have two huge eliminations back to back.
Baring her fangs in frustration, Hawkins turns around paying closer attention to the action as there’s still many women left in this thing.
Baxter: The twenty-fourth entrant is... "The Perfect Shot" Penelope Silven!
Sabaton's "White Death" soon starts and out from the curtain emerges "The Perfect Shot" Penelope Silven. She makes gun motions with both hands and points them towards the ring. Bang bang!
Penelope Silven walks down the aisle, dressed in her snow camo colored gear, slapping hands with a few fans before climbing the stairs and stepping through the ropes.
As Silven steps through the ropes the Gucci Gals are there to ambush her as they each position themselves in opposite sides of her. Paula runs forward with a running knee, swiftly followed by Ms. Gucci doing the same. Then both of them turn around and dropkick her in the head as The Perfect Shot performs a perfect faceplant into the ring.
DIC: HAHA! I give that tumble a 10!
North: That's one way to not enter a Rumble. But that's the advantage when two or more members of a team are in the ring at the same time during a Rumble. Assuming they stay on the same page they have a true ally in the fight where as others don't. It slightly increases the long odds one faces.
DIC: Oh come on! What's that troubledoer up to now? This is none of her business!
Vixen is quick to come to the aid of her friend as she throws fists at both Paula and Ms. Gucci but the Gucci Gals are quick to double team her with Silven temporarily incapacitated. Vixen fights valiantly trying to fend them off but they manage to back her into the ropes with both women trying to tip her over the rope. Vixen holds on for all she's worth but she falls over the top... but only one foot touches the floor as she holds onto the middle rope!
North: She's still in it! Barely but the fact of the matter is that you need both feet to touch the floor!
DIC: She's lucky I don't yank her down to the floor for stealing my wallet!
Vixen pulls herself up as Paula and Ms. Gucci turn around after a celebratory high five. Vixen grabs Paula by the hair and pulls her over the rope with her and onto the apron! Ms. Gucci has a mini panic attack seeing her partner nearly eliminated and The Gucci Gals try to work from each side of the rope to attempt to finish the job. Paula trades rib punches with Vixen on the apron as Silven begins to stir. Silven sees her friend in peril and attempts to help her only to get intercepted by Alison Crowne driving a kick straight into her back! Crowne tosses Silven over the top rope on the opposite end of the ring but she lands on the apron. This time El Jinete Rojo runs interference and thwarts Crowne as she blindsides her!
North: Peril is the name of the game at this stage of the match. Three women on the very brink of elimination but one appears to have been saved for the moment. Vixen and Paula Prada though are staring right into the abyss!
Vixen throws a defiant elbow at Paula and a forearm at Ms. Gucci trying to battle her way back into the ring. Paula shakes the cobwebs off as Vixen throws a few more at Ms. Gucci. Paula takes a gamble as she goes low using her legs as a pair of scissors to wrap around Vixen's while holding onto the middle rope. Vixen stumbles as she feels her balance thrown off, giving Ms. Gucci just enough time to clock her with a spinning backfist! Paula swiftly uses her leg scissors to help dump Vixen backwards and off the apron to the ground! Paula dangles precariously towards having both feet touch the floor simultaneously but she manages to pull herself back up onto the apron!
Baxter: Vixen has been eliminated!
North: Very risky strategy by Prada Paula but the double team strategy ultimately pays off.
DIC: In the end that's what matters. Justice has been served, goodbye you mangy fox! Goodbye and good riddance! Thief...
“Fly” Felicia Hawkins meanwhile was biding her time and quick to grab Ms. Gucci and toss her into Prada Paula, driving her head into her stomach causing Paula to stumble and nearly fall. Hawkins quickly takes advantage of the situation and hits a beautiful dropkick aimed just between the top and middle rope to send Paula tumbling to the outside!
Baxter: Prada Paula has been eliminated!
Prada Paula is furious on the outside as she jaws off at Felicia Hawkins. Hawkins leans over the top rope and jaws back at her as the two are saying things not quite suitable for all audiences.
North: Very tough to get eliminated in that fashion but there's no reason to take it personally.
DIC: Why shouldn't she? She just took money out of her pocket! That's main event money flying the coop! I'd be mad too!
Ms. Gucci manages to recover and not wanting to let her partner's distraction go to waste tips Hawkins from behind and just flips her over the top rope lifting from her legs! Hawkins caught completely off guard falls to the outside as Prada Paula suddenly stops and covers her mouth laughing and pointing.
Baxter: Felicia Hawkins has been eliminated!
DIC: I think that's worth a tag team title shot, yeah?! What comes around is all around!
North: I think you've been watching too much Trailer Park Boys. It's what comes around goes around.
DIC: That's what I said.
North: No, it's not.
DIC: You're just hearing things.
Prada Paula quickly runs to the back as Felicia Hawkins is quick to give chase.
Baxter: Entering at twenty-five... Stitches!
I'm Damned by Vampira with Satan's Cheerleaders hits the arena as as Stitches slowly walks to the ring with a demented smile on her face.
DIC: Things are about to get weird... Again!
North: Wait... Are you saying that there’s even a too weird for you?
DIC: WHAT?! NO! THAT’S what you got from what I said?
North: Well yeah and I think it’s safe to say that I’m right on this one.
DIC: You know North — I find it interesting that when I try to call the match, to be professional, is when you suddenly decide not to be. Come on man, there’s work to be done.
Immediately gunning for Crowne, Stitches grabs her by the hair, yanking her up to her feet and begins to throw several stiff knife edge chops as they echo throughout the arena which causes Crowne to hold her chest in pain.
North: Listen to those chops, holy smokes.
DIC: Oh trust me, I would DEFINITELY smack those titties like that as well.
North: What’s that?
DIC: Oh um... Nothing!
As DIC can be heard clearing his throat, obviously hiding what he was saying, we go back to the action as Crowne returns the chops thus a chopping war has begun between the two. With the fans “wooing” after each chop, really getting into the action, Crowne decides that she’s had enough so instead of chopping Stitches again, she simply punches her right in the face causing her to stumble backwards while clutching her jaw, definitely taken back.
North: I’m pretty sure Crowne has had enough.
DIC: Look at how red those titt... I mean, her chest is.
North: That’s what those chops will do to you.
Running forward, Crowne flattens Stitches with a clothesline and then brushes her soaking wet, sweaty hair out of her face. Turning around to look around the ring, here comes Ms. Gucci with a big forearm smash right to the side of Crowne’s head which drops her down to the canvas. Coming in from behind, Penelope Silven wraps her arms around Gucci’s waist and throws her backwards with a beautiful German suplex and as Gucci lands on the canvas, she holds the back of her head.
DIC: A PERFECT GERMAN SUPLEX by Penelope Silven, the PERFECT SHOT!
North: Yes, it was a textbook maneuver, I’ll give you that.
Baxter: The twenty-sixth entrant is... La Plaga!
In Flames' "Only for the Weak" kicks in! Walking out from behind the curtain and charging down to the ring, La Plaga slides in and immediately tackles Penelope to the canvas she was the nearest abled body. Having the beautiful blonde mounted, Plaga throws some heavy punches as Silven tries to cover up to the best of her ability.
DIC: Just how I like my women, mounting each other.
North: Oh Lord, here we go... Again...
Silven shoves La Plaga off her and tries to get some distance to recover but La Plaga is very quick to close the gap as she starts going after her like a rabid dog hungry to get her first taste of LONE. Silven tries to maneuver around her to catch her in a german suplex but La Plaga elbows her hard in the jaw and turns around and connects with a very fluid Heart Stopper (heart punch)! Silven's eyes gloss over as she falls down to the mat after bouncing off the ropes clearly in no condition to stand.
DIC: What a Heart Stopper, I love her already!
North: That hurt just looking at it.
La Plaga scowls as she tries to scoop her up to dump her over the top rope but Silven isn't budging, trying to lift the dead weight was like trying to deadlift a stack of sandbags. She gets her up on her feet before Silven's legs buckle and fall to the side; it was clear she wasn't going to go anywhere anytime soon. Ms. Gucci however saw easy pickings and started clubbing the distracted La Plaga in the back of the head, hammering over and over again with 12-to-6 elbow strikes. La Plaga doubles over and tries to protect her head as she was firmly up against the ropes, head just a little below the top rope from ducking. Ms. Gucci tries to lift her up but La Plaga hooks her leg on the middle rope as part of her body hung over the top rope. La Plaga out of desperation lifts her head and shoots a mist into Ms. Gucci's eyes!
North: Well it's not exactly clean but you need to do what you need to do to survive a match like this.
DIC: That's alright, DIC likes it dirty sometimes.
North: How the sound crew hasn't cut the feed to your mic yet is a minor miracle.
El Jinete Rojo sees a golden opportunity seeing this struggle and she runs over to tip Ms. Gucci! La Plaga, who was trying to regain her leverage was also caught ill-prepared as both end up slipping and falling over the top rope as the Masked Marvel El Jinete Rojo just killed two birds with one stone!
Baxter: Ms. Gucci AND La Plaga have both been eliminated!
North: Those may be her first two eliminations of the match but it couldn't have come at a better time for El Jinete Rojo. If you want to dramatically improve your odds this late into the game you absolutely must take advantage of multiple elimination opportunities like this.
DIC: Come on, Ms. Gucci couldn't even defend herself!What a farce! Do over!
Suddenly the arena blares with the sound of “Pretty Vacant” by The Sex Pistols as "Pretty" Fay Qent parts through the curtains.
Baxter: Entering in at twenty-seven “Pretty” Fay Qent!
It was if someone gave Alison Crowne a shot of adrenaline as she heard the announcement as she lifted her head off the canvas. As if almost on instinct she rolled out of the ring under the bottom rope and made a bee line to the ramp to meet Qent! They both start brawling on the outside!
North: Well it's safe to say those wounds haven't completely healed yet.
DIC: What and you'd be quick to forgive some felon jumping you from behind month after month? Kev I swear, you're the kind of guy that handed over his lunch money as a kid because he didn't have the balls to stand up to Big Ted. No wonder you're so scrawny! All those years of skipping lunch because you paid the bully tax.
North: I'll have you know that my weight is perfectly within the average range for my height and size. But to bring someone's past status into this is just plain wrong. Maybe Qent hasn't always done the right thing but that doesn't mean you should try to cut her off at the knees and deny the new life she's trying to build.
DIC: I call a spade a spade. Sue me, wait you can't! It's a matter of public record. Take it up with Uncle Sam, you can't touch me! Yeah, yeah keep on getting your ass kicked Qent, keep your eye on the match. I'll press charges and send your ass to San Quentin if you even look at me funny.
Qent, close enough to the announce table on the ramp shot DIC a dirty glance before Alison Crowne hit her with a sucker punch to the gut, knocking the wind out of her. DIC stands up and claps.
DIC: You know if Alison ditched Terri I think I could start to seriously like her.
North: Well they're best friends and all I think you're going to have to file that dream in the “unlikely” category.
DIC: Come on, Kev-O, come on! Do you really think they're still on good terms after Terri blew their shot at the tag titles?
North: I do! Miscommunications happen with even the best of friends and if you ask anyone in Portland they'll tell you they're still playing basketball at the park and knocking back drinks at the pub. You know I hear they even want to start their own YouTube show.
DIC: Good grief... Kev why do you have to kill my dreams?!
Alison Crowne drags Qent by her hair towards the ring and slams it on the steel steps. Qent's head bounces off as she leans against the fan barricade. Alison Crowne backs up and runs at full speed looking to hit a Helluva Kick but Qent moved just at the last moment causing Crowne to collide very painfully against it, now straddling the barricade.
North: OOOOH! No matter what kind of equipment you're hooked up with that's going to stick with you for a while...
DIC: For once we're completely on the same page...
Qent looking for retribution grabs Crowne by the head and yanks her off the barricade without giving her a single moment to recover and powerbombs her right into the steel steps!
North: Well, despite exiting the ring under the bottom rope this may mark the end for Alison Crowne's run in the Rumble. She hasn't been eliminated, I want to stress that, but I mean how can you continue after lasting this long and eating two painful collisions within a minute of one another?
DIC: Well she's been in nearly an hour herself, she's approaching Cinnamon's time but I mean... what can you do?
North: I'm not sure, Crowne is incredibly competitive. If she's not ready to throw in the towel she may try to break off an EMT's arm thinking it was Qent.
Qent slides into the ring as Silven tries to sneak up from behind and capture her in a german suplex. She tries to lift Qent up but Qent is quick to catch on and she grabs onto the top rope. Silven tries to lift her again but nothing. Finally Qent turns around and hits her with a nasty looking uppercut, stunning Silven before she sends her tumbling over the top rope with a Tomahawk Chop clothesline!
Baxter: Penelope Silven has been eliminated!
North: Well it appears Crowne got Qent fired up, that's bad news for whoever's left in the ring.
Baxter: The twenty eighth entrant is... Evelyn Price!
The Price by Leprous starts up as Evelyn steps through the curtain, tugging on the front of her denim jacket as she looks out at the crowd. She then stares directly at Fay Qent before darting towards the ring.
North: We haven't seen Evelyn in almost a year! The last time we saw her, she was a victim of Fay Qent!
DIC: And it looks like she hasn't forgotten that, North!
Fay and Evelyn start trading blows, with Evelyn getting the upper hand, backing Fay up and leaving her stunned against the ropes.
Stitches decides to try and take advantage, coming behind her and dropping her hands down across Evelyn's back with a double axe handle! Evelyn stumbles forward, grabbing onto the top rope and starting to smile as she stares out at the crowd.
DIC: Oh man, Evelyn's not happy!
Stitches grins broadly at her as Evelyn turns and steps towards her. Stitches tries to throw a punch and Evelyn blocks it, responding with some punches of her own that cause Stitches to stagger back and bounce against the ropes. Evelyn picks her up and hits her with an Oklahoma Slam! She then picks her lifeless body off of the mat, tossing her to the ropes. Before Stitches can rebound, Evelyn chases her and gives her a Clothesline From Hell causing Stitches to stumble over the top rope and onto the floor!
Baxter: Stitches has been eliminated!
Baxter: The twenty-ninth entrant is... Tick L.!
Walking out with her eyes fixated onto the ring, mainly Evelyn Price, ICP’s “Chickin’ Huntin’” plays over the public address sound system. As Slapp heads up the ramp, she points down at Evelyn and this fires Tick L. up enough to where she charges down to the ring and seeks revenge for her fallen sister.
North: Well we haven’t seen Tick L. this fired up since, well, I can’t remember when — if ever.
DIC: Evelyn is much bigger so if I was Tick L. then well, I would go for someone much, MUCH smaller.
Entering the ring, Tick L. comes face to face with Evelyn. Poking her in the chest while mouthing off at her; Evelyn has heard enough and grabs Tick L. by the finger twisting it to where Tick L. drops to her knees in pain.
North: Well, that ended fast.
DIC: What’s new?
Releasing her finger and shoving her away, Evelyn turns her attention towards Qent who stands there eye to eye with her.
North: And just like that... Business is about to pick up!
Mouthing each other, Qent and Evelyn embrace in a collar and elbow tie up. Struggling for power, Qent gets the upper hand and manages to shove Evelyn backwards and as she stumbles towards the ropes, Tick L. grabs the top rope pulling it down as Evelyn goes right over the top and out onto the floor below.
Baxter: Evelyn Price has been eliminated!
North: Did Tick L. just eliminate Evelyn Price?
DIC: Miracles happen North, as we just saw.
Rising to her feet, Evelyn looks angry as Tick L. waves at her with a smile expressed on her face. Turning around, Qent flattens Tick L. with a clothesline and then shakes her head while smiling. As she turns away from Tick L., Crowne is back in the ring and is right in Qent’s face with a flurry of punches causing Qent to hit a reaction knee to her gut which doubles Crowne over. Grabbing Crowne and hoisting her up onto her shoulders, Qent walks over to the ropes and tries dumping her over the top rope but Crowne reaches out grabbing the top rope holding on as tight as she can.
North: Crowne could be in big trouble here.
As Tick L. gets far away from Crowne and Qent, she is yanked up to her feet by Rojo who immediately hits a knife edge chop causing her to stumble back into the nearest turnbuckle. Grabbing her by the legs, Rojo hoists Tick L. up onto the top rope.
North: Rojo is going to the top, this could be a huge mistake if they’re not careful.
DIC: Nobody cares about either of them so really, who cares?
North: Wow... Really? Is this because their not busty?
DIC: Pfft... What do I look like, a shallow person?
North: Um... Yeah...
Positioning Tick L., Rojo hoists her up hitting a superplex as the entire ring shakes and both women lie there in severe pain.
Baxter: The thirtieth entrant is... Olga The Barbarian!
As “Pour Some Sugar on Me” by Def Lepard hits, out comes Olga with Frank Debauchee.
North: Oh... My... Things just got very, VERY bad for everyone involved.
DIC: There’s my pick right there... OLGA THE BARBARIAN!
North: Of course it is!
Making her way into the ring, she yanks Tick L. up to her feet and quickly hoists her up with the Olga Bomb. Instead of slamming her down onto the canvas however, she tosses her over the top rope as she lands pretty hard.
Baxter: Tick L. has been eliminated!
Looking around for her next victim, that’s an easy find as Qent who dropped Crowne earlier comes face to face with Olga. Throwing a punch right to her face, Olga’s head snaps backwards but she doesn’t budge otherwise. Looking back at Qent again, Olga looks angry and as Qent realizes that she needs something bigger, she hits the ropes and comes in with a clothesline which rocks Olga back and closer to the ropes.
North: Qent could do this...
Hitting the ropes again, she comes back with a full head of steam and upon reaching Olga, she is hoisted into the air with a Gorilla Press Slam. Turning towards the ropes, Olga tosses Qent over the top rope and onto Tick L. as these fans are just shocked.
Baxter: Fay Qent has been eliminated!
North: And then there were three! Alison Crowne has been in this match about an hour and twenty-five minutes now, El Jinete Rojo just a few minutes shy of that herself. They entered at number six and number eight respectively. They both have to be exhausted by now meanwhile Olga not only has size and power on her side but that lucky number thirty entry spot. She's as fresh as they come.
DIC: And Frank's Bitch, The Barbarian herself is about to slay them both! God Bless Crowne and her newly found feisty self but she's about to know what it's like to fall into that cold, unforgiving Siberian winter. And that backpacker rat, yeah she's about to get tossed out as we Make Am...
North: Hey hey! Really DIC?
DIC: What? So she's going to Make Amateurs Irrelevent Again. She's going to get dumped over the top rope and end any nonsense of this little Cinderella story those dirt sheets are betting to run. Has she even wrestled a professional match before? Carnivals don't count.
North: If there's a ring and there's an audience for it at an event, it counts. Fact of the matter is we don't know anything about El Jinete Rojo, she could be a a veteran for all we know.
DIC: Yeah... that'll be the day. Pfffft. Come on Kev-O, we're supposed to be calling a show, not daydreaming about things that'll never come true.
Crowne and El Jinete Rojo both look at each other and then to Olga. Olga stares them both down as they begin to circle around her. They both then close in like a pack of piranhas trying to cut the big woman down but Olga in all her might and power shoves them away like a pair of gnats! Olga charges through and fells Crowne with a big boot before nearly taking El Jinete Rojo's mask (and head) off with a bicycle kick!
North: It's going to take a lot more than that to stop Olga.
DIC: She's like Zangief in his prime! The Calendar Man, the King of Smexy himself has to love what he's seeing!
Crowne slowly tries to get up but Olga runs her over like a freight train into the corner. El Jinete Rojo tries to get up but suffers a similar fate in an opposing corner! All the while Olga remains as stoic as ever, as cold as the Russian winter itself. Olga drags Crowne over to El Jinete Rojo, slamming her into the Masked Marvel before scooping Crowne up on her shoulders. Once she had Crowne on her shoulders she pied El Jinete Rojo on her shoulders as well, parading around the ring carrying them both in a double stack torture rack!
North: This is unnerving. She's trying to break both of them at the same time!
Crowne and El Jinete Rojo's arms flail in vain trying to escape as Olga attempts to snuff out any hope of life either may have in this rumble before transitioning to a double stacked samoan drop, practically flattening them.
DIC: The fat lady hasn't sung yet but I can hear her warming up in the back. Better grab a fork because this one is almost done.
Olga grabs Crowne and drags her over the top rope and begins choking her with one hand, pressing downward and forward trying to use the top rope as leverage to bend and break her. Crowne out of desperation jabs a thumb into her eye causing Olga to clutch the side of her face and back off before rushing forward and striking at her aggressively against the ropes. Crowne appears to be barely able to defend herself as she covers up as Olga just wails on her repeatedly. Finally Olga backs up and charges Crowne looking to plow her completely over the top rope but Crowne hits a desperation superkick catching her right in the jaw, causing Olga to stumble but not fall. El Jinete Rojo managed to get up to her feet by now and hit a superkick of her own causing Olga to stumble again but still not fall. Finally Crowne and El Jinete Rojo both connect with a superkick at the same time sending Olga tumbling to the mat.
North: It took three incredibly powerful kicks just to take her down, and one has to wonder for how long.
DIC: If I had any guess, not long enough.
Crowne looks at El Jinete Rojo and makes a circular motion with her index fingers pointing towards one another, getting a nod in response as El Jinete Rojo begins to climb the turnbuckle. Crowne scoops up Olga onto her shoulder, struggling a little due to fatigue but manages to get her in position for The Crowning Moment. Crowne holds her there as El Jinete Rojo flies off the turnbuckle doing a somersault en route to a spike tombstone piledriver on Olga.
North: A Meltzer Driver in a Rumble? I've seen it all now. But how much of that was she able to really hit it with? She appeared to be losing her grip near the end, she's been in this match well over an hour and a half now with El Jinete Rojo not that far behind. One has to question if they were able to hit enough to put Olga away. Frankly, I'm not sure they did. But at the very least it'll slow her down.
DIC: Nobody survives in the Russian winter. You either freeze to death or you slowly starve to death and they look like they're starving to death.
Crowne looks absolutely exhausted as she rolls off the mat, her hands are on her knees, her hair is drenched in her own sweat. It appears lifting Olga up for even that long seemed to exhaust energy reserves that were already nearly running on empty as it were. Crowne nonetheless grabs Olga by her hair and begins to drag her body towards the ropes... El Jinete Rojo sneaks up from behind and tosses her right over the top rope!
North: WHAT?
DIC: Big mistake!
Baxter: Alison Crowne has been eliminated!
North: I get it, everyone is fighting for themselves. But I question the wisdom in tossing out an exhausted opponent before dealing with the fresh monster at number thirty. It would've helped both their chances but instead El Jinete Rojo is gambling that she can win it here and now!
DIC: Pure greed.
Alison Crowne is beside herself as she sits up against the barricade. Olga throws a heavy hand straight into El Jinete Rojo's breadbasket as she tries to pick her up. El Jinete Rojo reels in pain as Olga begins to tip her over the top rope. El Jinete Rojo hangs onto the top rope for all she's worth but it's no use as she's tipped over, however she manages to land on the apron, still holding on! Olga does her best to shove her down and outward but El Jinete Rojo takes the biggest gamble she has the entire match and wraps both her arms around Olga's neck! She uses the ropes and gravity as leverage to try to pull her over the top. Olga struggles and fights for air as she's trapped in the choke hold her body teetering back and forth between staying inside or tipping outward. Olga socks El Jinete Rojo hard in the ribs over and over but she desperately clings on, absorbing the worst Olga had to offer as Olga's resistance slows down. Olga throws one more devastating punch to the ribs, causing El Jinete Rojo to almost let go and fall to the mat but she somehow finds a way to dig in deep and hang on! Olga finally goes limp and tumbles over the top rope but El Jinete Rojo lets go just in time and clutches onto the bottom rope, rolling back inside as Olga's feet hit the floor!
Baxter: Here is your winner of the LONE Rumble and number one contender to the LONE Championship... El Jinete Rojo!
El Jinete Rojo spreads her arms wide in the center of the ring. Linda Edwards steps between the ropes and walks up to Rojo with a smile on her face.
Edwards: Wow! Congratulations! You're now the new #1 contender to the LONE Championship! Do you have anything you want to say?
Edwards holds the mic towards Rojo, who leans in and responds.
Rojo: ... Si.
Rojo holds out her hand like she wants the mic, and Edwards gives it to her.
Rojo starts to... take off her mask. When the mask is pulled off, the long blonde hair goes with it. It seems as if it was part of the mask all along. The short, blue hair of Terri Thompson is soon seen and Terri grins broadly.
North: WHAT?!
DIC: Oh I should've known! I should've known! The smell should've given it away!
Terri: You know my Father used to say..... Learn from your enemy! And that's exactly what I did!
The camera cuts for a moment towards Alison Crowne, who was making her way to the back and stopped on the stage to see what's happening. She has a sour expression on her face when it's revealed to be Terri Thompson as El Jinete Rojo, and she soon turns and marches to the back.
Terri pauses, seeing this and responding with her eyes towards the back.
Terri: I did what I had to do! I did what I had to do!
She looks out at the crowd.
Terri: I learned from my enemy. Drew Stevenson! You used to do this same sort of thing!
She raises the mask, fake blonde hair dangling from it.
Terri: You used to do this same sort of thing and you know it! And I knew this was the only way I had a shot and damn if I wasn't going to take it! I think I've proven time and time again why I deserve a shot at my title! MY title!
She jabs her finger into her chest.
Terri: Because I dropped the ball! I dropped the ball and The Glorious One took a shortcut! I'm focused now, Ol' Glory! I'm focused and no more shortcuts because I--
"The Man" by Aloe Blacc starts playing on the PA as out steps Drew Stevenson in his suit with a microphone nestled under his left elbow. He gives a slow, sarcastic clap to Terri, then brings the mic to his lips.
Drew Stevenson: Very nice... Very nice Terri. I have to hand it to you on that one. You snuck in and stole a piece of the pie like a New York City trash rat stealing that slice of pizza and skittering to the subway. That's exactly what you are, a trash rat! And I think it's time you finally get exterminated so you know what? Next Month, at LONE 13, you don't get your title shot.
Terri: WHAT?! But I -earned- it! I--
Drew: NO! "El Jinete Rojo" earned it and she doesn't exist! And don't you interrupt me again! Next month we're going to have a match, since you managed to win tonight, to determine if you get your #1 Contender shot. And your opponent.....
Drew pauses, taking a moment to look around at the crowd and soak in their jeers.
Drew then stares daggers towards Terri and brings the mic to his lips.
Drew: It's gonna be ME!
North: What?! I can't believe this! He can't just---
DIC: He just did!
Drew: That's right! -I'M- going to be your opponent! -I'M- going to be the first male to wrestle at LONE! And I know what you hypocrites are going to say! That it's not fair because she's a woman! Oh please! Whatever happened to equals, huh?! Whatever happened to that? Yeah, that's what I thought. So you know what? I'm going to throw you a crutch because I know you women need it. This match is going to be NO DISQUALIFICATION!
Terri grins once more.
Terri: You know what, Drew? I actually like the sound of that! It gives me rights to kick your ass all over this arena! It gives me the chance to take out all of this aggression for this unjust treatment! You want to disrespect women? Well I'll make sure next month is your time of the month when you bleed up and down the aisle! Ooooh I'm gonna ENJOY this!
Drew: Oh I bet you will! I bet you will just like when you take your tongue to your girlfriend during her time of the month you trashy gutter slut! Speaking of your girlfriend! She won't be there to help you and you know what? It doesn't seem like your "best friend" will be there either! I just passed her backstage and she doesn't look like she's in such a good mood. Aww...
Terri looks on with worry now.
Drew: Yeah, that's right. So I guess it really will be you and me all alone next month huh? Pack your bags, Terri! Because next month you're going on a trip. A POWER TRIP!
Drew's music starts back up as he slips back behind the curtain. Terri hangs her head.
North: Terri looks broken up at the thought that Crowne is upset at her.
DIC: She should've thought about that before she dumped her over the top rope! She should've thought about that before she dropped the ball in the Tag Team Classic and she should've thought about that before she stuck her nose in Crowne's match with The Glorious One!
North: Fans we'll see you next month. I'm Kevin North alongside my broadcast partner Dexter Irving Cornelius. We hope you enjoyed Supremacy: LONE 12 The Rumble. Goodnight, folks!
Terri steps through the ropes and hops off the apron after leaving the mic in the center of the ring, looking distraught even though she just won, and occasionally slapping the hands of a few fans down the aisle.
