"I deal with enough Insurance Lawyers, believe me, I know all there is to know about blood suckers."
"Lycanthropy used to be explained via mysticism. Now we have mercury poisoning, schizophrenia, and other more rational explanations. Now we treat these people, instead of shooting them with silver bullets."
"I love Penn and Teller, but if you start going on about any of that New-Aged Bullshit, I will punch you."
"The dead linger, because the living remember them. And their insurance bills linger, and all damage they've done to their families, and their genetic diseases continue to linger in their offspring."
"Oh please, do you want me to clap my fucking hands?"
"The monsters are the people with the crosses who tell you that they can save your soul. People inventing imaginary antagonists that their god can save you from."
"...I refer you to my earlier Insurance Lawyer comment."
"Most people are assholes. It's the ones that aren't that keep me going."
