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| − | <center>[[File:UJPLogo.png|x350px|link=]]</center>
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| − | <p>If you ever hate someone so much that you wish they weren't dead, only suffering, maybe they need to go visit Uncle Joe's Place.</p>
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| − | <p>For an agreed-upon sum of money, the selected party will have a stay, arranged in advance, for the duration specified. Negotiations after the fact are not possible and cancellations require 24 hours of notice before they can take effect.</p>
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| − | <p>Want someone buried to their neck in worm-filled dirt as Iron Butterfly plays at 90dB? Sure. Pick the tracks.</p>
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| − | <p>Want them stuffed in a steamer trunk and drowned over the course of a weekend? Sure. Pick which fluid is involved.</p>
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| − | <p>Your cruelty and budget are the only native limits.</p>
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| − | * Information retrieval services are available.
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| − | * Semi-professional counseling for witnesses on-site for a small additional fee.
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| − | Contact [[Katia]] for arrangements.
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